I keep posting, thanks to whoever cares enough to read and/or respond to this. I have been in a depressive phase for over three weeks now. I have been crying at least 7-9 times a day. I am hating the people who love me and generally going through a bad time. Yesterday, I finally called my doctor and told her what was going on. I have an appt. with her next week to talk and go over my medication. (I'm having severe issues from my past). Anway, she wants to start me on Effexor. I haven't picked it up yet. I've been taking 2-3 mg xanax a day to cope. (My Rx is for 1 mg 4x). Anyone with any advice is appreciated. IT's the weekend and tonight I should want to have a good time, right?

i have been depressed for 4 months. i't will go away, even if it wants to take it's sweet time. the doctor will be able to help. you may also want to see a therapist if issues from the past are hurting you. you will feel better don't worry, somtimes it just takes time, and figuring out the main cause of your depression. stay strong.

take care.

I think the weekend honestly at times is the worst time to go out at least for me. I don't do well in large crowds or with lots of noise and the weekends depending on where you go is usually that. I find the weekday is quieter and easier for me to enjoy food, art exhibits, or whatever it might be. I know to help lift my spirit I watch a favorite comedy like the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. I try to stay off of things that make me feel lonelier then what I already do and for me the net is one of them. I write a lot not just in diary or blog format but stories and poems to help vent and to get my mind onto something else.

If you don't feel like going out don't force yourself. It just makes having a good time harder to do and alcohol is not a bonus if you are down already for many people. Often times friends try to help in whatever they can even if they don't know what to say really or do.

So I am was not too sure on what you were asking but these were the thoughts that came to me.
Emerald

Hey ronnie,
i know you're being treated and hopefully they will look into adjusting your meds as you shouldnt be feeling this depressed. As for the issues from the past (which i know we talked about in another thread) have you considered having any sort of therapy? i had counselling to help deal with my past and it did relieve things a little. This is the kind of thing that the meds cannot deal with, and will just mask. so you need to get to the bottom of these feelings and help deal with them to move on.
I agree with Emerald, dont push yourself to go out just because you feel you should. im 24 and all my friends are out partying every weekend, ive only managed to go out 3 times this year. Only do it when you feel like it!
take care ronnie:angel:

Thanks all for your responses. I just don't understand whyI was doing fine and now I'm not. I don't want to see my parents. There are times when I don't even want to go home to my fiance and 5 year old. Emerald, it is always good to do something to occupy yourself. I guess it takes your mind off the depression. Fallen Angel, yeah I think some issues that I buried are coming to the surface - I don't know why now though? I have two appointments next week one with my med mgnmt person who also does therapy and I made another appointment with a therapist. I don't know if I'm going to keep the second one, though. YOu know, the problem is that when you need the therapy, ie: When I was hysterical and crying several times the other day and could tell my person exactly what the problems are, I couldn't tell her because I have to wait for the damn appointment. So like, you have to wait to reveal your hurt and pain until a stupid appointment? I did call her and tell her I have depressed for a few weeks now and for the past few days there have been crying fits periodically throughout the day (at work, in the car, everywhere). She said she would call in Effexor to my Rx. I don't know if I even want to pick it up. I told her on the phone that I was having a lot of issues right now. How have you been Angel? I've been wondering where you have been.

I guess I can only speak from my own point of view but often times things get brought to the surface via a trigger. For examply with the sexual abuse from my current hubby sometimes a movie, a scent, something someone says might bring it back for me the trauma and all. And sometimes like with being Bipolar it could be nothing at all really. Even with meds we know there are going to be times that the depression or mania breaks through. Though the severity of it is different for each person. I would suggest picking up the med and giving it a whirl. It might be just the thing you need to get you through to the appointment.

I also have days when I don't want to talk to anyone let alone be near them. I am lucky in that the sis I live with respects that and keeps to herself a lot anyway. It helps but then again it is isolating myself at the same time. Sort of a losing thing no matter what you do or don't do.

Emerald

Hi Emerald,
Thanks for your perspective.
Here it is near the end of the day and I am on the verge of crying again. My fiance called me up and was at the supermarket and asked if I wanted him to pick up anything for dinner and I said I have no idea what I want to do for dinner. He just said that was OK we could decide later. Then I just feel so inadequate sometimes because I can't even make these simple decisions in this mode. That's my biggest fear too, that people will start judging me as inadequate if I continue to go into this depression. The only people I think that truly empathize with bipolar and depression are health professionals and other bipolar/depressed people. Everyone else - family included - talks behind your back and wonders when you're going to "Knock yourself out of it" Have a good weekend Emerald. No matter what you do.

Ronnie,

I wanted to share with you my observations about the effects of Xanax and depression. My mom suffered with panic attacks for years and so did a very good friend of mine. I watched my mom deteriorate completely on Xanax to the point where her prescription was 280 Xanax bars a month and, because of the nature of the drug, she could not even ween herself off of it without risking going into a coma or death. She was so depressed from that drug she cried continually and was to the point where she could no longer function, all because of her panic attacks. My friend had the same problem. He started having panic attacks after a work accident and was put on Xanax. Like my mom, he ultimately went into a deep depression and completely changed. Now he's a drug addict that can't hold down a job, still on the Xanax.

That being said, I have suffered with bipolar and severe anxiety all my life. I was just recently diagnosed with bipolar, but knew of the anxiety for years. I opted for no treatment at all for the anxiety because of what I had to watch my mom and friend go through. And being bipolar and already having to worry about depression, I decided to just deal with the anxiety the best I could.

I cannot stress enough the negative, depressive effects Xanax had on these two people. Your depression and how it is affecting your life sounds just like what they went through. It was just awful to watch. Now, my mom is off the Xanax and deals with her anxiety the best she can like I do, and is leading a much more productive life. The panic attacks have long gone, and she is doing fine and is much happier than before. She spent ten years like that.

You should really ask your doctor about the Xanax your taking and how it might be affecting your sudden, episodic depressive behavior. It might be time to give that up, if you can.

Good luck and best wishes! :wave:

Thanks Gav for the input.

Ronniesteers, I'm sory you don't feel good right now. one thing I learned is that I have no idea and cant even begin to guess how bad it must feel. My wife is going through the same thing right now. She crys all the time and doesn't know why, she cant make simple decisions. She is also right now at the point that you described as not wanting to be around me or the kids. in fact she is very angry with me. I don't know why (I don't think she does either) But she has givin up the kids to me, because she says she cant handle them right now. she is also talking divorce again, saying she doesn't know what the heck she is doing and what she is capable of, but doesn't want to hurt me anymore. (too late) Right now she doesn't seem to have any feelings at all for me or our kids. however, last week she moved in with me for 2 whole days. while there she was saying she loved me and that she belonged with me and felt safe with me. those 2 days she was very calm rational and said on a couple of occations that she felt "normal" I wonder if the meds work and she feels "normal" will her feelings return? or are they gone for good?

Hey Ronnie, I suffer with severe depression and I have a bipolar son. I have been through what you are describing exactly. All of this unfortunately are normal symptoms of depression. When I am depressed I withdraw from everyone I can. It pains me to have to speak to anyone and when I do I feel they are judging me. I could not recover without medication and now take it to maintain. I take Lexapro. The Effexor will help with both depression and anxiety. I used to take it. It is very difficult to stop it, but it does work great for anxiety. I recommend you get it and start it ASAP because it takes a couple of weeks to start working and 4-6 weeks to get the full effects. You will gradually start to feel better. Now there seems no way you will ever feel normal again, but trust me you will. Therapy is a must, but you have to find a good one. Make sure they set goals with you. Hang in there.

Ronnie,

Please go pickup your prescrition for Effexor. Xanax will only help with anxiety.

hi ronnie
thanks for asking after me- i havent been on here too much lately as ive been feeling ill (physically) on my meds. They are doing a great job of stabilising my moods but side effects have been unpleasant lately. But other than that im hanging in there.
i hope things are a little better for you now- i totally agree with what you said about never actually having an appointment when you need one. The times ive been desperate ive not been able to get one and by the time the appointment has come round ive been much better! I agree with the last poster i think the Effexor is what you need right now. I think the reason feelings of depression and resentment from the past pop up out of nowhere has to be to do with the swings of the bipolar. Although bipolar is an illness in itself and is not strictly caused by events from our pasts, they can play a big part in it. I know my feelings of resentment and anger about my childhood have flown up out of nowhere when at times, and then died down just as quickly. they've certainly been better overall since i had counselling though.
good luck Ronnie and keep us updated

Thanks all for your replies. Distroyed When was the last time your wife went to the doctor and is she going for therapy? I really feel so bad for you. My fiance has been very supportive too especially since I have been acting really crazy the past couple of weeks. He is very forgiving. I wish I had answers for you. Maybe your wife needs a new combination of meds or to add one to stabilize her better?

To everyone,

Well, I went to pick up my prescription of Effexor XR and the very next day had sexual side effects. I took it again and again the next day I had side effects. Day three I stopped taking it. I am not the kind of person that can sacrifice my sex life even if I am a mess. Then I would just always be frustrated about that. I go to my doctor tomorrow and I don't know if she can help anymore with the meds. She is good to talk to, though. I'll lry you all know though.

Thanks all for your replies. Distroyed When was the last time your wife went to the doctor and is she going for therapy? I really feel so bad for you. My fiance has been very supportive too especially since I have been acting really crazy the past couple of weeks. He is very forgiving. I wish I had answers for you. Maybe your wife needs a new combination of meds or to add one to stabilize her better?

To everyone,

Well, I went to pick up my prescription of Effexor XR and the very next day had sexual side effects. I took it again and again the next day I had side effects. Day three I stopped taking it. I am not the kind of person that can sacrifice my sex life even if I am a mess. Then I would just always be frustrated about that. I go to my doctor tomorrow and I don't know if she can help anymore with the meds. She is good to talk to, though. I'll let you all know though.

Thanks all for your replies. Distroyed When was the last time your wife went to the doctor and is she going for therapy? I really feel so bad for you. My fiance has been very supportive too especially since I have been acting really crazy the past couple of weeks. He is very forgiving. I wish I had answers for you. Maybe your wife needs a new combination of meds or to add one to stabilize her better?

To everyone,

Well, I went to pick up my prescription of Effexor XR and the very next day had sexual side effects. I took it again and again the next day I had side effects. Day three I stopped taking it. I am not the kind of person that can sacrifice my sex life even if I am a mess. I have this problem with lexapro too and the other SSRIs, If I took them then I would just always be frustrated about that. I go to my doctor tomorrow and I don't know if she can help anymore with the meds. She is good to talk to, though. I'll let you all know though.

Ronnie, the wife goes every week to see 2 doc's. I don't think they can really do much for her right now except throw meds at her and see what happens.
when you feel distant from loved ones, what happens when your feelings come back, or do they? if so do they rush back or is it slow. I guess i'm asking if it's like a light switch.
won't sacrafice your sex life? huh, I wish I had one to sacrafice:rolleyes: I spend all my time doing damage control

No sex life, huh. Sorry about that but I was just being honest in my post. When I am alone and thinking about past (or present) things that the person has done "to me" (because at this point in my brain I've convinced myself I was a victim), I usually either get really angry or cry profusely. Sometimes it takes a little while to come out of it (sometimes 30 minutes or so, sometimes a few hours) or sometimes something will "knock me out of it" (like a phone call from the person I thought I was mad at.) Suddenly, everything seems OK again. There have been times when I have spent days going back and forth in this cycle - and that's what it is cycling (this is what is happening to me, lately which is why I am seeing the doctor today). I don't know whether to have hope or not. She probably doesn't have the answers either. Hope this helped you distroyed.:wave:

I hope you are feeling better today.

I suppose I could have a sex life if I wanted, their are a few puppies chasing me, but they are alot younger than me. (I don't look my age.)
something is stopping me, I dont know what. After all the wife has done I hope it's not loyalty that stopping me.

Thanks Distroyed. I don't have a lot of hope in what new medications the doctor can give me, unfortunately. It just happened to me again. I left the office for lunch crying and kept crying, I mean really bawling, for about 10 minutes. I caught my breath again, went into a store to buy an anniversary card for my parents and while I was standing in line started crying again. It doesn't help that I work for a real *sshole lawyer who is an egomaniac and loves to stress other people out because he's stressed. In spite of this, I perform my job well.

Listen, you know it just occured to me that with your wife there are probably other legitimate outside stressors that trigger her bipolar states/emotions. Work can be one of them (I don't know if she works) and children would be the other (you would be another stressor). If she is fragile and any one of these things makes her stressed (ie: her boss, kids not listening, you just wanting her back) it just becomes overwhelming and the emotions kick in - for me it's either rage or depression. I avoid people too when I'm "in a mood". And every day, if she's going through a difficult day, can be a nightmare because usually there's at least one stressor a day. Anyway, just some insight you've probably heard before but thought I'd put my two cents in anyway. I'm horrible. I lied to my fiance and told him I wouldn't drink again and I did(it makes it worse and sometimes I black out, etc., I never drink one drink). Anyway, because I've been feeling so bad, I did and he found out about it. I told him I wouldn't do it again (I usually drink one or two drinks but he thinks it interferes with my medication which it does). Well, anyway the way I see it, the stuff hasn't been working anyway. You see how bad women can be. God help me! I hope I can stop. I have even been to AA and then have come home and had a drink. Anyway, alcohol is my escape. That and working out (running). Hypocritical, hey? What is your wife's escape?

By the way, good for you. Don't know your age but it never hurts to have members of the opposite sex want you. Take Care.

Ronnie, please stick to exercise! I cant talk though, I been know to take a little drink every now and then (more now than then)
I don't want you to feel worse but for me the lies are the worst. I told the wife to lie to everyone else but please not me.

You are correct about the stress. If I leave her alone and don't talk about "US" she is ok, if I hint at what happened, KaBoom! :blob_fire
the kids stress her, so now I have them. her job stresses her so I offered to support her if she wanted to quit.
She askes me for space and then she doesn't allow me to give it. she contacts me
monday she was stressed at work and in turn wanted a divorce (again) from me
today she has called me 4 time to see how I was doing, because Ive been short with her for the past couple of days. some because of her, but mostly because of my Dad. I went to see him last night, he looks awful. he is down to his final days. just when you need your spouce and she is not there.

I know Distroyed and I am really sorry about your father. Is there anyone else that can be there for you now, or do you go to a church? I don't know what your wife feels, but I am certain she still loves you. Because I had days when I almost destroyed my relationship, then was sorry, then called then made up. Got enraged again (sometimes for legitimate reasons, sometimes because I just held too many grudges), then it went away and I wanted him back. Now, we are still together and much more stable. He has been very supportive of what I'm going through (like you for your wife). I hope there is a happy ending here somewhere.

Anyway, yeah, I feel like a yo yo and sorry this is so short but I have to leave now to go to the yo yo doctor.