My mom passed away on May 10th. She had four children, me and my three brothers. Between my brothers there are five children that my mother absolutely adored! She was living her whole life now to enjoy her kids successes and her most beloved grandchildren. I moved away from home over ten years ago and had just moved back a year ago to be close to family again. My mother and I were very close and when my husband and I finally found out we were pregnant, my mother and I spent all of our time talking about her next grandbaby and how excited she was to welcome him into our family. I was 23 weeks pregnant when she passed and as the days get closer to the baby coming, I become more and more devastated that she won't be here to see my son and to be a part of his life. She was the one person who always got down on floor with the babies and laughed and giggled just like a big kid. I cannot believe that I don't have a mommy anymore and it cuts like a knife every time I am blindsided by that thought. I am 33 years old but I still had "I need my mommy days" when I would call or go over to her house and she always understood and listened and guided me. I have no idea how to be a mother and I have alwasy planned to do it with her. I am so lost now without her. With each passing day the baby is getting closer to being here and I am terrified. I am seeing a grief counselor and I go to her house everyday to work in her garden but I just can't imagine that she is never coming home. I miss her so much. I see her face in every one of my brothers and nieces and nephews and it's almost more painful than it is comforting. She was the glue that held this family together and I can't imagine how we will ever be able to pick up the pieces and become a family again. If there is anyone who can offer advice or maybe just a little solace, I would greatly appreciate it. It would be nice to hear how others may have been through this and came out ok.

My mother died in 1996 and I still miss her so much and the fact that she hasn't been here to watch what a beautiful young woman my daughter has become. She loved her so much and had so much fun with her as a little girl. We are so lucky that mama was a part of her granddaughters life for 14 years.

I know that your heart breaks because your mom is not going to be here with you in such a wonderful part of your life. But one thing I do know is your mom will always be close in your heart and she is watching over you and your new baby to be. :angel:

Take care,
RW

I am so sorry for your loss. Your post took my breath away.

I hope that seeing a grief counselor will help you get through this.

Celebrate your mother in every way that you can. Working in her garden I'm sure you feel her presence. Plant her favorite flowers or even a tree so that you can watch it grow. Even though these things seem trivial now you'll appreciate it so much in a year..when you've seen how much the tree has grown and how far you've come with your grief. It's like an emotional marker.

I don't know your beliefs and I hope not to offend you...but know that your mother is around you. That she'll see your son grow up to be a young man and that you will have her support spiritually. When your son grins in his sleep or seems to be yammering to an imaginary friend - our energy remains and children are the most open to that.


I will be thinking of you and hoping the best for you.

Oh Sweetie-
I know this is a devestating loss for you. No one can take the place of our moms. They are our rock, our guidance, our support, you name it. It sounds like your mom loved her family with her entire being. I don't know what words to say, because nothing I can say will take away your pain.

I can say this- just as the previous poster said, I too have certain beliefs and I feel that although your mom isn't here in body, she has joined your gaurdian angels and is with you in spirit, in your heart. She is wathcing over you and your unborn son. People who love us never leave us totally.

I think that getting counseling is a good idea, and I do hope your counselor will help you see your way through your grief. Please try not to worry about whether you will be a good mother or not, because it sounds like you had a wonderful teacher. It sounds like your mom set the example and you have already learned so much from her, just from the way you talk about her.

When your son is born, your mom will be there with you, and when you see her smile in his eyes, I hope you will find peace, comfort, strength and happiness. God Bless you, your unborn son, and your entire family. I wish you all of the happiness that your mom would want for you sweetie.

Sincerely,
Lezlee

I want to thank you all so much for your kind words. It has been a continual struggle but it is getting easier as the days pass. She is still a constant presence in my mind but I am becoming able to deal with everyday life while I continue to grieve.

My baby is doing wonderfully. He is strong and healthy and very active. He moves so much and seems to like it when I talk to him so I talk to him about my mother. I know it may sound silly but I've read that if you read the same book to a baby over and over in utero they will recognize it when you read it to them after they are born. So, I am giving him the gift of her every chance I get. I am cherishing this special time with my son that only a mother gets to enjoy. I think of how much my mother must have enjoyed me while she carried me. I am also beginning to understand how much love a mother has for her child. He isn't even here yet but in feeling how much I love him, I have been given the gift of understanding a whole new level to my mothers love for me. I only wish she were here for me to tell her.

I do feel like she is close and I feel like she will be a part of mine and my sons life forever. I really appreciate all of your kind words and thoughts. Your words were touching and uplifting. They brought joy and hope where there was only dismal sadness. Thank you for helping me approach it in a different light.

I wish you all happiness, prosperity and much love.