I'm struggling with anorexia and bulimia and theres one thing really frustrating me. The anorexia is with me every moment of the day it's an overall obsession that rules my life and of course i do want to stop this too but my real frustration is with my bulimia. It's so frustrating cause i so badly want to stop the b&p'ing but i just don't know how. I have no idea whats driving it. I was in inpatient treatment for 2 months and the day after i got home i started b&p'ing again. I feel hopeless about this. The biggest frustration is that i only b&p at night, i NEVER get the urges during the day even when i'm having a bad day or really hungry or whatever i don't even think about it but as soon as its night time everything changes and i get really intense urges. Unfortunately i know that this works to relieve my anxiety and emotional moods and i know thats why i do it i just don't understand why this only seems to happen at night and not during the day. Does anyone else have this problem? There are even times when i come home from work (i work nights) and i won't feel like b&p'ing but my head will immediately start telling myself that if i don't do it something bad will happen or i will end up a huge emotional mess in a couple hours so i give in to it...i guess as a preventative measure as well. Why oh why do i get so emotional and weak and anxious at night and not (at least not to the same extent) during the day....i just don't understand myself. It's frustrating because i don't know how i'm ever gonna beat this thing if i don't even understand why i feel i need it..hmmmmm

hi there
i know for me the night is the hard time and it could be a number of reasons:
* less distraction from anxiety etc
* loneliness
* as a reward for getting through day
* self-soothing/sleep aid
* result of inadequate food during day
* habit

dont know if any are your issues, but wanted to say i hear you!!!

Heya Blondie, I've been on both sides of the eating disorder fence (sometimes at once) and I agree, it's REALLY hard to beat binging/purging because unlike anorexia, the binge can be pretty damn enjoyable. But the thing is, you think it will make you feel better...does it really? One day I sat down and really thought about how I actually felt afterwards...I realized that it never made me feel satisfied, it just made me feel tired, grouchy, depressed, and STILL wanting more food so I would go do it again...and again. Realizing that I never got the real satisfaction I always went after helped me break the cycle some...it's a hard habit to break, and I don't mean habit lightly - it really just becomes what you do.