Hi Everyone,
I discovered this website a few months ago and the stories have been so inspiring to me. I can't tell you how much it's meant to me to read the stories and experiences. The addiction problem I'm involved in is pertaining to my best frient.

I'll try to make this short - my best friend (since 6 yrs old - 24 yrs!) is currently in rehab. One of the reasons he's there because I gave him an ultimatum - he could no longer be in my life unless he went to rehab for his heroin addiction. I just couldn't bail him out anymore. It had been affecting my marriage and my time with my two young kids, so as much as it killed me to do so, I had to say enough. I walked away when it seemed like he needed me most.

Well, next week I am flying to MN to a attend a three day therapy session with him. I don't know what to expect and frankly, I want to help him, but I'm concerned about my anger toward him. Has anyone here participated in such a session? I'm sure all models are different, but, in general, if anyone can help me understand what to expect, I would really appreaciate it. I want to prepare mentally, if I can. I'm concerned I'll get so angry with him that he will take some steps back in his recovery. I know he's angry with me about "making" him go (he has sent me several angry letters), but I don't want to make things worse - I want to be supportive.
thanks much and take care! jen

Hey there!! You can be as supportive as you like, BUT I believe you should be honest no matter what.. I think it is better if an addict is not coddled. And since he is in rehab, and currently clean and sober... It's the perfect time for you to express your feelings, and he will remember it. Just my two cents. I am a recovering cocaine and Pill addict. : )

Jen I think thats great you are a suportive friend but realize you can only do so much. I am still trying to help my friend for the past 8 years and I am not doing too well with it. We met 12 years ago, dated and I guess have been only friends for the past 8 not boyfriend and girlfriend. I am so sad his addictions are more important than me. He is now living with me and I gave him an ultimatum several times never stuck to it and now he is very imoared after brain surgery with his eyesight. He can't drive and don't now if he will again. I am in a mess. Sorry I am going on about me, I saw your post and related to it. How did your friend react to the ultimatum you gave him? I am at my wits end. Since finding out my friend had a brain tumor the addiction got worse and his tumor was removed successfully, no cancer all in all he had a positive outcome except waiting on the eyesight to improve but the addictions have gotten out of control. How do I throw him out of my home to fend for himself at such a critical time afte his surgery less than a month ago?

Jen-
Please don't feel that you walked away when he needed you most. You didn't. You saw there was a problem, and his problem was quickly becoming your problem and was affecting your personal life. You simply care enough for him to give him the tough love he needs. There is no wrong in that.

I think it's wonderful that you are going to a therapy session with him, and if it goes the way I think it might, you will have the chance to express your anger, but you will also be doing this in a way that will help your friend. You can get these feelings out and then can deal with them. As others have said, you can only do so much- the rest will be up to him. You have a right to be angry at him.

You are a good friend and I hope he's appreciative of the fact that you cared enough to bring this problem to the forefront and not be an enabler. You did the right thing. I hope he gets clean and continues on to live a fullfilled, happy and healthy life.

Many people don't have friends who care so much.

Good Luck, and Be Safe!
Lezlee

Well, hopefully since the therapy session will be done with the guidance of professionals, there'll be someone who can help mediate and not let him twist things on you and play the victim. And I think you'll be expected to be brutally honest....otherwise, what's the point of going, ya know? You might stress how much you miss the 'old' him...the friendship you used to share and that it's never been the same since the drug. That would let him know that you love him and hate the drug......that there's a distinction there.

Good luck to you.....you're a very good friend to make the trip and take several days out of your life to help him. Let us know how it goes!
Christy