Hey everyone, I was hoping I wouldn't have to ever post on this board, but here I am. My father was diagnosed with bladder cancer 3 months ago. The doctor told us a year or two, but the cancer just spread like wildfire. Nothing could touch it.

I live in Canada and came back home (NJ) after his diagnosis to help him out after his surgery. I stayed for a month and had to get back home. I have an 8month old, btw. July 6th I spoke to my family and they said I should plan to get back soon, he was getting weaker. My husband drove me and the baby right away. We made it in time, he passed away July 9th.

I am having a hard time with everything. First I was sad, but now it had turn to anger. He was only 56, my youngest brother is 17. How could this happen? How could he die so young? Why?
As you can imagine my crawling 8 month old is keeping me busy, so I haven't really cried since the funeral last thursday. I started thinking, what's wrong with me, I should be upset. Now that I write this I see what was wrong. I haven't taken any time for me to grieve.

I am trying so hard to stay strong, afterall, crying won't bring him back, will it? I hate this whole thing. My son should be able to enjoy his Pop Pop, but he will never know him and surely won't remember him. On the other side of the coin, he didn't think he would survive to see any grandkids, but he did. My brother gave him a little girl and I gave him a boy.

I am not sure the point of writing this and I don't know what I expect from all of you. I guess getting it all out helps the process.

RoxyFoxy,
My heart goes out to you--what you are feeling is perfectly normal--anger denial, grief, the "why us, why now"--all these question are ones we ask when we lose a loved one and esp when they go before WE are ready to
have them go.
Truth is, you're never ready to let them go--because even if you strong beliefs about a life after this one (such as I do) you know that death is a separation that is going to be, though not final, still very hard.
Go ahead and let yourself feel the grief. Don't try to be "brave" or lock up your feelings. Cry, let the emotions of your loss wash over you. Remember your dad and remember your feelings for him. Write down your thoughts about him for your little one. Keep him alive in your memory and talk to your kids about him and keep his legacy alive. It'd important not to wallow in the grief, but to let it come and help you to heal. It's only been 10 days--you're going to hurt for a long time yet, but trust me, each day will bring some healing and one day you will laugh out loud at something and you'll think "I can't believe that I did that" like it was disrespectful or something--but it isn't. Your dad would NOT want you to ruin your life over grieving for him. He is in a happy, good place.
I lost my beloved father last year at the age of 75. He had suffered horribly from Parkinsons disease and in the end I held his hand and as we all stood around him we each told him we loved him, we were grateful for his life and we promised him we would "keep the faith" because of his example.Most importantly, we LET him go, and he slipped away peacefully, in the end, into that next world where I am sure his mom, dad and so many relatives awaited him with open arms. Was that hard--oh,unbearably so, and oh, so beautiful, too. Age 56 or 90, you do not want to lose your daddy. I still think "Oh I should call dad about this or that" and I stop and remember that I can't, and a moment of sadness washes over me--but it truly is only a moment & I think about him and I am happy for his release from his pain.
I know this will sound maudlin, but it's true: so many people have terrible problems with their parents--fighting, estrangements, actual hatred. Be SO grateful you had a daddy whom you loved and who loved you. Does is stink that he was taken so young? You bet. But you had him for all those years and it sounds like theywere happy ones. Be grateful for that and may God bless you. You will heal. Love transcends death--he still loves you, and you, him. In quiet moments, think about him--he's there for you still.

Liz, Thank you for a beautifully written note. You hit on so many points that I can relate too since I lost my dad 20 months ago.

RoxyFoxy, I'm sorry to hear of your dad's passing. This forum is such a great place to get advice and sympathy. People here do seem to care.

Liz, Thank you for a beautifully written note.

I couldn't find the appropriate words to respond to what Liz wrote. I read it and just sat and thought. Everything you said was just so perfect.