Choquis
08-14-2006, 07:15 PM
Hi to everyone!
I can't tell you how much this board has helped me! It has brought back alot of the memories of the struggles I went thru with my mom, :( but it also has helped me deal with my FIL and his fall into dementia.
The advice of not being a "know-it-all" really helped. It's so hard to keep my mouth shut:mad: , but I do as usually family members that are the closest cannot bear to hear what is next on the dementia slide. And the "either, they get it, or don't!"....helps me keep the situation in perspective. :dizzy:
FIL has good periods...I can't say days as he is so changeable. He'll be in a rage for a few hours, then be calm as a kitten the next. Example: when doing some home maintenance for them, we smelled a gas leak! We tested it at the meter, and sure enough, there was a small leak. MIL called the gas company and they came out immediately.
FIL ranted and raved at the utility worker and had her in tears. He wasn't going to pay for any gas leak...(it was the utility company fault...we told him that, but still he yelled at the worker.) MIL took her aside and told her of the AD problem, but still she was shook up!
MIL told me that she spoke to the doctor and asked him face to face: "Does he have AD?" (The doctor has given him 2 prescriptions for AD meds since spring...what did she think he was giving them for? :rolleyes: ) He said "Yes, he's in the 1st stages." But this is the first time she has actually asked him....so I thought it was a good sign of the beginning of acceptance!
FIL is in the 4th or 5th stage.... but just them talking about him having AD is a beginning!:)
In our state we have a form to fill out about driving recertification. It is anonymous. I was notified that the state received my request and will send him a notice...I've been very worried and nervous about this:( as if my name appears on the form....I'm dead meat! I didn't even tell my Hubby that I sent the form into the state.... Hopefully, they will think it was the hospital!
He demanded his truck keys two days after being released from the hospital! (He wasn't supposed to drive for 6 months due to the many seizures!) She was alone with him and he was screaming in the drive-way....she threw him the keys and told him she wouldn't take care of him it he got into another accident! (Which she knows, she would!) But he is so mean :mad: to her that she gave in to him as she doesn't know what he'll do to her!!!!
They are still talking about a POA...but have taken no action. My hubby came up with a good idea....instead of taking away the guns....just take out the bullets!! That way, if he comes across them, he sees they are there, but can't hurt anyone (or himself) with them.
There are very different issues when dealing with a hostile male,:blob_fire rather than a sweet, low-key female!:angel:
So I want to thank everyone for all their help and advice.... I will use all of it!
:wave:
Choquis
I can't tell you how much this board has helped me! It has brought back alot of the memories of the struggles I went thru with my mom, :( but it also has helped me deal with my FIL and his fall into dementia.
The advice of not being a "know-it-all" really helped. It's so hard to keep my mouth shut:mad: , but I do as usually family members that are the closest cannot bear to hear what is next on the dementia slide. And the "either, they get it, or don't!"....helps me keep the situation in perspective. :dizzy:
FIL has good periods...I can't say days as he is so changeable. He'll be in a rage for a few hours, then be calm as a kitten the next. Example: when doing some home maintenance for them, we smelled a gas leak! We tested it at the meter, and sure enough, there was a small leak. MIL called the gas company and they came out immediately.
FIL ranted and raved at the utility worker and had her in tears. He wasn't going to pay for any gas leak...(it was the utility company fault...we told him that, but still he yelled at the worker.) MIL took her aside and told her of the AD problem, but still she was shook up!
MIL told me that she spoke to the doctor and asked him face to face: "Does he have AD?" (The doctor has given him 2 prescriptions for AD meds since spring...what did she think he was giving them for? :rolleyes: ) He said "Yes, he's in the 1st stages." But this is the first time she has actually asked him....so I thought it was a good sign of the beginning of acceptance!
FIL is in the 4th or 5th stage.... but just them talking about him having AD is a beginning!:)
In our state we have a form to fill out about driving recertification. It is anonymous. I was notified that the state received my request and will send him a notice...I've been very worried and nervous about this:( as if my name appears on the form....I'm dead meat! I didn't even tell my Hubby that I sent the form into the state.... Hopefully, they will think it was the hospital!
He demanded his truck keys two days after being released from the hospital! (He wasn't supposed to drive for 6 months due to the many seizures!) She was alone with him and he was screaming in the drive-way....she threw him the keys and told him she wouldn't take care of him it he got into another accident! (Which she knows, she would!) But he is so mean :mad: to her that she gave in to him as she doesn't know what he'll do to her!!!!
They are still talking about a POA...but have taken no action. My hubby came up with a good idea....instead of taking away the guns....just take out the bullets!! That way, if he comes across them, he sees they are there, but can't hurt anyone (or himself) with them.
There are very different issues when dealing with a hostile male,:blob_fire rather than a sweet, low-key female!:angel:
So I want to thank everyone for all their help and advice.... I will use all of it!
:wave:
Choquis
Sponsor
LuvMyLilDoggie
08-15-2006, 12:04 AM
I'm so glad your MIL is starting to realize the AD is real.
Guns? Good idea getting the bullets out. But what will stop FIL from getting more? Could you possibly have gun locks put on the guns? Maybe do it while FIL and MIL are out somewhere?
It sounds like a very dangerous situation your MIL is in. Please refresh my memory. Is FIL taking antidepressants? Zoloft really curbed my dad's aggression.
I think you're a very caring, concerned person to have filled out that form and send it to the state to have your FIL's driving re-evaluated. I don't believe they're allowed to let the person know who sent it in so try not to worry about that. I don't think anyone will find out unless you tell them.
Btw, in my nutty state here in the midwest, my dad passed a full driver's exam (written, driving and vision) one day after FINALLY being diagnosed with AD. I was so upset!!!! This was going to be the catalyst to get him to stop driving. He was about stage 4 just about to go into 5 then. I just KNEW he wouldn't pass because he always scared the b'jeebees out of me when he drove me down the block!:eek: Little did I know.....
Dad finally stopped driving when he went to another state to be with my sister. He never was scared of driving. He was always scared of getting lost. So when he went to my sister's, where he forgot the roads, he stopped driving and hasn't driven in at least a year now. One more unsafe person off the road. I rode with my dad many times after he started showing signs of AD. I also rode with him many times years ago when he was drunk. He was a safer driver when he was falling down drunk than he was after his AD diagnosis.
If your FIL goes for that test and fails, do you think he'd be willing to accept that and not drive again or do you think it'll anger him more?
Love, Barb
Guns? Good idea getting the bullets out. But what will stop FIL from getting more? Could you possibly have gun locks put on the guns? Maybe do it while FIL and MIL are out somewhere?
It sounds like a very dangerous situation your MIL is in. Please refresh my memory. Is FIL taking antidepressants? Zoloft really curbed my dad's aggression.
I think you're a very caring, concerned person to have filled out that form and send it to the state to have your FIL's driving re-evaluated. I don't believe they're allowed to let the person know who sent it in so try not to worry about that. I don't think anyone will find out unless you tell them.
Btw, in my nutty state here in the midwest, my dad passed a full driver's exam (written, driving and vision) one day after FINALLY being diagnosed with AD. I was so upset!!!! This was going to be the catalyst to get him to stop driving. He was about stage 4 just about to go into 5 then. I just KNEW he wouldn't pass because he always scared the b'jeebees out of me when he drove me down the block!:eek: Little did I know.....
Dad finally stopped driving when he went to another state to be with my sister. He never was scared of driving. He was always scared of getting lost. So when he went to my sister's, where he forgot the roads, he stopped driving and hasn't driven in at least a year now. One more unsafe person off the road. I rode with my dad many times after he started showing signs of AD. I also rode with him many times years ago when he was drunk. He was a safer driver when he was falling down drunk than he was after his AD diagnosis.
If your FIL goes for that test and fails, do you think he'd be willing to accept that and not drive again or do you think it'll anger him more?
Love, Barb