I discovered this site today and it is so good to know I am not alone out there. Reading some of the posts have brought me to tears.

I would like to, or maybe even need to, tell my story. I am 32 years old and many years ago got into a hydrocodone/ultram habit with my husband. That, I believe, was one of the reasons for our divorce. There was too much bad history. We have a 4 year old daughter. I vowed never to do it again. After our divorce, (almost 2 years) he got into trouble for stealing demerol from a hospital and was arrested. This was even more power for me to stay away from that stuff.

Last year I started getting really bad headaches. I had a MRI and my doctor thought I had a tumor, after 6 months of tests I now know I don't, luckily. But the headaches did get bad. My doctor basically gave me as much hydrocodone/ultram (both) that I wanted and he still will. So I found myself addicted yet again. I made a choice that I made years ago and will never go back again. I am on day 3. I feel pretty good. I feel very emotional, like I always want to cry. But physically I think I am okay. I need lots of support. I would like to hear more people's story.

I am mad at myself for ever going down this road again, but I am PROUD of myself for putting an end to it NOW. I just look at my daughter's picture when I start feeling sorry for myself. It is funny how this could happen to basically anyone. I have a master's degree and work as a project manager. Thanks for listening. :angel:

Hi iluvg1120,

I hope you are doing OK. The physical part of this is scary, but I agree that the psychological part is harder. You get the drugs legitimately and then, if you have some problems, find that the drugs give you some relief. Well, that's all it takes. It's at that point where you start taking the drug when not needed, and none of us know at that time, that we have just set ourselves up for abuse and a huge struggle one day. When I look back, I remember getting hydros for dental work or something, took 3-4 over a couple of days for pain, and the bottle sat for a year and then was thrown out. Never thought once about it. Some people would say, "hand those over!", and I thought it was funny that some people wanted them if they had no pain, so once I was done I would give them away. One day, I took one and had a beer, and I was sooo relaxed. It came at a time when I needed that feeling. Three years later, I am here. I am getting off of the drugs and look forward to getting past the mental and physical part of WD's. Yet I know that I can never be given a painkiller again without abusing it. Some say they can take them if they have real pain, but I would freak out right now if I got a legitimate RX for hydros or anything similar. I feel bad for those who are suffering from real pain, because what are they to do? They need relief. They have to choose between pain or addiction. It's so unfair and sad.

The people here are great. Some have been through hell and back, and many have had to deal with a high addiction and god-awful withdrawals. Many have succeeded, many. They all say the same thing..you have to want to do it for real. Hey, do it...you can succeed and so will I. If you fail once (I did), do it again and don't give up. I don't think it's a true failure to relapse...it does help you realize that you have to work at it and it isn't easy. Keep posting and read other's postings as well. You'll learn a lot and gain a lot of strength and friends here.

I wish the best for you, me, everyone here.

Lisa

Hi Lisa,that's kinda the way it happened for me to.When I was in my early-mid teens I had a couple of rt knee surgeries.I can remember thinking "jesus I hope the pain will be gone soon so I can return to normal".I remember throwing out many bottles of opiate painkillers because my pain was gone and I didn't need them.A few tears later I injured my lower back while playing hockey.I went to the hospital and they sent me home with 6 tabs of demerol.Well after about the second dose of demerol I notice how it made me feel so well and warm and I really liked myself.I could talk freely without worrying if I sounded like an idiot ect.Obviously I had some personnel demons that I wasn't aware of.Well that led to 22 years of heavy daily abuse.4 years ago I got on MMT and my life has done a 180.As for the original poster, you have quit before so you do have an idea what it takes.I wouldn't worry to much about why you started again and focus on stopping now.You sound like a strong person and that's a bonus believe me.Hang in there because as you know your life is much better without opiates.Good luck and keep checkin in for support....Dave:)

I don't know what is worse the physical or the mental. :mad: I actually started going to NA meetings, had a great meeting on Wednesday but went to a scary meeting yesterday, these people were hardcore addicts. But they are sober. I think I got scared cuz I knew, I was not far from being like them. The anxiety is the worse, I woke up this morning with some crazy thoughts, scary. But, I said all that to say good for you for stopping, this may sound crazy but you are my hero. Cuz you stopped, and made it 1/2 a day do you know how many of us haven't made it that long and don't feel they can. Just remember that beautiful baby of yours. Just like they say in meetings keep coming back it works if you work it. this is my meeting when I feel crazy and can't get to one. Take care Keep posting I will keep responding and so will the other wonderful people here. Boiler bob is awesome and has some very inspirational words. Good luck and keep postin. Lori

Iluvg-
Hello, and welcome to the family. First, I want to say how proud I am that you have confronted, accepted and admitted that you have an addiction. These things are not easy to do and to take this step speaks highly as to your personal character.

I've not been addicted, but I have had to deal with addiction, 2 of them with my husband, so I've seen first hand what addiction does to the person addict, and also how it affects the people who love them.

I know this is going to be a hard journey for you, but you are not alone and you have every reason in the world to rise above this addiction. You can do this and you can come here for support while you go through this battle step by step.

Just please know that you are not alone. Also, know that you are worth the effort, and when all is said and done, you will look back on this time and these struggles and know that you are a better person for it. I'm glad you found these boards because there are so many wonderful people here who can and will help you through this.

Be Safe, and Take Care Sweetie-
Lezlee