emily_90
07-30-2006, 08:26 PM
I used to post here what seems like forever ago but can't really be that long ago! My name's Emily and I went through what I call a phase of having problems with eating. I went between restricting, I bingeing and purging. About a year or two ago I was sick of being ill all the time and wasn't losing any weight so decided to get myself into gear and I was doing ok.
I was told I was depressed when I was 12 and have been in and out of counselling but its not helped much. I'm only 16 and my doctor is reluctant to give me anti-depressants which I understand. I guess my attitude to eating and my mood are related and for the last couple of months a huge setback in my emotinal state has meant I've gone from restricitng to eating a bit too much and back and forth.
I didn't come back to either of the boards I used to use and I didn't talk to anyone because I thought it was just a passing thing. I went on holiday a month ago for 3 weeks and over there my mood was so much better and my eating was improving but coming home has knocked me back even further and I'm back to being obsessively drawn to, but, simultaneously, terrified of the scales. I can't leave the house if I'm having a fat day, I can't like myself in the slightest and I lost more weight than is healthy in the last week because I just couldn't cope with how much of a fight my head had when I tried to eat. A part of me was saying that I had to eat and I've had eating problems and I didn't want to go back there again but there was this other part of me saying that I was fat enough already and that I was only going to get fatter.
It doesn't help that all of my friends are like tiny tiny but all relatively tall ish too. I'm only 5"3/5"4 so I just feel short and fat compared to them and none of them get it. They are all like you're normal, you're fine and whatever but they don't get it, how could they? And ohe of them is obsessed with the word 'phat' and because she thinks I'm not in the slightest bit sensitive she is always saying things along the line of 'you are so phat...PH!' and it gets to me. Her latest joke followed along the lines of "Well I don't think you're fat...I just think you're obese JOKE just pleasantly plump!" and she knew I had issues with my weight. Its just not helping very much.
I guess the gist of this very long post (sorry!) is that I think tis come to the point where I need some support and I was wondering if there was room for one more person at this board!
xxx
I was told I was depressed when I was 12 and have been in and out of counselling but its not helped much. I'm only 16 and my doctor is reluctant to give me anti-depressants which I understand. I guess my attitude to eating and my mood are related and for the last couple of months a huge setback in my emotinal state has meant I've gone from restricitng to eating a bit too much and back and forth.
I didn't come back to either of the boards I used to use and I didn't talk to anyone because I thought it was just a passing thing. I went on holiday a month ago for 3 weeks and over there my mood was so much better and my eating was improving but coming home has knocked me back even further and I'm back to being obsessively drawn to, but, simultaneously, terrified of the scales. I can't leave the house if I'm having a fat day, I can't like myself in the slightest and I lost more weight than is healthy in the last week because I just couldn't cope with how much of a fight my head had when I tried to eat. A part of me was saying that I had to eat and I've had eating problems and I didn't want to go back there again but there was this other part of me saying that I was fat enough already and that I was only going to get fatter.
It doesn't help that all of my friends are like tiny tiny but all relatively tall ish too. I'm only 5"3/5"4 so I just feel short and fat compared to them and none of them get it. They are all like you're normal, you're fine and whatever but they don't get it, how could they? And ohe of them is obsessed with the word 'phat' and because she thinks I'm not in the slightest bit sensitive she is always saying things along the line of 'you are so phat...PH!' and it gets to me. Her latest joke followed along the lines of "Well I don't think you're fat...I just think you're obese JOKE just pleasantly plump!" and she knew I had issues with my weight. Its just not helping very much.
I guess the gist of this very long post (sorry!) is that I think tis come to the point where I need some support and I was wondering if there was room for one more person at this board!
xxx