Well i'm right back to square 1 with my eating disorder. I have been struggling with anorexia and bulimia for about 9 years. I just spent 2 months in an inpatient program and have been out for almost 4 months now and my symptoms are right back to where they were before i went into treatment. I just can't seem to fight this thing. It's hard because i wasn't ready to leave the hospital when i did but the doc. was anxious to get others admitted and so i was discharged before i was ready.
I was restricting and binging/purging from the day after i returned home. It just feels soooo hopeless. I feel like all the docs wanted to do was fatten me up and then throw me out...then i ret'n home with all the same struggles AND with all this extra weight on me which has just thrown me through a loop. Whats even harder is that i can't afford to see a psychologist even though i really need to. I want to but $100/session is unbelievable to me....how does anyone afford that? If i went once/week which is the norm it would cost me $400/month. I just don't understand how anyone can afford that. It's so frustrating. Part of me just feels like giving up on any thought of recovery and just giving in to the E.D and accepting it as my fate. I know i shouldn't and ultimately don't want to but it's so hard. I'm still sooooo obsessed with losing weight and restricting,ect and the binging/purging i just can't seem to stop. Does anyone have any ideas or coping skills to avoid the urges? The anorexia i don't think i can handle giving up...i just can't imagine life without it but the bulimia i want gone...i want it out of my life so badly that i'll try almost anything at this point to fight the urges. I'm sorry if this post sounds whiny i guess i just needed to vent a bit and hopefully get some advice. Thanks for reading ;)

I think the important thing to remember is that you relapsed not because your eating disorder is a hopeless case, but because you were a) discharged too early and b) it also sounds like the kind of treatment was not optimal (you say you felt they just wanted to "fatten you up").

The fact that you say, ultimatly, DO want to beat the eating disorder is very encouraging!!!:)

Do you have insurance, and if yes, is there a way that they might pay for at least part of the therapy costs??

Otherwsie, if you can't afford it, don't despair either, there are many other ways out there, ok?

Kathrin

Thanks for the reply, yeah i do have insurance benefits through work but they only cover $200 per year which is only 2 appointments so that doesn't help me much at all. Sometimes i still feel motivated to fight this thing but it just gets so tiring especially when i don't feel i can do it on my own but yet can't afford help either most of the time i just feel too tired to care about recovery anymore even though i really do want to beat it...it gets frustrating but i guess thats how it goes. I'll keep hanging in there but i dunno....i still have my E.D support group which isn't therapy but the support still helps...i stopped going and haven't gone in over a month now cause i got to point of just giving up and not wanting to face it anymore but i think maybe i should go back....i guess something's better than nothing, i dunno.....:confused:

Well i'm right back to square 1 with my eating disorder. I have been struggling with anorexia and bulimia for about 9 years. I just spent 2 months in an inpatient program and have been out for almost 4 months now and my symptoms are right back to where they were before i went into treatment. I just can't seem to fight this thing. It's hard because i wasn't ready to leave the hospital when i did but the doc. was anxious to get others admitted and so i was discharged before i was ready.
I was restricting and binging/purging from the day after i returned home. It just feels soooo hopeless. I feel like all the docs wanted to do was fatten me up and then throw me out...then i ret'n home with all the same struggles AND with all this extra weight on me which has just thrown me through a loop. Whats even harder is that i can't afford to see a psychologist even though i really need to. I want to but $100/session is unbelievable to me....how does anyone afford that? If i went once/week which is the norm it would cost me $400/month. I just don't understand how anyone can afford that. It's so frustrating. Part of me just feels like giving up on any thought of recovery and just giving in to the E.D and accepting it as my fate. I know i shouldn't and ultimately don't want to but it's so hard. I'm still sooooo obsessed with losing weight and restricting,ect and the binging/purging i just can't seem to stop. Does anyone have any ideas or coping skills to avoid the urges? The anorexia i don't think i can handle giving up...i just can't imagine life without it but the bulimia i want gone...i want it out of my life so badly that i'll try almost anything at this point to fight the urges. I'm sorry if this post sounds whiny i guess i just needed to vent a bit and hopefully get some advice. Thanks for reading ;)
Seriously you are not alone! I can TOTALLY relate to you when you say that these rehab prices are insane. Why on earth would someone charge so much for someone simply trying to get healthy? That is wrong and I fully intend on starting an organization that lets insurance cover rehab programs of all kinds, at least most of it. I think it is so *****ed up that someone who wants to be normal can't if they don't have money. I also can relate to the anxious feelings of wanting to binge. Yet wanting to not eat because you can't bare to gain weight and in fact still want to lose it. My problem is yours as well. How do you overcome the urges. I read something that made sense to me in a recovery book. It said that instead of trying to find other ways to cope with the feelings you are having causing you to binge (anxious, depressed whatever it is) you have to find ways to fix the reason why you are feeling that way. Because you cannot go through life simply coping. Life is supposed to be worth living. I need to read up more on this, but hang in there because you sound a lot like me.

Oh yes, I definitely think it is a good idea to go back to the support group! Anything that you feel helps. You know, different things work for different people. Just because something costs more money doesn't necessarily mean it's better.
Don't despair. You can beat this!!!

Kathrin

Well i have better news now, of course i'm still struggling (no thats not the good news lol) but i went back to my support group today and it was soooo nice. I was in such a crappy mood when i got there and didn't think i would talk at all and well...i ended up talking A LOT :D and felt so much better at the end of group. I also got some very helpful feedback from a friend from the group....she told me that the psychologist who runs our free 8 week group sessions who i absolutely love and respect actually has a sliding scale for individual therapy that is affordable....i didn't know this before because she doesn't advertise it but anywho....so now i'm gonna give her a call and see if i could start seeing her...even if its only twice a month...i guess its better than nothing. Whats so good about this lady too is that shes not only nice, friendly and very supportive but shes also very professional and knowledgable and she specializes in eating disorders not only from a clinical standpoint but she also suffered with anorexia/bulimia for several years when she was young so she understands 1st hand the struggle we all have with the E.D. I'm in better spirits now because of this....lets just hope it all works out and doesn't all blow up in my face :eek:
P.S Just an FYI for those who are broke like me....if a psychologist doesn't state that they have a sliding scale...call them and ask about it cause aparantly theres several who do have it they just don't advertise it ;)

I'd like to add something, if I may. My therapist only charges me $30 a session. Here regular fee is like $150! There are therapists out there that will charge you a reduced fee.

Whoops, sorry, Blondie, I didn't see that this thread had a second page. I'm so glad you found something you can afford. It's great, too, that you found someone with personal experience with it, those are the best kind. That's how my therapist is, too. I don't think others really 'get it' unless they've been there. Textbooks and workshops don't tell them everything. Good luck, you can do it. :)

Your update just brought a smile to my face.:)

Kathrin

Yaaaaaaaaay that makes me even happier :D I guess sometimes we just need some good things like this to happen to remind us there is still hope and to help us keep trying to push forward no matter how hard it is
GIRL POWER
(umm and guy power too if theres any guys on the board lol) LOLOLOLOLOLOL I'm in a wierd mood right now..but hey it's all good i just hope i can stay in this mood as long as possible :p