Dear Mommy............. Today makes a year since I last laid my eyes on you and kissed your sweet cheeks. I miss you so much,The pain never ends, I know you are in Heaven now with jesus and God BUT i still need you so much. Im happy your not in pain anymore BUT i really need you so much.My life has fallen apart since losing you.Some days I wonder if its even worth going on.I sit and try to remeber the good times and watch the Home videos and it makes me miss you even more. I love you so much.This is ripping my heart out mommy.Why did you have to leave me all alone in this cruel world.Why couldnt i go to! I get so mad at god sometimes for taking you from me.You were Only 59.I need you mommy! I know ur pain was Great.Pancreatic cancer is a cruel way to die. BUT mommy I cant gte passed seeing you die and the pain i saw u go thru..Im so scared mommy. I am sick now and in so much pain Im afraid i will die like you did.You were brave Im not sure i can be. The family in wva act like u never lived at all and it kills me inside.You were more than my mommy you were my best friend.I dont know IF you can hear my prayers at night or me talking to u telling u goodnight and i love and miss you BUT i hope u can. U didnt deserve the life u had.You deserved so much more. Im trying to be strong mommy.Im in alot of pain and my body is failing fast BUT i know its nonthing compared to what u went thru.Please mommy IF its at all possibale Please share some of your strenght with me and help me.I pray to god all the time BUT its like he isnt listening. Mommy I depend on you.You were always my rock.I could come to u with anything.Now i feel so lost,so alone.I remeber as a kid all u taught me and I still hear ur voice saying Vickie Lynn u gotta move forward Not backward.BUT its not easy.I wanted so bad to be at ur grave today so i could talk to u BUT im not able to travel.Please forgive me for being weak mommy. I love u and God i miss u so much. I want so much to have your arms around me again/ Having u kiss the top of my head and saying babygirl its gonna be ok.I dont feel like its ever gonna be ok again.Mommy im sorry im NOT strong like you were. I am TRYING to keep all my promises to you. Im just so sick and weak i just wanna come home to u.I wanna be with you mommy.I cry so much anymore, I cant help it mommy.I know u didnt beleive in crying,BUT its so hard now days.I want one last time of being with you and hearing you talk,seeing your face light up.Feeling ur love.all the pictures in the world cant take ur place. I need u mommy.I know im 39 years old and should be able to handle it all BUT I cant,Im weak,I need my mommy!!!!!! Im sorry mommy If i ever let u down..........I will close this letter for now.My tears are blocking my typing..........I love and miss you mommy.Im so sorry you had to die......................id trade my life for yours any day..........If only it worked that way,Id gladly die so u could live pain free..I love you.Love always Your baby girl..Vickie Lynn

Dear Vicky Lynn:

I am so sorry for your loss. I know, to some degree what you are going through.

I lost my dad 20 months ago and I still have very bad moments. I miss Dad so much, as you miss your mom. I feel as though my life has fallen apart too and often times I just want God to take me away so I'll be with Dad and out of my pain. However, I know that would be so painful for my husband, mom, and siblings. I trudge on. Some days good, some days bad. I spend a lot of time alone (as I wish) and just live in the past.

I'm sorry your mom had to endure the pain of pancreatic cancer. I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. Have you thought about some counseling—either individual or group? It may help you.

Please come back to this forum and let me know how you are doing. You aren't alone. There are many of us in the same pain as you. This forum is a good place to connect with others who going through the same things you are.

So sorry for your loss. I also lost my mom on june7 at 60 years old. She was diagnosed just three months before with gallbladder cancer that had spread to her pancreas and liver. It was a horrible 3 months she suffered alot. My mother was also my best friend there wasnt a thing in the world she wouldnt have done for me. She was really a great person. I don't know if you have any children but for me my kids are the only thing keeping me going. Im going to look into cancer walks and stuff of that sort because i feel that may help me a little knowing that I may be helping someone else someday. I don't know what else to do this sucks. Just know that if you ever need to talk im here to listen. I know its hard talking about it because i'm sitting here crying right now when i didn't cry at all today but it does help in the long run.