I probably shouldn't even write this, because I fear that it may scare those who are new to this virus, or uneducated about it, but I really don't have anyone to tell this all to, and I'm feeling pretty down about having herpes.

Before I start, I just want to say that my herpes experiences probably aren't typical; some people get one bad outbreak and then never get another one again. Unfortunately, that's not me. I am plagued every single day with unbearable tingling, itching, stinging, burning, or throbbing vaginal pain, during a bad outbreak. I guess I can be considered "lucky" in the sense that I don't get huge blisters, but blisters or not, it's still contagious, and it has still changed my entire view on sex. To me, it turned something so beautiful into something so incredibly ugly. My brother has these friends that are a couple that are madly in love with each other, and everytime I see them, they're making out or being affectionate. When I look at them, it seriously just brings tears to my eyes because I can still remember when I used to be able to have sex spontaneously, without thinking, "Am I having an outbreak or symptoms of an outbreak? What if this is the time that I give my boyfriend, who I love with all my heart, herpes?" Herpes completely robbed me of my sexual freedom. Ever since I contracted herpes, I haven't been able to enjoy sex in the least, as it's something that is always on my mind; the worry is always there. When I first was able to stop crying for 5 minutes after learning of my disease, I thought it wouldn't be so bad if I couldn't have sex while I was experiencing an outbreak, but I never thought it would be like this. I am ALWAYS having an outbreak. It's been I think 8 months since the primary OB, and I've had only a few symptom-free days. Sometimes I try to forget about having herpes and just move on with my life, but I can't when I feel the consant uncomfortable physical symptoms. Also, about once or twice a month I get a severe outbreak, and although most people don't get flu-like symptoms after the primary OB, I am almost incapacitated by the flu-like symptoms. I get a fever, I get severe aching genitals, I get extreme tingling and burning and foot and leg pain, and my head pounds for days. With each outbreak, my herpes symptoms DO NOT lessen. And to make it worse, no antiviral I have taken has worked, and I have tried almost every nutritional/herbal remedy there is, with the exception of one thing. I feel trapped by my herpes.

Also, although an extreme amount of the population has the herpes virus and the virus isn't selective in choosing its victims, I will admit that having herpes makes me feel dirty. No, it's not true that prostitutes only get herpes, and it doesn't meany you are automatically promiscuous, but it IS a disease you are carrying that can be passed on. That is what makes me feel...icky. I feel...contaminated....impure....pollute d.

I know this probably sounds pretty depressing. In the beginning, after while, I held a more optimistic attitude, but after months of these terrible symptoms along with the inability to have sex with my boyfriend for months, I'm pretty fed up. I did finally get diagnosed as having adrenal insufficiency as well, which lowers my immune system, so I'm sure that is partly or mostly to blame for my continuous outbreaks. I guess I should be thankful...it could be much worse...I could have HIV, or something that would cause me to die. I just wish I could find the strength to feel positive.

~Katalina

I almost know how you feel but I have to say that my symptoms aren't that bad and also I got it from my BF so I don't have the worry of giving it to someone. Has your BF been tested too to make sure he doesn't have it too and if he does you won't have to worry about giving it to him. Remember that even if he has never had a symptom he still could be carrying the virus without knowing.

I have been taking Oil Of Oregano gel caps, Olive leaf, Vit E and C, Lysine, garlic, zinc 50 mgs, Omega 3, Echinacea and if I feel an ob coming on me I use the Tagamet treatment...1 pill 3 times a day and 2 at night before bed. You can research the use of Tagamet to treat herpes. You are probably right that the immune deficiency that you have is to blame for your constant obs. Hopefully as time goes on your body will build up an immunity to herpes and your OBs will become less severe and less frequent...mine was pretty much solid for about 6 months although not real severe just always there.

You are stressing yourself out too, too much. Stress causes outbreaks terribly.

I can certainly empathize with you, as you know. My o/b days far outweigh my o/b-free days. I remember when I thought having an outbreak every eight days was unbearable. Now I only wish I could manage to have eight o/b free days in a row. Nowadays, I'm lucky if I can have 3 days between outbreaks. My sex life is governed by herpes. At a time in our life when worrying about pregnancy is no longer a worry. A time in our lives when the kids are out of the house and we should be enjoying the freedom of having sex whenever the mood strikes, instead our sex life revolves around herpes. I've shed more tears over this disease than anything else in my life. I have tried absolutely every possible solution; holistic, prescription, prayer . . . and I've come to the conclusion that death will be the only thing that curbs my outbreaks. Hopefully there is life after death. Hopefully in my next life I will not run into the (insert as many swear words as possible) . . jerk who gave this to me. What I find even more depressing is the false hope that antivirals offer. So many people have said they aren't working for them yet the drug companies boast about their success and it causes people like me to get even more depressed because not only do I have herpes, I'm apparently in the small minority of people who antivirals don't work for. So I'm a two time loser. I've basically given up all hope. I have thrown my hands up and said "you win." I've been a fighter all my life and have never let anything beat me . . . but I guess it's Game. Set. Match. And the trophy goes to herpes.

Dearest GettingWellAgain,
Never, never give up on venting and telling others of your feelings. I am so thankful that the fine folks that created this site have given us this forum to talk to fellow travelers on this terrible dark path. It is through talking about the symptoms, OB's, possible treatments and our interaction with those around us that will help us all to 'live with' this curse.
I will tell you that in the short time that I have had it, (two months) I too, feel trapped and helpless. You touched on a very insideous aspect of herpes when saying that those times that a person is free of OB's you feel more open and willing to have sex with a partner. THAT IS WHEN THE DISEASE IS SPREAD THE MOST!!! Just because you do not have open sores does not mean you will not spread it. So, I really do not concieve of the idea of even thinking of developing a relationship. And yes, besides the physical ailments I do not have emotional strength to cope with this if the OB's get as bad as others in this forum. All of this is of no help to you, I know, but you have helped me in showing me that other people ARE coping with it.
No, GettingWellAgain,please keep us informed and try some of the natural remedies. I still do not understand why more research has not been done on curing herpes if it is so prevalant in society.

Hi everyone,

I just want to thank you for your tremendous support. I'm feelng a teensy-bit more optimistic today, although my OB has worsened. I want to write more, but right now it's like 3am and I must get to sleep. I'll update you tomorrow, everyone. Thanks again.

~Katalina

Hello everyone and gettingwellagain, I just recently went to the clinic for a vaginal eruption (bumps, blisters, sores, discharge, the works!) this past Monday. It is not completely confirmed that its herpes (lab results take up to a week), but the nurse assured me 9 times out of 10 its genital herpes. To relieve the pain of my breakouts I've been mixing 1 tbsp of olive oil + 1 vitamin E capsule +2-3 drops of Oil of Oregano (make sure it has P73 on the bottle) and applying it to the area after every bathroom trial. For females, it is important that you keep the genital area as clean as possible and with little irritation as well (even if that means no panties try cotton boxers to allow the area to breathe and eventually heal). If you’re having discharges insert a small piece of a cotton ball into the outside of the canal. DO NOT!!! Let any of the discharge to get on your skin as it contributes to breakouts. Spray the infected area at least four times a day with hydrogen peroxide, it kills the virus instantly so does OOO. The last external measure to take is to rub the OOO on the spine vigorously 1-2 times daily; the reason being that the virus dormant within the lower spine area during and after outbreaks.

For external measures I take 5 drops of OOO under the tongue daily, 1000mgs of L-Lysine, OLE, Acidophilus, as much vitamin C as possible I try to get in at least 10,000 mgs daily, vitamin E, and liquid form garlic. Breathing exercises are also helpful. The key is to keep the internal state oxygenized. KEY - The virus cannot survive or reproduce in an oxygenated environment. I hope you take time out to read this if your suffering as I am (well not nearly as much thanks to God and my regimen). Once I am clear from breakouts I plan on keeping the area shaved, and continuing to apply the OOO, vit E, and olive oil treatment everyday. As with acne you must apply treatment even when there is not detectable outbreak as a preventive measure.

When your at your last and no one will listen, acknowledge, comfort, there is always a source of belonging and love in God. I hope I was helpful to at least one person. Feel free to ask me anything. Take care everyone.