Hi everyone
I used to post quite frequently before going away to college but this is probably the first time in a year to visit. I have suffered bulimia and ana four about 3 years now. It started when i was about 15 or 16 and thought it would be "fun" to see if I could make myself throw up. Unfortunately I was successful and started doing it every once in awhile after meals but not consistantly. I stopped vomiting for a long time... about 2 years and within that time gained about twenty pounds. I couldn't stand to even look at myself in the mirror and tried everything except bulimia to take the pounds away. I finally invested in an expensive diet pill which supressed my appetite immensely. I increased my work outs from a mile a day to six miles a day and my diet consisted strictly of a cup of cereal in the morning with 1/4 cup of skin milk, a handful of popcorn for lunch and maybe a couple of carrots or an apple afterwards. This continued for months as my weight dropped from 142 lbs to a little under a hundred lbs (I'm 5'7 so you can imagine how disgusting I looked.) I felt exhausted and ill all the time and finally went to the doctor to discover that i was extremely anemic (only had a 1/3 of blood in me that I needed) and needed immediate attention. I got treatment and started eating better and gained about 15 lbs. But no matter what my ED always comes back. I am vomiting multiple times daily now and can't control my life. I sometimes just want this stupid desease to take me away and bury me. I one time set up an appointment to see a counselor but in the end got scared and didn't show up. Well thats pretty much my life, if theres anyone that can relate or would like to talk I would love to hear from you. God bless everyone.
Liza

hi lisa-welcome back!
thank you for posting, i can relate alot to some of this especially trying to lose the weight without bullima, which is somewhat my current aim thougth being honest this last week i have blipped a bit and somehow need to get back on track.
it sounds like you really have been working hard on trying to beat this ed, thougth it sounds like things have been a bit tougth recently-do you know why? was college anything to do with it? iam currently very apprehensive about starting college myself in september nervous for many reasons-woundering how you have been coping?
i can relate to the exercising i too have been working out a bit in attempt to lose it, i had annoxia for quie a while but it turned to bullima but i put on the weight now i am just as discuted and trying to lose the weight but in a more acceptable, normal way but is hard not to do the all or nothing and return to the methods i know would allow me to lose the weight fast,
well done for seeking the help and for the councellor, i appricate how difficult it is to do i think when we struggle with eating disorders one area we find hard is reaching out and taking own personal responsibiltiy we want the help but sometimes cry out to be helped by others for them to do it for us as such, but this may be a help, you may find that you still want the support and this time be even readier for asking-we can only do what we can for the moment and sometimes that moment will not allow us to do something but it dose not mean we cant try again
admire your strength
are you getting any support at the moment other than here
sounds like you deserve too
thinking of you very much
take care
lorri
x

Hi Lorri
Thank you for replying. I actually really feel as though I have no strength anymore. My life is literally controlled my this ED. Everyday that I wake up it gets worse and worse and I don't know what to do anymore. Nobody knows about my ED. I am all alone in this but its too hard to tell anyone. I have a boyfriend and he has absolutely no clue. Sorry I sound so down, but like I said everyday the struggle gets harder and harder. Are you getting any support? I don't really think college made it worse, I think its just as time progresses so does the ED. I admire you for trying to lose weight the right way, how is that going? Keep in touch and good luck!
liza

I honestly don't believe that anorexia or bulimia can just go away. One can look healthy, but that doesn't mean they are. It's about your mind. I think you would really need talk therapy in order to begin changing the way you think about yourself and your body. Your mind is still stuck in the anorexic mindframe and there's a possibility that you have genetic factors playing a role. If this is the case, medication can help. I think you need to get to the cause of this. I'm very much against throwing an anorexic into a regular eating lifestyle without first addressing the core problem. You will only get better when YOU are ready to talk.

so how do I get ready to talk