missing you guys,hope all is well and no news is good news,daughter doing great and went to her first n/a tonight she had a huge laugh at the antics the other addicts have got up to,unfortunatley she cant share them with me its confidential but great to hear so much laughter,hope your lives are fllled with the same,love and hugs,sad mum

Hi Sadmum, I am happy you keep posting letting us know how Katy is doing.

I was watching a documentary yesterday about 5 young people going through rehab from herion and I cried at the end. I cried out of happiness that two of the five two years later made it. Between what I have gone through, what you have gone through, what I read the people go through on these boards, I look at addicts differently and feel such happiness, when people hit milestones, that it hits me emotionally. I feel such happiness for you and your family.

Sadmum, chef....need to hash this out. I know my son wants to come home at the end of August (and his dad wants him to come home too). By then he will have been a definate clean for 11 weeks. He is bonding with his natural father who he hasn't had a realationship with in 11 years. His dad has welcomed him with open arms, thankfully, and the dad being the opposite of me, is as my son puts it giving him the tools he has been missing or I didn't teach him. In the past not having his biological father in his life has been a big issue for him growing up. Anger and resentment poured out. Not knowing who he was or what made him tick, caused issues in himself.

Now he says he has been able to step back and see who he is, what traits he gets from both of us and that he has more respect for me and my ways.

I want to help him but I am not sure I want him to live with us again. If he was willing to come back and work part time and go to school fulltime and abide by the house rules, I could consider a temporary try.

The reason why I need to hash this out pros and cons is because my husband will not even entertain a conversation about this. We can't even have a civil conversation, he just cuts me off.

Need some conversation here, thanks, hugs.

so pleased to get a reply cram,
look at the first sentence of your reply,2 out of 5 made it after 2yr,odds of 40%,we wouldnt be putting great money on them if they were in a race
i personally think it is too soon and besides he is not having such a bad time with his father and more importantly he is out of temptations way,at rehab here in england they are put into rehab miles from thier own cities and encouraged not to move back to that city,it obviously gives them a greater chance at remaing clean,he is missing you and needs to know you love him and want him in your life,explain this to him and why you want him to stay with his father,best idea is for him to enrol in school there,could you visit and help him do this? if your hubby objects to you doing this,without argument just go and do it,he will get over it,our situations are so much alike,but this is your sons best shot at staying clean and i would not let up on helping him do this,we forget the pain of addiction just like childbirth,i already cant remember many things that happened,katy is still hard work,like having a baby to watch over again and when i feel i want my life back i remember where we have been and soldier on because i coulb not go through it again and survive,he can always visit in school vacations,i11 weeks is not a long time and remember our kids have still retained those manipulative skills they learned and he knows how to use them to pull at you heart strings,stay strong cram but give him all the love he needs from a distance,keep in touch,love karyn

dont know if im comin or goin...busy with work,caught help stealin,only have 3 employees left...overworked 7 days a week....want you to know been around just not replying...last wek went b-4 judge and stuck me with another drining no license...in 2000 got a spedding ticket,wrote judege,they still have on file...was homelsee for 4 mths,ect thru out all my mail...missed date,gave me point and fine...couldnt afford fine so they suspended...didnt know that...last summer 3 ribs broke.puntured lung,needed to go to hospital an am so far out of time,couldnt breath,drove myself and got into small accident...got ticket for driving no license...couldnt breath for days,pain unbearable.went to court,judge thru out and made me pay fines..got another dumb ticket,cantdrive for 5 years,depressed,,,what am i gomma do when lease is im 6 miles to bus stop,no ride,whod hire executice chef with rcord like th...mmmmmshhy^%$%$#...gotta cook,ill be back,just dont know ehe,,,,,another note...my 15yr old got hot cook...chef...glad joy is in lives....read dr dyers book,power of intention,happy for cram/mum...

goodness chef you are on burnout,slow down,this is the guy who kicked addiction,everything else is a doddle,no problem you encounter cannot be overcome,and in comparison these are little hiccups,post me, im missing your input,love sad mum

Sorry I was MIA, I couldn't sign on, couldn't remember my password and that was a mini nightmare.

Anyway, I agree Sadmum, my son has a better chance "living" away from this area. He is telling me everything I want to hear. First off my son is a master bs'r. Second I think he believes he has "changed", let's face it temptation is not within walking or driving distance where he lives now.

I have to work hard and changing my ex's mind about him sending my son back at the end of the summer, not an easy task since I do not talk to him (I send emails to someone and they forward for me).

Chef, six miles.....I have no solutions. Five years is a long time. Don't give up though, you are strong and will figure out a way because you have to and aren't we all survivors here? Surviving obstacles the average person doesn't even know about? My money is on you, that you will figure out a way!

no need to try and change exs mind cram,just say point blank you are not ready for him to come home then let ex deal with the problem,been yours for long enough,my ex doesnt even know there is a problem and he only lives 30 mins drive away,can you remember mysissygirls,sure am worried about her and her daughter,ypu sound alot chirpier,keep it up,love karyn

Sadmum, the good news is my son has a full time job now. Finally working, his dad is setting him on the right road and his dad will not allow him to sit home and do nothing. Here, my son thinks he is in charge.

How is Katy doing? How do you keep her away from her past aquintances and temptations?

great news cram,i am so pleased,katy is 12 weeks clean today,first she really wanted to quit,but had wanted to 6 times before and never succeeded no matter what we did,but this time i thought well she is doing drugs 24/7 and when we take this away we have to replace it with something else,for 4 days she really went thru a bad time and for these nights i stayed uup with her and with the help of benzos and jack daniels she got thru it,we then found a doc to prescribe subutex,now the system here is the 1000s of users in this city all use one of a hanful of pharmacies to get their script so in the past she has always been in contact with them,this doc agreed to give us 2weeks in advance and i could pick up and administer,which i still do every 2 weeks but she is tapering and now is down to half her starting dose,then for the first 6 weeks i never let her out of my sight,but she didnt want to be,and i went to bingo,UGH,cinema,shopping,lots of,swimming,visiting anything to keep her occupied,she had one good friend from schooldays,who has never used, and she started going out with her on an evening and got a little job,met a nice boy and is now living a different life,we are only 20 mins on foot from our city centre,which is crawling with dealers and users and she never goes there,in the past she has even had them deliver to our house while we were sleeping,the magic ingredient is she wanted to stop,but any persuation and she would have relapsed,her words,even now she isnt certain she could resist if tempted but she wont put herself in this position,i still spend alot of time with her and she is costing us a fortune,but if she was not ready time and money would have meant nothing,that is why i didnt think it was a good idea for your son to come home,so if ever he makes you feel guilty for not leting him home,dont worry he will thank you for it in the long term,i really wish i had somewhere to send katy,i believe she would stand a better chance,just keep sending the good news,love and hugs,karyn