Im starting to believe you NEVER fully recover from an ED. Im 34 and have suffered for years! Not to mention depression and OCD. My body image is horrible!!! Why is it that we feel soooooo good when we are "empty"? Physically we hurt...........weak.............moody etc! But emotionally (in our heads) it feels so good to not eat! I feel thin when i dont eat! The obssessiveness and anxiety when eating is unbearable! I would have thought by my age now............i would have fully recovered! Weight gain or losing weight is my whole being............my whole existence! It controls how i feel about myself! It's weird how i lose weight and if someone comments, then i have to keep up on that. When i gain weight............you misewell "bury me alive"!!! I wont quit smoking, cuz of gaining weight! I quit last year for 6 months and HATED myself................i had to go buy "fat" clothes and i worked out 6-7 days a week and still put on weight. At times i feel so physically sick! I know i have torn my body to shred's over the years! When people comment (at the gym) how good i look.............im thinking in my head.....OH yeah............i starve myself and take Efedra! I was hospitalized when i was 22 and over the years been in and out of therapy and jacked up on med's since i was 18. I wont even take a med if i gain weight!!! I have overcome eating at restaurants.................but lately i feel this coming on full blast again!!! I mean restaurants that have healthy choices and salads......definately not fast food! Anywayz............back to my question..........for people that have recovered............do you fully recover? Or does this still effect you emotionally? I feel like i will NEVER love myself! I dont just suffer from one illness. I dont know if i will ever feel "normal" in my entire life! Im soooo overwhelmed daily with my thoughts..........depression.......anxie ty..........body image........self esteem and absolutley hating myself!! I should add.........i do take Wellbutrin XL and Buspar............I havent had any side effects and know that they do help.....because when i have went off of them............im even more out of control. Sorry for such a "downer" of a post. Can anyone relate to me?:wave:

hi, in response to your "downer" of a post, i believe this is how we all feel who have eating problems. i too am 34 and have been dealing with this emotional food crap for 13 yrs. i too get such a high when people say boy you sure work out, you are so toned, etc. and i'm also thinking yeah but you don't realize i eat hardly nothing, and i have to work out at such high intensity every day. i just want to be normal too, eat and enjoy it, but i don't think it will ever be possibe for me, the thing that hurts me so bad is i have 3 daughters, and i feel like i am somehow going to pass this to them. plus like you said, you get so moody because of not eating, and heaven forbid we could actually enjoy mcdonalds or dairy queen, etc. so in response to your post, i think that once you feel like this, it is like it will always be this way, i hope not for you!!

In my opinion and in my case the answer is

NO...

I think it is like addiction to drugs and alcohol. Remmissions and relapses; if that makes any sense.

Honestly, I think it will always be a constant battle, it has been for the last 18 years. I think I've been this way so long, it's pretty much hardwired into my mind. But it can get better - meds help. They give me the ability to choose positive thoughts, and make the negative ones quieter. So I think you will always have to be on your guard, and it is tiring. But you CAN choose to make it much less of a focus of your energy. I have a lot more energy when I am not constantly fighting the urge to restrict/binge.

Thanx for your responses. I was hospitalized in 1996 and when i got out i actually got worse! Not to mention being "jacked up" on many med's. Your right..............i do believe that you can get help/therapy and then continue to relapse...........this has to be one of the hardest diseases/addiction or whatever you want to call it, to overcome! I've struggled with addiction as well...........and really it is all intertwined............and all relates. It's like going from one addiction to another.

I am 37 and am having another bout with the ana devil. I don't think it ever goes away at least not totally. I know there were times I was happier with how I looked but now suddenly I am on the roller coaster again. I know for me when I get on stress overload it starts the train rolling. I have always wondered the same thing honestly and now I think how can you recover when you never really recover?

Emerald