Hi there, first a bit of history. My 86 year old mom lived with me for 6 years until she was moved to a retirement home last January, this decision was made for me by my older siblings. During her time with us I noticed subtle but constant "little things" that just did not seem right about my mom. Being the youngest of 5 (even at 44), my concerns were not taken seriously.

Since my mom moved, she has shown many symptoms of dementia. My older sister finally decided to take it up with my mom's doctor. She has now had many tests including CT scan and much blood work. The determination is probable Alzheimer's. Her frontal lobes had shrunk quite a bit, that along with her cognative abilities has led to this diagnosis.

We had a family meeting tonight where my sister "revealed" this latest bit of information. I am feeling SO angry at all of them for sticking their heads in the sand for the last year or more and completely ignoring my concerns. The doctor wants to put my mom on Aricept (sp?) but short of that offers little in way of expectations althought I consider her a good doctor.

I'g already grieving, I miss my mom, I'm afraid of how her last years will be spent. I'm coping with major depression myself for which I am being treated and this has just sent me for a loop.

I guess I'm looking for some support, but mostly understanding.

Thanks
Kathie in CANADA

Hi Mom3,

Welcome to our little group. Here is where you need to come and talk and vent and rant and get advice, stories and even laughs and pats. This board has really helped me tremendously, over the past 2 - 3 years!!! I do not know what I would do if I could not vent and ask for advice from/for these caregivers!!!

My parents are not in a sr. living place yet. When they do go, they will probably have to live in separate places, or 1 place that does 3 things. My dad is the worst and should really be moved with in the next 6 - 12 mo. My mom is fixing to wear her self out, trying to watch after him. I do try and help. I live 1 hour away and come to their home 1 - 2 times per week. I pay bills and do pills and order the pills too. I take my dad to his dr. appts. But, my mom will not let me take her.

Try not to stress too much. You need to take care of yourself too. At least your mom is already in a care place (or not). She may just need an ASL for now, and then an alzheimers unit later?!

The other ladies and men, who have more experience with the relatives moving into a care place, will surely write you tomorrow. I can offer support and just tell what I/we have done/gone thru, so far.

In the meantime, read, look up stuff on the internet and ask lots of questions of the drs. and us.

Love, Wannabe

Dear Katie,

My first reaction to your story was "Thank God her Mom is already in a good nursing home!" IF your siblings had left her at home with you, they might still be in denial about the changes in her and you would be the 24 hour around the clock caregiver. It is much better that she is in a NH. There she will get the special care she needs.

Aricept: My Mom tried it for a little while. It caused non stop diarrhea and had to be discontinued. She was 95. I have been told it only helps in Early Onset AD,, that is, when a person is still young, working, and can gain 8 to 15 months of useful working life by taking it. I was convinced it has no effect in Old Age Dementia.

There are statsitics out there about Alzheimer's, and it really is age related. I am not sure of the percentages, but I think it was one in 5 people over 85 will get it.

The good news is that old age dementia progesses slowly, and your Mom willl have many years of life as she slowly loses memory and reasoning powers. She can still enjoy her life - the food, visits, games and activities NHs provide, she will be monitored by doctors and nurses and get whatever meds they find necessary.

Mom is now in a NH after living with me for 5 years, and I am rejoicing at her happiness there. I never thought it possible, but she thinks she is at a country club with a Swiss chef, an 'exclussive' place!

This is her own delusion, no one told her any of it, but as long as it makes her happy, why not?

Good luck to you in this matter. Think of it this way - everyone gets something if they live long enough, and this disease is painless, except for the confusion and bizarre ideas that sometimes appear -but as long as she is kept safe, warm , entertained, under doctor's care, she can lead a happy life .. not in pain like some other diseases, not wasting away like in others.

Meanwhile those of us who have been there will be happy to answer any questions and give you big cyber hugs when you are down and discouraged.

lots of love and
(((((((((((BIG hugs))))))))

Martha

Hi Kathie and welcome! I know you don't want to be here. If your mom wasn't sick, there would be no need to be here.

I was very angry with my sister and other relatives who kept telling me nothing was wrong with my dad. I was even once told that if I wasn't such a basketcase, dad wouldn't be like that. :eek: It was BECAUSE dad was "like that" that I was a basketcase. That plus the fact that some people were pointing fingers at me. They thought I didn't take care of my dad well enough. I had my own problems. I was battleing hypothyroidism for about 2 years at this point which caused depression for me. The fact that dad was acting very strange (not dx'd with AD at the time) and my family pretending there's no problem didn't help. But eventually these people came around. My sister (the one who caused me the most grief, anger and frustration) now has my dad with her. She thought she could do better than I did so she took him home with her (700 miles from me). She understands now what I went through. She's going through the same thing now. She has medical problems too and is under a lot of stress so now she knows what I went through except she's not getting any crap from me like I got from her.

There are some things you can do to help your mom. It won't make her better but may help slow the progression.

When she's able, keep her occupied with simple tasks. Nothing that may overwhelm her. Card games or board games, simple puzzles. Keeping her mind occupied on things she likes to do. But be careful not to overwhelm her. Morning or early afternoon is usually a good time. Late evening is not. The later the day, the more likely you'll see resistance and maybe agitation.

Above and beyond all else, take care of yourself. What's done is done. There's nothing you can do about your family's denial of your mom's illness. You've taken care of your mom for 6 years. Good on you! You did all you could do for your mom. Now let those who thought they could do better (like my sister) find out for themselves what you were trying to tell them all along.

You said you were looking for support and understanding. You've got it here! I'm glad you joined us!

Love, Barb

Hi! I'm new around here too, but I understand where you are coming from, because my grandmother just passed away this year from Alzheimer's. It's so hard, really the hardest thing I can think of. But you can do handle it, you just have to be strong, and patient with yourself and your mom.

I also have to agree that as hard as it is, you can't take care of her and a Nursing Home really is best - honest it is. I watched my mom take care of my grandmother for six years before she finally admitted she couldn't do it, and it was awful for BOTH of them.

But, yeah, I know how much it sucks. I really do. Be strong.

Hi Kathy! I really feel your pain and anguish. Whatever the cause of the dementia, it is worse for us than for her. My mother started exhibiting these same signs in her early 60's. After her death we found out it was a combination of Alzheimer's and mini-strokes. She was in the early test group for the Alzheimer's drug years ago and it did help her to be able to stay at home longer.

Martha is right about most of us will get dementia if we live long enough. I did not know about Aricept (sp) not helping old age dementia, but that does make sense. If her dr. suggested it, try it and as long as she doesn't have bad side effects, it might help...nothing to lose at this point. Other medicines my mother took made her agitated and anxious, but this was almost 15 yrs. ago...they have so many new drugs now to use.

It is so annoying when sibblings and other family members are in denial. But it is so great that she is already in a safe place. :angel:I joined this group for the same reason as you... my father-in-law (FIL) is probably in stage 3 or 4....and everyone except my husband and me just thinks he's having a bad day!!!!:blob_fire

So visit her with love and no pressure. My mom became more child-like and loving. Little things brought her such joy during our visits. .... a single flower for her to hold....a pet.... you know the little things your mom likes... try different things... a photo album with simple pictures..scrap book... She also enjoyed "Time Life" books...(coffee table books) that had big pictures. They seemed new to her each time. She enjoyed holding a stuffed animal, also.

It is a horrible thing to have to grieve twice! It's a long good-bye. With my mom being so young and in great physical condition, it was years!!! I have lost both my parents, Mom the long way and Dad the short way (heart attack)....both ways have advantages and disadvantages and neither is easy.

You'll be in my prayers.
:wave:
Choquis

Hi Kathy! I really feel your pain and anguish. Whatever the cause of the dementia, it is worse for us than for her. My mother started exhibiting these same signs in her early 60's. After her death we found out it was a combination of Alzheimer's and mini-strokes. She was in the early test group for the Alzheimer's drug years ago and it did help her to be able to stay at home longer.

Martha is right about most of us will get dementia if we live long enough. I did not know about Aricept (sp) not helping old age dementia, but that does make sense. If her dr. suggested it, try it and as long as she doesn't have bad side effects, it might help...nothing to lose at this point. Other medicines my mother took made her agitated and anxious, but this was almost 15 yrs. ago...they have so many new drugs now to use.

It is so annoying when sibblings and other family members are in denial. But it is so great that she is already in a safe place. :angel:I joined this group for the same reason as you... my father-in-law (FIL) is probably in stage 3 or 4....and everyone except my husband and me just thinks he's having a bad day!!!!:blob_fire

So visit her with love and no pressure. My mom became more child-like and loving. Little things brought her such joy during our visits. .... a single flower for her to hold....a pet.... you know the little things your mom likes... try different things... a photo album with simple pictures..scrap book... She also enjoyed "Time Life" books...(coffee table books) that had big pictures. They seemed new to her each time. She enjoyed holding a stuffed animal, also.

It is a horrible thing to have to grieve twice! It's a long good-bye. With my mom being so young and in great physical condition, it was years!!! I have lost both my parents, Mom the long way and Dad the short way (heart attack)....both ways have advantages and disadvantages and neither is easy.

You'll be in my prayers.
:wave:
Choquis

Thank you all so much for your ideas and support. I was feeling so low last night posting here really helped. I know this is not going to be easy but knowing I have this site and all of you will make it more bearable.

My mom goes for more extensive blood work tomorrow (extremely low potassium likely duue to high blood pressure meds she is on)) and her Red blood cell count keeps going down so I guess they need to figure that one out. She has a history of bleeding ulcers, I am praying that is not the cause this time.

We are all going up to my brother's cottage this Saturday, mom included. It should be a good day for her with ALL her family around her.

Thaks again.

Take care,

K.:wave:

My mom goes for more extensive blood work tomorrow (extremely low potassium likely duue to high blood pressure meds she is on))

Mom of three, some of the symptoms of low potassium are abnormal psychological behavior (depression, psychosis, delirium), confusion, or seeing or hearing things (hallucinations).

My dad is taking potassium pills. He's been taking them for years before his AD diagnosis. He was really out of it when his potassium was low. His psychological symptoms of low potassium weren't all that far off from AD. Maybe your mom will feel better when they get her potassium up to where it should be. It won't fix her but it surely couldn't hurt.

Love, Barb

Hi Mom3,

Just in case I did not say it the 1st time, my dad takes Aricept. He took it for 1 yr (which just kept him the same area, not better, not worse). Then it did not work any more. So, I suggested that the dr. double his dose, would not hurt and might help. So, he is on that dose of Aricept for another year. I think that it no long works, but will not tell anyone but the dr. My dad is 79 yr. old.

Take care and have a good family weekend. Remember, if you read this before yall go/get there, do not have too many people talk at the same time in front of/ or two you mom. It is just too much for her too take!

Love, Wannabe

Hi Kathy. I have my mom with me right now. She is in the early stages and has just been put on Aricept so it is too early to tell if it helps.
My heart goes out to you and your situation. It is tough I know. I hope you believe in you and do not worry that others don't get it. Those who are experiencing it sure do. I am struggling with the small symptoms so I can relate to this completely.
Kudos to you for being there.
Canadian too!

Hi kathy,

just wanted to say Hi and that you will find all the support you need here. (it's 1.30 amd here and i can't sleep so here I am again!:yawn: ) It is good that your'e mum is already in a NH and knows the staff there and has her own routine, it means she won't have to be moved which can very confusing and upsetting. It osund as though she is gettign good, safe care where she is which is a relief. even so it is still very hard to hear the diagnosis and cope with all though, especially if you are already stressed. try and take good care of yourself and enjoy the good days with her (((hugs)))


It is so frustrating when family just won't understand isn't it! i certainly get that from my brothers. One rang on Xmas day and interrogated her, I found her shaking and crying on the phone. she often doesn't even know how many children she has or what our names our but they think that she is being lazy and just trying to get free care from the government ! :blob_fire

you just can't tell some people!!

louie