I was wondering if someone with bipolar can be selective with their rage. What I mean is can it mostly be towards the spouse or family? My sister said it is not bipolar if they only rage at the spouse or family but I don't think that is true. I think my husband is bp and I am the one he rages at. His rages seem to be if he feels threatened or doubted in any way by me. He goes bonkers and rages and destroys property. Anyone have any thoughts?

Hi there. Yes, they can definately be selective. No-one seems to notice my partner has bipolar at work, but boy are the symptoms apparent at home! He will also rage at people he doesn't know, but only with a glimmer of an issue, never without some ghost of a reason. However, he would never do it to friends. Go figure. :blob_fire

TTFN :wave:

It is really hard to figure it out and confusing to the point you wonder what your doing wrong. At this point we are living separately due to the violence. No meds are taken because he says I am the one that needs help not him. Funny thing is I am not the one raging, screaming and putting holes in the wall plus many other things. I have not called him names but he has called me many choice ones. Really discouraging. Thank you for your reply.

I know exactly what you mean. Everything (including the holes in the walls, but thats not happened for a while now!) sounds like my partner. The only difference is he knows it is him, but still won't take meds!
Aint life great.

TTFN :wave:

Hey,there! Yes, my husband is the same way. He can rage one min.(at me) and then the next nice as pie to a stranger. He's like Dr. Jeckle&Mr. Hyde! That's bipolar! And ALL his 'problems' are MY fault. He told me that the other day and I said,"Oh, I know it!! Everything's MY fault!!!" That shut him up. He's ready for me to verbally fight with him. He was really pissed when I said that! LOL :D He has yet to take the new med. his Doc gave him last week. Who knows if he'll ever try it!? :dizzy:

Welcome to the world of bipolar eh?

TTFN :wave:

I believe it can be selective, especially at first. My husband started out just being in a rage with me, but now, it seems to be anyone, except our daughter, who makes him mad. Luckily, he is being medicated now, so I'm hoping it will take away the rage soon.

I seem to be the only one who gets all the crap in my BP hubbys life. He is all sunshine and roses to everyone else. He has even started to call and spend time with his mother who he has disliked for most of his life and avoided being around her. Now thats a real change. Now mom gets treated better than me. I always liked the old girl and didn't see why he disliked her. Granted she wasn't the best mom but heck she's 90 now so what. Maybe she is BP too. Hubby is two weeks and three days into Lamictal and Lexapro. Finally came home after being gone to Mom's for a week. His daughter told me where he was. Silent treatment continues but maybe silence is golden!
He has never been physically abusive to me. He has accused me of cheating and lying. Its my fault that he blew out three credit cards(I didn't even have one). I throw away things that he needs, like the time he was going to a medical seminar and halfway there couldn't find his registration papers called me on the cell and accused me of getting rid of them because I didn't get to go. I take on plenty of mental abuse but will not stand by if it ever should get physical.
Actually he seems to be somewhat calmer since he got home, maybe meds kicking in somewhat. He has actually spent some time here, not at the office, at WalMart,at friends(who don't have a clue) or out at the property riding the tractor.
I am just trying to keep myself together. Don't know what else I can do.Reading everyone's posts sure makes understanding this easier.

Yep, usually directed toward the ones who they know love them unconditionally and feel safest with. Especially true with the poor children who tend to direct their anger toward their mothers. My son is bipolar and the school doesn't see rages so of course it's all bad parenting :rolleyes: we currently have a house full (ok 5 out of 10!) of bper's so i'm about ready to pull my hair out right now with the full moon and all :dizzy: . i hope things get better for you!
:wave:

In my experience "sick" people don't treat everybody the same but choosing the most volunarable person who's safer to treat bad and member of the family is the best choice :)

Thanks for the replies it is so hard because my husband can be the most loving man but if I say something he takes wrong he goes off the wall. He said he would go on meds then he said he wouldn't then he would then he wouldn't and on and on it goes. I had to ask him to leave but want to work it out but I am scared of the violence. Lately he seems to have no energy and cannot concentrate on his job. that is what he told me yet he knows it is because of me. I read all the time books on bp and still can't always get the whole thing. You would think they would realize that spitting on a person and punching holes in walls and wrecking things is not the thing to be doing. Thanks again it helps to hear others that are going threw similar.

I was wondering if someone with bipolar can be selective with their rage. What I mean is can it mostly be towards the spouse or family? My sister said it is not bipolar if they only rage at the spouse or family but I don't think that is true. I think my husband is bp and I am the one he rages at. His rages seem to be if he feels threatened or doubted in any way by me. He goes bonkers and rages and destroys property. Anyone have any thoughts?
Ma'am, my son is bp. as i am. the bp is not focused on just family. you are simply an outlet for his abuse. if you believe he has bp have him take some valuim. also if you don't have it available, try paxil. to me it sounds like he has anger issues more so than bp. you might try prayer, and getting him into the doctor, and anger management.

We have been to many therapist and pdocs and told he has everything from anger to bipolar to personality disorder. I have not told all the things he does like driving drunk, spending too much, problems with sleep, some obsession with religion. He admits his thinking is different than others but think they are all wrong. I just don't know.

I forgot to add he refuses meds. thanks

absolutely! My husband is so nice to others but I can't understand him when he gets that way and I feel like I want to take off. He has a lot of ups and downs aside from the rage and I always feel like things will never stay good for too long. Its very hard. I love him but it is so stressful living with him at times. I can relate entirely. Here to talk...

samantola does he blame you for all the problems? I am so tired of it all even though we do not live together. I told him he needs help and should see his doctor but he said I should see a doctor. I cannot win and fear its over for us because the rage continues and continues. Sorry to hear your having the same problems.

bethys, My wife is BP II and yes, most of her anger is directed at me. One of her friends who confronted her w/alcoholism got her wrath too, but it's pretty much focused at me. I think the anger is really at herself and her father but I'm a safe one because she knows I'll always be there. I'm getting to the point where I'm able to pull away. I feel bad for my kids but a person can only take so much. Good Luck!! Oz :)

Thanks Oz, sorry to hear your going through similar. It is harder when children are involved. For a while people doubted me because he always seemed so nice to other people and to me in front of others. The rage gets so bad and to the point of destroying things. If only he would consider meds I think we could make it.

bethys, My wife is taking Lamictal, Wellbutrin and Lexapro. She started Lamictal about 6-8 weeks ago. Taken it off and on but I can't see any diff. She was drinking but went back to AA a couple of weeks ago or so she says. She is mean, hateful and has made it pretty clear she wants to destroy me. This is not the same person I married. It's like someone else has taken over her body. It's a real fun time.....Not.. Oz :)

hey everyone,
i have been dx with bp two. i just thought i would put in my two cents worth. i would like you to see another point from the bp side. i know i vent my anger out on my poor husband, i really don't mean too i love him dearly and i always regret what i have done. i appoligize hoping that he won't leave me. i'm on meds but sometimes i don't feel like they are working i really get down on myself a lot!! i definately wish i could control my anger more. it doesn't happen a lot, i would say however i think i get that way at least once a month and i know it's not pms because i have had a hysterectomy, my only wish is that these anger moods would go away because i really don't mean to hurt the ones i love so much.
did i mention that i'm 53 years old and wish i had found out sooner. i wonder now how many people i have hurt because of my anger moods. i am depressed right now and i have times where i wish i wasn't on this earth because of all the hard times i have given my family. they are supportive of me but why should they be. so you see i do know how love ones feel and i know i'm the one that causes all their pain. i don't mean too and i'm trying to get a grip on it. every day i wonder whose feelings am i going hurt and lose as a friend, maybe that's why i don't feel like i have any.
i have been with my husband for thirtyfive years he's been my best friend since high school years, i would do myself in if he ever left me. i have never told him this. i do wish i could undo all the hurt i have caused everyone.
thanks for letting me vent
just my two cents,
tweetyone ( linda)

Hi, i'm sort of jumping the gun here. This is my first post. But I can tell you that when I'm at work my husband seems to be ok. Then when I come home the anger seems to come out. Last night we were about to go to bed and when I walked in the bedroom he became very agitated so I quietly left without saying a word and went into the living room. Moments later he follwed me and said that I need to stop making a big deal out of these things and that I dont understand what is going on. Needless to say I was feed up after that. He has recently stoped all his meds quit his job and has become slightly confused and agitated with mostly me. So I can relate to what you are going through.

It is good to see both sides and how the bp feels. I know my husband has said he hates himself for what he has done to me. BUT he will not take meds so we cannot live together. It is very sad because if he tried meds he may be able to communicate without the rage and anger. He has done some violent things and I will not live that way inspite of loving him. This is a terrible illness for both the family and the one with bp. Thank you all for the replies it helps.
Oz, sorry for all your pain.

Tweetyone, Thanks for your insight. I know this is really hard on my wife. I saw her today at church and she was sitting by herself. I fert so bad for her. She looked so lonely. Usually I go and sit down with her but today I just couldn't. If she would have given me one little tiny shread of hope I would be able to hang on. She has made it very clear that she has no feelings for me at all. She has told all of our friends that this, the divorce, is a done deal. Period. So based on this info I have no choice. I have stood beside her through the rehab and all the ups and downs. Something tells me that this time it's not only the BP but something else. What, I have no idea but the hate that she piles on me and the absolutely insane spending is destroying all feeling I have for her. bethys- Thanks for your support. Prayers to all. Oz :)

oz, beth and everyone,
i have read your post and i too wish i could take away your pain. i try very hard at our marriage and for the most part we always seem to work things out. my husbabd always rap his arms around me when i get angry and tell me that i'm not myself and it's the bp. he tries to make sure i'm looking at what i'm doing from all angles. he's an :angel: when i can feel the anger come on, i really try just go and be by myself, at least if i'm alone i won't harm anyone but myself. i talk to myself, and then i cry and try to get it all out of my system. sometimes this works well for me. like today i'm keeping to myself my husband has noticed and keeps asking me if everything is all right. i'm quiet today and i'm very sad but i know this too will past and i will be okay again. i do take my one med that i'm religiously, i'll tell my psy this week what i have been going through and maybe he can add another med.
here's my two cents again
just me,
tweetyone:confused: