I'm not sure if I am in the right place or not. I just really need some words of wisdom.

My grandmother has been dealing with various medical conditions over the last 9 years. She is ill once again. I think she is giving up her fight. I can understand she is done with all of it, but I am not ready to lose her. I am 22 years old and my grandma is my world. She raised me like her own and has been my best friend. Over the last 5 years I have taken care of her in her down times. This time however I am unable to for many reasons. Number one being she needs constant medical attention. I feel so guilty, and feel that maybe if she were home, and I were there she would be doing better. She is in a nursing home. She is in a Skilled Nursing Rehabilitation part, to get better so she can go home. However, when she gets well enough to go home she will have to have a surgery which will put her pack at square one, if she makes it though it.

I can see her frustration, we get one thing better and two more things pop up. It is one thing after another. This has to be her worst time yet. Is there something I can do to give her, her fight back?

Sweetheart, I truly think this is more about you rather than grandma. I think you realize that, what with your feelings of guilt for not being where you can provide assistance. You want to fix things and sometimes that's not possible.

Perhaps what you sense in your grandmother is her resolve to access her current medical conditions and control what she can control and let the rest take it's course. I think you are also reading her emotion correctly in that she is away from you and away from home and facing more surgery. That would bring anyone low!

Have you asked her yet how she wants to deal with her current situation? *hugs to you!*

She won't talk about it. She refuses to eat (they keep telling me and her she is going to starve herself, or they are going to put a feeding tube in), she complains of having trouble breathing yet won't wear her oxygen, she argues about taking her medication. I have never seen her like this. It feels as though, she is trying to give up. When I talked to her about her surgery, she said she doesn't care if she dies, she just worries about how we (my family and I) will react. Like she was looking for a "We will be ok". I can't give that to her. I can't do it.

She has always been so full of life, not anymore. I honestly think she is giving up the fight. I just don't know how to give it back to her.

Just over the last 2 months she lost 7 pints of blood in less then 24 hrs, due to a main artery in her stomach bleeding. The dr pretty much told us to say our good byes then the head dr showed up and found it and cauterized it. She had a filter put in her heart. (because of the bleeding she was taken off of bleed thinners that she is on because she has had 7 blood lots go through her heart into her lung over the last 9 years.) She had a UTI so bad she had a 104 fever for almost 48 hrs. She has C-diff (because of all the antibiotics) right now along with a colon infection. She has an infection on her heart which is the big concern right now. She has CHF which is why she ended up in the hospital in the first place. Her electrolytes bottomed out due to the high doses of water pills for the CHF. When she was bleeding she was put to sleep 5 times in two days to try and find the bleeding through a scope. It has just been one thing after another. She has another problem with her heart as well but I can't think of the name right now, her heart beats very fast. (she has had it shocked over a dozen times in the past it works for maybe a day). Her heart is what they need to operate on. They need to be stable to do it. They need to regulate the heart beat and remove the infection. There are also some other medical conditions she deals with but this is just the right now what's going on things. I just think she wants everything to be done, and who can blame her? I guess I can. Every time she doesn't eat, I get angry, when she complains about her meds, I get angry, when she refuses oxygen, I get angry, when she talks about death, I get furious. She has also been DX with depression.

Is there a way to make her want to get better if she doesn't want to?

Like she was looking for a "We will be ok". I can't give that to her. I can't do it.
I understand completely; I really do (been there, done that).

She has also been DX with depression
Is there a way to make her want to get better if she doesn't want to?
I assume she has been prescribed something for depression? If she is refusing her depression meds, then it will be difficult pulling her out of this morass. Is there a way the meds can be administered with a drip or something?

She is taking her meds, she just is very hesitant and argues. She is on medication for depression, they have been trying a couple of different things.

Love,
This may something horrible to read but haven't you considered the fact that she may have already decided that she lived long enough? I have been through depression myself and with time got better and over it but I reckon that if I had been her age and having her numerous medical problems then what would I have been looking forward to. Continuing at the Nursing home, stuck with more medicine? dealing with more aches, apains and discomforts? I bet you would get sick of taking then just as she does. Please, get yourself a support group in the area, you are the one who should start looking things differently, from her shoes. We can be very selfish with the ones we love but we sometimes we need to let them go. Lots of hugs for you and GOOD LUCK.

I think you can help her more if you accepted the way she is behaving right now. She is trying her best to gain control of the situation as it probably feels to her that she has no power over her life.
Sometimes the only way that people can do this is to be awkward.
If you allow her to do what she wants and talk about death without getting furious, she may become less depressed and decide to fight back.

I know this will seem like a tall order to you but try and get help for you to cope, too.
Love and comfort to you

Mayam

She's gone. I am lost, don't know what to do. I can't cry, it just doesn't seem real. I left for vacation on 7/21 flew back on 7/24 because she had a massive heart attack the night of the 23nd and was in a coma for almost 8 days. We took her off the ventilator on Monday the 31st. She was my grandma, my mom, and my best friend. There wasn't a day that I didn't at least talk to her on the phone. The hardest part is knowing she won't be there on my wedding day. I am just lost right now.

I am so very very sorry. I don't know what else to say to you.
Love and comfort
Mayam

I'm really sorry she's gone. Just look after yourself and whatever you do, she'll be proud of you. How are you coping right now? i hope youre ok and give you all my best wishes. :)

Love and hugs,
Amanda

Peace for your heart and joy for your spirit, Love. Yes, there will be joy in your life, lots of it, and it'll happen sooner than you think. On your wedding day, pause for a moment and you'll feel her presence. I truly believe that some essense lingers for a time...

Thank you all so much.