perfectlybroken
08-27-2006, 09:25 AM
hi, i got herpes two weeks ago from a one night stand...i'm not sure if he knew he had it or not but i'm pretty angry none-the-less...anyway ive been reading all the posts and they've scared me a bit...i'm scared of having more outbreaks and of passing it on to people...i'm really in limbo at the moment, hearing people say they have outbreaks every week and knowing that even if i use protection in the future i still might pass it on to someone is scaring me...how do you tell people? is stress the thing that brings it back? i'd love to hear how people have coped etc....thanks
also i was wandering how you know or can tell the first signs of an outbreak...i know they'll be milder than the first which is good as i had it quite bad but i only really knew there was something wrong when it started hurting when i went to the toilet....
also i was wandering how you know or can tell the first signs of an outbreak...i know they'll be milder than the first which is good as i had it quite bad but i only really knew there was something wrong when it started hurting when i went to the toilet....
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CloudySkies
08-27-2006, 04:16 PM
Hello PerfectlyBroken,
Though I've not been on this forum long I've been learning much about this virus. Some of the people here seem to be a tremendous source of strength, support and guidance. I myself am now playing the waiting game - my test results don't come back until mid next week, but I don't have a good feeling about it. I've basically convinced myself it's herpes because I know my body and I've done the reading and have talked to more than one Dr. and support helpline and I just don't know what else this could be???
Can I ask you how long your bumps/sores lasted (pending you had them)....from the time they first began to appear to when they were healed and basically gone? When you say you didn't notice anything until you went to the bathroom, what were your symptoms?
I have the same questions as you when it comes to how do you tell people you have this virus, as I'm in a new relationship this past 2 weeks and he's already so very special to me. Yes I realize it could have very well been this man who's passed herpes on to me if that's what it is I indeed have, but what's done is done and if that is what's going on, I'm sure he didn't know and I can't judge him for it either. If it was this new man in my life that's passed herpes on to me, that would mean I began having physical symptoms (bumps/sores) within 4-5 days after our first sexual contact and I don't know how likely that is...so now I'm terrified that if I do have herpes, not only how to tell this person but if he doesn't have it or didn't have it, then I've now exposed him to it. :O(
I too would also like to know how one can tell or feel when you're about to have another o/b?? I would very much appreciate hearing from those who know about this virus and have had experience with recurring outbreaks. What should one likely expect? Can a fever/chills/body aches be symptoms first, before the bumps/sores begin to develop? For that matter, when you have an o/b is there always presence of the sores and if so, do you have them first and then fever/chills, etc? Is there any kind of method to the madness of this virus?????
Though I've not been on this forum long I've been learning much about this virus. Some of the people here seem to be a tremendous source of strength, support and guidance. I myself am now playing the waiting game - my test results don't come back until mid next week, but I don't have a good feeling about it. I've basically convinced myself it's herpes because I know my body and I've done the reading and have talked to more than one Dr. and support helpline and I just don't know what else this could be???
Can I ask you how long your bumps/sores lasted (pending you had them)....from the time they first began to appear to when they were healed and basically gone? When you say you didn't notice anything until you went to the bathroom, what were your symptoms?
I have the same questions as you when it comes to how do you tell people you have this virus, as I'm in a new relationship this past 2 weeks and he's already so very special to me. Yes I realize it could have very well been this man who's passed herpes on to me if that's what it is I indeed have, but what's done is done and if that is what's going on, I'm sure he didn't know and I can't judge him for it either. If it was this new man in my life that's passed herpes on to me, that would mean I began having physical symptoms (bumps/sores) within 4-5 days after our first sexual contact and I don't know how likely that is...so now I'm terrified that if I do have herpes, not only how to tell this person but if he doesn't have it or didn't have it, then I've now exposed him to it. :O(
I too would also like to know how one can tell or feel when you're about to have another o/b?? I would very much appreciate hearing from those who know about this virus and have had experience with recurring outbreaks. What should one likely expect? Can a fever/chills/body aches be symptoms first, before the bumps/sores begin to develop? For that matter, when you have an o/b is there always presence of the sores and if so, do you have them first and then fever/chills, etc? Is there any kind of method to the madness of this virus?????
perfectlybroken
08-27-2006, 08:35 PM
hi, thanks for replying, basically i had sex on the sunday night and by the next weekend something wasn't right but i just put it down to friction pains, i noticed a little sore but thought nothing of it until the monday when it became so painful to pee [stinging] i was almost in tears...i noticed more sores and went to see my gp on the wed who said it was more than likey herpes but the test results havent even come back [a week and a half later]...she gave me aciclovir and some anaesthetic cream to numb the sores and they were gone in 5 days... i didnt get any other symptoms such as flu-like feelings but my glands in my groin were up and tender. i did realise though that i probably had sores earlier on but it was only when they burst that it hurt to pee...
i'm only 22 and the guy i got it off is only 18 and i cant get in touch with him so i need to talk to him about it whether he knew something was wrong or not he needs to know he's infecting people...
i spoke to one of my friends about how or when to tell potential partners and we figured that if someone was that commited it shouldn't make too much of a difference but its still not nice to know you could infect someone you like and if they're in as much pain as i was i'd feel awful and if you're boyfriend infected you i'm sure he'd feel just as bad and would want the same questions answered...?
when the doctor told me what it probably was i cried for about half an hour to her and luckily she was really supportive, as were my friends but i felt i needed to talk to people who knew exactly what i was going through...the initial feeling dirty and not knowing what would happen but i think you're right that the people on this board seems really supportive which is a great relief.
i hope you are ok...apparently one of the best thing for herpes is not to stress too much! and i hope someone can answer all our questions...
i'm only 22 and the guy i got it off is only 18 and i cant get in touch with him so i need to talk to him about it whether he knew something was wrong or not he needs to know he's infecting people...
i spoke to one of my friends about how or when to tell potential partners and we figured that if someone was that commited it shouldn't make too much of a difference but its still not nice to know you could infect someone you like and if they're in as much pain as i was i'd feel awful and if you're boyfriend infected you i'm sure he'd feel just as bad and would want the same questions answered...?
when the doctor told me what it probably was i cried for about half an hour to her and luckily she was really supportive, as were my friends but i felt i needed to talk to people who knew exactly what i was going through...the initial feeling dirty and not knowing what would happen but i think you're right that the people on this board seems really supportive which is a great relief.
i hope you are ok...apparently one of the best thing for herpes is not to stress too much! and i hope someone can answer all our questions...
Ornament
08-28-2006, 12:55 PM
:wave:
Welcome to this board both of you.....In order to get the answers that you both are looking for. I suggest out go back out to the main page of herpes and in the upper right side (by the page numbers) you'll see a "search box". Type in words like...telling, stress, etc. it will pull up other/older threads with recomendations to learning to deal with this. Keep in mind in the beginning - it is a "rollercoaster" of emotions. Read and learn as much as you can, this will truly be your salvation! But believe it or not - it DOES get easier with time. Keep in mind, no sense in stressing about it, because it really isn't going to change anything anyway.:rolleyes: -shinyOrn
Welcome to this board both of you.....In order to get the answers that you both are looking for. I suggest out go back out to the main page of herpes and in the upper right side (by the page numbers) you'll see a "search box". Type in words like...telling, stress, etc. it will pull up other/older threads with recomendations to learning to deal with this. Keep in mind in the beginning - it is a "rollercoaster" of emotions. Read and learn as much as you can, this will truly be your salvation! But believe it or not - it DOES get easier with time. Keep in mind, no sense in stressing about it, because it really isn't going to change anything anyway.:rolleyes: -shinyOrn
CloudySkies
08-28-2006, 02:51 PM
Thank you so much for the advice and kind words. I have not yet rec’d my results back from the culture I had taken this past Thursday morning, but as of this morning, I’m sure I have the virus; even if the culture comes back negative. Saturday evening I began feeling body aches with chills again (not sure if I had a fever but assuming I did). I had also noticed a bit of a red spot (that was not a bump) close to the very first bump that appeared last Tuesday night. Yesterday around noon I examined the area again and the red blemish was now slightly raised though was not tender to touch. Then last night I was definitely having uncomfortable tingling/crawling type sensations around the vaginal and anal area (and still am today). This morning that new mark is now a bump that seems to be forming a sore on the top and is now tender to touch…not only that, but it feels as though I’ve been kicked on the left side/butt area AND while showering this morning I was lathering up and accidentally scratched what felt like a little bump on the inside of my left thigh just under the buttock cheek (which did not realize was there until that moment). Almost immediately it was itchy after I had rubbed/scratched over it.…not 20 mins later the area was more like a rash with about 3-4 tiny little bumps right beside each other!!!! I clearly have the herpes virus and if I wasn’t 100% sure before, I am now. :O(
I was told by one of the Dr.’s in emergency the other day that has expertise on this virus that even a culture can come back negative after scraping or taking a swab. He said when taking the swab/culture the fluid from the blisters (before or immediately after they break open) must be present for a positive result. Being that the swab was taken when I had 2 spots that were already open sores (crater like center) and the other two at that time were only just red little bumps, I was told that there’s a strong likelihood the result will come back negative…which does not mean that it is a true “negative” result.
I have an appt. to see one of the Dr.’s in my family physicians office after work today and am going to specifically request the blood work be taken to test for this virus. I was told by another on this site that if I have blood work taken right now and if that comes back negative, than it’s pretty much a guarantee that this would then be a recent exposure if the antibodies are not showing yet, whether my culture comes back positive or not. Is this true?
I was told by one of the Dr.’s in emergency the other day that has expertise on this virus that even a culture can come back negative after scraping or taking a swab. He said when taking the swab/culture the fluid from the blisters (before or immediately after they break open) must be present for a positive result. Being that the swab was taken when I had 2 spots that were already open sores (crater like center) and the other two at that time were only just red little bumps, I was told that there’s a strong likelihood the result will come back negative…which does not mean that it is a true “negative” result.
I have an appt. to see one of the Dr.’s in my family physicians office after work today and am going to specifically request the blood work be taken to test for this virus. I was told by another on this site that if I have blood work taken right now and if that comes back negative, than it’s pretty much a guarantee that this would then be a recent exposure if the antibodies are not showing yet, whether my culture comes back positive or not. Is this true?
CloudySkies
08-28-2006, 03:15 PM
I'm trying to stay as positive as I can but I'm finding it more and more difficult and today's episode has made me feel even worse.... :O( When I saw the Dr. who took the culture and did cervical swabs this past Thursday, he said that if it's an initial outbreak that I'm lucky as it appeared to be a mild one (pending it is herpes he said). He asked when I noticed the first bump (which was late Tuesday evening) and then prescribed me Famvir to treat the symptoms as though it is herpes as he said we were still within the 72 hr window to treat the symptoms. Well so if this is the intial herpes outbreak happening to me right now (which all symptoms especially this past week seem to indicate) why would he prescribe Famvir? In what I've been reading, Famvir is not one of the meds given for an "initial outbreak"...and I had told this Dr. that I have never had these physical symptoms before, ever. And if I'm now having another outbreak, which seems to be happening not even a week later, than clearly the Famvir is NOT working....or am I wrong?? Are these new sores/bumps still part of the intial outbreak and if so, when do new sores stop developing and the healing process begin? And shouldn't this Famvir prescription (that I've been taking faithfully - 3 times a day since Thursday) have stopped the outbreak from spreading/getting worse??????
It's clearly getting worse, either that or it's a back-to-back outbreak which I've also read about...is that what could be happening and if so, I still don't understand why if I've been taking 3 doses a day of Famvir since Thursday....and the bumps and genital irritation didn't start until last Tuesday so the meds were started less than 48 hrs later??
It's clearly getting worse, either that or it's a back-to-back outbreak which I've also read about...is that what could be happening and if so, I still don't understand why if I've been taking 3 doses a day of Famvir since Thursday....and the bumps and genital irritation didn't start until last Tuesday so the meds were started less than 48 hrs later??
perfectlybroken
08-28-2006, 05:03 PM
i think everyone reacts differently but mine were all healed about the fourth/fifth [final] day of the tablets...just to ask...what kind of sores are they as mine were like puss filled blisters...[yuk] which burst unbeknownst to me and then when i peed it stung like crazy...there were quite a few aswell...
i think you do really need to get the results from the blood sample to ease your mind and try to stay positive...i know that sounds stupid! i've become a bit obsessed by mine...any slight tingle that i would normally dismiss i have to check out and everytime i go to the toilet i check which can't be healthy.
still can't get in touch with the guy i got it from and thats driving me mad too...and i've got a stupid exam on wednesday and trying to stay calm is proving difficult!
i think you do really need to get the results from the blood sample to ease your mind and try to stay positive...i know that sounds stupid! i've become a bit obsessed by mine...any slight tingle that i would normally dismiss i have to check out and everytime i go to the toilet i check which can't be healthy.
still can't get in touch with the guy i got it from and thats driving me mad too...and i've got a stupid exam on wednesday and trying to stay calm is proving difficult!
Ornament
08-28-2006, 05:21 PM
CloudySkies ~
1st. of all - you need TO CALM DOWN!!!! I've read all your posts and symptoms, but remember what I said, It's an emotional rollercoater (from hell) at first....Perhaps, you mental state is causing it to get worse. The Famvir won't help much if it's an initial ob, nothing really does!!!....It's your bodies way of reacting to the virus, if it's the virus at all!!!! I was diagnosised by swab about 12 days after exposure and it came back positive.(usually shows up in 2-20 days, from exposure) Never had bloodwork done. Every one is different, please keep that in mind!
Here's what you need to do....Read slowly and follow this to a tee. Start taking over the counter benadryl each tab. is 25mg., you can take 2 tabs or 50mg, in order to be effective. This will stop the itching and may make you tired. Secondly, go get an empty clean spray bottle and fill it with hydrogen peroxide and while squatting (over toilet bowl - sorry, if graphic) blast that lower area and hang there for a few minutes to air-dry. Another thing is no panties, put something loose on like boxers or sweats (not sure temp. of your area) the point is nothing touching that area and then find something to keep your mind off of it. Like read a book, watch a movie, listen to music, something to that helps you relax. To help improve your mental state. I know this is easier said than done....But, believe me -" been there done that "and you will survive.....
Good luck and try these ideas, then rest - your body needs to relax.-shinyOrn
1st. of all - you need TO CALM DOWN!!!! I've read all your posts and symptoms, but remember what I said, It's an emotional rollercoater (from hell) at first....Perhaps, you mental state is causing it to get worse. The Famvir won't help much if it's an initial ob, nothing really does!!!....It's your bodies way of reacting to the virus, if it's the virus at all!!!! I was diagnosised by swab about 12 days after exposure and it came back positive.(usually shows up in 2-20 days, from exposure) Never had bloodwork done. Every one is different, please keep that in mind!
Here's what you need to do....Read slowly and follow this to a tee. Start taking over the counter benadryl each tab. is 25mg., you can take 2 tabs or 50mg, in order to be effective. This will stop the itching and may make you tired. Secondly, go get an empty clean spray bottle and fill it with hydrogen peroxide and while squatting (over toilet bowl - sorry, if graphic) blast that lower area and hang there for a few minutes to air-dry. Another thing is no panties, put something loose on like boxers or sweats (not sure temp. of your area) the point is nothing touching that area and then find something to keep your mind off of it. Like read a book, watch a movie, listen to music, something to that helps you relax. To help improve your mental state. I know this is easier said than done....But, believe me -" been there done that "and you will survive.....
Good luck and try these ideas, then rest - your body needs to relax.-shinyOrn
keepsgoin
08-28-2006, 06:11 PM
By far the best thing that I've found to stop on ob in it's tracks is treating it with Cimetidine (or Tagamet) from Walmart...you take 1 tablet, 3 times a day and 2 before bedtime. Nothing, at least for me, has helped me like this. You can read about it by searching for cimetidine to treat herpes or tagamet to treat herpes. They suggest to use this for a week or two after the symptoms go away. I would strongly suggest for anyone suffering from herpes to try this...it's about $6 or $7 for a box of pills.
perfectlybroken
08-28-2006, 06:31 PM
i'm in england so any idea what the equivalent is?! and when do you take it? when you start tho think you're getting an ob? i cant stand the thought of this...taking tablets for this all my life to keep it under control...i've just been reading about how to tell partners and am really stressed out now...not sure how much help i'm getting from this...no offence to anyone but i'm starting to think ignorance is bliss....i've not worried so much till now [albeit i've only had it 3 weeks...]
keepsgoin
08-29-2006, 09:15 AM
I've never been to England so I have no idea with large discount chains exist there but you don't have Target or Walmart or the like? I can only assume that all the drug store chains have it too...the brand name is Tagamet and the active ingredient is Cimetidine so like at Walmart...right next to Tagamet they had the generic equivalent that's about half the price of Tagamet which is how I buy it. I take it as soon as I feel an OB coming on me...which usually by the time it dawns on me, I'll have the beginnings of a sore popping up. Usually I will take it for a few days but I read a little bit more info about it and they suggest to take it for a week or two after the symptoms go away. This time I'm going to take it for a whole week after my symptoms are gone and see if it by chance puts herpes into remission as the article claims it can do for some. That would be great. I have an older thread called "cimetidine and me" which tells maybe a little bit more about my using it. I will say that since my first OB which lasted 2 months at least...it has gradually gotten to be less and less major as the months roll by...I got it like around Dec of last year. I only get one sore at a time now.
CloudySkies
08-29-2006, 06:21 PM
I have to say thank you to all of you who’ve been posting to this thread. I could not agree more with 'perfectlybroken', some of the people on this forum sound so together, calm and at peace with what life has thrown their way. I too hope to share those feelings soon.
Today is a better day…did what 'shinyornament' suggested and calmed down. :) I said to myself last night “you can’t change what’s done, you can only deal with the outcome as best as you can”. If the results are positive I can not change that. There is only one thing to do about it and that’s accept where fate has brought me thus far. If I have this virus, there’s a reason. I am strong believer that ALL things happen for a reason and these past 6 yrs my faith and beliefs have taken me on a journey I wouldn’t change for anything. If I’m now faced with this challenge, I will prepare myself and embrace the change it will bring to my life…there is no other choice. So yes, today is a much better day.
So here’s something I found interesting. Has anyone else heard this before???
I was talking with the friend of mine (that I was with intimately 3 weeks ago – before I had the symptoms I’ve had this past week or so) who is now waiting for my results as the Dr. he saw yesterday said there’s no point in screening him for it unless my results are positive. Now here’s what’s really interesting, the Dr. he saw yesterday is apparently an STD specialist at one of our clinics here and he has told this friend of mine that even if a blood result comes back positive for the antibodies it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a carrier of the virus or passing it on to others. His explanation is this – if a person has been exposed to the virus it’s not uncommon for the body to show or develop the antibodies as with a cold/flu virus, those who are exposed and don’t get sick only means that they’re immune system has previously been exposed to that particular virus and/or their body is able to fight off the infection due to a strong immune system…so blood work can indeed show the antibodies to the herpes virus but it does not mean that person is actually “infected” with the virus. He also told him most people will at some point have physical symptoms of the virus if they’ve been infected, whether only once or several times that can be so mild that one would never know or expect….apparently this friend of mine has had no symptoms of any kind that were rattled off to him yesterday by this Dr. he saw so this Dr. is apparently suspecting that he does not have the virus and does not consider him high risk for having it either so he won’t screen the blood until he knows what the results are from my tests.
I have been examined by 2 Dr.’s and have spoke with 3 Dr.’s as well as 2 different individuals from local STD helplines, not to mention all the reading/research I’ve done this past week and all the postings I’ve read from you folks here along with another site, and at no point have I been told, read or heard what this Dr. just told my friend yesterday….have you???
Today is a better day…did what 'shinyornament' suggested and calmed down. :) I said to myself last night “you can’t change what’s done, you can only deal with the outcome as best as you can”. If the results are positive I can not change that. There is only one thing to do about it and that’s accept where fate has brought me thus far. If I have this virus, there’s a reason. I am strong believer that ALL things happen for a reason and these past 6 yrs my faith and beliefs have taken me on a journey I wouldn’t change for anything. If I’m now faced with this challenge, I will prepare myself and embrace the change it will bring to my life…there is no other choice. So yes, today is a much better day.
So here’s something I found interesting. Has anyone else heard this before???
I was talking with the friend of mine (that I was with intimately 3 weeks ago – before I had the symptoms I’ve had this past week or so) who is now waiting for my results as the Dr. he saw yesterday said there’s no point in screening him for it unless my results are positive. Now here’s what’s really interesting, the Dr. he saw yesterday is apparently an STD specialist at one of our clinics here and he has told this friend of mine that even if a blood result comes back positive for the antibodies it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a carrier of the virus or passing it on to others. His explanation is this – if a person has been exposed to the virus it’s not uncommon for the body to show or develop the antibodies as with a cold/flu virus, those who are exposed and don’t get sick only means that they’re immune system has previously been exposed to that particular virus and/or their body is able to fight off the infection due to a strong immune system…so blood work can indeed show the antibodies to the herpes virus but it does not mean that person is actually “infected” with the virus. He also told him most people will at some point have physical symptoms of the virus if they’ve been infected, whether only once or several times that can be so mild that one would never know or expect….apparently this friend of mine has had no symptoms of any kind that were rattled off to him yesterday by this Dr. he saw so this Dr. is apparently suspecting that he does not have the virus and does not consider him high risk for having it either so he won’t screen the blood until he knows what the results are from my tests.
I have been examined by 2 Dr.’s and have spoke with 3 Dr.’s as well as 2 different individuals from local STD helplines, not to mention all the reading/research I’ve done this past week and all the postings I’ve read from you folks here along with another site, and at no point have I been told, read or heard what this Dr. just told my friend yesterday….have you???
keepsgoin
08-29-2006, 06:39 PM
Well I think that what he probably has going on is his mind is that you don't have herpes unless you've had an actual outbreak. I have heard this thinking from doctors before from some other members here. But if you have the virus...according to everything I've read...you can be asymptomatic and still spread it even though you've never had an actual OB of it. I mean really does anyone know if this is true or not...I don't know that they know enough about herpes to say this is 100% true...maybe I'm just a doubting Thomas and very skeptical but I don't know....Probably there are doctors(the one your friend saw) out there also that don't believe that you can really spread it without an actual lesion or OB(ever) even though you have the herpes antibodies.
perfectlybroken
08-29-2006, 07:19 PM
this is what has also scared me....i got it from an english herpes site
What is asymptomatic shedding?
Asymptomatic shedding means that virus is present on the skin without causing any symptoms. If enough virus is being shed when direct skin contact occurs, a partner may become infected.
Asymptomatic shedding is often associated with herpes simplex because so many people carry this virus without knowing - they do not see or feel any symptoms - hence they are ‘asymptomatic carriers’.
As many as 2 out of 3 people who contract the virus, catch it from someone who is asymptomatic. This could be from the lips of someone who is unaware of a cold sore during oral sex, from the fingers of someone who does not know that he or she has a herpetic whitlow, or from direct genital contact.
People who experience recurrent symptoms may also occasionally shed virus asymptomatically between recurrences. This is more likely in the week before and the week after a recurrence.
In people who get recurrences, asymptomatic shedding occurs on average for 2 per cent of the time for people with type 2 infection and 0.7per cent of the time for those with type 1.
The fewer recurrences a person has, the less chance there is of asymptomatic shedding.
Asymptomatic shedding tends to diminish over the years. It is more likely to be happening in the first year and much less probable after that.
The virus is most often transmitted during the first four months of a new relationship; however partners are often together for years without the virus passing from one to the other.[/SIZE]
i'm thinking this is how i got the virus although i'm planning on finding out whether the guy who gave it to me had any idea or any symptoms when we had sex....
hope this clears up some things...i'm still freaked out!
What is asymptomatic shedding?
Asymptomatic shedding means that virus is present on the skin without causing any symptoms. If enough virus is being shed when direct skin contact occurs, a partner may become infected.
Asymptomatic shedding is often associated with herpes simplex because so many people carry this virus without knowing - they do not see or feel any symptoms - hence they are ‘asymptomatic carriers’.
As many as 2 out of 3 people who contract the virus, catch it from someone who is asymptomatic. This could be from the lips of someone who is unaware of a cold sore during oral sex, from the fingers of someone who does not know that he or she has a herpetic whitlow, or from direct genital contact.
People who experience recurrent symptoms may also occasionally shed virus asymptomatically between recurrences. This is more likely in the week before and the week after a recurrence.
In people who get recurrences, asymptomatic shedding occurs on average for 2 per cent of the time for people with type 2 infection and 0.7per cent of the time for those with type 1.
The fewer recurrences a person has, the less chance there is of asymptomatic shedding.
Asymptomatic shedding tends to diminish over the years. It is more likely to be happening in the first year and much less probable after that.
The virus is most often transmitted during the first four months of a new relationship; however partners are often together for years without the virus passing from one to the other.[/SIZE]
i'm thinking this is how i got the virus although i'm planning on finding out whether the guy who gave it to me had any idea or any symptoms when we had sex....
hope this clears up some things...i'm still freaked out!
cantelopecat
08-30-2006, 04:37 AM
I'm seeing the girl who gave it to me when I return to university next week, and I'm afraid of what I might to do her when I see her the first time. I'm considering moving residences just because of the anger she's caused me. Just thinking about her right now is making my arteries clench.
I gave it to my girlfriend in that shedding stage previously mentioned...pretty unfortunate because I would never have had sex with her unprotected had I known that **** had given it to me.
I gave it to my girlfriend in that shedding stage previously mentioned...pretty unfortunate because I would never have had sex with her unprotected had I known that **** had given it to me.
perfectlybroken
08-30-2006, 05:34 AM
i've got to talk to the guy who gave it to me in a couple of weeks when i go home...i think the best thing is to rise above it...she might not have a clue whats going on and not know that shes infecting people...at least lets hope so...
justnotfair
08-30-2006, 10:58 AM
I think that is one of the biggest things about HSV; the ability to be infected and not know. Many of those infected with HSV do have symptoms that are identifiable; however, they are just as many who many never have any pain or sores that make it clear to them their could be a problem.
I know you are upset about being infected, but that person many not know they had it or even worse you could have been infected from another partner and just showing symptoms now. You never really know. HSV is the ambiguous infection.
Can it be harder to move on? Certainly. Are you more selective of your sexual choosings? Of course.
All I can ask is don't waste years of your life loathing yourself. A mistake occurred; almost a wake up call if you will. There can be risk to having sex.
More time should be spent healing your mind and your body and the rest will fall into place.
I know you are upset about being infected, but that person many not know they had it or even worse you could have been infected from another partner and just showing symptoms now. You never really know. HSV is the ambiguous infection.
Can it be harder to move on? Certainly. Are you more selective of your sexual choosings? Of course.
All I can ask is don't waste years of your life loathing yourself. A mistake occurred; almost a wake up call if you will. There can be risk to having sex.
More time should be spent healing your mind and your body and the rest will fall into place.
CloudySkies
08-30-2006, 01:54 PM
To our new friend 'cantelopecat' ~
Well firstly, how do you know for sure that the girl you make reference to from University gave it to you?? In turn, how do you know it wasn't your current girlfriend who passed it on as she may have been unaware she had the virus?? How can you be 100% certain where it came from, when or who it came from??
I don't know you or your situation and I'm certainly not judging or defending anyone here. But what I've found out and been told by 3 different Dr.'s this past week is that it basically comes down to a VERY high percentage of individuals not ever really knowing (100%) where they got the virus from or when. It's a virus too tricky, hence the lack of testing and accurate results all these many many years the virus has been around....there's a reason for this and it's simply that, the virus is too tricky and affects so many in different ways.
The only way you'll get through your diagnosis is to let go of the anger. Even if you know for sure this girl you mention gave it to you, the liklihood is that she herself did not know she had the virus and if you chose not to use a condom and/or engage in any kind of sexual activity without a condom, then you yourself have to take some accountability and responsibility in it. I know it's frustrating and extremely upsetting, but if helps any, I had to do the same in accepting my own responsibility as well. I chose to have an intimate encounter and did not protect myself accordingly....and unfortunately there's a price that sometimes has to be paid.....I just thank god it wasn't worse - like HIV worse.
Hope you find the peace and understanding "cantelopecat'....you'll be SO much better off.....
Well firstly, how do you know for sure that the girl you make reference to from University gave it to you?? In turn, how do you know it wasn't your current girlfriend who passed it on as she may have been unaware she had the virus?? How can you be 100% certain where it came from, when or who it came from??
I don't know you or your situation and I'm certainly not judging or defending anyone here. But what I've found out and been told by 3 different Dr.'s this past week is that it basically comes down to a VERY high percentage of individuals not ever really knowing (100%) where they got the virus from or when. It's a virus too tricky, hence the lack of testing and accurate results all these many many years the virus has been around....there's a reason for this and it's simply that, the virus is too tricky and affects so many in different ways.
The only way you'll get through your diagnosis is to let go of the anger. Even if you know for sure this girl you mention gave it to you, the liklihood is that she herself did not know she had the virus and if you chose not to use a condom and/or engage in any kind of sexual activity without a condom, then you yourself have to take some accountability and responsibility in it. I know it's frustrating and extremely upsetting, but if helps any, I had to do the same in accepting my own responsibility as well. I chose to have an intimate encounter and did not protect myself accordingly....and unfortunately there's a price that sometimes has to be paid.....I just thank god it wasn't worse - like HIV worse.
Hope you find the peace and understanding "cantelopecat'....you'll be SO much better off.....
perfectlybroken
08-30-2006, 08:40 PM
just want to say quickly that it can still be contracted when using a condom so that can't be blamed entirely....
secondly i'm having a dillema... i've not seen the guy who i got it off in 3 weeks and i'm going hom in 2 weeks...do i tell him? my mum thinks i shouldn't as does my friend but i feel some responsibilty in this to make sure it doesnt get passed on to any more girls...i'm not really embarrassed to tell him or to educate him on the virus as i feel he should know what he's got i'm just not sure what to do if anything at all....
please help! my heads still a mess and this isnt helping...
thanks
secondly i'm having a dillema... i've not seen the guy who i got it off in 3 weeks and i'm going hom in 2 weeks...do i tell him? my mum thinks i shouldn't as does my friend but i feel some responsibilty in this to make sure it doesnt get passed on to any more girls...i'm not really embarrassed to tell him or to educate him on the virus as i feel he should know what he's got i'm just not sure what to do if anything at all....
please help! my heads still a mess and this isnt helping...
thanks
keepsgoin
08-31-2006, 10:07 AM
This is my suggestion to those of you guys that are waiting to announce to the "dirty stinkin' " person that gave them herpes...."keep your mouths shut"...I'm going to say that unless there is NO other possibility that anyone else could have possibly given you this...like you never had sex with anyone else...because this could very well backfire on you. That girl that you think gave you herpes may never have had one sign of herpes and may not have given you herpes. You may have given her herpes. Because if you point fingers...they may tell everyone that you have herpes. Because herpes still has such a stigma...I'd keep my mouth shut and keep your secret safe. People can be seriously cruel and like I said...unless there's no other possible way you got it but from them...keep quiet! I'm pretty sure that I first got infected with herpes about 9 months before I got a noticable OB so it's not 100% true that you'll break out 2 through 12 days from exposure! You may have had something as minor as a sore thoat (as someone pointed our here was their first symptom)...so noone is going to put 2 and 2 together and think that sore throat they had 6 months ago for a couple days would have anything to do with herpes.
CloudySkies
08-31-2006, 02:15 PM
I agree 100% with 'Keepsgoin'...and pointed out the same thing as well. Almost always there is no way of knowing when you were infected with the virus or from who. If you had sexual contact with more than person prior to finding out you have the virus (condom or no condom - intercourse or no intercourse) therein lies the confusion. You could have picked it up from someone you may have been with a year ago, 3 yrs ago and who knows, maybe even longer. There is no conclusive test (as yet) to determine how long one's body has been infected with said virus. You can't go by assumption and point fingers unless you do indeed know without ANY doubt who passed it on to you.
I myself have no idea as I never had symptoms or was tested for it until now and am still waiting for the results (I could know before the end of today). In my situation I know the 3 individuals I've been with sexually the past 1.5 yrs and am comfortable enough to tell them should my results come back positive...and even then, should the results come back positive, I still have no idea if it even was either of these 3 that passed it on to me. The only way I might have a good indication of when I may have contracted this virus is if my blood work comes back 'negative' - this would likely mean that my infection is a recent exposure within the last 3+ mths. If my blood work comes back positive than I've almost certainly had the virus for at least several weeks (from what I've been told it usually does not appear in bloodwork for at least 6-8 weeks and can take up 12-16 weeks even).
So folks, if you've had a blood test come back positive you really shouldn't be pointing fingers to those you've only recently been with as the antibodies WILL NOT appear in blood work immediately. That said, for those of you who did test POSITIVE in blood results, you can basically rule out the person(s) you were with during the 6+ weeks (minimum) before the blood was taken (not from the time the result came in but from the time the blood was drawn from your body) as the probability is very high that they did not pass it on to you.
That's my three cents....hope it helps. Placing blame isn't going to solve or help your situation, please remember that. It only creates more anger and if it's anger you have, it's best for you and this virus, to just let it go.
I myself have no idea as I never had symptoms or was tested for it until now and am still waiting for the results (I could know before the end of today). In my situation I know the 3 individuals I've been with sexually the past 1.5 yrs and am comfortable enough to tell them should my results come back positive...and even then, should the results come back positive, I still have no idea if it even was either of these 3 that passed it on to me. The only way I might have a good indication of when I may have contracted this virus is if my blood work comes back 'negative' - this would likely mean that my infection is a recent exposure within the last 3+ mths. If my blood work comes back positive than I've almost certainly had the virus for at least several weeks (from what I've been told it usually does not appear in bloodwork for at least 6-8 weeks and can take up 12-16 weeks even).
So folks, if you've had a blood test come back positive you really shouldn't be pointing fingers to those you've only recently been with as the antibodies WILL NOT appear in blood work immediately. That said, for those of you who did test POSITIVE in blood results, you can basically rule out the person(s) you were with during the 6+ weeks (minimum) before the blood was taken (not from the time the result came in but from the time the blood was drawn from your body) as the probability is very high that they did not pass it on to you.
That's my three cents....hope it helps. Placing blame isn't going to solve or help your situation, please remember that. It only creates more anger and if it's anger you have, it's best for you and this virus, to just let it go.
perfectlybroken
09-01-2006, 05:59 AM
but before this guy i hadnt had sex since last december so surely i can be sure it was him? and surely he needs to know so he can use condoms in the future to stop other girls getting it??
Pinky&TheBrain
09-18-2006, 05:15 AM
I STRONGLY disagree with the posts about "keeping your mouths shut" to former sex partners. That seems incredibly selfish. Why would you promote ignorance, considering the fact that ignorance is what got us here in the first place? You're right, it's not good to "point fingers" at anyone because you don't know who gave it to you. But you should tell all of your former partners so they can get tested -- for themselves and their future partners.
Pinky&TheBrain
09-18-2006, 06:03 AM
Sorry, this really, really peeved me:
"Because herpes still has such a stigma...I'd keep my mouth shut and keep your secret safe. People can be seriously cruel and like I said...unless there's no other possible way you got it but from them...keep quiet!"
Well then how in the world to we get rid of the stigma?! The stigma exists because 1) people don't know the facts about herpes; and 2) people don't realize how many everyday people have it. TALKING about herpes is what will reduce the stigma. "Keeping quiet" is no way to educate our former/current/future partners, nor anyone else we care about.
Since being diagnosed, I have told my past partners as well as a handful of close friends. They all had huge misconceptions about herpes. They didn't know you could get it while using a condom. They didn't know you can get it without sores present. They didn't know you might never show any signs. But my friends are being a lot more careful now to protect themselves. And while it's too late for the partner who gave it to me (he never knew he had herpes), he can now take medication to help prevent his future wife from getting sick. That makes me feel good. So because I am helping people, I don't worry about others being "seriously cruel" to me.
If someone really is "seriously cruel" enough to tell everyone that you (you specifically) have herpes, then their tackiness makes them look at lot worse than your honesty makes you look.
"Because herpes still has such a stigma...I'd keep my mouth shut and keep your secret safe. People can be seriously cruel and like I said...unless there's no other possible way you got it but from them...keep quiet!"
Well then how in the world to we get rid of the stigma?! The stigma exists because 1) people don't know the facts about herpes; and 2) people don't realize how many everyday people have it. TALKING about herpes is what will reduce the stigma. "Keeping quiet" is no way to educate our former/current/future partners, nor anyone else we care about.
Since being diagnosed, I have told my past partners as well as a handful of close friends. They all had huge misconceptions about herpes. They didn't know you could get it while using a condom. They didn't know you can get it without sores present. They didn't know you might never show any signs. But my friends are being a lot more careful now to protect themselves. And while it's too late for the partner who gave it to me (he never knew he had herpes), he can now take medication to help prevent his future wife from getting sick. That makes me feel good. So because I am helping people, I don't worry about others being "seriously cruel" to me.
If someone really is "seriously cruel" enough to tell everyone that you (you specifically) have herpes, then their tackiness makes them look at lot worse than your honesty makes you look.
lost123456789
09-18-2006, 01:29 PM
Hi
Please do NOT "keep your mouth shut." The more you help educate, the more we can stop the spread.
I did a diplomatic approach. I wrote a lengthy, un-emotional, fact ridden email to the guy who gave this to me and a previous boyfriend who would have been the other to give it to me. Both were very appreciative of the frank and honest nature, both were a bit freaked out, but ultimately, if someone is adult enough to be having sex, someone is adult enough to deal with this. The old boyfriend ended up NOT having it, but still he was a stand up guy and didnt go ballistic on me after i put him through the stress and tests of getting tested. The guy who did give it to me was very much thankful that I brought this to his attention since he had "no idea" he had it (although, he did say he may have once suspected something... great, buddy - thanks for following up on that!!!).
The only caveat to this is the email part. I knew I could trust these two guys (ha - I am picky about who I sleep with!) to not pass on the emails...so be sure this guy/gal isnt the type who will pass it to all your friends. If that is the case, write a letter instead, and read it to him/her. The less emotional you are, and the more facts you present the better.
Please do NOT "keep your mouth shut." The more you help educate, the more we can stop the spread.
I did a diplomatic approach. I wrote a lengthy, un-emotional, fact ridden email to the guy who gave this to me and a previous boyfriend who would have been the other to give it to me. Both were very appreciative of the frank and honest nature, both were a bit freaked out, but ultimately, if someone is adult enough to be having sex, someone is adult enough to deal with this. The old boyfriend ended up NOT having it, but still he was a stand up guy and didnt go ballistic on me after i put him through the stress and tests of getting tested. The guy who did give it to me was very much thankful that I brought this to his attention since he had "no idea" he had it (although, he did say he may have once suspected something... great, buddy - thanks for following up on that!!!).
The only caveat to this is the email part. I knew I could trust these two guys (ha - I am picky about who I sleep with!) to not pass on the emails...so be sure this guy/gal isnt the type who will pass it to all your friends. If that is the case, write a letter instead, and read it to him/her. The less emotional you are, and the more facts you present the better.
lost123456789
09-18-2006, 01:33 PM
Talking about the stigma - Ive been thinking about this a lot lately.
1. Whoever said it is just a rash is right...it is just a rash in a "private" area.
2. Anyone who has had chickenpox has a form of this virus.
3. Having herpes and having sex is like going to the gym: You go to the gym, you shower there, you wear flip flops, but nothing is going to guarantee you wont get athlete's foot. You can take all the precautions you want, but you will end up barefoot in the lockerroom and you will be exposed.
This is how I plan to present my erpes (forget the H, sounds much cooler as erpes) to a future partner. I'll let you know how that goes... lol.
:jester:
1. Whoever said it is just a rash is right...it is just a rash in a "private" area.
2. Anyone who has had chickenpox has a form of this virus.
3. Having herpes and having sex is like going to the gym: You go to the gym, you shower there, you wear flip flops, but nothing is going to guarantee you wont get athlete's foot. You can take all the precautions you want, but you will end up barefoot in the lockerroom and you will be exposed.
This is how I plan to present my erpes (forget the H, sounds much cooler as erpes) to a future partner. I'll let you know how that goes... lol.
:jester:
CloudySkies
09-21-2006, 02:33 AM
Ok I get the comparison to a certain degree about the athlete's foot infection and how easy it is to get, even when attempting to be cautious. However, one is curable with treatment and the other is not....big difference. Though I do appreciate your humour!! :D Something's gotta get us through, right! I tend to find humour in many things, most especially in things causing me great angst and such. So thanks for that....post was rather refreshing! :wave: