My daughter is 10 and won't do anything I ask her to do. An angel, she is not even though we love her alot. I'm tired of bribing her with m and m's and time outs. She's started sticking her tongue out at me and making faces expecially when we're in public. Unless I threaten her, she just crosses her arms and turns her back on me. Even then, she battles me all the way to wherever we're heading. I just for once want her to say-okay when I ask her to close the front door or stay with me. I'm at my wits end and ready to try anything even medications. Any suggestions?

I can relate to the troubles of "no". My daughter is constantly testing me and tells me no, crosses her arms and shakes her head. It's one of the most frustrating things to deal with. I've even taken her(me!) to a child phsychologist to figure out what I can do to help rid of this behavior and others. I've started a sticker reward for one issue and have resorted to putting her in time out in her room for telling me no when she really needs to listen. Sometimes it's difficult to go shopping even when she decides to tell me no she sits right down or lays down on the ground...She truely is a wonderful child, but we're facing alot of behavior problems lately and not sure if we should rely on "it's only a phase". Sorry I don't have any suggestions, just wanted to let you know I share your momments!

Another mom with a "No" child here!! However sometimes she says no without thinking. For the times when she's absolutely meaning no, I have found, believe it or not, that a Happy Happy Joy Joy voice while telling her to do something or go somewhere turns the no around quite often. You know, "Oh BOY!!! Time to go POTTY!! Yaaaaaaaaay!!! Amy's gonna go POTTY!!" and act all jazzed about it and it's amazing how jazzed she gets too. You might try it and see if it works for you. (Make it sound like the next best thing to Disneyland)

[This message has been edited by mom8times (edited 07-31-2002).]

Same problem at our house. Audrey also seems to say "no" automatically without thinking. Of course a lot of the time she means it and just digs her heels in. Recently I told her what I wanted her to do and got the typical "no" response. Then as I was trying to reason with her she said, "Wait, I need to talk to Audrey!" Then she said quietly to herself, "Audrey, mom says get dressed, then we go to memaw's (grandma's)house, okay? Okay Audrey, I will." Then she did it. So I think she sometimes needs a little extra time to think it through. I'm trying to be more patient and give her the time she needs.

Oh the talking to herself, my sister Julie does this. When she was younger and lighter she would do the STOP AND DROP when ever and where ever she wanted to. But then she was little enough that if I said we were going somewhere she went with my help. Now that she is 18 I give her more time to respond and advance notice, hay Julie in a little while we are going to the store how about we put your shoes on and you'll be ready.. Of course you always have to be the happy person. I also have a 3 and 4 year old to get ready.
I have to remember to pick which fights are worth it. Follow thru on request. And sometimes she picks where we go first or when we leave (when possible). She has come along way you just have to stick to what you say.
Good luck.

Originally posted by bigsissy:
[B]Oh the talking to herself, my sister Julie does this. When she was younger and lighter she would do the STOP AND DROP when ever and where ever she wanted to. ]

OH YESSSSSSSSSS!!! The horrible STOP AND DROPS!!! Amy was known to do that halfway thru a crosswalk at a busy intersection!! Would scare the hell out of me!! Thank God we're over that~! <knocking on wood>

I work with a lot of kids with special needs that have what I like to call the "NO Syndrome" haha! normally, what I do, if we're going to go somewhere, I let them know in advance this way they have time to think about it, and prepare themselves for whats to come. if its something like getting their shoes on to go somewhere, I usually explain to them in a "CALM" (<---calm being emphasized) voice "you need to put your shoes on, because if you don't you won't be able to go out with me and have fun." make it seem like they will benefit from doing what you say. sometimes kids say "no" because they're not feeling good about something...and it may have nothing to do with what you're asking them to do. so another thing I do is ask "why don't you want to (whatever it is that you're asking)? do you not feel well? are you upset?" and that will get them to open up and express themselves. I'm big on getting the kids to use their words and express themselves, even if you can't understand what they're saying. sound concerned. It makes them feel like what they're feeling at that moment is not only important to them, but important to you as well. I hope that helps!

~Jolene http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Thanks for all the great replies. Even if I feel like I'm banging my head against the door all day long, I know I'm not banging it alone!

My brother Matthew says "NO" whether he means yes or no. It is just an automatic response. If you hit on something he really, really wants to do he does say yes though.