Here's my story:

My name is Lee. I'm 14 years old, and have been homeschooled all my life and have been living in a hotel for like eight years. I live in Daytona Beach, Florida. Since I'm homeschooled, I don't have any friends, and it's hard to talk to other kids without seeming weird at first. I have like, two friends, and they visit the hotel twice a year for a week. That's the only time I have friends; 12-14 days out of the year. I have realized it's not right for a few yearrs now, but have always convinced myself it's not my fault. I passed the time by playing video games, going on the computer, or watching TV. Stuff like that. For months now, I've had on and off depression, it seems. I also haven't felt like doing all the things I used to like doing. I have a mom and dad, two brothers, and two dogs. I'll explain about each one of them, except the dogs lol.

My mom: She is strange. She constantly puts me down and makes fun of me, and says how I'm lazy and need a life. I have told her I'm depressed but she just laughs and leaves the room. She says how I'm a failure and she thinks I won't amount to anything in life. She thinks it's my fault I have no friends and that it's normal for kids my age to have no friends. I've told her twice I'm depressed and have problems, and she just laughs and leaves.

My dad: He is odd, too. He is hard to talk to at times. He is intelligent and even has a masters degree, but him and my mom don't get along that well, despite being married for twenty two years. I've slowly lost respect for him over the years. I found out he looks at porn, but haven't told anyone. I found out by one day randomly checking my viewed internet history and looked at the time the website was viewed and found out it was him looking at the porn. He also lies a bit, too. Like, my mom does these weird paintings on doors and walls, and one day he threw a fit and scratched one of them off. I saw him do it, but once again, haven't told anyone. My mom accuses me of it sometimes, even after a year of it happening. He also has this odd obsession with me reading books. He says how I need to start reading novel-type books, and yells at me when I refuse. I'd understand if this was school books, but it's not. This wouldn't piss me off as much, but, because of my brothers getting away with much worse stuff, it bothers me alot. My brother David, who's seventeen, was drinking liquor one night and came home and went straight to bed. He throws up in his sleep because of it, and my dad finds out he was drinking, but all he does is ask him if he drank, and when my brother lied at first(a day later, he confessed) he says, "Well, I think I'll have to punish him!". But, he doesn't do a thing about it.

The other day we were in the movie theater, and he starts with that book crap again. He says how I'm un-intelligent and says I need to read books 'cause he isn't sure I'm getting intelligence any other way. I ask for help on math problems, and he yells at me for getting a problem wrong. It takes time for me to learn how to do stuff, and he makes it harder when he yells at me. So I usually just figure out how to do stuff on my own, but it'd be alot better if I had someone patient who could help me. Two years ago I asked to goto a public school, but he and my mom said no. Also, he said something that really hurt me. About a week ago, him and my mom were talking. I had my headphones on while on the computer and they thought I couldn't hear them, because of music or something like that. Here is what I heard:

Mom: "So what're you gonna do about that kid?"
Dad: "What kid?"
Mom: "Lee, your son."
Dad: "He's your son. You birthed him!"
Mom: "Oh, so he's MY son now?!"

And no, they weren't joking. My mom also says she tells my dad I'm a failure, and my dad says, "Well, look at him!"

My brother Rick:

He's twenty years old, and pisses me off, like most older brothers. I tell him some things about me, but he ends up telling everyone what I tell him, so I can't trust him enough to tell him I have severe depression. He'd just laugh. He was homeschooled for most of his life.

My brother Dave: He's seventeen years old. He has been homeschooled most of his life, too. He is odd, too. We don't really dislike eachother, but we don't get along. It's like, we just find it hard to talk about stuff. I tell him secrets too, but, like Rick, he ends up telling everybody else.


All my life I've never really had any friends. All I want is one friend just to hang out with and talk to about my problems. I have NOBODY in my life who I can talk to face to face about my problems, and it hurts. I recently have begun to cry alot, like once or twice a day. I'll even wake up and feel like crap, and not eat alot. I feel depressed and sad and lonely throughout the day, and have to hold back my tears in public places.

I'm sure some of you are familiar with [removed]. Well, before we moved into this hotel, we lived like five miles away. We lived right next door to this one girl, Kelly. She's my age, and when we moved away, we hardly kept in contact. On June 11th of this year, I did a search for her name and found her. She still lives near here and remembers me. We've been planning to meet up since June 13th, but haven't yet. Everytime we plan to hang out, she always has some last minute excuse. This has happened about six or seven times now. I understand she is busy and all, but it's been a month and a half now since I found her. I got tired of how she'd make these excuses about three weeks after I found her. I've treated her nicely, really nicely, and maybe she is werided out by that. So, I asked someone I talk to online to talk to her on IM(Instant Messenger) and find out what she thinks of me. I know this was low, but we've all made mistakes. So, forty minutes into their conversation, she says he's so awesome, and gives him her number. A day later, she says she wants to meet up with him. The thing is, he's in Illinois, but he said he lived in the same city and state as her.

So, she would always message him whenever he was signed on IM, but rarely me. He said, "Hey, just say the word and I'll stop talking to her. I'll block her for good." I asked him nicely to block her. He did. So, days later, he un-blocks her for no reason and starts talking to her again. He says his name isn't Mark(he gave her a fake name), says how he lives in Illinois, and that he was sent in by someone he talks to online(he didn't say me. I told him to tell him this stuff, though) to find out what she thought of him. She says she doesn't care but wants to talk to him anyways. I don't know why it upsets me that she is in love with him. She has even said she is in love with him, I know this for a fact. So, I've slowly been realizing Kelly might not want to be my friend. I don't want her as a girlfriend, honestly. I just want a friend.

I'll continue in another post.

She has said I am an *** when I asked if she still wanted to meet, about three weeks after I found her on myspace. She also says I piss her off when I ask dumb questions. This was said when one day, she said "OMG SOMEONE'S OUTSIDE MY DOOR". Someone has been stalking her lately, or something. I ask what he looks like, and then she said how I piss her off with dumb questions like that. That wouldn't bother me as much, but "Mark" asked the same thing, and she didn't get mad at him at all.

Also, one week I asked if she can hang out with me. She says no. But then, to "Mark" she plans to meet up the same week she said she couldn't meet up with me.


So, she knows that me and this guy talk(she made a chatroom with all of her friends, me and "Mark" included, so we played it off like we met in there) so one day he says, "Dude, I'mma tell Kelly that you're feeling down. Maybe she'll message you." He tells her, and I immediately get a message from her. She asks if I wanna meet up the next day. I say yeah. We say how we'll pick a meeting place in the morning. I get up early just to her, and she is on IM. She has computer problems, she says. So I message her and she says "hey". Then says "I gotta go", and stays on for twenty more minutes. We didn't get to meet that day, which upset me. So she messages me later that night saying how her computer froze up and she couldn't make plans. I believe her. Why? Because why would she suddenly ask to meet me if she didn't want to? I told her how depressed I am even before "Mark" told her. She only wanted to meet me because her online lover told her I was feeling down. So now she always talks to him, and rarely talks to me. I don't get why she's in love with some dude online when she is good looking and popular in her school.

I've shown and told her I like and care about her as a friend, but maybe girls don't like super nice guys. Another thing she did to piss me off was she said she wanted to meet me somewhere on the beach(this was when she IM'd me cause I was feeling down) but I suggested that to her two weeks ago, and she says it's odd to meet people on the beach. Also, an hour into her and "Mark"'s conversation, she says the boardwalk is a creepy place to meet and wants to meet at this club called Razzles, or this skating rink she goes to. It took her a few weeks to tell me this, but an hour to tell him that.

She is one of the main problems of my depression. A girl I used to live next door to, now ten years later doesn't really wanna be my friend. I can't just say, "You depress me. Let's not ever meet!" because that's not right, and I hate hurting people's feelings, even if they hurt mine. I have been waiting for her to say I'm an *** or piss her off again or something like that. That will open the door for me to end things, and get on with my life. She is a big problem, because I had the physical problems(head aches, stomach aches) when I first found her because I was so nervous about meeting him. Now those physical problems are accompanied by severe depression.

I want to do alot of things like more volunteer work, and maybe join a youth group. But, my mom won't take me to places I wanna go alot of times. My brothers and dad can't because they work all day. I understand that.

So here are my questions:

1. I've told my mom of my depression but she doesn't care. My dad also thinks I'm a failure and won't help me with my problems. He knows I have severe OCD and sleep problems but won't help me for some reason. How can I get rid of my depression and thoughts of suicide?

2. How can I make friends in this situation I am in?

3. How do I overcome my shyness of talking to people?

4. What would you guys recommend altogether?

5. I've been suggested to just talk to people on vacation around the hotel and beach. But, I don't want vacation friends. I want someone who lives near me. During the non-summer months, hardly anyone is at the beach or at the hotel.

Also, I've tried:

1. Talking to my parents and brothers.
2. Talking to my mom about summer camp, but it's too expensive.
3. Going to a public school, which I asked two years ago.
4. Going to public places that are within walking distance and trying to make friends, like the boardwalk. But hardly anyone is there during the day and I can't go at night because if I walk there on either the street or the beach, it's a mile long walk and it's dangerous at night. I don't mind the distance, it's just walking alone at night in Daytona isn't the smartest thing.

Please, help me. I really don't know what to do.

Well, I don't know but it almost sounds like your family and friends are bringing you down and you are letting them. They all sound very strange and perhaps they like to view you as the "odd" or even stupid one so they'll feel better about themselves. They also seem very selfish.

Of course, this is all just from what you wrote as I don't personally know any of them.

You might have done better in a public school academically(some people just thrive better in certain learning environments) but I guess that's not an option. So if I were you, I'd just do my best to get through it and then start trying to look into state aid (I'm assuming your parents would be too selfish to help you into college) and hopefully get enough money to go to college and make yourself a life.....mainly to get away from a family who doesn't seem to care about anyone but themselves.

You are no doubt depressed because of the way people treat you. Well, there are cruel people in the world and sometimes unfortuately they can be our very own family. That doesn't mean you aren't worthy of being loved or cared for, it just means you got unlucky to be in such a group.

But we can't choose our parents, some are good, some are bad parents. Your's do not sound good. Stop letting them bring you down....after all, most of what they say about you is only OPINION. People have opinions all the time it doesn't mean squat. You can, if you try, get somewhere in life and meet many good people who will become friends someday.

You must start now taking care of your health (which affects depression greatly). Eat whole, healthy food, exercise when you can. Take your studies seriously, even if you aren't doing that well, just do what you can. Make the idea of college for your future unfaltering.

Right now, presently, I admit, you are stuck in a bad situation and are still too young to do much.

But it won't be forever. Get ready, your life awaits.:blob_fire

Well, I know that it's mostly opinion, but it hurts when my own family dislikes me for no reason, especially when I'm not some rabid out of control child who treats my family like crap.

It's hard to just look forward to the future when I've done that before and it doesn't work out that much. I do try and feel better, but it lasts for about five minutes and then I just get a stomach ache again and feel super depressed. I know you can't just "snap out" of depression, and being depressed makes it hard to feel good about myself.

Hi Lee

Sorry to hear about your situation , can i ask why you are living in a hotel? and why are you home schooled?

See all the friends i had at your age i met threw school or hobbies or they lived on my street. Now you are in a position were you do none of the above so im not suprised you have no friends, how can you meet people in your situation. This is not your fault its your parents fault.

The only reason i would understand your parents home teaching and depriving you of social interaction with peers is if your were being bullied,now do your parents have teaching qualifications or degrees in several subjects? cause really i dont think they can teach you better than a schools ciriculum.Even if they have a home tutor your still being deprived of constructive interaction with others that you will need in adult life when you enter the work force or college. Schools the first place you learn life skills, and the reason you find yourself shy around other kids is cause youv had no exposure.

I would say go to your local community centre join a youth club an oppertunity to meet other kids also it can be stimulating as they always organise activites. See also about taking up a sport boxing could be good for you get out some of the rage,yet i suppose you approached your mother about starting a hobbie and she refused what can you do.

I would seriously tell your parents this situation is having a devasting impact on your well being.

If your mother responds in the same cold ridiculing dissmisive manner then i would advise you to call child line or the social services,because this is noway to be growing up.

You have a right to childhood a right to go to school hobbies have fun have friends,you shouldnt be having to battle this depression at your age,

I think your depression is circumstancial and would pass if you could get the life you want , but in mean time go to your doctors get help for it before it get worse.

Keep posting let us know how your doing

Take care

Well, I have no clue why I live in a hotel. It's just how things are. I don't have a real teacher. I just do stuff out of books that I'm assigned to do daily.

I google'd "daytona beach youth group" and nothing came up so I'm not sure if there's anything here. I have told my mom I am depressed but she doesn't care. Her and my dad need to see that there is a problem for the problem to be fixed. I can't be driven to places I would like to go.

Also, my mom has a decent college education but admits she's an idiot, but willing to help me. My dad is the oppiste; smart, but won't help. I also can't call social services because it's a hard thing for me to actually do. Like, I don't have it in me to do that. I have one friend, but like I said, I only talk to him on the phone about my problems. I need someone to talk to face to face. I can't help but feel I will be a failure ten years from now. It's hard for me to talk to people because I get nervous around them, especially girls. I'm not like, suicidal, but I'm worried I will be soon. I just want out of my constant depression and sadness. I lately haven't been eating all that much because of it. I've been volunteering at the library for over a year now, and my mom has just started letting me volunteer for more than one day. For six months I've been asking her to let me volunteer more days.

The only place I can goto where kids are is the beach or the boardwalk. But, I can't gotot he boardwalk at night because it's dangerous. I can't feel hopeful about the future two years from now when I have a job and maybe a car because I don't see myself being liked this by the end of the year.

Hey guys,

In like two hours I'm leaving on a plane to goto Wisconsin to visit some relatives. I'll be back August 6th, nine days. please post anyways and i'll respond when I get back.

I'm back from "vacation". it was okay. anyways i'm still kinda depressed. ;_;