hello

i am facing some problems as i am a dancer... ballet to be exact.
im ** years old, * andi weigh *
my goal weight is around *, and although this seems a small ammount, i have been batteling to lose it.
i look in the mirror and i honestly see an overweight, disgusting girl.
no matter how hard i try, i crash diet and abstain from eating for a day and it doesnt work. i get so emotional when i dont eat and lose no wegiht... i sometimes take laxatives and i have made myself sick to lose weight...
i dont think i will ever be happy with my weight... so many people told me how fat i was close to a year ago... since august last year i have lost close to *...
more recently. i have not been able to eat much, i get nausias, stomache cramps which lead to a running tummy...all this happens when i eat
i dont know what is wrong with me?!
many people think i have a disorder, but im ok, i dont think im thin enough to be anorexic...
dont make myself sick much either...
am i?

i do not think an anoreic ever feels as if they have lost enougth weight that is part of the disorder.
part of having an eating disorder is the extreme lengths we take to loose the weight, already you have mentioned using laxatives and not eating both of which are desperate and dangerous methods of attempting to lose weight, which can make you much ill than thin.
you are right maybe you will not be happy with your weight becuase maybe this has so little about your weight but your self esteem and how you feel about life and self.
you need to talk to someone to find out if you are struggling with an eating disorder becuse thy can help, which is hard but the bravest and most informative step you could take, i am obviously unsure of your age or stats as they have been deleted but it sounds like you have lost alot of weight recently, which could indicate some struggles especially as you said it was related to comments regarding your weight, very similar to how i felt which did not help at all in how i felt and consquently added to my eating disorder
keep posting
and take care
well done for posting
lorri
x