Dear all,
I posted here a while ago about my (most probably) bipolar (ex?)-boyfriend and I am in desperate need of advice now.

Now he became very hyper and as if "on the run." I observed his behavior and found him to be more distracted, hyper and frantic than usual. He started to be less emotionally expressive towards me and one day I noticed him flirting with another woman. I told him he can't have us both and broke it off.

I don't know what I am going to do, but I want to understand...he cannot have stopped loving me...we were wonderful together and there was no fall-out until she came into the picture. I know he hid it from me because he did not want to lose me...Is he manic?

I would be so tremendously grateful if I could get the input of those who are bipolar or those who love someone who is...I miss him so much and I want nothing more than to understand...right now I am so sad and confused...

Well Griseldis, My wife had a tremedous amount of love for me. We were soulmates/best friends and we both felt we were meant to be together. She started getting BP symtoms 2 1/2 years into our relationship. Went on meds and sought therapy. Everything seemed manageable and I asked her to marry me. She would cycle between devotion to me and distance. I was willing to deal with it, we always worked through it (I would pull her out of it also). She then began flirting with other men. She told me it was harmless fun and made everyone feel good (except me I would say). Over the years the bad times were longer and more frequent, the good times shorter and less frequent. During the distant times, she began hanging out with people that fed her mania. Instead of fighting the BP she immersed herself in it. When manic she would get extremely flirty and wanted to party all the time. She then asked for a divorce 4 years ago. We worked through it, changed her meds, therapy etc. Things were great for a couple months. Then the same cycle happened 1 1/2 yrs later. Now same thing again last month. She can't determine why she wants to leave..is it the BP or her actual feelings? So she moved out 5 weeks ago and has given in to her mania. It's over for us , after all the years together. I'm sure after some time she will want to come back. I can't do it anymore.

Please research the typical actions of people affected with BPD. It's a real emotional roller coaster with real life complications. I thought love would/could conquer all.....I was very wrong. My heart/emotions/self esteem are in pieces. If I could go back in time, I certainly would not get involved with her again.

I have to agree with Aye! Please, please, please LISTEN to him. The only great thing that I can say about my marriage now (my husband is BP) is that I have a beautiful little boy! I would NEVER change a thing because of him. BUT IF I knew everything BEFORE I married him, with NO child, I would have to PASS on the whole marriage. It's been VERY painful and I'm in the process of re-thinking my whole life now. I think your friends are RIGHT. They are just trying to protect you and they truly love you to do this. I say RUN! RUN the other way AWAY from this guy. I hope noone else takes any offense to this--it's just VERY hard to live with a BP person. My husband WON'T let me love him and NOW our little boy is being affected by all of this. Just think about all this. If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask away. :angel: Kym.

I think you're living in a fantasy world. How could you really call this a relationship if you only saw each other for a couple weeks when he stayed with you and the rest of it for 8 months was long distance? It sounds more like in love with the idea of being in love. Even in that context it has caused you way too much stress, pain and drama. Do you really want to live like that? You're hearing from people already living that life, listen to them. They're trying to open your eyes. It's not worth it. There are other fish in the sea. Try a relationship with a non-bipolar person, you will be surprised.
He's cheating on you, even if you say it's only emotionally ....... that's the only kind of "relationship" you have with this man.....to me that's total cheating.
Aren't there any local men you can meet?

Tell it like it is Rose!!!

I have to agree with the others on this one. You have a long distance relationship now and it will be long distance from now on even if you lived in the same house. Run like the wind!
If I knew then what I know now I would still be running, my hair flying in the breeze, wings on my feet and a smile on my face.

I agree, this is cheating. I feel cheated on, especially so shortly after we spend time together in person. So as far as decisions go, you are all right and I would tell someone the same thing. I really also wouldn't know right now how to get the trust back....I would have NEVER thought this would happen and the more I think about it, the less I can imagine being able to trust him again.

But I think I am also here to understand because it just didn't make sense. Aye Carumba and Kymberlee, thank you for sharing your experiences, they really got me thinking.... So this does sound like bipolar behavior and indulging into mania? Could that have been triggered by being so depressed about being separated? What would this be followed by? Depression? I have so many questions, I don't even know where to begin....I will post more later!

Thank you all for your input. My head agrees with you, but I am really hurting over this, so it helps to talk here...

I have to agree with the others on this one. You have a long distance relationship now and it will be long distance from now on even if you lived in the same house. Run like the wind!
If I knew then what I know now I would still be running, my hair flying in the breeze, wings on my feet and a smile on my face.

Thank you :)

ejayne, what a classic! That gave me quite a chuckle.:D

Thanks carumba, just calling an ace an ace. I love my BP hubby dearly but I also think quite a bit of self. Had my first counselling meeting for myself yesterday. He said to me that you have to figure out when you have done all you can and if its time to fold or choose to dig in for what could be forever. At my age,soon 57 yrs young, forever is possibly more than I am willing to commit to being invisable. Hubby walks out and in as if he is the only one living here. Hasn't spoken to me in months. He doesn't have rage issues instead just the opposite. Complete shut out of all loved ones. How very sad that he has no one, or doesn't realize that he has all of us, it"s just that we are invisable to him. I can't see living out my golden yrs. this way. ejayne

Hubby walks out and in as if he is the only one living here. Hasn't spoken to me in months. He doesn't have rage issues instead just the opposite. Complete shut out of all loved ones. How very sad that he has no one, or doesn't realize that he has all of us, it"s just that we are invisable to him. I can't see living out my golden yrs. this way. ejayne

Ejayne, is your husband on meds? Do you talk about his illness at all?

Griseldis, yes he is on lamictal and lexapro for almost three months. No signs of any improvement that I can see. No we do not talk about it. He doesn't even know that I know. Being in the medical profession(both of us), I knew that something had gone very bad wrong. I started snooping through his things and his meds and did research on the meds. He only knows that I know he is seeing a psychiatrist. I think he may have started seeing a counselor this past friday also, my snooping hasn't turned up a receipt for that yet but he did get a call confirming an appointment from a certain doctor.
If only he would open up it would be so much easier.All our children know as I thought they should in case I need backup sometime.I truely hate being a snoop but how else can I know whats going on here in this silence.Sometimes I long for an argument as sick as that may sound, for at least there would be communication of some kind.
My first visit with my own counselor went very well. At least I had someone to tell the whole story to. Just have to figure out now how much more of this I can take and go from there. ejayne

ejayne...you sound just like me! I'm so glad that you have started counseling for yourself! Excellent! :D Kym