sfsorrow
07-27-2006, 10:33 AM
Hi everyone. I have never posted on any kind of message board before, so I hope I don't break any rules of decorum or anything. Basically, I am 30 years old and have smoked since I was 15. The last 8 years of smoking were "in the closet." My wife found out last week and it was not a pretty scene. I have quit several times before, but I always get pulled back in. So I am determined this time to make it last, for the sake of my marriage and my 5 year old son. The only real problem is that no one in my family smokes or has ever smoked, so I am really doing this alone. My wife doesn't even believe in addiction. I mean, she really doesn't believe that there is such a thing as physical dependence. So I am on my own on this one. That is why I am here. So far, I am doing pretty good. I haven't had a cigarette for a few days. I'm not sure what the symptoms of withdrawal are, but I am having dry mouth, anxiety, and every once in a while my heart just starts racing for no reason. Oh, and I am definitely having trouble sleeping at night since I quit. And depression. Forgot about that. Anyway, sorry this is so long. I just wanted to see what kind of online support was available, since I have no support for this at home. Thanks.
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ICC
07-27-2006, 11:05 AM
lots!!! stick around.:)
Deda
07-28-2006, 02:19 AM
sorry...double posted, and don't know why.
Deda
07-28-2006, 02:23 AM
sfsorrow...
Hi there, and welcome to the board! :)
Congratulations on quitting smoking! It really is the very best thing that you'll ever do for yourself! But make sure that you are quitting for YOU, because YOU really want to quit...cuz if you're doing it just for your wife and child,...well, don't be surprised if you relapse one day. It HAS to be because YOU WANT IT.
I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand addiction....I think a lot of people who don't have any addictions, (lucky people), just don't understand, and have no idea how real it is, and how very addictive smoking is. They now say it is as addictive as crack cocaine....yep..that's what I heard, or read! Can you imagine? She needs to read up on this a little. I always had people tell me, (shrugging their shoulders)..."just don't buy anymore, and just quit"...as if it were so simple. Even my grown children would act this way too....like something was wrong with me cuz I could'nt quit, and I was just BEING weak! If only they knew, huh!!!??
Oh, about the insomnia, and especially the depression,...those symptoms are very common when people quit smoking...also constipation, (quitstipation) is another popular one, and many others. Hang in there...but if it doesn't get better, please see your Dr. about it. That's where some Zyban, (Wellbutrin), or nicotine replacement, (patches, etc.) could help you....if you continue to have problems.
There is a lot of support on the net , sf, for people that are quitting smoking. I found this helped me so much when I quit 3 years ago. That's why I'm still here, to help others quit, and it helps cement my own committment to stay quit. We're here for you.
Deda
Hi there, and welcome to the board! :)
Congratulations on quitting smoking! It really is the very best thing that you'll ever do for yourself! But make sure that you are quitting for YOU, because YOU really want to quit...cuz if you're doing it just for your wife and child,...well, don't be surprised if you relapse one day. It HAS to be because YOU WANT IT.
I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand addiction....I think a lot of people who don't have any addictions, (lucky people), just don't understand, and have no idea how real it is, and how very addictive smoking is. They now say it is as addictive as crack cocaine....yep..that's what I heard, or read! Can you imagine? She needs to read up on this a little. I always had people tell me, (shrugging their shoulders)..."just don't buy anymore, and just quit"...as if it were so simple. Even my grown children would act this way too....like something was wrong with me cuz I could'nt quit, and I was just BEING weak! If only they knew, huh!!!??
Oh, about the insomnia, and especially the depression,...those symptoms are very common when people quit smoking...also constipation, (quitstipation) is another popular one, and many others. Hang in there...but if it doesn't get better, please see your Dr. about it. That's where some Zyban, (Wellbutrin), or nicotine replacement, (patches, etc.) could help you....if you continue to have problems.
There is a lot of support on the net , sf, for people that are quitting smoking. I found this helped me so much when I quit 3 years ago. That's why I'm still here, to help others quit, and it helps cement my own committment to stay quit. We're here for you.
Deda
BarneyTheDog
07-28-2006, 03:00 AM
Hi SF,
I Gotta tell ya, anyone who can hide their smoking habits from their wife for 8 years has some determination! Time to see if you can swing your 'Don't let the wife catch me smoking' energy into 'Don't let ME catch me smoking' energy.
Your withdrawal symptoms are pretty much the norm and can go either of two ways, better or worse. Read through a few posts in this forum and you'll see some of the horrors people have gone through. The 1st 3 weeks are by far and large the worst. That takes care of most of the physical addiction. After that, it's all mind games.
Sorry to be so blunt here but something needs to be said. If your wife aint gonna support you, you gotta go find someone who will.
Quitting the smokes is tougher than quitting heroin and statistically, you'd have a better chance of quitting the heroin. Without encouragement and support, you'll be really pushing it uphill.
If you're looking for support, keep coming back here and posting updates. Write about your cravings and what you did to overcome them. Even if you cave in and have a smoke, let the forum know. Once it's posted and you read back on past posts, you'll be surprised how much you are able to achieve.
I recon you can use parts of your previous situation to your advantage. I'm guessing that while hiding your smoking from your wife, you built up quite a routine of short errands and excuses to leave so you can pop in a quick smoke. Keep up with it, just replace the having a cigarette bit with doing a quick lap of your block instead.
The biggest thing to consider is your son. Just think, you're 30 now and he's 5. What sort of father is he gonna have standing by him at his 21st birthday? You'll can be be a fit, healthy, smoke free 56 year old who'll easily stick it out for the whole party, or you can be a 40 year smoking veteran, coughing all night and preparing for a coronary bypass.
It's YOUR choice. Just by your coming here, I can tell you're prepared to make the right decision.
Stay in touch.
Stay Strong.
Barney.
I Gotta tell ya, anyone who can hide their smoking habits from their wife for 8 years has some determination! Time to see if you can swing your 'Don't let the wife catch me smoking' energy into 'Don't let ME catch me smoking' energy.
Your withdrawal symptoms are pretty much the norm and can go either of two ways, better or worse. Read through a few posts in this forum and you'll see some of the horrors people have gone through. The 1st 3 weeks are by far and large the worst. That takes care of most of the physical addiction. After that, it's all mind games.
Sorry to be so blunt here but something needs to be said. If your wife aint gonna support you, you gotta go find someone who will.
Quitting the smokes is tougher than quitting heroin and statistically, you'd have a better chance of quitting the heroin. Without encouragement and support, you'll be really pushing it uphill.
If you're looking for support, keep coming back here and posting updates. Write about your cravings and what you did to overcome them. Even if you cave in and have a smoke, let the forum know. Once it's posted and you read back on past posts, you'll be surprised how much you are able to achieve.
I recon you can use parts of your previous situation to your advantage. I'm guessing that while hiding your smoking from your wife, you built up quite a routine of short errands and excuses to leave so you can pop in a quick smoke. Keep up with it, just replace the having a cigarette bit with doing a quick lap of your block instead.
The biggest thing to consider is your son. Just think, you're 30 now and he's 5. What sort of father is he gonna have standing by him at his 21st birthday? You'll can be be a fit, healthy, smoke free 56 year old who'll easily stick it out for the whole party, or you can be a 40 year smoking veteran, coughing all night and preparing for a coronary bypass.
It's YOUR choice. Just by your coming here, I can tell you're prepared to make the right decision.
Stay in touch.
Stay Strong.
Barney.
sfsorrow
07-28-2006, 10:31 AM
Thanks everyone for the encouraging, and a little scary, words. I very nearly slipped this morning, when I saw a co-worker of mine who smokes. I thought to myself that I could just get one off of him, smoke it, and then be done. Instead of the nicodemon winning out, I won out. Not that I feel that proud, exactly. Those little battles really wear me out and make me sad that my life has come to this. Maybe that is why I am determined to get my life back under my control. I do think that not giving in this morning when it would have been so easy was a good step, though. It could be I 've got what it takes this time, huh? Thanks again.
Liamsmom
07-31-2006, 10:08 AM
SF congrats on the brilliant start. It's 7 weeks for me and I considered myself a major smoker as I started at a very young age and I am staring 40 in the face. It's hard for anyone who doesn't have an addiction to understand someone who does. Don't take it personal it's just plain ingnorance from lack of experience. I think your doing an incredible job and the withdrawals pass pretty quickly it just feels like forever. I posted elsewhere that for me I felt like I was in mourning at the loss of such a true friend who was with me through everything. Now I spend alot time wondering what the heck do I do with all that time I spent smoking or looking forward to that smoke. When I figure that part out I let you know. In the meantime keep up the great work.
BarneyTheDog
07-31-2006, 11:21 PM
Heya SF :wave:
How are things going with you? It's now 5 days down the track and if you're still not smoking WELL DONE! You are well over the worst of it.
Let us know how you are going with it...
Stay Strong,
Barney.
How are things going with you? It's now 5 days down the track and if you're still not smoking WELL DONE! You are well over the worst of it.
Let us know how you are going with it...
Stay Strong,
Barney.
Deda
08-01-2006, 05:20 AM
Instead of the nicodemon winning out, I won out. It could be I 've got what it takes this time, huh? Thanks again.
Hey,...way to go, sf!! Great willpower...good work on your part...keep it up, every time you're tempted, just say NO! Distract yourself, always!
Maybe you do have what it takes this time...but never take anything for granted...we're all only one puff away...from a pack a day. I didn't feel really secure until after a year passed...and even though now I do not crave them...I still will always be on guard. You do sound very determined though. Good job. :) Keep going smoke free...and to all of you, congratulations...Deda
Hey,...way to go, sf!! Great willpower...good work on your part...keep it up, every time you're tempted, just say NO! Distract yourself, always!
Maybe you do have what it takes this time...but never take anything for granted...we're all only one puff away...from a pack a day. I didn't feel really secure until after a year passed...and even though now I do not crave them...I still will always be on guard. You do sound very determined though. Good job. :) Keep going smoke free...and to all of you, congratulations...Deda
kate_37
08-03-2006, 05:38 AM
Hi I'm Kate 37 from the UK, also new, also quitting the evil nicotine!! also not doing so well!!! had five cigarettes in the [almost] four weeks I have been trying to quit, obviously not while I was wearing the patches, but ripping patches off to smoke when I got so stressed!! silly eh?
I feel so much better physically for not smoking it's stupid not to give up but after 18 yrs I am finding it really hard and it's getting me down at the moment. Do I forgive myself for the odd transgression or just hope it gets easier? I live with my widowed mum who is also finding it hard as she still smokes [that in itself doesn't bother me, hey it's her choice] but I am so moody with it and I feel awful as it's her who puts up with me!!
I am trying meditation but sometimes I feel so worked up and fed up even that doesn't work!
just hope Im not the only one in this rocky boat!!:yawn: :dizzy:
I feel so much better physically for not smoking it's stupid not to give up but after 18 yrs I am finding it really hard and it's getting me down at the moment. Do I forgive myself for the odd transgression or just hope it gets easier? I live with my widowed mum who is also finding it hard as she still smokes [that in itself doesn't bother me, hey it's her choice] but I am so moody with it and I feel awful as it's her who puts up with me!!
I am trying meditation but sometimes I feel so worked up and fed up even that doesn't work!
just hope Im not the only one in this rocky boat!!:yawn: :dizzy:
sfsorrow
08-03-2006, 10:26 AM
You are not the only one. It is still hard for me, but getting easier in some ways. I feel like some of the habit part of it is breaking. Just the physical action of holding a cigarette, you know. My body is slowly forgetting what that is like. Of course, sometimes I feel like hell. It has been two weeks and one day since I have had even a puff of smoke. I try not to look ahead, because it looks like a long, uncertain road, and looking behind is no good, because I miss smoking. I hate to admit that, but it is true. I suppose it is true what they say--you have to take it minute by minute. It is a crappy way to live, but there it is. If it gives me five more years with my wife and son, then I will do it.
Deda
08-03-2006, 04:35 PM
Hey guys...
I know it's not easy, I've been where you're at too. (I didn't go into it thinking it would be easy, as I had quit so many times, I knew it wasn't) Please don't give up...each week, and each month gets easier. You guys are still in the early stages of quitting. I'm SO glad that I hung in this time. It's been almost 3 years since I quit, and I never, and I mean, NEVER, have a crave any more. If I gave in and gave up, I wouldn't be at this wonderful place I'm at....I'd be out in my garage all day again, lighting em up one after another...and constantly worried about my health....ewww....what a nasty way to live!!
Pleae, find some distractions....I even bought jigsaw puzzles, 1OOO pieces!! Take walks, ride a bike, go fishing, put on your CD's and dance, Visit a non smoking friend, go to a movie or library, go to an art's and crafts store and find an easy little craft to work on at home...if you're not crafty, you can even buy a "paint by number" set. The point is....just do more things, anything, to distract yourselves. Meditate, pray...do whatever helps you.
For that awful feeling of what to do with your hands....people here have suggested playing with straws, (you can cut them in half), toothpicks. you can buy a "Koosh Ball"...(toy dept's), a slinky, silly putty, (one board member here once said they played with that in their hands for a full year before they could relax their hands).Please just find ways to distract yourselves....don't dwell on the negative, look at all the positives, and try to be positive.
Congratulations on your success so far...and future success too. :)
I'm rootin' for you both...
Deda
I know it's not easy, I've been where you're at too. (I didn't go into it thinking it would be easy, as I had quit so many times, I knew it wasn't) Please don't give up...each week, and each month gets easier. You guys are still in the early stages of quitting. I'm SO glad that I hung in this time. It's been almost 3 years since I quit, and I never, and I mean, NEVER, have a crave any more. If I gave in and gave up, I wouldn't be at this wonderful place I'm at....I'd be out in my garage all day again, lighting em up one after another...and constantly worried about my health....ewww....what a nasty way to live!!
Pleae, find some distractions....I even bought jigsaw puzzles, 1OOO pieces!! Take walks, ride a bike, go fishing, put on your CD's and dance, Visit a non smoking friend, go to a movie or library, go to an art's and crafts store and find an easy little craft to work on at home...if you're not crafty, you can even buy a "paint by number" set. The point is....just do more things, anything, to distract yourselves. Meditate, pray...do whatever helps you.
For that awful feeling of what to do with your hands....people here have suggested playing with straws, (you can cut them in half), toothpicks. you can buy a "Koosh Ball"...(toy dept's), a slinky, silly putty, (one board member here once said they played with that in their hands for a full year before they could relax their hands).Please just find ways to distract yourselves....don't dwell on the negative, look at all the positives, and try to be positive.
Congratulations on your success so far...and future success too. :)
I'm rootin' for you both...
Deda
angelluv1234
08-07-2006, 02:45 AM
Hey there!
That's great that you haven't smoked in a few days! Congrats!
As far as the addiction - the person who posted about it being like crack is right!! I actually had an addiction to cocaine for years and got over it!!! The smoking...... still struggling!!
I keep trying, and trying, and trying..
I am having nose surgery next week (due to my cocaine use) and I'm not supposed to smoke for two weeks before/after. I'm one week away and still puffing! yikes
Good luck with your quitting - I'm out of cigs, so hopefully I'll quit too!
I'm sure we'll feel so much healthier once we kick it!
That's great that you haven't smoked in a few days! Congrats!
As far as the addiction - the person who posted about it being like crack is right!! I actually had an addiction to cocaine for years and got over it!!! The smoking...... still struggling!!
I keep trying, and trying, and trying..
I am having nose surgery next week (due to my cocaine use) and I'm not supposed to smoke for two weeks before/after. I'm one week away and still puffing! yikes
Good luck with your quitting - I'm out of cigs, so hopefully I'll quit too!
I'm sure we'll feel so much healthier once we kick it!
jjules
08-07-2006, 12:09 PM
HI Angie, welcome well I am trying not to smoke today so maybe you can too. I hope your surgery goes well for you. Try hard not to smoke...doctors orders! Take care and keep yourself busy. I grabbed a pretzel stick instead of a nasty cig! Tastes much better. Jules;)
Zeethan
08-16-2006, 03:15 AM
Hey Deda, I went into this thinking, this is going to be hard work, the other times I tried, I didn't, so when the going got tough, I caved. It is hard work, but a little hard work never killed anyone :jester:
Deda
08-17-2006, 09:53 PM
Hey Deda, I went into this thinking, this is going to be hard work, the other times I tried, I didn't, so when the going got tough, I caved. It is hard work, but a little hard work never killed anyone :jester:
Hey Zeethan....
You are right...a little hard work never killed any one. I tried to keep that in mind whenever I had those terrible craviigs! I think all the previous times I tried to quit, (at least 10 x) I went into it thinking it would be easy, if I used the patch, gum or whatever. I see some people post things like this on the board. They will say, "The patches didn't work for me". This is where I think people go wrong....thinking the patch or the gum, or whatever else they might use, is somehow supposed to "work" for them. WE have to do all the hard work!! The NRT is just an aide to help reduce the terrible craving, and yes, they DO help....but only if we really WANT them to! I quit many times before with the patches and gum, and failed...cuz I wasn't really 100% ready to give em up for good.
It's so true what my grandmother used to tell me when I was a young girl, that "nothing good in life comes easy". I think that's true with anything...marriage, job, education,...we really have to work hard at all things if we want to succeed at it.
Good for you, Zeethan...keep it up, now! :)
Best of luck,
Deda
Hey Zeethan....
You are right...a little hard work never killed any one. I tried to keep that in mind whenever I had those terrible craviigs! I think all the previous times I tried to quit, (at least 10 x) I went into it thinking it would be easy, if I used the patch, gum or whatever. I see some people post things like this on the board. They will say, "The patches didn't work for me". This is where I think people go wrong....thinking the patch or the gum, or whatever else they might use, is somehow supposed to "work" for them. WE have to do all the hard work!! The NRT is just an aide to help reduce the terrible craving, and yes, they DO help....but only if we really WANT them to! I quit many times before with the patches and gum, and failed...cuz I wasn't really 100% ready to give em up for good.
It's so true what my grandmother used to tell me when I was a young girl, that "nothing good in life comes easy". I think that's true with anything...marriage, job, education,...we really have to work hard at all things if we want to succeed at it.
Good for you, Zeethan...keep it up, now! :)
Best of luck,
Deda
Zeethan
08-18-2006, 01:38 AM
Thanks, I need to keep telling myself that, my mantra. I am bored is what my problem is. But I already feel like I can breathe so much better, how can I give that up?