Hi to all

I am female aged 36 married with four children and in febuary of this year was diagnosed suffering from sever anxiety, I have a huge phobia of mental illness, relating to my childhood, I also run a business from home, I am struggling with the anxiety and the physical symptoms, I also have intrusive thoughts - they are there constantly. at first I was limited by the fear of the anxiety and the thoughts, I did very little.......... slowly over the past few months I am now back to functioning as a full time mum and assisting in the running of the business.
The problem I have is the my children are totally unaware of my condition and my husband whilst he knows i suffer from the anxiety he does not appreciate or understand to what extent is effects me, I manage to hide it very well.
As a result of this I feel trapped and locked in with my emotions and thoughts, I constantly fear losing my mind and that I am going to snap......
My husband can be agressive and controlling, so i am limited with how much I able to confide and seek comfort from him. In fact the very reason I searched for this board is that he has blown up about 20 minutes ago- he is sat in the other room, I am giving him time to calm down, he bangs tables and has just thrown remote control over the room and knocked all the ornaments from the table onto the floor........... Nice eh ??
Anyway i am not here seeking sympathy cause i am fully aware that we are all suffering, I am just looking for guidance and freindship God knows anxiety can make you feel like you are alone ....... if anyone else feels the same way pls contact me. . Can I pls ask due to my Phobia as I said it is Huge and does play a massive part in my anxiety pls dont send me any horror stories

thanks

Hey mum, welcome.

Four kids and a husband with anger issues...no wonder you suffer from anxiety. Anxiety is a normal part of life, but it can lead to disorders which are considered mental illnesses. You sound like you need to talk to a doctor and perhaps a therapist. You might be suffering from depression and some antidepressants will make you feel better. Are you taking any medication for your anxiety?

You can't do anything about your husband's behavior, but you can help yourself. I hope your husband will get help too...he shouldn't be throwing tantrums and breaking things...you don't want your kids (or you) to be exposed to that.

Good luck, stay with us.

Hi

Yea I have seen several or more councillors and therapists i am currently waiting to see a Phsycologist about my past and my phobia of mental illness, have to admit when i read ur post saying that anxiety can lead to illnesses under the name of mental health i shuddered, saw a lot as a child and now vision myself going made, losing control and putting my children thru what i saw ......... the children were not in the house when hubbie threw his paddy thankfully they are not aware of any problems either with myself or hubbie


I have been told that my thoughts are are normal with relation to my fears and anxiety.......

Just hard to make myself belive that when I am in the throws of panic and frustration :dizzy:

As I said my Phobia is HUGE ... and is controlling me and I hate that.

Just good to know that I am not alone and that Unfortunatly there are many more out there suffering too

I wish you all luck ;)

Michelle

I didn't mean to make you shudder. You need to not think of the term "mental illness" as bad as you think of it as being. It is just a label, and there are varying degrees that range from minor to major. A person could be considered to have a mental illness who has minor social anxiety and the other end of the spectrum might be the person who is institutionalized and are a danger to themselves and others. I think, from what you've described, that you have anxiety and depression that is extremely common and very treatable with medication and therapy. I don't know what you saw as a child and what you are afraid of, but the very fact that you are concerned about it, probably means you will not allow it to happen.

Hi once again thanks for ur reply

Depressed No I am not, I do get down and feel low as a result of my anxiety but always manage to laugh and keep going, dont get me wrong the tears do fall but not for long, As a child and through out all my adult life I have watched my mother, deal with mental health - U name it she done it and belive me some of it is scary, and of course seeing this scared me into leading a very different life from hers,

wether it be right or wrong that is my anxiety - so when someone mentions mental health and me in the same sentance instant panic sets in - silly to some I know but very real to me.

with regards to my intrusive thoughts I am a very placid mild mannered person, I hate voilence be it verbal or physical - so when I am in the throws of anxiety I see myself acting in a way that is totally out of character..... I have been told that these are perfectly normal thoughts that are simply magnified by myself as a result of my phobia

Hope this make sense, sometimes I struggle to see the sense myself but I know its there


Once again thanks

Michelle

Just an FYI.

Please use the proper words in your posts.
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Ms_Mod

Hi mumoffour,

I understand what you are going through on a few levels.

First of all, I have British family and used to live there, they're a hot-headed bunch.;) I don't mean you, I'm just saying I can understand how your husband losing his temper is frusterating. I think its hard for someone who DOESN"T have anxiety to fully appreciate how much it can "take control".

Also, I too have mental illness in my family. My mom is bipolor and has been ub a mental hospital in the past. She is great now, but ever since that happened it has been my greatest fear that it will happen to me! I try to do all I can to make sure that my life doesn't take the same path...my life is very different from hers at my age, and I have a religion, which I think helps alot, so....I just try to do the best I can, and I don't worry about it too much usually.

However, a few weeks ago I was diagnosed with anxiety for the first time and Zoloft and I just felt like a failure! I thought...oh no...I have a chemical imbalance as well....I am no longer in control of my mind...what if I am on the same path as my mom.....

but those thoughts were short lived because I understand a few things. For one thing, just because my mom is bipolor doesn't mean I will be. It is irrational to worry about that. The chances get lower as I get older and that makes me feel better.

For another thing, I do not hold to the stigma that mental illness is a shameful thing. It isnt! Its a medical condition....anxiety,depression,OCD, everything! Its not something to be embarrassed about, it just isn't.

When I lived in Britain,though, I could see the stigma. My husband was on anti-depressants for 6 months once before he met me, and we had been dating 6 months before he told me. And he made it this big deal..."Fiona, I have something to tell you..." and I was like OH NO...WHAT??!? and when he came out with "I was on anti-depressants once" I just laughed with relief that that is all it was. Of course, its not funny, but its not shameful like he was acting.

Think about America where its almost "en vogue" to go to therapy. Everybody's doing it.

I don't know where Im going with this post, but I sincerely hope you feel better, and try not to worry. All of us here have anxiety...it is so common... the best thing you can do is try to find a way to deal that works for you. Take care.

I think sometimes classifying depression and anxiety as a mental illness has hurt many people. The medical community feels the need to classify everything. Sooo many people are afraid of "mental illness" so they refuse to seek out help or believe they have anxiety or depression. On the other hand it was a good classification as maybe some people will take it mroe serious. MY husband had a problem with understand my anxiety and depression at first but now that he understand it isnt a matter of "hey why do you worry just relax or just try to be positive and happy" he is much more supportive. And as a result life has gotten much better for me as well to. Funny though you mention him getting angry and throwing things. THAT IS ME!! When I cant get a grip on my feelings or emotions that is how I react.

In a way I completely relate to your fears of "mental illness". My grandmother and mom both had cancer so I self diagnose myself with cancer every time I have something I cant explain. it is a BIG fear of mine. I hate when people say it is irrational because seriously how is telling someone they are irrational going to help? If it is a fear I have take it seriously and if you think it is irrational convince me I am wrong show me why I am not sick like I feel, you know along those lines. But do it in a way of not attacking me and making me feel crazy Anxiety does not equal crazy AT ALL. Don't let anyone ever tell you or make you feel that way EVER!!

I am glad you are going to see someone to talk to becasue it looks as if right now you cant talk to your husband. Hopefully maybe one day he will go with you so he can see how to relate when you just want to talk abotu your feelings. Once you let go and realize what you are feeling and going through and talk abotu it when fears come up it is amazing how those fears seem less bothersome and you feel more relaxed and at ease. No it isnt the BIG fix but it does help me now that I can talk to my husband without him looking at me like Im crazy or just irrational. Take it one day at a time.

Good Evening to all and once again thanks for your replies,


I have to admit I have had a much better day today after reading all the posts on here last night, taking comfort in the fact that I am not the only one out there....

I hope to be here for some time to come and with help and support from others make some head way in combating my anxiety,

once again many thanks

michelle