First let me apologize for the long thread. However I need to unload my grief. I have been reading this forum for awhile. And I think it would be good for me to unload my worries. I have kept this inside me for a long, long time, most likely too long. I have been married to my wife for twenty years. Most of the marriage has been extremely happy years. However little over twelve years ago I had an affair with a co-worker of mine. This affair has tormented me to this day. My wife, I believe, never found out about the affair. After the affair, which lasted for 2- 3 months I came down with a flu like symptom. I obviously got extremely scared thinking it could be a HIV infection. I spoke with the coworker I had the affair with, which she denied having any symptoms or problems. By the way she was married then and still married to the same husband. The flu symptom eventually went away and I put it off as just the flu. Throughout the 12 years I have three physicals, the last one just two weeks ago, with the same doctor, who always gave me a great bill of health. I thought this was good because he never had any issues with my blood test. I also through the twelve years never had any symptoms which may lead me to thinking HIV virus. However always in the back of my mind I always thought about it. Now twelve years later I have had a sore throat for a couple of weeks which the doctor was diagnosed as gerd. After reading this forum I found out a doctor who does a blood test for a regular physical may not necessarily find anything to do with a HIV finding. My question is in the last twelve years would I have noticed any symptoms of the HIV virus? Thank you for allowing me unload a little of my grief.

MOre than likely. After twelve years, undiagnosed and not on meds would lead one to believe you were OK. However, if this is your primary doctor and you trust him, unload on him and he would be the best person to advise you. chris

Thank you Chris..just letting someone know how I have been feeling all these years is a great relief of anxiety..it is remarkable how so many people have the same thoughts as I have had. I thought I was the only one..Even though I have had the same doctor for 15 years..I don't think I'm comfortable with telling him my thoughts/concerns. He has always been very direct and not very personable. Once again Chris..thank you for your reply..I warms me greatly.

...not to pursue this into oblivion: I think if you're really worried then the only way to alleviate that anxiety is to be tested. However, I think that so many people have drifted into these areas of indiscretion, that it would be ludicrous to think that everyone would have to tested. Again, these are the things in your favor: it happened twelve years ago. 2) you've had no symptoms and not been on meds which would reduce the possibility of symptoms. 3) the person with whom you had this liaison is still married and appears to be OK.

There are those things that happen to us in our lives, most of which we have control of but, many which we do not. These are the defining moments in our lives and what we choose to do with them, how we adapt the knowledge we draw from them defines how we will live our lives. I think you're doing OK.
chris

cflas is right

Ok now I’m really paranoid I'm now looking at my wife to see if she is having any symptoms. I need to get tested. This is becoming a nightmare. Not sleeping. Everything I see on my body or feel I questioned if it could be an HIV symptom

Ok now I’m really paranoid I'm now looking at my wife to see if she is having any symptoms. I need to get tested. This is becoming a nightmare. Not sleeping. Everything I see on my body or feel I questioned if it could be an HIV symptom

Go get tested...you have to for peace of mind. 12 years is long enough to stress over this. Do it anonymously, if you must. But, do it.

If you want to do the test anonymously, there are several ways to do that:

1) Almost all states allow you to come into a health clinic and get tested for free. Some allow for anonymous testing whereas others ask for a name. While it might not be the most honest thing to do, in the states requiring a name, you could give a false name if you really want to be anaonymous.

2) There are several testing companies that allow you to call in and arrange a test via certified labs. Depending on the state where the blood will be drawn, they might or might not be able to allow you to do the testing anonymously. In other words, if the state where the blood is being drawn demands a name, then they are required to get your name. Again, you likely could provide a false name if you so desired.

3) Home test - There is currently only one "home" test permitted but it is not really a true home test. You buy the kit, take a tiny blood sample, send the kit back and later call in for results. The OraQuick system, which is used by many states in their clinics has not yet obtained approval to be used as a home testing system yet. When it is, it will be the only true home test since you would buy the kit, take the saliva swab sample, and get your results at home.

4) The most common way of getting tested is by going to see your doctor and having him/her order a test for you. Of course this method does not allow for anonymity.

Hope this helps.

Ronnie

it's amazing what our minds can do to us..
HIV usually presents itself within 7-10 years of infection without medication...I'm not saying because you haven't come down with any excruciating illnesses that you're home free, but the likelihood of being infected for 12 years and not feeling a thing is really small....and lets say your worst case scenario, you are infected...if you could make it this far without medication, then you probably have managed between your chemisty and whatnot to control the infection in such a way that you might be deemed a miracle...I'm just saying this to be positive, because most likely, you would know by now..
get tested though...you'll feel alot better
-s-

I agree wth panaSonique: If it has been 12 years then it is very unlikely you have it. Even today with all of the medical advances more than 40% of people diagnosed die before 10 years pass with the virus.

Hello panaSONIQUE,
Thank you for your reply. It helps comfort my worries. I read in one of the threads a couple of days ago. Not only can ones mind play games with oneself. Ones guilt can also have an extreme effect.