hypatia
08-25-2006, 11:42 AM
does the BP person remember the viscious, hurtful and untrue things she said/screamed? And if she refuses to believe she has a problem, will her primary dr. discuss her behavior with her husband? Or maybe it depends on the dr's willingness to get involved.
Sponsor
fallen_angel
08-25-2006, 12:22 PM
Many people on here ask questions about bipolar disorder as a whole, but it is extremely hard to generalise as everyone is different. It is possible to say what could be true for one person, but that doesnt necessarily mean that it is true for another. Ive talked to many fantastic people on here and we share some symptoms, but there are also many we dont. So your question is hard to answer as it really depends on the individual concerned.
Doctors are normally not allowed to disclose or discuss information due to patient confidentiality
Doctors are normally not allowed to disclose or discuss information due to patient confidentiality
hypatia
08-25-2006, 04:32 PM
Thank you both for your thoughtful responses. I will do everything I can to understand and support my bipolar DIL--if she will let me.
marshmallow
08-25-2006, 08:13 PM
my husband does not always remember what he does while raging but most of the time he does.
Kymberlee
08-25-2006, 08:38 PM
I would have to say that yes, my BP Husband remembers most of what he said during a rage. Having said that, there have been times that I have reminded him of something he yelled or said that was very hurtful and he has said, "Oh, I didn't say that." I think that most of the time when he's in a rage, he's so busy trying to get HIS way and his irrational thoughts/feelings/beliefs OUT LOUD that he DOES NOT listen to what he's saying or what anyone else has to say! :blob_fire There have been times that I have just walked away from him because I KNOW it's just his B.S. (the illness) again. Hope that helps. Yes, it still hurts TONS even when you know that it's the illness talking. It seems that his rage is always toward me or our little boy. (Most of the time it's towards me) Kym.
hypatia
08-25-2006, 08:58 PM
That helps sooo much, Kymberlee. And your comment helps too, Marshmallow. My son and i were feeling so helpless and baffled but after sharing with him all i've learned on this board, it seems that although it will be extremely difficult, we (really he) can cope. At least her anger is turned only toward him and me and not their 4 y/o son.
One more question--did the two of you have any idea what you were getting into when you married BP people?
One more question--did the two of you have any idea what you were getting into when you married BP people?
scared and sad
08-26-2006, 12:27 AM
I am not going to lie to you. Your son is in for a very long rollarcoaster. Especially if she is not willing to be receptive of others. I was angry for many years. All my bp moods and they were very rarely happy. I lost my marriage because of it. It took me 10 years to even out. When I say even out, I don't mean mood, I mean personality. Unfortuanetly I had to be alone and a single struggling mom to realize that my life wasn't so bad when we were together. All I was was bp, I was not me. If he is willing to stick it out, she will eventually (hopefully) even out (with help and counseling). However, this is not something I suspect that she will be able to do from suggestions. If she is anything like me, it will only offend her and make things worse. I wish I could give you good advise, but all I can say is that it ruled me and it sounds like it rules her. Only time (and the right meds) can help to change that and help her see what triggers certain moods and try to contain them. Good luck to you and your son.....
S&S
S&S
jen1008
08-26-2006, 12:37 AM
Hypatia,
I usually remember the things I said during my hypomanic episodes, but afterwards I may deny it because I can't believe that I said them. Just a thought. :)
also I noticed you are from Ft. Collins, I spent most of my life there after being born in Boulder! Always nice to meet a fellow Coloradoan :)
I usually remember the things I said during my hypomanic episodes, but afterwards I may deny it because I can't believe that I said them. Just a thought. :)
also I noticed you are from Ft. Collins, I spent most of my life there after being born in Boulder! Always nice to meet a fellow Coloradoan :)
hypatia
08-26-2006, 10:32 AM
Thanks S&S and Jen. Son is willing to hang in there for sake of the little one, but i have my own health issues and think it best to remove myself and let them deal together.
Hopefully DIL will seek med help. Her primary dr. did ask her if she needed a prescription for all the "stress" she tells him she is under. She is handling her job well (I think) but really has no stress except self-induced. Son/I do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. I stay out of her way in my basement apt. It's ironic that she begged me to move in (& all the money i invested must have helped, lol) but now she ignores me or blames me for everything.
Having raised 2 sons alone & cared for an alcoholic mom, i can relate to your situation, scared and sad--it's incredibly difficult alone.
And, Jen--didn't you find health care to be top notch in CO? small world, huh.
Hopefully DIL will seek med help. Her primary dr. did ask her if she needed a prescription for all the "stress" she tells him she is under. She is handling her job well (I think) but really has no stress except self-induced. Son/I do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. I stay out of her way in my basement apt. It's ironic that she begged me to move in (& all the money i invested must have helped, lol) but now she ignores me or blames me for everything.
Having raised 2 sons alone & cared for an alcoholic mom, i can relate to your situation, scared and sad--it's incredibly difficult alone.
And, Jen--didn't you find health care to be top notch in CO? small world, huh.
Kymberlee
08-26-2006, 12:36 PM
Hi, Hypatia! When I married my BP husband, he was nothing like he is now. He was a caring, loving man who showed me love and lived it out everyday! With this illness, he is just NOT the same person at all. He's like Dr. Jeckell and Mr. Hyde. It started a few yrs. after we were married and he got onto meds. (he was dx. as depression) He was much better for a couple of yrs. and then we had our baby. I think that the illness was always there, hiding in some form. Then we had this demanding, crying, beautiful bundle of joy and wammmm!!! He couldn't take it! He had a very dysfunctional childhood that he continues to deny and push away. I also think that being a Dad himself has really brought up tons of crap that happened to him when he was little. So...in answer to your question: I did not know when I married him he was this sick. I am happy that I have my boy because of our marriage. That's about all I can say that good came outta it right now. :eek: He still continues to be in deep denial. Until and IF he ever deals with all this stuff, I cannot see him getting better. Kym
hypatia
08-26-2006, 01:18 PM
I'm so sorry you too have to deal with all this crap, Kym. It just reinforces what i've been thinking. You are so lucky to have your beautiful child and I wonder if your hubby will grow closer and closer to him as he grows up. Even some 'normal' men have a hard time dealing with babies. At 4 y/o, my grandson seems to understand that sometimes mommy is just wacko and he needs to be on his best behavior. It's so sad for the little ones, isn't it? and unfair to all of us....Patty
marshmallow
08-26-2006, 09:48 PM
I know you asked the question a while back about if we knew what we were getting into before marriage. I had seem some of the rage but he kept saying if I married him it would get better. He kept pressuring me to get married and I did and the rage kept going on. I do love him very much but we probably should not of married.
hypatia
08-26-2006, 10:37 PM
Thanks, Marshmallow. It sort of seems like they can control/hide the symptoms when they really have to, doesn't it? Then they let their guard down, and the behaviors start showing up.
I haven't seen where any families of the one's with the disorder share that fact with the prospective spouse or let them know what they've seen/been thru, or what to watch out for. Of course, so many families are dys-functional any more, it may seem like normal behavior. Then there is also the denial.
Although each BP person is different, there seems to be a great similarity too. I have learned so much thru this thread!
I haven't seen where any families of the one's with the disorder share that fact with the prospective spouse or let them know what they've seen/been thru, or what to watch out for. Of course, so many families are dys-functional any more, it may seem like normal behavior. Then there is also the denial.
Although each BP person is different, there seems to be a great similarity too. I have learned so much thru this thread!
marshmallow
08-26-2006, 11:37 PM
your right all people with bipolar are different but do have similar behaviors. My husband is in deep denial and not on meds. He will not accept he could have anything wrong with him. Very sad.
Kymberlee
08-27-2006, 07:51 PM
Yes, it is so sad for the little ones. Noone deserves this...:confused: Anyway, I'm really happy that I can share on this board and have so much support! We all understand each other's pain, too. I have learned so much from others here on this board! Kym.