Well my mom knows about my ED and has for a while.. I dont think she knows the extent of how bad it is, but she does know that I continue to binge/purge-she just has no idea how often. Anyway, tonight she realized how much food I had binged on because she just bought the food last night. She started yelling at me, understandable I mean the normal part of me understands that and I feel bad of course because I am wasting money and food. But doesnt she realize that her yelling at me the way she did-telling me that I didnt care, telling me to get out of the house, etc.. makes me want to 1.) go straight to binging/purging 2.) completly try and not eat b/c I feel I cant b/c of her or 3.) it really makes me want to just die. God I am really depressed. Doesnt she realize that I dont mean to do that. I have told her before or tried to explain what the binging is about. It is not even about the food and me being a total pig. I just cant stop and I have to eat until there is no food left in the house. And now there is no food left in the house and she thinks I am totally crazy,fat, nasty, selfish, etc...Blah I guess I will get over it-but it really hurts right now and I am gettin so sick n tired of living with this ED, I would give anything to to not have it in my life. It has ruined me, it honestly has taken over almost all of my life. Thats just unfair and I nor any of us deserve to live like this. :(

OMG! I'm just like that I! I binged on two smooties, fries, and a chicken sandwich. Mom and dad said that I ate too much and I should have just brought home the sandwhich and fries, but this made me so upset I went home (I hate doing it in public) and purged. Then Dad (forgeting I have this ed) said "oh, sweetheart are you ok?" I'm like, "Yeah, whatever." Mom started saying how I should be more responible about my health and how I should try harder to get well. Ugg.

Well, all I'm saying is that I know how it is.

Write more soon.

A friend,

acutee2

Hi guys, I feel so sad reading your posts i wish I could help you and have had you see me when i was ill and how i am now as there is freedom from this horrible disorder. I replied to your last post SSoftly which i assume u read since u referred to your mum knowing. If parents don't understand you need to find someone who does, I know you know this has to stop but have you tried your doctor/ dietician/ ed support group? My doctor referred me to a councillor, boy did i not want to go! but i did. Please seek as much help as you can, don't give up and don't be ashamed. It is going to be tough but it really is time you put all fears aside of what others will think in order to get yourself better. Don't be discouraged that your mum doesn't understand but don't give up on her she probably doesn't really understand what is happening to you, but there will be someone around you who does understand and can help -you just need to put all your efforts into finding them. It really will be worth it when you do. Staying strong is the only way to fight this evil ed. it's tough but you can do it. :wave:

No, of course you have not deserved to live like this.

Just some words of comfort... when I was anorexic, and also through years of severe OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) I often had those thoughts. Really thinking, I might never ever have a happy life again. But guess what, yeah, even after years... things changed again. We just never know, you know? I tell ymself now, if I ever get into such a down down down phase again and start feeling hopeless, I want to remember that it DID get better again...
Because who knows where we will be a year from now.:)

When I was 18 and anorexic, my Mom often got very upset. Without really wanting to. I think a parent just feels so helpless.
I felt like you do: "Doesn't she understand I am not doing this on purpose? Can't she see that the way she reacts is just hurting me more?"

Much later, one time, she said, when we talked about this: "I am only human too." Which of course makes sense.

What I am trying to say... parents may often respond in a way that is not very healthy or productive or helpful at all, and may actually make things worse. It doesn't mean that your Mom hates you... she just hates the eating disorder. Try not to take it personally., Try to see her as just somebody who doesn't know how to handle this situation either. This way it may hurt less.

BIG ENCOURAGING HUG,

Kathrin

Heya.. I just wanted to add my sympathies. Honestly, unless you've lived through an ED, it is very hard to understand the behaviors. It's really hard for parents to handle it, you know? I think the best thing is for both of you to go to a support group together. Then your mom can ask the questions she needs to and see that there are a lot of other girls going through the same thing you are. That you're not trying to hurt her on purpose. And it really helps to go to family therapy and for your mom to go to a therapist on her own. I've heard from a lot of parents in the support group that going to therapist on their own helps them deal with a lot of their own emotions and then they can help support you better.