Hi everyone - hope you're having a good evening. I had been away from the boards for a while and was catching up this morning. It seemed that what was 'up' in many posts was the internal dilemmas we have in trying to decide how to work with our docs. I wanted to shout 'ME TOO!'

So....I just wanted to share my story of how I decided to speak up (following the splendid example set by so many here! :) and how my pm appt went today.

Over the weekend my husband and I sat down and had a pain managment pow wow. I guess from the beginning I have struggled with taking my meds. I've had all kinds of thoughts...I should be able to use more willpower, I'm a failure because I can't, if I take less meds that means I'm doing better (um...what?), people will think I'm a drug addict, my doctor will abandon me for drug-seeking if I say something isn't working...you know, all kinds of psychologically helpful and sound thinking! So basically I have been in this war with myself where I am constantly trying to drive my med dose down and putting that ahead of my quality of life. I had basically gotten to the point where every time I swallowed a pill I felt guilty, and was always trying to take less than I was prescribed.

This is where my dear husband knocked me soundly on the head and pointed out that by not putting my quality of life first, and the meds second, I am managing to keep myself in so much pain and fatigue that I can't do the things that I need to do, for example exercise, that would hopefully lower my pain, and therefore maybe lower my meds. Ahhh (lightbulb here!) So by putting lowering my meds above all else I've been defeating the very goal I've been trying to achieve, not to mention the other things you lose when you can't function as you want to - like oh say have a career, or cook dinner for your family..you know, those little things in life ;)

Anyway, this led to a major re-arrangement in my mind of my approach to managing my pain...life quality first! So I went in and told my doc how I've been feeling (for real, without the minimizing...sadly my husband went with me so there was none of that ;) And happily...My doc was very receptive and supportive! She said so many of her patients deal with issues like these. She gave the example of diabetics needing insulin and how they couldn't just 'will it better'. Anyway, we 're-vamped' my meds, and I also got referrals for some other therapies like PT and hydrotherapy. I was so relieved! I had been really nervous about how this appt would go but it went great. We came up with some new ideas, and backup ideas if those don't pan out! At the same time, she did have some strong opinions, which actually made me more comfortable that she wasn't just going to write anything. I know I need to count myself lucky to have a great doc. I am so sorry for all of you out there who I have read don't have easy access to pm care.

So, I just thought I'd share my experience of light at the end of the tunnel, and also wish everyone who is struggling with similar issues all the best in working with their docs to have their pain properly managed.
Take care :wave:
Vickie