Hello everyone,

My fibro has come too play just lately in a big way. Maybe because I have so many other horrid things going on, it feels out of things and wants to make itself known.

Just to update a little. I have been diagnosed with congestive heart and liver failure. I also have an enlarged left side of heart. The cardio thinks I have had another heart attack that wasn't detected. I need to have another angiogram. He has changed all of my heart medications and so this hopefully will help.

He told me that it is irreversible and maybe he could get bits of my heart to improve by about 5%. Better than nothing though I suppose.

My breathing is dreadful and the cardio isn't convinced that asthma is the cause. My heart isn't pumping properly, so this is the reason that my energy levels and breathing are shot.

I just wanted to let you know a little of what has gone on in the last week. I love you all and need your hugs at this time for me and compassionman.

Thanks to you all.

Take care.

goldenwings :angel:

dearest goldenwings,
i am so sorry my dear old girl. let me wrap you in a warm soft hug. i will dance your fibro into another room so you may rest. let me take you to the mountain top where the air is gentle and warm. we will watch the mother eagle bring fish to her young. we will hear the dainty step of deer in the dry grass. we will laze in the shade and watch the sailboats drift on the lake below. as the sun sets the sky will fill with all the shades of gold and blue and purple and rose. slowly the moon will show her face. she is shy so she will only show us a sliver of her new moon face. she is almost as radiant and lovely as you are.
my heart is with you and compassionman. if there is any way i can be of service you just say the word.
let me take your fear. allow me the honor of being your rock.
love,
blue

Blue,

Thank you for being you.

goldenwings :angel:

Nor wonder your Fibro has kicked up. Look at all you have going on physically as well as emothionally. My therepist who also has Fibro has always reminded me of the toll the emotions take on the Fibro. My dad had his second cancer surgery in Jan and my boyfriend who lives with me just had brain surgery and let me tell you that Fibro did rear it ugly head. I'm sorry for all the medical stuff you have been diagnosed with but be strong and go easy on yourself. Its easier said thatn done but you are not alone and here comes a great big hug just for you from me. God bless yu and take care of you. Love Carol:angel:

:angel: A super BIG HUG and a Super Big Prayer for you! Hang in there and just do what you can and enjoy the rest!:wave: Mim

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take a large blanket and put it in the dryer for about 20 minutes, take it out and wrap it around you, imagine the warmth is all of us hugging you and imagine all the beautiful things blue said with us there with you!
I truely hope you feel better soon!

good morning luv,
just thinking about you. alot. how i wish i was there on your island warming that blanket for you. i would hold you till all the fear evaporates. i would show you the peace within my eyes and then i would gift it to you.
today as i work my fanny off in therapy i will focus on you. as i ride the bike i will capture your fibrobuddies and carry them to a far off place where they will be lost and unable to find their way back. i will bathe your heart and liver in the sweetest, clearest water of love. with all the love here supporting you healing of mind will come. wrap yourself within us and be safe.
all my love to both you and compassionman,
blue

Hiya everyone, :wave:

Thank you all for your love, support and just being you. I don't talk about my fears a lot as you all know, but I needed to share. A big leap for me because I am not used to being in the receving line for this. I am sure with the love and care of all of you things can only be good for me and compassionman.

The lovely warm blanket is such a good idea pel, carrying the fibrobuddies off is such a good idea too blue. You know my mind healing is something that I need so much. I will concentrate on this.

Now to my old compassionman hee hee !! :D He has a BIG birthday :jester: today and so I have been arranging little surprises for him - which has been somewhat difficult as you all know I don't go out on my own, nor go shopping so things have been a little tricky to arrange. ;)

Lots of pressies for him, but the loveliest look of surpise this morning though as he took delivery of special birthday balloons. So wonderful. The champagne is going on ice later on for an evening sip. Come and join us in cake and champagne, you are all so welcome. Oh that I could do more for him. This man is the best ever. I love him to bits. He has gone through so much himself, now he has this with me to contend with.

We have always got on with all that has been thrown at me in relation to blips in my health but we have coped as best we can, this is harder though. I think the one good thing this time is that we have taken the latest news and both cried. Maybe we have needed to do this for such a long time. A good old cleansing hey blue ??

Well with all of the love from all of you, my fibrobuddies can go and take a vacation somewhere else for a while. I do so appreciate all of you and what we all do for each other is tremendous. Wow, I have the best family in the whole world I think.

goldenwings :angel:

dear goldie,
yes my dear, a good cleansing long overdue and relished with all the passion shared emotions evoke. i am so proud of you both. i know how new this is, this sharing of fear.
warmest blessings to my dear compassionman on his birthing day. i am there with you both. mmm, cake and champagne. all that you do is perfection when it comes to the pure expression of love.
i love you both,
blue
for he's a jolly good fellow. for he's a jolly good fellow. for he's a jolly good fellowwww, and so say all of us. and so say all of us. blessings my dear man.

Sorry to hear all your not so great news. I haven't written much, but have read your words and want you to know that by coming in here and reading the posts even though I don't always reply, you have helped me make it through the rough days these past months, You have given me some chuckles..It's like you guys are the only ones who get it........because you got it!~ I get tired of hoping people will understand what I live with every day....It's great knowing there are others out there going thru similar kinds of hard times. I know the :I could use some hugs feeling" and I am sending you all kinds of them:cool: :cool: :wave:
Keep hanging in there and If you let blue take care of you that sounds like an absolutely wonderful place to go. She is awesome. I really enjoy her ability to take you to calming places where fibro isn't invited ! Thanks, Lefty

My dear golden, I have thought of you and compassionman everyday and could not get to the computer to see how you were doing. I pray for you both every night. I am sending you and compassionman the most gentle hugs I can, but it will be hard because I want to gather you up and hold you so tight and keep all things from causing you pain.

Sharing your pain and having a good cry is a very good thing, it is such a stress reliever. How about you sending your fibro buddies to St. Louis Mo. USA and let them play with mine. I will send them to the great Mississippi river and let them celebrate July 4th together on the riverfront under our Gateway Arch. I of course will not be there and niether will you, I think that is a dandy idea, maybe they will get lost in the crowd and take a lot of time to find their way home.

Golden if there is anything I can do please I will be there for you. I think of you and compassionman everyday and wonder how you are doing I will continue to pray for you. I don't have the opportunity to get to the board like I use to but always remember how dear you are to me and all of us and we are here for you.

Love

Glojer

hiya goldie,
just checking in after a long weekend away from home playing on the mountain with my friend, watching fireworks and sending images into your hearts. so peaceful. bubble baths and cool breezes. bird song and sun dance.
welcome lefty! thank you for your kind words. it is an honor to carry you away from your pain for a bit. i know it helps me stay balanced and filled with peace no matter what pain comes. and it is always there. but on the mountain it is a quiet echo of itself. so quiet i can forget, if only for a few days, the reality that is my body. blessings come.
back home now. back to reality. left all the fibrobuddies and arthritis playmates dancing in the fireworks.
tomorrow is back to therapy and healing this body. i am looking foreward to it. be well, come often, and post when you feel the urge. we are here and will wrap you up with goldie all snug and safe.
peace and love,
bluelakelady

God Bless You, Goldenwings !!!

When I read posts like yours I know that when I am feeling bad ( which is most of the time) that there is alwasy some else that has worse problems than you.

I like that one idea from someone of taking a big blanket, putting it in the drier and wrapping it around yourself ( and then imagine all of us giving you a big warm hug). I may do that myself one of these days, too.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and hope that all your problems disappear or at least get MUCH BETTER. Some of Bluelake ladys ideas sounds pretty good too.

Blessings and soft HUGS,

Granniluvs8

Oh my Goldenwings....my heart goes out to yours. I have been away for awhile and your post is the first that caught my eye. You are "ALWAYS" there for everyone and sure there are many hugs out there gently holding you. Here is a warm and loving hug from Annie....

Lots of weekend hugs and thinking of you my dear friend....
Annie:angel:

hiya goldie,
how you doing kiddo? woke up thinking about you. still dancing my fanny off for your heart and liver and mind and spirit. may your fibromates come play with mine and gift you with a bit of quiet.
love,
blue
hi annie!! long time. so nice to know you are still with us. you were missed.

Hello there,

My wonderful family. Thank you all so much. You make me feel so very, very humble with your words. My fibro has left me alone for a few days, just reminded me now and then that he was around. Sorry, not being sexist there !!

I have just had 5 days away with compassionman and we have laughed and so enjoyed each other's company. We have also shopped and shopped in the hot and humid air, I thought I might have lost tons of weight with the extremely hot weather we are having here but no such luck. It was all so worth it just to be together and have an absolutely wonderful time. We seem to have become even closer, if that is possible.

Some good has come from all of this that is happening to me I feel. Things are being talked about that we for so long have not spoken of because they were just there and part of our life. Compassionman and I have been doing what I personally always say to everyone, talk and talk and always ask questions. I have taken my own advice and it has been of so much benefit to us both.

Then I come home and read all of your wonderful words to us. Thank you all so much. I love you all for the super people you are.

goldenwings :angel:

blessings come my lovely winged friend,
it is easy to love someone who is as gentle and caring as you. my heart is full knowing you two are talking and loving and doing what must come for love to evolve. i am so proud of you both. i know where you came from. only 2 short years ago you were so shut off. now look at you! blooming like a flower in may. giggle. champagne bubbles in my heart sister!
you give compassionman a big hug from his little sister on the lake.
love you both,
blue

hello golden wings!!
remember me? april

i just logged in after many months, and noticed your post!
so sorry to hear, dont know what to say, love to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi golden so glad to hear from you and to know you have had a wonderful trip with compassionman. My daughter would give you a big thumbs up and a wink of her eye for the shopping. To her there is nothing better to give you a lift or make you feel better than shopping.

Talking is a wonderful thing and I am so glad you both are unburdening your souls with all things stored up inside. Love one another and hug one another it is how you will get through this together. I speak from experience.

I will dedicate my exercise today to your healing and will work your fibro away for you too. Take care of you and give compassion man a big hug from me too!

Glojer

Hello my dear friends,

Blue my mind goes to wonderful places and see wonderful sights each time I read your words. I am allowing myself to react to the latest news in a natural and normal way and feeling better for it. Even more so now do I have to remember to breathe, as you always recommend. Thank you for being here for me and as always being such a good and gentle inspiration to us all.

April, welcome home. So good to hear from you. How are you doing? Anything wild and wonderful been happening? It's so great to see your name again. Thanks for your concern. I am totally overwhelmed by the love and care being shown to me here. It is amazing. Take care and don't be a stranger.

Hello my dearest Glojer, you have such a wealth of experience with all that has and is happening to you lately. I know you totally understand what is happening here and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to be there for me. Lots of love and gentle hugs to braveman and to you.

Take care

goldenwings :angel:

Golden I am always here for you and compassionman. I thought of you both this morning when I talked to my neighbor he is 83 and his wife just turned 80 and I found out in April she had a small heart attack and had a stint put in, but she was out walking and fell when the attack happen and hit her head on the pavement. She now has times of not remembering and things of that nature. I look at all the years they have been married and all the things they have gone through together and I feel so much pain for him when he talks about how difficult it is to make sure she takes her meds and does everything like she should to get well. It is hard for him to see his strong wife of well over 50 years be so vulnerable.

Talking and loving and hugging thats how you get through. You and compassionman are going to make it because you have the determination.

Glojer

hiya goldie,
thinking of you as the sun rises on a cloudy warm summers morn. the air is dense and lies heavily. how are you feeling my sweet? are you and compassionman finding your way? often as i am atop the mountain i think of you. i look to the east as the sun rises and i send my love and energy your way.
know that my heart is with you. i trust that you are finding your way with words of honesty and love. you have such power within you my dear friend. power you gift away to others is also there for you to use when you need it.
love,
blue

Hello there Glojer,

Good to hear from you. I did reply earlier today, but my pc went on the blink so I thought I would come back and reply to your post. Yes, our determination will carry us through, but at the moment I am "allowing" myself to be me. I am crying if I want to, I am sitting and thinking about things and I am taking time out for me. Feels strange though to actually do this as I'm not used to being selfish in this way. When compasionman has gone to work, it is such a relief for me to know that he is at least out of the stress of the situation. It's good for him. I am encouraging him to go out a bit more on his motorbike. Not that he wants to. He prefers to be with me, but I want him to go and also "allow" himself to be at peace a little as often as he can.

Things are still so strange. I go back to the cardiologist in a weeks or so and I am going to tell her that I don't feel I need to have an angiogram. I don;t see the need actually and I can't see what impact it will have on any treatment they offer.

I am so glad - reading your other post - about miracleman, angelbrother and your darling braveman. It has been such a long road for everyone, and once again I want to say how I think you are such a superb lady for all you have done and still do for all of them.

Take care my friend

goldenwings :angel:

Dearest Blue,

Fibro has come again, a totally uninvited and unexpected visitor. Drat !! Thank you for the warm and wonderful picture you send. I join you on the mountain and I also receive the energy you send. Yes my friend compassionman and I are closer than ever, if that is possible. The power you speak of bubbles up at times within me, it feels good. Compassionman and and I laugh a lot, that is they key for me. We cry too of course, but laughter is such a lovely tinkly sound don't you think ?

I have some words that I believe in totally - "We have to go on from where we are and not from where we fondly imagine we might have been if things had been different". I have always believed this. What if's aren't going to change anything for me and so I know that I must shape things now in the way I want them to be and do what makes things better and easier for me and compassionman. I have always done my best to be strong, so now I feel that in my moments of wanting to just be me, I can do so without feeling selfish.

Thing is if things had have been different then I would not have met all of the wonderful people here and shared their lives and their laughter and tears. I have so much to be grateful for.

Well my cherished friend, I will go now and have my famous "cuppa" before retiring for the night.

Take care and love to all you hold dear.

goldenwings :angel:

My dear friend, I have only been lurking on the site for quite some time. But I had to post to you because you, Blue, Ghojler, (Sp sorry) and Sue have been there for me so often.

I am so saddened to hear of your news but always remeber if God puts us through it , he will see us through it. I am claiming Christ's promise that though his stripes we are healed for you. Will be praying for you and your husband.

You were with my rock when my husband had his heart attack, would you believe that was one year ago yesterday, how time flys. He is doing well.

My lifetime friend from childhood on up has CHF and kidney failure. Three years ago this month she had a cath, her arteries are blocked but they cannot do by pass because her heart is too weak and they could not stent them. She was told to get her affairs in order, we shared so many tears together and actually she is doing better, there are so many new meds out there

I am so glad you and your husband are enjoying time together and I know you will have many years of time to share with one another.

Love to you both, Linda

Hi golden, so glad to hear from you and double glad that you are allowing yourself to be you, who by the way is one terrific person, and to cry and be selfish. All of those things are legitimate ways of feeling better and helping yourself get to a place of peace and contentment.

Sorry to hear the fibrobuddies are visiting when they are not invited. It seems fibro can't read the sign on the door that says visiting hours always closed. I am just snapping back from a bout with them myself, but think some of my problems are lupus related. I always think of you and the wonderful advice you give when I have that quandry and use it to work at getting things better.

Cheers for compassionman, I hope he can find his place of peace on his motorbike. Our son has fallen in love with his motorcycle and uses it for his private time, he wakes at 5am on Sundays to have time to ride.

Your love for each other and your combined strengths will see you through this. I agree you can't live in the what if's of life. I learned many years ago when our children were small and we had another crisis in our life that you have to be satisfied with where you are in life at that moment and go from that point. To sit around and wish things were different and keep digging that 'what if' hole deeper does not help. I have always tried to remember that lesson and keep moving forward.

I know you and compassionman will do that very thing, move forward. Your strength and wisdom will help you make the right decisions.

Glojer

Dear Goldenwings,

So sorry to hear that you are feeling worse and about your other, or should I say newest, dxes. I wish that there was something I could do to help you. It is so great, however, that there are so many great and compassionate people on this list who can listen to you, offer prayers, and sometimes advize. I also find this list very knowledgeable, compassionate and loving and am so glad that I found it. I may not post ALOT but I sure do read alot.

Keep doing what you are doing and enjoy each day to the fullest, as much as you can anyway with your pain, with Compassionman and any other good friends that you might have.

God bless you my dear !! You are in my prayers.

Blessings and soft hugs go your way,

Granniluvs8 (Marilyn)

hiya goldie,
just checking in before i hit the bed and crash out for a bit. guess i am in overdo doo doo again. giggle. thinking of you today as i was carving wood at my friends shop. had fun but had to cut it short. lack of food, again. we went for a bite and i came home. too hot today. 105 here.
so it is off to my bed with a fan on and the cooler running. even the kitties want in. good for the tomatoes so it is worth it. least it will be come harvest time.
give my love to compassionman and you catch a hug and a power ball of pure energy. come to the mountain and we will forget for a moment that we have bodies. we will be eagles soaring on the currents high above the heat. i will be the bald eagle and you can be the golden eagle. giggle.
love you,
blue

Hi ya bald and golden.....eagles that is! We have had a heat wave ourselves hear in Missouri or as some people pronounce it m-i-s-e-r-y. We also had some serious storms last I heard 650,000 people without electric in the two state area (Illinois and St.Louis Mo. area).

The mountain sounds like a wonderful place to visit this afternoon, I think I will make a trip there if anyone wants to join me. Some slow meandering up some beautiful pathways and then nothing but peace and contentment as we take in some beautiful views and do some slow deep breathing taking in the fresh air and letting out all the pain and stress.

How are you doing today golden, hope the fibrobuddies are leaving you alone.

Glojer

dearest golden,
how are you my winged sister? when do you see the doc? been thinking about you. thought i would shout you up. how do you like glojers idea? you and i eagles soaring on the currents, dipping and diving, shooting up in the sky and off to the east to meet the rising sun. shall we fly?
drop a line when you feel up to it. i know it is a rough time for you and coming here may not be a priority. remember we are here for you especially when you are away from us.
buckets of love and a sunrise filled with colors that dance in your eyes and leave you breathless,
blue:)

Hello there everyone,

So much pondering and wondering at the moment. Do I need to know what is happening to my old bod, do I want to know really ? I go to see the cardiologist tomorrow. So much to ask, so much to learn but then I think - should I ask, do I want to hear ? What will I do with the information when I get it ? I have to write a list of questions as I will be on my own. Darling compassionman was let down with having the time off from work. Perhaps it will be less stressful for him, so maybe it has worked out for the best in that way. I have to accept that this thing that is going on cannot be reversed - this is what I find the hardest to accept - I have fought and fought all of my life and though I will fight again, it feels different somehow. I am doing what I can do best - I am living and laughing and loving and being loved.

I have decided that I am going to gift over part of me to people I love. I have some wonderful pieces of jewellery for instance, and I want to give it to people I know have cared for me for being me. The only thing I can do for my family here though is to gift you with words. This is will do shortly when I can put down on paper what is in my heart and what you all mean to me.

Glojer, I am doing ok, my breathing is better on some days than others. My fibro keeps on knocking on my door, compassionman tries to massage the hurt away sometimes, rubs at my shoulders and so on but the critters just jump somewhere else hee hee !! My lupus is having a bit of a good time too. Butterfly rash is so very prominent at the moment and my body feels just as it always does when I am having a flare. Still only to be expected I suppose with all that is going on.

I am coming with you Glojer on that journey to the mountain, I do hope others will join us. I feel the wind in my face as we soar into the sky to go and join blue in her wonderful place. The fibro buddies will fall off as we go on our way, goodbye to them for now. Blue's wonderful creatures will be waiting for us and will greet us and be with us, no need for words between us all, we know each other so well.

Dearest Blue, you have been and always will be such a special person and friend to me. I have learned so much from you and I still do every time we speak. My eyes have been opened to the world you live in, indeed I can go and live in your world any time I want to. Thank you. Look out for what you might think it a shooting star, but is really all of us beaming down to your mountain.

Well, I have taken up a hobby - card making. As you can imagine with the lack of movement in my arms and hands it is so very hit and miss, but after about 10 + hours, when I have one done, wow what a buzz it gives me. Bits of paper, card, glitter, glue and so many other bits and bobs all over the floor, but hey so what ? I did it in the end. Keeps me out of troube so compassionman says hee hee !! Well you know me ladies, I need to go and make myself a good cup of tea. Some things never change do they ?? Hee hee !!

Take care

goldenwings :angel:

dearest golden,
funny you should mention shooting stars. when last i was on the mountain top i lay under the stars watching a meteor shower. so many stars shooting across the heavens. i see now it was all of you coming to join me and play. thank you for the joy you always bring to my heart and the memory of your dance in the heavens.
gifting away your treasures while you are here to enjoy the gift you give is wise and so thoughtful of those you choose. the memory associated with the gift will be a healing one for your loved ones. such a wise woman you are.
you probably won't want to hear all the answers. normal. yet you must. knowledge, not fear is needed now. sure the knowledge may cause fear to begin with, but i know you old girl, once you have all your information you will get busy seeing how you can best live your life. you will search for answers that help you now. compassionman and you will do this together.
we will all be here with you dancing healing dances. we will dance on the mountain, in the sky and into the heavens when night falls gently. we will have tea and biscuits. we will talk long into the night and you will feel peace come.
what can i gift you with in return for all you are? my peace. it is yours.
love,
blue
ps. you will not be alone at the doctors tomorrow. we will all be with you. how crowded the room will be, giggle.

Dear Goldenwings, your posts aways touch my heart. I think our pain bonds
us together in a special way. Life is a journey we're all on and the road can
be dim with sharp bends that make it so hard to see farther down that road
where it smoothes out and brightness overcomes the dimness. If we lived on
the mountain top all the time, we would never grow to be the people we are today.
I too enjoy Blues lovely places and I go there often and imagine all the beauty
she makes so vivid in my mind. I thank God for her gift. Golden, you also
have a special gift sharing your thoughts with us and making us feel so close
to you. You are a giving lady and I love you. Tonight this old grandmother is
saying a special prayer for you as I pray for my own children and grandchildren.
It's been a scorching day here in Alabama and it has sapped some of my
strength. Tomorrow I'm going to be a lady of leisure and do nothing!
I wish I were on your Island tonight and you were fixing me a cup of tea.
Bilij

Hi golden, I hope you enjoyed the wonderful time we had at the lake a few evenings ago. Yes I took everyone on one of blues trips to the lake, I couldn't climb the mountain that night. You and blue and the others were floating around splashing and having such a wonderful time and bilij and I were on the shore on a beautiful quilt laughing and watching all of you and enjoying the breezes and the wonderful scent of happiness.

I was in need of some time away and some relaxation and that was the perfect outing. I can't get here to the board as often as I use to and I miss talking to all of you and helping others when I can so I decided we needed a trip to blues lake and away we went.

I hope you had all your questions answered at the cardiologist. Knowledge is power and wisdom is peace and golden you possess both. I do know what it is like to be waiting and wondering, braveman has had a flare up and they now want to send him to the University Med. center in the city. They don't know what to do for him. So with all the strength I have I will hold you close to my heart and pray for you and compassionman.

Glojer

Hello to my family,

I am missing you all so much. My fibro is having a wonderful time with me lately - mind you I have just started card making as a little bit of a hobby and this isn't helping with the pain- but I am trying to do so many things to keep my mind off other things. I really feel that I need to be back with you all now.

I hope you are all doing ok at the moment, and all of your loved ones too. Wow I sure missed you all.

Take care.

goldenwings :angel:

welcome home goldie!!!!!!!
hey! good to see your shining face again. cards! good for you. anything that gifts you with pleasure is a good thing. you have so much on your plate, we all understand. sure we missed you. silly. bunches.
i am doing good. keeping pace with all my goodies within. still dancing. still carving and painting. harvesting tomatoes right now. yummy. it is the busy time, harvest time. so much activity to keep me going.
bless night time. falling on my face time. how i love my bed this time of year. autumn is coming. orion sails into the morning sky. soon winter will return and i will have to pack all my light airy clothes away and drag out all those heavy winter bits of cloth.
winter brings a time to rest also. a time to reflect on the summer and what was accomplished. this year i will be resting joyously, knowing all is done and i can sit on my fanny all day if i want. giggle.
sorry fibro is biting you in the fanny. little brat. i must plan a trip for all our fibro buddies to go on. any ideas where you would like to send yours? we can go together. send them somewhere they can soak in the sun. somewhere so nice they will forget their way home.
good to have you home my dear. so good.
love,
blue

Thank you my friend blue,

I must admit just lately I haven't been doing my own little stretching routine to keep the fibro pain at bay. I really must pull myself together.

My card making is the start of things I hope. I was very into art and crafts before my medical probs. Interior design too. Mind you I hve just bought some materials to do a design on the wal in my bathroom. I will plan it and hopeuflly compassionman - bless him - can do the actual heavy work hee hee !! How I miss being able to do lots of things. The things I can do though I can excel at I feel. I must learn to be less picky with my cards though. It is something I have that is inside of me, things have to be "just so".

Well, imagine this if you can. Ahem, a treadmill - only manual - goldenwings trying to even get onto it, never mind walk on it. This is my next project hee hee !! I feel that if I do this - and try to ignore the lumps, bumps and bruises that will be the result - it might get me breathing a bit better, and get me a bit fitter. You know me, I'll try anything once. Knowing me it will only be once too !!

A visit to the mountain would be just the job for me blue. From there I would send my fibro buddies on a long journey for the winter, fly away and leave me be.

I do hope you are not overdoing things. I know you too love your art and I am sure with your imagination and skill, wonderful pieces are waiting to be shown to a very apprciative audience.

Take care

goldenwings :angel:

Golden, oh so happy to see you back with us. We missed you oh so much! I can only imagine how beautiful the cards you are making are, I know what a perfectionist you must be because you have such will and determination. You have fought so hard against illness all these years. I have never doubted your interior decorating skills, I have always had an image in my mind of how warm and beautiful and comfortable your home is. I love the English country style and can always picture you and compassionman and your beautiful island.

The treadmill huh! Don't overdue, did the docs suggest this or is this something you are thinking on your own. We always say we know our own bodies....listen at me I sound like a mother hen! I have a treadmill and I get very excited about the prospect of using it and then I get on it a few times and....yes, you guessed it I come up with lots of excuses why I can't do it that day and before you know it days go by and I haven't used the treadmill.

Fall is coming and I am very excited, it is my favorite time of year! I have two more summer projects to finish and they are big ones but I may enlist the aid of my children to finish them. Then you and blue may send your fibro buddies my direction because I intend to send mine to outer space for a while and I will be happy to send yours along with mine!!!! Trips to the mountain, dancing with blue, having a cuppa' with you on your peaceful island and relaxing and listening to bilijs wonderful memories of her childhood----that is what I am longing for this winter and that is what I will be doing if only in my imagination.

Enjoy the cardmaking I think that is such a wonderful hobby and such a talent, I am not the creative type so of course I admire anyone who can do these things.

Glojer

hiya kids,
let's go to the mountain this weekend. i have gardening to do but the rest of you feel free to simply sit and be. if any of you can still get in and out of a hamock, giggle, there is one with a view of the south and west sky as well as the lake. it is under 2 trees. we can toss our fibrofreddies high into the air. or into the lake for a good swim. hmmm, can they swim? giggle, let's find out!
goldie i am so proud of you. a treadmill. my mom has one. it gathers dust in such a lovely way. i call it her modern art sculpture. don't tell her tho, giggle. oops! forgot, mom reads these. hi mom! how delightful it would be if you could take a full deep breath without pain. now that's a goal!!!
we girls are with you 100%. kick bootie my english sister!
see you all on the mountain. i am bringing my art goodies too for anyone who wants to play. how i love taking you all there with me. most of all i love the quiet of natures voice. how precious quiet is. perhaps we will see the eagles.
hugs, love and giggles,
blue

Hiya blue,

You always cheer me up. So good to read your words and use my imagination to join you on the mountain. My fibro buddies are outstaying their welcome I'm afraid. I must get bck into my gentle stretching regime.

My treadmill was a brilliant idea of my own - doh !! It is still in the car though, haven't even unpacked it. I though maybe I could try using it, and if I can't manage to then compassionman can use it instead hee hee !!

My lower spine has gone to pot just lately. I forgot I have osteoporosis, I was just having a complain that I was a bit stiff. What am I like ?

Give your Mum my love and tell her that I think about her a lot. I hope she is doing ok at the moment.

How are your aches and pains doing ? Is your physio over now ? I must get back into coming here on a more regular basis. I have got to stop going into these deep holes and getting used to the darkness. I want to come back into the light more.

Speak to you soon

goldenwings :angel:

Hello all my friends both old and new. I do wish I could remember to keep
up with all the new ones and try to answer some of their questions and at least
remember their names.
Blue, if you invite all of us to the mountain, don't expect it to be quiet. It
will take a couple of days to catch up on all the news and then don't forget
the eating and clinking of the tea cups......This old southern girl has never
had english tea!!!!
Golden, about the tread mill...it hurts me to think about it. Someone several
months ago wrote the most wonderful post and I can't find it now; She said
"just keep moving what you can move. If your legs hurt, move your arms.
If your feet hurt, move your hands or move your neck around."There are times I hurt all over and on those days I remember walking 3 miles to church
every Sunday and a mile to catch the school bus every day. I think we are all
trying to make each day count. I wish I had one of your cards, I would cherish forever because you created it..
You are all so special to this OLD lady and I love you all.
Bilij

Golden please always stay in the light because the light offers warmth and comfort and beauty and the ability to see things as they really are so that we may overcome any obstacle set in our path. In those dark holes we trip around on things unseen and cause ourselves more pain.

Big hugs to you and compassionman, I will try to make them gentle but I feel the urge for a 'group hug'. I will imagine such a warm and wonderful hug as we sit on blues mountain and enjoy each others company.

Glojer

goldie,
reach out and take my hand. see it there above you? that glimmer of light is my hand. take it and come up to me. reach thru time and space. i am here and i will pull you up.
much love,
blue

Thank you my dearest friends,

Wow, sometimes you just don't know what's coming next do you ? I know the old fibro hit squad is about with me again. Phew, does make it's presence felt too. That and a flare of my lupus are making things a little difficult to say the least.

I am trying to take time to work things out for myself. I am making all kinds of plans, like hopefully getting a weekend away here and there and trying to be oh so bright in my thinking. A bit hard though at times. My darling compassionman is going through a bad patch again at the moment, and we are supporting each other in every way we can. His depression is bad and his fibro/chronic fatigue ? - which is what was inferred by our physician - is visiting him again in an unpleasant way.

One thing I would like to ask anyone who might know about something that is affecting him quite badly. Does anyone ever have terrific pain in the balls of their feet when walking and even resting ? This is something that is giving him gyp at the moment. Any ideas would be appreciated, so I can look into them.

Well, I really should be in bed now. So I will say goodnight from me and good day to you all.

Take care

goldenwings :angel:

hi goldie,
over time the fluid sac in the balls of the feet becomes less. my brother has this. it hurt him for about a year then for some unknown reason is gone. just gone and he is fine. i forgot the name of this. i went thru a short spell of it in my right foot. not sure why but losing weight seems to have taken care of the problem for me. guess i was asking my wee little feet to work too hard, giggle. has he seen a doc about this?
warm soaks, massage and elevation are all i can offer dear compassionman. and a hand up out of the dark abyss. tell him to look up. i have two hands. one for you and one for him.
sweetie, don't worry about being a "happy camper". you be you. life is a precious few drops of time. make them count. cry if you want. laugh till your tummy hurts. scream down the house, windows closed of course, giggle. be you my dear. forget that stiff upper lip garbage, kay?
hows that treadmill doing? out of the car yet? giggle. i just love you old girl.
create a card from your imagination. let it show the inside of goldie. see how lovely you are?
love,
blue

I don't have a name for the balls of your feet hurting, but I have had that and still do to some degree. I always put it off as joint inflammation in that area or as fibro giving me trouble in the foot area. It does come and go but it is a sore painful thing while happening. My podiatrist told me to use Arnica cream on that and the plantar faciitis that gets a little sore. It is a cream used for sore aching muscles according to the wrapper it came in. I ordered it from a vitamin catalog and have had some relief from using it. Might be worth a try.

Golden when you get in a dark place just keep listening for our voices to guide you back toward the light. You will never be alone, don't be afraid of the sounds you hear they are just me and all your friends here whispering words of love and encouragement.

Love Ya

Glojer

hiya girlfriends,
just checking in to say i am dancing for you all. and for compassionmans little feeties. spending alot of time on the mountain tending my gardens and painting. i think of you all when i am there. you inspire my art to be more than i.
it is a warm day. i shall toss all our fibrofreddies in the lake. bald eagle woman will carry our worries high into the sky leaving us all at peace. tea and coffee, cake and ice cream, laughter and gentle smiles, hugs and more laughter. watching the sailboats gently glide on smooth reflective shimmering water. clear blue skies and a gentle breeze. come with me.
may we all know days without pain, without worry, without fear.
love,
blue

Hi Golden how are you doing and how are compassionmans tootsies? How was your vacation? Didn't you say you were taking a trip?

Hi ya blue, I have felt your dancing. Wanted to get up and join you a few times. It seems I don't have the time to come here and talk to my friends. Braveman has been feeling well enough to spend time on the computer so I have bowed to him in this seat. He has been getting it back in shape so to speak, something about modems and tweaks and running faster. I don't understand any of it. I am so happy he even wants to do something, he has a very long way to go but any small bit or progress is so encouraging.

My fibrobuddies keep taunting me lately. It has been some days good some days not as good but that's ok cause as you know the trick is to keep going. I have visited the mountain a few times and what a wonderful garden you have. The view is spectacular, it is wonderful when we see through our imagination.

I could use some advice from golden when she feels like it. I am wondering golden about withdrawel from prednisone. It is for braveman, it seems he can get down to 30mgs a day but when he comes down to 20mgs a day he seems to feel worse. I'm just wondering if that is normal and if the body will adjust to it after a few weeks. Last time he tried to come down he had a little flare in his condition and the rhuemy sent him back up to 40mgs. a day.

Miss you all and hope to be able to get on the boards more often. See you on the mountain.

Glojer

Hiya Glojer,

Just to say thanks for your best wishes, I am having a bit of a hard time at the moment with depression and that type of thing, but I am determined to be back with you all very soon.

I am so pleased the braveman is improving day by day. Your love and support have played such a big and important role in this. Are you looking after yourself properly Glojer ? Now it is time for you to sit back and take time for you and care for yourself as much as you can. I know this is hard to do, but you do need to look after you my dear friend.

Now to the steroid question. Is braveman cutting down from 30 to 20 mgs slowly and spacing them out ? By this I mean, if he goes from 30 to 29 on day 1, then 3-4 days afterwards, try going to 28, 3-4 days after that 27 and so on. Never drop 5mg all at once. If spacing it out every 3-4 days causes him too much pain, then do it every 4-5 or even 5-6 days, just dropping 1 mg each time. I know it depends on the person taking it, but this, as you are so aware yourself, isn't a medication that you can come off abruptly nor can you drop the dosage down too quickly, slowly but surely is the key.

The best way to take and cope with this medication is to get as low as you can dosage wise, so that if you have a bad flare, you will be able to increase the dose safely and feel the benefit more.

Hope this is of help. Take care and I give to you a blanket of spun gold to keep you and braveman safe and healthy.

goldenwings :angel:

Oh Golden, I am here for you to help you rise out of your depression. I think of you everyday and pray for you everynight and wonder how you are doing. I will use my blanket of gold to wrap you in and share the healing power with you.

Thank you so much for the advice. Yes the doc said to go down from 30 to 20 and since I have never taken that high of dose, that is what we did. This time he didn't do too bad. He had a few bad days and I attributed them to the decrease in prednisone until his body adjusted. No flare-ups this time just some 'yucky' feeling days. I will definitly remember the next time he reduces his dose to go down a lot slower. When he came off the higher doses he did it 10 to 20 mgs. at a time with no problem. I guess there is a limit at which the body says 'no I don't like that low a dose' and reacts. I am so glad he is getting lower on some meds, he takes so many and has added another for sleep and anxiety (trazodone). I look at the anxiety as something good. I think at least his mind and spirit want to get up and do a lot of things, his body just can't handle them yet so he gets a little anxious.

How is compassionman, give him hugs and good wishes from me. Take care of yourself, we need you.

Love
Glojer

dearest girlfriends,
home again from the mountain. all this running back and forth is good exercise. had time for a hike gathering tree seeds. thought of our family here and imagined you all walking by with me.
goldie you reach out for that silver rope and you hang on. how are things going with the councellor? any improvement in that arena? seems i recall you were getting cancelled out alot. yes?
my heart and imagination dance. my body is arguing about it. i still get my bits in here and there. sneak em in before fm and ra notice. giggle.
love,
blue
ps. i call the doc today to see if they found cancer. better do that now.
will let you know. may have to wait till tomorrow. i think it is not there.

Dear blue,

I'm holding on to that silver rope, no fear. My mind is feeling ok - again - at the moment, yes the counsellor is a pain in the backside for cancelling appointments,. Thing is though, you can;t have anotehr one when this happens. I am telephoning tomorrow to find out what is happeneing about that.

Need a bit of heat treatment and gentle massage on the poor old bod though. Who does this fibro person think they are ? Feel ease in one place, and bam just as you are getting a bit of a respite it decides to come in for a visit.

Please don't be alone in your discussions with the doctor, I am here and I know the other ladies are. I have had a word with the wind, trees, flowers, animals and birds. We are all waiting to hear how you are doing.

Take care my friend

goldenwings :angel:

dearest goldie,
i will keep good thoughts so you can get back on the path to emotional healing. i feel you hanging on to the other end of our silver rope. it is there always for you. today we shall create a swing with our rope and fly up to the sky.
will be doing the doc thing alone. i prefer it that way. will call today with the hope they have an answer. may have to wait till the appt next week. doubt that i will be content with that idea, giggle. why wait?
my heart leaps with joy knowing you are back in the sun breathing in that lovely clear air. how is my dear compassionman doing? gift him with a special blue hug, kay?
love you,
blue

dearest golden,
thought it was time to check in on you. such a quiet girl you are. know you have much on your plate and talking about your body, yet again may not be what you are in the mood to do. so tell me how you are doing inside your lovely head. how goes fibro? you can always send them to me. i will give them one way air fare to the island of their choice.
went to the mountain. saw you there. felt everyone on this one evening as the sun set, the sky ablaze with fire colors fading to mauve and purple. overhead so many birds circled on the air. one stopped above me and hovered looking down. i knew it was you.
in my heart i dance for you.
love,
blue

Thank you my dear friend,

Yes things are coming at me from all sides as it were. I have just been told that my lungs are in a bad way too. The original diagnosis 2 years ago of late onset asthma was. they are sure now, wrong. This means to me that this latest problem has perhaps been gong on for longer than I thought. You know me, I had a bit of a joke with the cardiologist, left the office and carried on as "normal" - whatever that is. Thing is I get home and I am alone. This is when things start to hit. I can't wait for compassionman to telephone me and when he does I say that I will speak to him when I see him. I don't want him to be worried whist he is working. He knows though doesn't he ??

I have had one good experience of my fibro and osteo having a go at me. Lovely back rubs from compassionman. I don't say a thing, he knows when I need help. Maybe it's the face pulling and groaning I do as I try to get to a standing position hee hee !! I think the fibro problems in my neck and shoulders are being exacerbated because of my not being able to relax.

My medications are being tailored at the moment to suit my needs, and I am trying to do thing to occupy my time. I still go off into a world of my own at times. Just like the rest of us though isn't it ?

I join you on your mountain a lot. That breeze you feel is me coming to be next to you.

Take care

goldenwings :angel:

dearest golden,
wish i was not a lady. how i would swear and swear. can you hear me? so many changes for you to adapt to. so much knowledge to absorb.
that alone time is hard. it is also important. gotta have those conversations within. you know what the stress of worry over something you cannot change is doing to your body and fibro. and you know all the worry in the world won't change one thing. it will however, get in the way of those little joys that lift us up. it comes as a dark shadow to hover over us blocking out the very light we need to see clearly.
hold on to our silver rope. know in your heart of hearts that i am at the other end holding on and i am very strong.
knew you would be here, giggle. love that connection.
love you,
blue

Hiya blue,

My strength comes from the knoweldge of the love that I have from compassionman. Also from the love from my dear friends from here. You have made such a difference in my life personally, and I thank you for it. |I lead a lonely life as you know, but to be able to come here whenever I can and know that I have support and love is invaluable to me.

I have had my eyes opened to a new me. I acknowledge now that there is a whole lot inside of me that is to be explored. You have given me the key to doing this and I thank you.

My family here have played and do play a big part in my life too. Even when I don't speak to them for a while, they are there in my heart and mind and I know if I fall, they will all be there to catch me.

The wonderful kick of fibro has just caught up with me. I will be in touch soon.

Take care

goldenwings :angel:

dear golden,
the key was always within you. i did nothing. so much to learn in a lifetime. so very much. thank you for allowing me the honor of walking your journey with you.
peace and love,
blue

Golden you are always in my thoughts and prayers. I think of you and blue often and wish I could be here more for support. I watch braveman with all his problems now and I see how hard it is for him so I have a small understanding of how you are feeling emotionally. I would say I can identify more with compassionman as the one who wants and trys to help but can't heal and feels the frustration of seeing someone you love in so much pain and sickness.

I will continue to pray for you and send all the healing energy I can to you.

Glojer

hiya goldie,
how you doing old girl? we oldies have you on our minds and in our hearts. just wanted to say we miss you and know you are doing the best you can. come to the mountain with us.
check in when you feel up to it. you are missed. you are loved.
love,
blue

Hiya everyone,

Well just a little bit more news. I had lung function tests and x rays last week. The doctors think I might also have pulmonary fibrosis now. Would fit in with all of my breathing problems. Heart, liver, kidneys and now lungs. Well I'm not greedy am ! ?

Hey ho, what can one do ? I have all the love and support in the world from all of you here. Special people in my heart know who they are.

Luv you all.

goldenwings :angel:

hiya goldie,
greedy little girl aren't you? hogging all this stuff and not sharing. well. actually my dear old girl you can hear my cursing from here. of that i have no doubt. we will come to terms with this new addition together. we will support you and hold you up and listen when you need to scream. we will do our best to find ways to bring laughter to your lips.
i took you all with me to watch the meteor showers then in for a fire on the hearth early this morning. as i sat gazing into the flames i thought of all of us here. all these interesting, caring humans we never will set eyes upon yet this bond of deep caring has grown. i gave thanks to the universe for the times we all have had here. us old timers remember. and now with so many new faces new memories are being created, new connections being created.
more friends to come be here for us all.
how is our dear compassionman doing with all this? how about his fatigue? and his worry level? how is your hold on our silver rope? talk to me kiddo.
know that i care, deeply my friend.
peace and love,
blue

Golden you know I am here for you and for compassionman. These are hard times to deal with for sure. It does seem like you are trying to corner the market there on the heart, liver, kidneys and now lungs.......giggle! I know you are a fighter and won't give up so anytime you need to dip your bucket in my well of optimism you help yourself.

I am always here for you, I will help blue hold onto the rope to give you even more support. Laughter is the best medicine so let's laugh a lot together!!

There are so many wonderful and caring people here, we will support you and keep you lifted up into the light.

Glojer

Thanks my friend,

I know. I am greedy aren't I ? I will just have to keep on buying myself little pressies and enjoy opening the gift boxes. Mmmm, some new boots I think !

Take care

goldenwings :angel:

hiya goldie,
good to see you today. glad you feel up to being here goofing off with us. how you feeling? yes, you keep buying little pressies for yourself. gobs of them, giggle. boots, hmmmm, i like boots. maybe i will join you and we can go stomping around together. let's go stomp fibro brats, kay?
love you,
blue

Okey ***ey old girl.

How are you doing, how are the fibrobrats treating you ? I am having a surge of energy today I think, shoulders, neck and back aching like billyho but pushing on. Begone evil things !!

Had fun this morning at around 1.30 am. A frog decided it wanted to leap into my house for a change of scene. Well, it was so funny. Could we get it to go back outside - no. Mind you it was absolutely pouring down with rain, perhaps the frog thought he would just dry off for a while hee hee !!

Word on the test results tomorrow hopefully. I wait on the call. Yikes !!

Will speka to you very soon my love.

goldenwings :angel:

frogs huh? i sleep to the sound of hundreds at night. of course they are outside, giggle. i can just imagine compassionman and you in your sleep warmies chasing a tiny wee helpless little itty bitty frog about the house. i am laughing.
life often gives us hassles we can soon laugh about. bless the wee, tiny, etc. froggy. wonder what the frog thought???
tomorrow, huh. okay. i will be about the house every day this week tho i may spend the nights on the mountain in the tub. threw out my fanny and low back so my kidney got jealous and decided if they could and my urinary tract could be infected then by golly she wants attention too. get to go pee in a bottle tomorrow.
i'm telling ya sister it's one ***arre social life we fibrofolk lead. keeps everyone eating tho, i suppose. giggle.
will wake thinking of you tomorrow. sending massive energy for both of you. lean my dear friend, lean. got your rope? then i guess we're ready. you know the other sources of energy here that will go with you. we got your back.
love,
blue

I will be praying for you goldenwings, You are a very strong lady!!

blue you are a very caring lady!!

God Bless you both, and all on this board... Mandy