Hi everyone-
I am new to the board but not to eating disorders. I spent my childhood watching my mother go up and down on the scale as a bulimic and now even with a lap band she still binge eats until the food comes back up - I see this in her and its no suprise that I developed the same disorder. My bulimia is not as bad as hers has ever been but the binge eating disorder is out of control. I have watched myself cycle through up and down weights, binging, purging, exercise addiction weighing from 170 pounds up to 265 in the past 10 yrs. It has taken me almost 2 yrs to take off 40 pounds and get down to 225..but my binging holds me back and its all of the emotions that I have to deal with to shed myself of all of this weight and the pain that it represents. When I reflected back on my childhood and young adulthood I noticed a pattern of eating & promiscuity that continues to this day and the cycle that follows, promiscuity, binge, binge, purge, exercise, bing, exercise, exercise, promiscuity-
I was sexually abused by my grandfather when I was 9, then raped 2x in high school. I believe that it i a HUGE contributing factor to my eating disorder and body image issues. I have started to try to do some research into studies that have been done on this topic and even looking for individuals that might be studying this relationship that conduct studies or therapy in my area. I am a public health graduate student as well so I am thinking of the possibility of doing a paper on this as well. I wanted to share my story because I know that there are alot of us out here and this disorder hurts me so much, I know that deep down, under these layers of fat I hide myself behind I am a beautiful, healthy,active person..I am just so terrified of what lies beneath and revealing that to the world!

hello thank you for sharing your post. it sounds like you have had a lot to deal with but it is encouraging you sound like you are taking some control in identifying what is behind it all.
i too was abused during my childhood and no doubt think this plays a big part in how we cope with things now.
abuse robs us of are identity makes us feel undeserving and intruded the feelings are so painfull too deal with it is not surprising we turn to something whatever that be but for us, for you it was food ect. it must have been so hard to deal with your grandfather doing such a thing it leaves alot of mixed emotions, as for your mother meant to be a role model for you i can see how pattens formed
all the very best if you are thinking of writting a paper etc sounds like not only will this help others but you too.
how ar things for you now
take care
lorri

hi pandoza,
i was sexually abused when i was 13 till i was 15.and i am now anorexic,i think it has played a huge part in my eatng disorder.
good luck with the paper thing its a great idea :)

pandoza,
Thank you for sharing. From what I have read, I know that several people who have an eating disorder have a history of childhood sexual abuse. I myself am a survivor of CSA and struggled with anorexia for a short time and have disordered eating (I think I have EDNOS).