The doc gave me Trileptal (300 mg per day) three weeks ago and I've also been taking 1 mg of Ativan a day. I'm just sooo tired and irritable and depressed. I try and put on a good front but it's just not working. Don't see my doc for another appt. for another 2 weeks (he's on vacation for 4 weeks...must be nice). I'm just so pissed off at the whole world. Granted my business could be doing better and I do feel a marked difference in my attitude when I'm making money but other than that, I'm on this roller coaster ride from day to day that is just making me dizzy. I wake up pissed off, then out of the blue start to get teary or full on cry, I come home and just collapse where normally I'm itching with energy until 2 a.m. My doc said to call the doc on call if I have any problems or questions but I don't want to involve a doc who has no clue who I am, plus I think it'll just confuse things. My wife (an RN) has observed that the meds don't seem to be working and said "just stop taking them" but I don't want to be the patient that just makes his own RX decisions on his own. This is a new doc for me and I don't want to piss him off, I'm afraid of pissing anyone off but no matter how hard I try, it seems to happen anyway. I don't want anyone to be pissed off at me. Most times I just want to die but I would never do such a selfish act with a wife, child, child on the way and a family that loves me. I so desperately want to be normal, want people to stop looking at me as if to say "what's up with him?" or give me the nod from a distance as if to say "I see you and acknowledge you but please stay away from me you freak".

I guess I just needed to rant a bit but at the same time I need to know that there's a light at the end of this endlessly dark tunnel. I joke with me wife in saying that the only thing that will save me are good combination of meds or to win the supper lotto.

Hi Misunderstood,
I understand what you mean about the anger problem.
Have you tried cognative behavioral therapy? Ihave been in therapy for over a year and this has helped me tremendously. Medications can only fix a part of the problem, but you need to be able to get to the root of the problem, before you can fix it.

Just a thought.
LB

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When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.