Hey,

I'm a boy with Cerebral Palsy. I have a question about how to deal with dating with CP Yeah...I want a Girlfriend. But I'm so Afrid to ask them out. I'm Afird A girl would Rejeced me beacuse my d@%n CP. And todays youth is so sterotypaicl about people in Wheelchairs. Should I be that way. Any Advice.

Sorry my spelling sucks


Joe
n00b

Hey Joe...

Firstly from a girls point of view: when I was that age I didn't want a boyfriend! My life was crazy enough without a boyfriend in my life. But I knew plently of girls that did want a boyfriend. So, I guess, don't always assume that you'll be rejected because you've got CP. Girls are emotionally wacky at that age...

Secondly, go for the dating!!! I've never met a guy who was disabled that had a problem getting a girl, in my experience it's us disabled girls that have the hardest time getting the guy. (But that's just my take on it as a girl. Any of you guys out there that disagree...well...feel free, but I've seen it with my own eyes!)

Third, just take it easy!

Well, EVERYONE gets rejected at some point, whether they have CP or look perfectly "normal". And yes, there are some people who won't date someone just because of a disability...like you said, it's stereotypes. But there are plenty of people who see past disabilities easily. Others need some time and need to get to know disabled people before they feel more comfortable (I know even I feel uncomfortable around others in wheelchairs once in a while!). So try becoming friends with girls first and, after a while, ask them out.

The point is, don't get discouraged because there are people out there who will have no problem accepting you...you just have to find them! Look at it this way, CP makes it easier for you to see which people are shallow and which are good girlfriend material. (And I happen to agree that guys can get dates more easily than girls :) ).

Oops...pressed the button twice :)

Thanks for the advise
Any more people with diffent views.

Joe

Hi Joet92,
Most of the girls/women I dated were not disabled, and my wife is able-bodied. They key is to be confident in who you are and your personality, abilities and talents. Don't focus on what you lack, and other people will appreciate you for who you are and your strength. It's not easy, but try to remember that and you'll be successful in relationships, career, etc. My wife has told me many times that I'm her hero because of all the garbage I go through but I (usually) remain vigilant in doing what I need to do.

~66~

Yeah, I want to ask a guy out but I am too afraid he'll think I'm a freak lol.

No way... you should ask him out! If he's a decent guy he'll be thrilled!

well I think you should dwell less on the wheelchair and more on being yourself, being happy, and having a sense of humor. If you can make someone laugh, they will naturally feel more comfortable and have fun around you. I have a friend who is in a wheelchair, and it doesn't hold him back. He does more than most people that aren't in a wheelchair. And he's such a fun guy with a great personality, you don't even think about the wheelchair.
I think you should go for it, and don't get discouraged. Everyone has to face rejection at some point in their lives......even beautiful movie stars! Look at Jennifer Anniston! She got dumped by Brad Pitt. So, if it does happen, don't automatically think it's because of the wheelchair.....believe me, rejection happens to the best of us. You just pick yourself up and move on. You sound like a great guy, and I know you will do just fine! Keep your chin up and good luck! Go get em tiger!
:angel:

No way... you should ask him out! If he's a decent guy he'll be thrilled!

Haha well, actually he's my best friend. But I don't know if he wants to be more than that.

My take is that you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince or a princess. Not all frogs are princes or princesses, and kissing doesn't always work. I guess if you ask out every girl you find attractive one will eventually say yes. So you gotta ask a lot of girls out you need a lot of ego to go this route, but it works. set your self the task of asking out 5 girls a week. and see what happens.

The hard part for me is meeting them

Joet, is there some kind of club or sports that you can get into? My friend in the wheelchair used to be on a wheelchair basketball league and he loved it! Find something you enjoy and you will meet people, even if you meet other guys, they might have a sister, right? ;)
What are your interests? Do you like dogs? Dogs are people magnets! Whenever I'm out with my dog, people stop and talk.
Think about what you like to do.....then go do it, and you will cross paths with people that like the same things as you.....then striking up a converstion will be easier.
Good luck!
:angel:

Hey Joe...

Firstly from a girls point of view: when I was that age I didn't want a boyfriend! My life was crazy enough without a boyfriend in my life. But I knew plently of girls that did want a boyfriend. So, I guess, don't always assume that you'll be rejected because you've got CP. Girls are emotionally wacky at that age...

Secondly, go for the dating!!! I've never met a guy who was disabled that had a problem getting a girl, in my experience it's us disabled girls that have the hardest time getting the guy. (But that's just my take on it as a girl. Any of you guys out there that disagree...well...feel free, but I've seen it with my own eyes!)

Third, just take it easy!

From my experience, it seems that it easier for disabled girls to find dates, lol. These girls have guys coming up to them all the time, its their insecurities that hold them back. Me being a guy, it's hard because gender stereotypes complicate things but I really don't get down. I go at my own pace and sometimes women do take notice and talk to me. Sometimes they don't, it's just the nature of the game and if you want to be involved with someone you have to play. You just have to play long enough to score points and win.

I would feel abit werid dating a disable girl. It would feel unconable. Its like Its would make my life more disabled than it already is.

Thats my opinon.
Is that undersanable

Joe

I guess that is understandable. If people already stare at your, or cast quick, strange glances at you do to your CP, people would most likely stare twice as much if you dated a girl with a "disability". But...I don't think you should let what other peopel think stop you from dating a girl - be she an able-bodied one or not. What matters most is what's on the inside, and if you like a girl, her phsyical abilities should not matter. :)

I guess that is understandable. If people already stare at your, or cast quick, strange glances at you do to your CP, people would most likely stare twice as much if you dated a girl with a "disability". But...I don't think you should let what other peopel think stop you from dating a girl - be she an able-bodied one or not. What matters most is what's on the inside, and if you like a girl, her phsyical abilities should not matter. :)

I guess your right, about the staring. I dont need more of that. An attctive ablebody would be nice :D .

But I will not get my hopes up for one .

Joe

I am indeed a 23 year old male with a mild case of CP. I just graduated with an accounting degree and am looking for a full-time job. Anyways man, I have never been on a date date in my life. Yea, I have girls as friends and all that, but never the relationship thing. My brother is two years younger then me and is normal. He has been in many relationships and is quite the popular kid. He as told me to be myself when it comes to girls and if I like them ask them on a date. I have a speaking problem and all my life I have been shy because at times it is hard to understand me. I think I dress well, have great grooming skills, and can look good. The point here that I am trying to make is that you need to go for it. What do you have to lose! I am getting older now and that thought of being single all my life is wierd and sucks to think about. You have to have confidence in youself at all time. If you like someone you need to ask them out or talk with them and find out if they are compatible with you. My brother always reminds me that if I do not get the guts to ask out women I like, there is no hope. Don't be scared kid, for it like my parents and love ones have been telling me all there lifes, its all in the inside that counts. I hope you take my advice and never let are CP thing get in the way of what we so desire, THE GIRL, who ever ours may be. There is someone out there for all of us. DO IT there is absoloutly nothing to lose. Have the couage that I did not have at your age. Who knows, the future might be at your fingertips now! Good Luck Homey!

hey dude just so you know I am male and not female. Thing just put me as that. Peace

OK I am severely CP even have a speach inpediment. I have dated lots of women both with and without disabvilities. I think if you rule out dating someone who is disabled then you are justifying everyone else not dating you. So there is hope. Don't ask out the most popular girls though, they have enough dates if they want them. Plus alot of disabled guys especially CP guys, get the run around from non -disabled girls who might be attracted to your intellegence but may find your disability a negative. so what often happens is a girl will be turned off by your body and attracted to your personality. Ask every girl out you know or meet it works. you may have to ask out 100-1000 girls to get one to say yes.

OH yeah, and ask her out to an environment thats comfortable for the both of you. Just because shes said yes, dont invite her home until she suggests it. Meet at a pub have a few drinks and get her phone number. Don't rush the love thing take it slow and easy. explain to her your disability what you can and cann't do. If you need help ask her to go get the drinks but give her the money for them.

Asking a girl for a date if you dont suggest somewhere to go is a bit like asking her to go scuba diving or anything weird. You have to have a place in mind that you can both go and enjoy a garden is good . Never ask them to the picture theatre no talking, women talk heaps, you need a quiet place so you can talk. A picnic is good, prepare with a couple of bottles of white wine and pate and cheese and crackers, and other stuff show her the best time she has ever had and she willl be willing to go out again.

Never ask them to the picture theatre no talking, women talk heaps, you need a quiet place so you can talk.

Well you were doing good until you got to that, lol. I for one love going to the movies, and I don't talk very much until I get to know someone... soo :p .

Seriously, though, good advice

good advise