Willstrideryder
08-21-2006, 10:50 PM
How often do any of you parents out there get a break--just to relax or "gear up" for another week of parenting autistic children? I can go for only about 6 weeks, then I totally need a break--before I break!! What types of things do you do to relax? Any ideas--I'd love to hear!
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sross24
08-22-2006, 12:18 AM
I feel like I never get a break. I have not really been able to find many people able to babysit my children. My children are hard work, and there are so many of them. But I definately think that we all deserve a break. We work hard and could all use a night out now and then. Hope you get some much needed rest and relaxation soon.
-Steph
-Steph
PinkPiglet
08-22-2006, 12:51 AM
I'm not sure what resources you would have where you are but up here in Alberta we get respite paid for by the gov't.
I have a friend that takes all my kids for 4 hours a week and I get to pay her $18/hour. I take those 4 hours and do NOTHING. I got it set up just 10 months ago and I don't know how I managed to get through the last 18 years without it.
I have a friend that takes all my kids for 4 hours a week and I get to pay her $18/hour. I take those 4 hours and do NOTHING. I got it set up just 10 months ago and I don't know how I managed to get through the last 18 years without it.
elmhar
08-22-2006, 02:19 PM
IME it's been very important to get a short break away from my kids each day, even if only for 40 min., to destress & get exercise. I've been able to work this out w/my DH over the years, perhaps I am spoiled.
Looking into local respite care is a good option.
Relatives, if they are loving, willing, and capable -- but don't wear them out. We like to save them for emergencies.
Church or autism support group members, again, if LWC.
Check local colleges & universities for students in speech path, psychology, special ed. who are looking for experience with special needs kids. I would use these for regular short-term (like 2 hrs./week) once their references had been thoroughly checked, and after observing their interactions with my kids; I also would "pop in" occasionally to check on things.
Use your time when your children are in school to regroup yourself.
If your kids are too much all at once for most other families, could you co-ordinate a once-a-month evening getaway, farming the kids out in pairs to LWC relatives or trusted others? Perhaps one or two of your kids have friends they could do a sleepover with on that night?
Reciprocating w/other parents of special needs kids can work out well, but you have to check out the situation, parenting style, risk factors at the home, etc.
Best wishes.
Looking into local respite care is a good option.
Relatives, if they are loving, willing, and capable -- but don't wear them out. We like to save them for emergencies.
Church or autism support group members, again, if LWC.
Check local colleges & universities for students in speech path, psychology, special ed. who are looking for experience with special needs kids. I would use these for regular short-term (like 2 hrs./week) once their references had been thoroughly checked, and after observing their interactions with my kids; I also would "pop in" occasionally to check on things.
Use your time when your children are in school to regroup yourself.
If your kids are too much all at once for most other families, could you co-ordinate a once-a-month evening getaway, farming the kids out in pairs to LWC relatives or trusted others? Perhaps one or two of your kids have friends they could do a sleepover with on that night?
Reciprocating w/other parents of special needs kids can work out well, but you have to check out the situation, parenting style, risk factors at the home, etc.
Best wishes.
marksmom8
08-22-2006, 03:11 PM
:yawn: I guess I'm kinda lucky. My ex & I share joint custody of our son, Mark. He looks after him when I work (I work nights in a hotel) and during the day, Mark goes to a developmental preschool. The times we do have our son, it's hard work, but we try to make the best of it. I live on my own, but my ex moved back in with his parents, so he has more help with Mark than I do. There are days when I resent him for his extra help while I'm struggling with Mark when he's having an "off" day. My parents live an hour away, so I can't use them as support.
I've had to distance my relationship with them because they use the excuse that they don't see Mark enough to participate in any programs he's in. They try to read about autism, but that's not enough when it comes to their grandson. It's like they don't want to learn about his treatments and when we do visits, he stims, they get annoyed with him & me, saying I don't disclpline him enough to make him stop. It gets very trying. But I regress.
I make every moment with my son golden. Yes, he has autism, but he much more than an adjective.
I've had to distance my relationship with them because they use the excuse that they don't see Mark enough to participate in any programs he's in. They try to read about autism, but that's not enough when it comes to their grandson. It's like they don't want to learn about his treatments and when we do visits, he stims, they get annoyed with him & me, saying I don't disclpline him enough to make him stop. It gets very trying. But I regress.
I make every moment with my son golden. Yes, he has autism, but he much more than an adjective.
GatsbyLuvr1920
08-22-2006, 03:20 PM
I guess me going to college last year was my mom's "break." She often tells me that she "deserves a medal for raising me." It's true. I hate children (sensory issues), so I can't imagine raising one like me... :D
-GatsbyLuvr1920-
-GatsbyLuvr1920-
r12las
08-22-2006, 11:21 PM
Don't be hard onyourself. Its not fair of your mother to say that. From what I've seen of your previous posts and the person that you are, and your thoughtful caring personality, I would be proud to say that I had raised you. I have an overbearing mother and I will NEVER be able to live up to her expectations. You have achieved more than most of us would hope for. Just take care and believe in yourself,
Hugs and respect,
r12las xx
Hugs and respect,
r12las xx
taless
08-23-2006, 12:09 PM
I got myself into bad shape because I wouldn't take time to do something for myself by myself. If I went someplace I always had at least one of my kids with me (I have 2 - 3yr girl and a 7yrold boy who is autistic).
Once a year my parents will take the kids for the weekend. That's it. Now, I am dealing with health issues brought on by 7 years of stress.
I now am going to a chiropractor and neurologist. I have started going to a massage therapist every two weeks. I am teaching myself to relax and take care of myself. My husband is being very supportive. He gives me time to myself by taking the kids out and he doesn't complain too much when supper isn't ready when he gets home from work. And he doesn't care that I haven't picked up and straightened up the house for a week. I go through and clean once a week and in between that I just keep the bathrooms and kitchen taken care of. Before I always had to clean the house every day. I like everything neat and organized.
Once a year my parents will take the kids for the weekend. That's it. Now, I am dealing with health issues brought on by 7 years of stress.
I now am going to a chiropractor and neurologist. I have started going to a massage therapist every two weeks. I am teaching myself to relax and take care of myself. My husband is being very supportive. He gives me time to myself by taking the kids out and he doesn't complain too much when supper isn't ready when he gets home from work. And he doesn't care that I haven't picked up and straightened up the house for a week. I go through and clean once a week and in between that I just keep the bathrooms and kitchen taken care of. Before I always had to clean the house every day. I like everything neat and organized.
GatsbyLuvr1920
08-23-2006, 03:47 PM
Its not fair of your mother to say that. From what I've seen of your previous posts and the person that you are, and your thoughtful caring personality, I would be proud to say that I had raised you.
Oh, no- you misunderstood me (not uncommon). My mother is VERY proud of having a child like me. She just means that I was a hard child to raise because of my Asperger's. What Aspie child isn't a handful? Plus, my mother didn't know I was an Aspie until five months ago, so she always thought she was doing something wrong with her parenting. I just meant that my mother, like all of the other mothers on here, is amazing. I don't know how she did it. That's all. My mother is my biggest fan, and she has always been supportive of me. She is proud of my eccentricities and all of the talents that come from my Asperger's. It was just hard for her to get a break because my father verbally/emotionally abused us and was never home and she was a stay-at-home mom and then a single mom. I admire all that she has done for me. :angel:
-GatsbyLuvr1920-
Oh, no- you misunderstood me (not uncommon). My mother is VERY proud of having a child like me. She just means that I was a hard child to raise because of my Asperger's. What Aspie child isn't a handful? Plus, my mother didn't know I was an Aspie until five months ago, so she always thought she was doing something wrong with her parenting. I just meant that my mother, like all of the other mothers on here, is amazing. I don't know how she did it. That's all. My mother is my biggest fan, and she has always been supportive of me. She is proud of my eccentricities and all of the talents that come from my Asperger's. It was just hard for her to get a break because my father verbally/emotionally abused us and was never home and she was a stay-at-home mom and then a single mom. I admire all that she has done for me. :angel:
-GatsbyLuvr1920-
9CatMom
08-23-2006, 10:14 PM
Gatsby,
I know how you feel. I don't know how my mother did it. Asperger's was not known about in the days when I was growing up. Luckily, my mom always supported me and encouraged me to do well. If not for her, I would be nothing today.
I know how you feel. I don't know how my mother did it. Asperger's was not known about in the days when I was growing up. Luckily, my mom always supported me and encouraged me to do well. If not for her, I would be nothing today.
lizz554
08-24-2006, 01:10 AM
What's a break?:D