Aye Carumba
08-21-2006, 07:49 PM
I've lost the last bit of hope my wife would get better (for good) and return. I've acknowledged our relationship being over..although I still hurt and grieve. I've been hanging around the house for the past weeks. I need to stop that and move forward. I don't know how to start? I really don't have any friends since I devoted all my time to my spouse. I've grieved enough! I just don't want to force trying to have fun. Thanks.
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Lurchpoppa
08-21-2006, 08:04 PM
For me, moving forward after any relationship has always involved letting myself still love the person, but focus on those you're with. When I'd go out with friends I'd treat it like a project with the goal of finding out as much as I could about them. It always distracted me from the one I was moving on from, and furthered the friendship I was cultivating.
Kymberlee
08-21-2006, 11:45 PM
Dear Aye, I'm so sorry to hear about this. Can I ask you a question? What has happened to let you know that it's over? I'm asking because I think I may know how you feel. I ask myself all the time HOW LONG will I put up with this so-called 'marriage'? HOW LONG will I am I willing to be in this loveless, sexless, uncaring, non-supportive 'relationship'??? I just don't know. I'm not even sure HOW I feel about my husband anymore. I feel like I'm the most SINGLE 'married' person I know. I do EVERYTHING and GO EVERYWHERE by myself. My husband is NOT the man I knew or married and I'm not sure if or when he'll ever show up. :eek: So, I'm just interested in your story and what brought you to this conclusion. So, if you don't mind me being nosey, can you tell me more? Thanks, Kym.
rosequartz
08-22-2006, 12:34 AM
well for me I started an exercize program and I really enjoyed the peace and stress-free time by myself. Being alone can give you inner peace that you can't have with a bi-polar spouse around.
Aye Carumba
08-22-2006, 12:15 PM
Dear Kym, i'm sorry you and everyone else on this board are in similar situations. Coming to the decision has been a cumulative effect. It comes down to i'm tired of her treating everyone else better than she treats me. I'm married yet i'm lonely more than 3/4 of the time. I've allowed myself to be a doormat. I used to be ashamed to tell people what I have gone through. Now I find it helps to reenforce my decision to let people into the world I have been living. Her giving into her mania and moving out was pretty much the last straw. If she doesn't want to help herself, I would be a fool to stay and wait for her any longer. Plus it is only going to get worse with time. It's a hard decision and I'm still uneasy with it. I hope to grow more confident with each day. There has to be a better life for me. I thought I was the chosen one to help my wife with her struggles. It's not me, it has to be her. I've done all I can do. May God bless you and I wish you the best. I have read your posts and feel your pain. I will still post her to help where I can and get some support for my bad times. Take Care
Wizard of Oz
08-22-2006, 04:10 PM
Kymberlee, To answer your question..I just got tired of being a doormat, sounds a lot like Aye. I got to the point where I was more concerned for my kids than my wife. She was and still is, for the most part dilusional. I was the only one the kids could count on. If I cracked then they were basically screwed. I could not live in, as you say, a loveless, sexless and emotionally barren relationship. Over the last 4 months I have found out a lot about myself. I did a terrible job setting bounderies with my wife and to a certain extent my kids. As I become more focused and self-confident I am seeing the kids gravitate towards me. I will always love my wife. Deep down inside I know she is a good person but I can't live in that relationship any more. I hope and pray that you, Aye, Distroyed and others on this board find true happiness. God Bless...Oz :)
Aye Carumba
08-22-2006, 09:11 PM
I have come to accept the fact my wife is who she is. Maybe she can help some of it, mabe she can't. But she will always be this person if I stay married to her. It is just not compatible for a long term relationship. I can still love her if I accept her for who she is, and stop taking it personally. If she is unable to change, then I must change. I too have learned alot about myself during this pain. I have my own issues and insecurities to deal with. I can address these issues and become a better, happier person.:D So I don't hate my wife, and I hope to maintain a "Veterans of War" relationship with her.;) Take Care
Kymberlee
08-23-2006, 10:07 PM
Aye and OZ: Thanks so much for being willing to bear it all! It really helps me to know that others are living thru this and are still strong people in their own right. I just got a job at the local middle school so I'm really excited about working and doing something different with my life. Time will tell! Thanks, again! Kym. :wave:
Wizard of Oz
08-25-2006, 11:59 AM
Kymberlee, Congrats on the new job. I didn't know you were/are a teacher. I hope my kids get a teacher as caring and loving as you are some day. We all have to stay strong..for us, our spouses and most importantly for our kids. God Bless...Oz :)
Kymberlee
08-25-2006, 05:41 PM
Hey, OZ! Thanks for the kind words! I'm not a teacher! LOL I'm a Social Worker! I'm going to work as an Educational Aide. ( I couldn't believe how much $$ they are giving me! It's great! They like my background of Social Work.) I hope that your kids get great teachers, too! ;) You're so sweet! Kym.