i think the thread on being married and having opposite sex friends is interesting. i am also interested in what people think of this, since I am not married but am dealing with the ex issues in a long term relationship (a year and a half)......i don't want to see things as only one sided.......i would love some perspective on this issue! Personally, in the past, exes have come between me and current relationships.............what has been your experience? how do you view it? thanks! :)

I probably am not the best person to answer this because I absolutely loath my BFs X...so my answer is NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! :mad: Haha!!!!!!!!!!

But anyway...everyone's situation is a little different. Sometimes people just grow apart and their Ex's are pretty decent people so it could be possible but only if the current partner is OK with it. I think it's a bit hard to swallow when you know that your partners EX was a sorry, good for nothing, cheating, emotionally abusive, immature nutcase though:p How can a partner be OK with their partner being a "friend" with someone that was a horrible person when they were together...right? I mean I have seriously asked my BF why in the world would he consider this woman to be a friend after the way she treated him...he honestly couldn't answer me...whatever!!!!!!!!!!?

Hahah, I can sort of feel for the above response, when someone is a horrible partner - someone who supposedly LOVES you - how on EARTH could they make a good friend? Yikes.

Personally, I guess it happens, but I'm not really a big fan of sticking close to my exes, that's in the past and I have no interest in continuing that relationship on any level. If I'd had a child with someone, I suppose that's necessary, but someone just standard issue from the past - truthfully I find that whole notion really creepy.

Hanging out w/ someone you slept with for however long while you're in a new relationship is just *weird* to me. Bleck.

A friend may not be someone you can live with and sometimes this is found out the hard way.

A lover is sometimes not the best of friends.

In a word, no. But like it has been pointed out above, everyone's situation is different. I used to hang out with my ex earlier on in my current relationship, and I did it for several reasons. I knew he still liked me and wanted me back, and I got off on knowing that and being able to tease him. Plus I had fun with him as a 'friend.' This was before I grew up and realized what a total moron I was. I used to exclaim to my boyfriend about how I was hanging out with my ex and how much he still wanted me...as if this was something my boyfriend really wanted to hear. Finally I got the memo that this was hurting him and I stopped talking to or going near my ex, infact I stopped going out at all, period.

I would think that in most cases it is going to be a sore spot for people to know their SO talks to and/or hangs out with a person they used to be (and could possibly still be, even faintly) attracted to, in love with, and intimate with. I think when it comes down to it, it is a matter of respect to cut your exes out of the picture once you have a new serious relationship. As selfish as I am, I could have ignored or discounted how my boyfriend felt about me still seeing my ex, but I knew I loved my boyfriend more than anything and I had no right to do that to him. I could never feel "right" knowing that he was out there doing his thing while I was hanging out in some bar letting my ex flirt with me. No way. And the truth is I am much better off with my ex completely out of my life, anyway.

Well, as for me, I only keep in touch with 1 of my ex's, because he's the only one I still genuinely don't hate and can still speak to on a friendship level. All of the rest of them can go to hell on the fast train as far as I'm concerned and I have no desire to ever see them or speak to them again.

My current boyfriend knows I talk to my ex, but he is not threatened because my ex is married and lives like an hour away. Although he's having marriage problems and he has asked me for advice, but we are both totally cool on the friendship thing and neither one of us has any desire to be together again, which is really cool. Even if I had a chance, there's no way in hell. But I don't mind being friends.

I am friends with almost every one of my exes, and in fact for a period of time my new girlfriends were introduced by my exes. (not immediate exes --- but ex, ex, ex etc. etc. exes) We would all go out together on the first few dates!

But in general a new gf will be jealous of an old one.

But in general a new gf will be jealous of an old one.

Only if they're insecure. Otherwise there is no reason for jealousy of any kind. Personally, I hate all of my ex's with the exception of that 1, and I could give a rat's behind who they're all dating or married to. I was really glad when they all started dating someone and/or got married because it meant that I never have to put up with their crap again. And now their problems are someone else's problems, not mine.

There's nothing to be jealous about. If anything, people should be glad when their ex's find someone else, because it gets them out of your hair for good (hopefully).

Maybe it's just me but the thought of hanging out w/ a girl who had my fiances *ehem* in her at any point in her life really just isn't at the top of my list of "to dos" :) ew ew ew! For that matter, hanging out w/ a guy who had the same relations with me in the past isn't high on my list either. I think some people hold that intimacy as a thing that shouldn't be revisted, kept around, or introduced into a new relationship.

There are definitely several people out there who are tolerant and cool w/ their s.o's hanging with people they used to be in love with. I just don't think it's necessary *shrug*

I was with my ex for 4 years we were best friends then and we are now when we split we kind of driffted apart but were still good friends. I guess it will be interesting when either of us gets a new partner but from my part my new partner is going to have to accept that all we are is friends now and any feelings we had for each other are done with and in the past. If one partner is worried about the other being friends with there ex then it shows major insecurity issues and lack of trust which is what a good relationship is built on. If you stay positive and try to accept the ex as possibly one of your friends to, your partner will be happy and it will show a strong relationship if you crack up about there friendship you are pushing them away possibly right back into the ex's arms.

I would be wary of someone who wasn't friends with his ex much more than the opposite. I would like to think that means that he treated the person/people that came before me well, and that it ended respectfully on both ends. I think it's slightly naive to stick my head in the sand and pretend these people didn't exist. Getting to meet and spend time with people my boyfriend used to date also gives me a good idea about who he was and how he came to be who he is. There's also the chance that if he liked that person, then maybe I will, too, and there is a potential new friend in it for me.

And I would absolutely take with a grain of salt any stories that a boyfriend tells me about an ex being horrible, and treating him horribly. We all have to accept responsibility for our parts in bad relationships.

I think you are going to get different answers from everyone on this topic. For me personally, NO WAY. I loathe all of my EX's and have no desire to be friends with them. However, some people can remain friends with their EX's.

I always wondered how people could do this, since often when people break up, there is usually one person whom is more hurt than the other. I know this isn't always the case, but very often someone has their heart broken and can't watch their EX move on with another lover.

I guess if people break up because they were better as friends and there are no hard feelings, then that makes it easier to continue a friendship.

My brother-in-law is friends with all his EX's. He always tried to be the nice guy when breaking up with his girlfriends. I joke with him that he is going to have an entire table of EX's at his wedding (whenever he does get married). But seriously, you think his future wife would want all his EX's at their wedding? I can only imagine!

And I would absolutely take with a grain of salt any stories that a boyfriend tells me about an ex being horrible, and treating him horribly. We all have to accept responsibility for our parts in bad relationships.

I know you weren't intentionally trying to imply anything, but you have to see how this statement could be perceived. With all due respect, you weren't there and didn't live through what I lived through or anyone else did for that matter, so you really have no way of knowing who was at fault for anything that happened.

I'm not going to bore everyone with details, but I am confident that in my case, my only mistake was settling for the wrong guy a few too many times. And although it was a painful learning process, at least I realized what type of guy not to date anymore, so I can avoid those kind of losers in the future. Yay for me for figuring it out so I can avoid having to add any more loser ex's to my past.

[QUOTE=Destea]Maybe it's just me but the thought of hanging out w/ a girl who had my fiances *ehem* in her at any point in her life really just isn't at the top of my list of "to dos" :) ew ew ew!

thanks for all of your posts and responses :)

i had to laugh when i read this because this is EXACTLy how i feel with the guy i am with now! not usually though, with the other guys i have dated i had very little jealousy towards any women in their lives.....there is a lot of chemistry and love as well as passion in the current relationship i am in....but we can be like oil and fire as well.....explosive.....i think that issues in this area vary not only from person to person but from relationship to relationship!

i would love to hear more guys opinions....i have had some boyfriends that couldnt stand any of my exes and others who couldnt care less saying "the past is the past"...

And I would absolutely take with a grain of salt any stories that a boyfriend tells me about an ex being horrible, and treating him horribly. We all have to accept responsibility for our parts in bad relationships.
Don't know if this was in response to my post but I didn't learn anything about the EX GF from my bf...in fact I found out things about her that he didn't even know.:rolleyes:

I know you weren't intentionally trying to imply anything, but you have to see how this statement could be perceived. With all due respect, you weren't there and didn't live through what I lived through or anyone else did for that matter, so you really have no way of knowing who was at fault for anything that happened.

This was not really meant as a reply to anyone's post, nor was it meant to be hurtful to anyone. You are right, I haven't lived anyone's life but my own. That's exactly what I am saying- that things should be taken with a grain of salt, because I have not been in anyone else's shoes, nor have I been in the person they were dating's shoes. There are two sides to every story.

I am friends with almost every one of my exes, and in fact for a period of time my new girlfriends were introduced by my exes. (not immediate exes --- but ex, ex, ex etc. etc. exes) We would all go out together on the first few dates!

But in general a new gf will be jealous of an old one.

I have a ton of exes, but because almost every guy I dated was my friend first, at least a dozen of my exes are still very close but platonic friends. If any guy had a problem with that, I would think he was a jealous, clingy, and insecure loser, and I would never be interested in being serious with him. I think it is WRONG to control people and tell them who they can be friends with, no matter how much you love them. And the people who need to control the ones they love never seem to be in that great, loving relationships anyway. It's all about trust, honesty, and self-assurance.

personally i think it is general courtesy to take into account your current situation and relationship. i have an ex who i was with for almost five years. we are great as friends but could never work as a couple- however- there is still a lot of chemistry there and he always makes hints about how "hot" i am etc.....i know if he could get me back he would. i think that this is the case in many many "ex" relationships and i am not sure it is very healthy for the current one....IMHO :rolleyes: