Hi this is my first time posting here but i could really use some advice or some comments from experienced bipolar/depressed ppl. I have been diagnosed with depression and am currently taking Zoloft as my anti-depresant. It has definitely improved my overall mood. I dont feel depressed nearly as much as i did. Just to let you know also I have been on the meds for about 2 months or so. I feel good and pretty confident. I kind of feel like i am someone else sometimes and looking out of a different body or something. I dont know if that makes any sense to you. I also sometimes have been getting random acts of violence in my head like stabbing someone or shooting them. I havent had these thoughts until about a week or so ago. I told my counselor about all of this and he said it could be because of things in the news like this sniper in New England and all. Could be but it could also be the meds. Ive read on the net that Zoloft and a few other anti depresants have caused regular ppl to go nuts and harm ppl or even kill them for no apparent reason. I am kind of concerned about all of this because i dont know if any of that is true or not. My counselor says it isnt true but i dont know how much he knows about this type of stuff. I also feel kind of energized and restless at times. So if anyone can give me any type of response or advice to any of what i have mentioned about it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you. I hope all of you are getting better mentally and physically.

-Mike B

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[This message has been edited by minerva (edited 10-24-2002).]

Mike B.,

I am new here, but I am not new to bipolar. I can tell you that most of the stories you hear turn out to be about ppl who STOPPED taking their meds SUDDENLY instead of tapering them and then as the result of withdrawal, depression, or otherwise acted out violently. But meds do affect every individual differently. I am concerned that your counselor didnt take more notice of your own stated concerns. Even if the meds are not causing this problem, but you believe they might be, this could have negative effects on your treatment. I would try to talk to your counselor again, be open about how you feel, especially that you think the new symptoms are connected to taking meds.

zionsP

ZionsP,
Thanks for the advice. I am seeing my pharmocologist/the person who prescribed me the Zoloft so i will let them know the possible side effects i am having. I also am feeling that "high" or "drugged" feeling due to the meds. I was wondering if that is normal or not. Just to give you a little background about me, Im pretty sure I've always been depressed but in high school I used a lot of drugs to escape from reality, mainly marijuana and LSD. I also tried psychedelic mushrooms a few times. I'm almost positive they added to my mental illness. I sometimes wonder if i am being correctly diagnosed too. Sometimes I will see outlines of certain objects that I have stared at for a while. is that normal? I am also considering getting a cat scan or something to get an idea of how my brain was damaged due to my drug use in the past. That could also help with a more accurate diagnosis I think.

~ Mike B

Well I went and saw my pharmacologist/person who prescribes my meds and told her how i was doing and all the side effects i am experiencing. I am being tapered off zoloft now and put on risperal(i think thats what its called) and i was told to take it right before i go to bed since it can cause drowsiness. Hopefully it will have a better effect on me than the zoloft. I also noticed that it is a antipsychotic drug, and am curious to whether my pharmacologist thinks i might have schizophrenia. I looked up some of the symptoms on the net and have seen that i do appear to have some of the symptoms but am unsure if that is what i have or not. I guess Im just confused for the time being. all i know is that i am mentally ill and need to take some type of meds to keep me normal and continue to see a counselor to talk about things im going through. If anyone wants to comment on this i invite you to or want to give advice please do so. I need all the input i can get. Thanks.

~Mike B

Hello Mike,
I am going thru something similar as you, only I've been on Prozac instead of Zoloft. And I've had "bad" thoughts such as yours for many years, before ever even taking an antidepressant. I've never acted on these thoughts, because I know that they are wrong. But just having them makes me feel like I am a "bad" person and unworthy and also guilty. I have battled depression for years, but never got on medication until in my 30's (I'm 48 now). Two years ago I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, with resulting depression, and just last year I was diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. My dr. told me that the "bad" thoughts could be a result of the OCD. I was immediately put on Prozac, and gradually worked up to 80 mg a day, which is recommended for treatment of OCD. It really helped with the depression and some of the intrusive thoughts, but I notice that I still get very anxious and stressed out, and just a few days ago my therapist suggested that perhaps I have a mild form of bipolar disorder. I had been tapering off the Prozac for about 4 weeks now, and was down to 40 mg a day when I had a "manic" episode this past Wednesday at work. I took .5 mg of Ativan (anti-anxiety med) to help calm me down, then in another hour or so I took another .5 mg. The Ativan did help me calm down, but I experienced a "blackout" for a period of about an hour. I absolutely cannot remember what happened during this period, but I was awake and "functioning."

Anyway, sorry this is so long! But I thought it might help you. When I saw my therapist the day after the blackout, she told me to immediately call my psychiatrist to let her know what was going on. I was starting to feel like I was really going crazy, mostly because of the blackout and the earlier manic episode (which really isn't new to me--have been that way for years but never thought it was anything to be taken seriously). I was told by my doctor to come in this Tuesday. I think I am going to be tested more thoroughly. I don't think any doctor has come to the bottom of my mental problems, but I think my therapist has come the closest. And sometimes I think with the right knowledge, we can diagnose ourselves better than a stranger can. Of course I don't know for sure, but I believe (and this is just in the past few days) that I have bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, OCD, and also (and this is scary to admit to myself) schizophrenia. I might be wrong about the latter, but a lot of times I believe there are at least two people inside of me. However, I think that all of these disorders that I might have are "mild." I don't think I am extreme in any of them, or I am sure I would have been diagnosed many years ago.

Medications can certainly make you feel like you are going crazy. When I see my psychiatrist on Tuesday I am going to tell her that I still want to get off the Prozac (she told me to immediately get back to taking 80 mg of Prozac until I see her on Tuesday--even though I was still taking 40 mg I think I was going thru withdrawal of some kind). I want to "start with a clean slate" and go from there. I have a feeling I might be getting on some kind of mood stabilizer, and maybe even something similar to what you are taking (anti-psychotic med). Do you find that is helping yet with your bad thoughts? Or is it too soon to tell?

Take care,
Linda

This experience you talk of "being in someone else's body and looking in" is called derealization. It is a type of dissociation. I have it too. I get the feeling that I am drugged, that everything is so far away and that I can't possibly touch it.
This feeling is your bodys natural reaction to outside stuff that is making you anxious, nervous, stressed,etc. It is trying to keep you away from the 'harmful' stuff.
When this happens to you, take a deep breath, tell your body to chill out, and just know that its natural, and nothing serious is going to happen.
Next thing you know, it'll be over and you forget it even happened. I know its scary; I experience it now and I am 19, but I remember it happening when I was about 5 years old.
Also, this could be a side effect from your medication. talk with your doctor.
good luck

one of the biggest prob with zoloft is that it can provoke manic symptoms in a bipolar person who was just showing symptoms of depression....with the side effects you are having, chances are the med needs to be changed or the dosage lowered...talk to your doctor as soon as possible about this...