I am a 23 single mother of a three year old child. I am in a relationship with a bi-polar man who will not even think about taking meds let alone try them. At the moment, I live in DE and he lives in TN and to make matters better or worse, depending on how it is looked at, I am five months pregnant with his child. We have been together for about a year in and half and I know this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Because of my own illness I was told that I could not have anymore children after my son was born so we did not protect or ourselves, yet, having the child I am pregnant with now could mean my own life. We tried to abort the baby and because of different reasons, three times, the doctor could not do it. Together, him and I decided that this child was meant to be. Him and I, at this point, get to see each other may once every six weeks. This soon, will be coming to an end because we or at least I must start saving for a child. We have to decide weather it would be best for me to move there or for him to move here with me, we promised we would talk about it this past weekend, but of course, we never did. Friday was spent sleeping all night, Saturday was spent watching TV, shopping and pretending to sleep and Sunday was spent playing a game that he was “addicted “ to and could “not” stop playing. I know when we are apart things are worse for him, he feels more lonely and depressed and we both try our best to be helpful. I say sweeter things, let him I know I am always thinking of him and such. Since Thursday of last week we hardly spoke. This is the worse I have seen him and I am not really sure what to do or how to do it. It is bad enough on good days he keeps himself closed up but now I am really worried. We have very important things to talk about and at this point I am not sure how to bring up the subject with his moods. With my own sickness I deal with a lot of mental mood swings myself and being pregnant only makes things worse, having to fight with my own mind is not helping me help him. I am afraid that the conversation will turn into a fight and at this point, I could not deal with his harsh blunt words even though I understand it’s not his fault that he says them. Lately he says he feels “nothing” and I am not understanding or even being able to deal with that answer. How can someone feel nothing when they are about to become a father? I’ve tried everything I done in the past to help his mood, sweet talks, extra messages, leaving him be when he is annoyed and because I can not be there with him, he is not getting my usual tight hugs, soft kisses and extra touches, which seem to make it worse. As I said, I love this man with all my heart, and I know I want to spend my life with him, but this time, I feel so helpless. Because I am pregnant and feeling more needy of him, and he isn’t giving me what I need (again, I know its not his fault) I feel mad and angry as well, which then makes me feel guilty. He is always closed with his feelings, this is something that I learn to deal with, but at this point in “our” lives I feel and hoped he would lower the walls some but, if anything, any part of the wall I have chipped away in the last year and half as been fixed and is now firmly in place. So I guess I have a few questions,

1. Does anyone else feel or tend to feel “nothing”? I asked him to explain this, since this was the first time he opened up to how he felt, or lack of feeling and he said, I feel nothing, no sad, no happy, not tired, not awake, not numb, I just feel nothing.. I feel some guilt that I feel nothing when it comes to you and the baby but for the most part that comes and goes. He says he knows he loves me, but at this point, he is not feeling the love, but asked me to please remember that he does love me and is in love with me.

2. When in “bad” days, what helps you feel better other than meds, since he won’t take them? Is there anything I can do to ease his pain. Mostly, on his bad days he feels lonely. He can sometimes get angry quickly, but it won’t last long as long as he removes himself for the source of what made him angry in the first place, me or his parents, work, ECT.

3. When having to talk about serious things, and your bad days are coming more than alright days or good days, how would you like to be approached? Or would you rather your spouse wait for a good day? I tend to act as happy as he is when he is having a good (hyper day as him and I call them) because they are so rare I don’t want to ruin them for him.

4. For someone loving another with bi polar, has anyone found away that helps open the person up? Weather it is every day feelings, or feelings about deal with the bi-polar?

Thanks for listening(reading)

Jacqueline

Please, please, keep encouraging your love to get on medication. If he truly loves you and your unborn child he should do this for you and for himself. My husband was diagnosed Bi-Polar several years, he knew he needed help, with medication he is still hard to handle sometimes and says hateful things, although he says he doesn't mean it, still the same it hurts and in time you will probably begin to resent him. You cannot change him, I would suggest you do a lot of praying for yourself and him, pray for direction and strength. Remember marriage vows are for "better or worse", better can be wonderful and worse can be hell, you have to be strong to withstand these storms. Good luck and God Bless.

I'm a bipolar man married to a very willful and determined woman, one who won't let me go a day without taking my meds. She says I'm so much nicer, more emotional and level on my meds. That's why she insists on me taking them. She's always reminding me to take my meds.

I'd agree with what AnnieMae wrote. He should really at least give meds a trial run before dismissing them. They can really help. I can remember my life before I was properly medicated -- if I wasn't grouchy and irritable then I was deeply depressed. I had some periods of high spirits, but they were short lived.

Anyway, I think giving the meds an honest shot would be in everyone's best interest here. I was initially resistant to taking meds but feel fortunate that my wife put up a fight to get me to take them. Now we're both happy. Best of luck to you with this situation, I know it is difficult.