Hi all,
I am leaving early tomorrow for a week away by myself. I've booked a B&B on a river that also has a pool. I plan to laze in the pool, stare at the river, pray a lot, and read novels. This is for me... I've got to take care of myself. I believe DH is safe by himself. His problems are still very infrequent and he is able to figure things out eventually even when confused. I just need to have a little time before that isn't the case. You will be in my prayers next week. N2E

Dear N2E,

Sounds like paradise! Have a great time. Enjoy the pool, the river, the books and the solitude. I am sure that such a 'retreat' can bring lots of answers - glad you will be in prayer. I have kept my sanity through prayer and divine leading.

Love to you,

Martha

Good for you!!!!!!!!!!! Excellent idea!! Serenity and getting time to recharge yourself is a better restorative than anything! Hope the weather is lovely!

I once visited a pretty place in the mountains that had a long, long porch with a long row of rocking chairs on it. Picture that view, have a seat, and rock the world away.

Enjoy!!!!!! (applause, applause)

Blessings - Barbara :wave:

Need2escape is going to escape!:D

Good for you! You need it and deserve it! Relax and cleanse your mind of all your worries. Enjoy the beauty and solitude. Let someone else wait on you for a change.

Wish I could go with ya!:)

Love, Barb

Good for you!!! Have a wonderful time and I hope you don't worry about a thing!

I was gone for 4 nights and it was wonderful. I relaxed and enjoyed myself completely. Being back is hard - because the fatigue that I'd been feeling came right back as soon as I was home (didn't feel it when I was away). I had a doc. appt. shortly after being back and he pointed out that that is a pretty good indication of where the fatigue is coming from... I guess I need to get into counseling soon because I'm only dealing with the very beginning of things.

Hubby said he didn't remember whether he had any confusion problems while I was gone. I see no evidence of any problems.

I am struggling in a lot of ways. I had been dieting successfully (even did good while I was away), but since I've been back, I'm eating everything in sight. I'm also struggling with depression and self confidence issues.

I also talked to the doc. (same doc as hubby) about the fact that I haven't yet come to terms with overseeing his meds even though I know I should be. It's like I would rather take the chances of what will happen than accept the fact that hubby needs help with it and I am now a "care-taker". As I said, I need to get into counseling...

But being away was wonderful while it lasted.

Welcome back n2e, I'm glad you had such a great time away. I did a similar thing earlier this year, and had just the same reaction when I got back. (Book another trip now so you have something to look forwards to:) )

You sound as though you are making good progress getting some support in place for you, and being able to talk to your doctor, who sounds pretty understanding, like that must be a help too.

And congratulations on the weight loss!!!!

love Georgie

I just read the note from Martha H...it's from some time ago, but it's exactly my issue. I haven't been by myself for weeks and weeks and leave the house weekly for Bible Study and every 2-3 weeks for my nails, but other than that, I don't go anyplace. I just cannot risk something happening. I think my husband is between level 3-4, not certain, but I do all the cooking, giving him his pills, etc. He gets up and makes the bed, showers, shaves and dresses himself very well, but after that his chores for the day are done. After lunch he's more quiet than mornings and naps briefly each afternoon.
I regulate our day. He thinks he can stay alone while I visit our children and grandchildren but I will not leave him alone. He would be humiliated if I tried respite care, yet cannot travel with me as he gets disoriented and doesn't like to be in crowds. These past several months the children have come here, but it's too difficult for our one daughter on the east coast to travel with the young children by herself. her husband is in a new job and cannot get time off yet...so we wait to be together. I'd love to hear some ideas from other spouses as to how to handle being away when their mates are "inbetween" wellness and advanced enough to need a constant caregiver.

Could you arrange for a "cleaning" person to be there for 4 hours or so - and they could do light housework as an excuse for the reason being there - but they would be available if your husband had a problem? You could tell your husband you'd developed an allergy to cleaning solutions or something and needed some help with the cleaning to avoid giving the real reason.

Does he have any hobbies - that you could get someone to come and do that hobby with him as a friend? He wouldn't need to know you were paying them for their time.

Do you have an extra room in your house that is not used? Maybe you could "rent" it out - but make it an exchange deal where they live there and provide you a certain number of hours of caregiver relief. Your husband would not need to know the details. We had a renter in our basement for awhile. He left - but if/when hubby gets worse, I plan to pursue that again as an option.

Good luck. I'll probably be in your shoes someday.

N2E-
Three excellent thoughts.
We did the "cleaning woman" routine an afternoon a week when my husband was past the point of being alone but still functioning fairly well. I also felt that, at that time, he would be humiliated had I brought him into a day care situation. Eventually we segued into his going to a "club" three days a week and then into residential care.
It is a nightmare isn't it?
Beatrice

These are great suggestions ("housekeeper", going to a "club") to make the middle stages easier, while giving caregiver relief. I'll definitely use one or both of these ideas -- thank you. You never know what good info you're going to find on this Board!

When I read Needtoescape's plan for a getaway I was soooooooo jealous. I've thought about telling my family I had to travel on business, and just checking into a local motel for a night of mysteries, takeout Chinese food and bad tv. Just thinking about it seems to take some of the pressure off.

Beginning,
Do it! Get that business travel on the schedule and tell your family you need help at home for that evening - and go!!! Lots of inexpensive hotels have indoor pools too... You've got to take care of yourself. Maybe your job will require a monthly (or quarterly) training day far enough away to require an overnight (or beginning so early in the morning, it makes sense to be there the night before). I'm a big proponent of taking care of yourself. And really - you shouldn't have to make ANY excuse or "cover story". It is completely reasonable to tell your family that you need a R&R overnight in order to keep yourself from burning out/getting sick/etc. I hope you plan it soon.
N2E