Lately I seem to be sliding back into depression... it's no where near the lowest levels I sunk to in my life, but it's definitely pervasive. I've drifted away from exercising and lately I haven't been taking the supplements I started taking as consistently... I'm just overall having more trouble keeping up with the things I was doing to make me feel better.

And the root the recent slide is loneliness. I am very much alone. I have family, but that's it. I feel like I don't have any real good friends. I have a few friends, but no one who I talk to or hang out with regularly. I spend my weekends alone in my apartment. If I want to see a movie, I go alone. If I want to eat out, I go alone. I'm tired of it.

I've tried to change things. Recently I made attempts to meet people through craigslist. I've met a few people but nothing that I see as a lasting friendship. But mostly it's been pretty flakey. And as barren as the landscape is with platonic relationships, with romantic relationships it's so much worse. I've tried the online dating thing and if anything it's been more discouraging. I'm not fat or ugly and I'm intelligent and friendly... I may not be a male model but that doesn't stop most guys from getting dates. But I can't seem to draw interest from anyone. I swear I am cursed to be alone for ever... at least that's how I feel. I've tried to accept it, to not desire making connections, but it's hard. Every time I see a couple, I feel sad. Every time I see this girl from work who spurned me, or her car, or another car that's the same color as her car, I feel sad. I can't seem to get away from this feeling that it's going to be like this forever.

Dear Feludax,

I understand how you are feeling. Life is NOT easy, but people make it through. Do you have a very close/best friend? Go out with them and talk to them. The best thing you can do is talk to someone, whether it's a friend, a family member, or a doctor. Also, with time you will find someone to date. It's excellent that you have self confidence and that is a quality girls love in guys. I believe that there is someone out there for everyone, and you will be just fine. Don't give up on yourself! Hope this helped.

-Nikki-

Life is hard enough with out being depressed then you throw that into the loop and bang....things just seem to explode. I have had the same problems in the past and will tell you thing DO and Will get better for you. Life has ups and downs but things will get better. Seems to me you have great qualitys and the right one is out there for you. Please be sure to spend time with people. It's tooo easy to isolate your self, been there done that. How about a game chat room?? people love to chat on those sites. Hope you feel better soon.

Mary

I have also experienced extreme loneliness. I did the internet chat thing for years and that did help. I had a few friends, but they were busy with their own lives with their husband and children. I was alone most weekends. That was the hardest part. I even went to a therapist and my main concern was my loneliness. I finally just began dating so many men over the internet that friends thought I would be found dead somewhere. I finally met someone over the internet and got married at age 38. I know feeling lonely is hard and I'm not saying to go crazy and date a bunch of unknowns from the internet, but I do think it is a good way to meet people and have some type of social contact. Maybe not the best kind, but hopefully you will find someone and that will change. I believe those chat rooms/dating services are just filled with people as lonely as you and I. I always feel it is such a shame that there are so many lonely people in this big world. Sometimes, I still feel lonely even though I am married.

Yes, I am lonely too. We all are, I think. Just listen to the Beatles' song, "Eleanor Rigby," and you'll realize that you are not alone at all in being alone. Not that that will make you feel much better...but still.

There's also a song called "How to Fight Loneliness," and I am not sure who sings it, but it's the first song on the soundtrack to the movie, "Girl, Interuppted." Definitely relatable.

Anyways.... I thought I had something to say that was of more substance, but now I can't quite remember. I hope you feel less lonely in time, though.

I agree even the most popular people feel lonliness at times. My favorite song is Killing Loneliness by H.I.M. I yearn for those moments when I can laugh with friends as we go out for lunch or dinner. I am not good on dating and though I am separated and will be getting divorced soon I hope. I see no reason to enter the dating arena. I do believe there is someone out there for everyone. Maybe when you least expect it will happen. It is hard to say. Just do the best you can and know we are all trying to kill the loneliness we feel.
Emerald

Thanks for the kind words everyone. I don't have a close/best friend to talk to. If I'm in a bind, if I need a favor, I pretty much got to rely on family or I'm alone. I don't want to talk too much to my family because they'll worry about it just as much if not more than I do, and that doesn't help.

One thing is... I'm 30 years old. When I was 20 it was easier to tell myself that it'll get better. Even when I was 25. Now I'm 30 and nothing has changed... if anything it's getting worse. Also, I'm a guy. Woman can afford to sit and wait for romance to come to them. Guys have to go out and make it happen. And to do that you've got to deal with doors being slammed in your face constantly. Every time I get a door slammed in my face I wonder all over again if it will ever end.

Right now I'm not feeling bad about it, but mostly what I'm feeling now is acceptance. I think the Buddhists are right, desire causes suffering. To be free of one is to be free of the other. It would be nice to feel like this all the time, but the desire for a connection will probably return, and with it the feeling of loneliness and the suffering.

I'm the same, I have no close friends as such. My social life mainly consists of going to work and friends I have online(Who I've never met) It's not enough, I need to know that I can be loved, and at weekends I want to have fun like othere people do. I have poor self esteem which stops this from happening.

Hi there, I know exactly how you feel. I have only recently started to feel lonely and I'm not sure why. It's a kind of panicky, needy feeling. I've lived as a single most of my life, but up until 3 years ago my daughter lived with me. She's now married with her own life and I've joined up as a Special Police Officer, joined groups etc but I do not have a "best friend" who lives nearby. I think you really need someone you can call at any time just to talk. I used to have a best friend but we had a difference of opinion and now she won't talk to me - ridiculous I know! :confused: My sister died 5 years ago and she and I were very close, could talk about anything and I suppose that has left a huge gap in my life. I have friends, but none who live near enough just to visit for a chat and, of course, no special friend. They all have busy lives anyway and I'm sure have all their own problems.

It's hard to form friendships when you feel needy, as you are not acting normally and people tend to find you clingy. Maybe all us lonelys should get together and be friends to each other - and not as a dating club.;)

It's hard to form friendships when you feel needy, as you are not acting normally and people tend to find you clingy. Maybe all us lonelys should get together and be friends to each other - and not as a dating club.;)

That would have some value, but like Therag, that probably isn't going to cut it. I want friends who I can call, friends who I can hang out with.

For me, it really isn't an issue of coming off as needy (even though, if I'm honest, I am needy). Actually it's the opposite and that may be part of the problem. For some reason throughout my life I've been spurned by people. And I've been hurt by it. So now I protect myself by not giving them the opportunity to spurn me. For example people at work, I'm friendly with quite a few of them, but I don't ask them to go out and watch movies. I don't really have a lot in common with the people at work even though I'm friendly with them, which is part of the reason why I was looking to meet people through craigslist. I joined a book club, and met up with some other people with a common interest, but I'm still not making friends that I feel I can rely on.

Hiya Feluda,

I can really identify with all of the posts on here. I don't feel so lonely now as I used to, although I think it might be because I got used to it rather than the situation changing much.

Something that helped me (and this might sound a bit weird) is visualisation. I read a book about creating positive energy, and it basically said you have to focus on what you want rather than what you don't have. So instead of thinking about the empty weekend coming up and feeling sad and unwanted because of it (oh god, I've had years of weekends like that!!), day dream a little and imagine, in every detail, this amazing weekend with lots of friends calling, several different options of what to do each day, different friends battling for your company because you're so popular and so much fun to be around. The key is to get so into your visualisation that you start to change the way you feel, so instead of feeling sad and lonely, your mood actually lifts and you start feeling more confident and optimistic. I have found this helpful - although my situation hasn't changed a huge amount yet I do seem to feel a bit more content and a bit less anxious. I've really enjoyed this weekend and I've just been pottering about - I haven't seen anyone or done anything exciting.

I can't remember the name of the book, but I think the author was Lynne Grabbhorn (sp). I'll try and get the name of the title for you.

I don't know if this will help or if you'll think I'm bonkers!! Hopefully it helps a little. Janine x

i am grateful for this thread. it sheds light on a lot of the feelings i've had or have...

i know what you mean about not talking to family or friends if they do exist. Everything i have talked to my family or friends about has come back in my face and they have complained about me and my problems. And it is hard, even if you are religious, when God or who/whatever just doesn't seem to be so real...

everything has its trials and tribulations. i had no friends, and finally made 2, but neither of them really give a rip about me. They only care about me being a friend to them, not really them being a friend to me. For instance, they want me to help them celebrate their birthdays, but they don't even mention mine.

Sometimes i want to be invisible, sometimes i don't.

My husband also said that its harder for men, because they are supposed to be the aggressive ones. I was lonely at 20 and at 30. A lot of that was just plain shyness though. When I could talk to people anonymously over the internet a lot of my loneliness went away. That may seem desperate to some people. But it is some social interaction and it makes me feel better. My husband is at work tonight, so I will probably just IM a friend that I have made. Sometimes, we even talk on the phone though the friend may be out of state. We will probably never meet, but we enjoy conversations together. I don't know how much we would have in common, but if there was some way for us to connect, I'd like to talk to you. Perhaps we will find something in common to discuss.

Thanks for the kind words everyone. I don't have a close/best friend to talk to. If I'm in a bind, if I need a favor, I pretty much got to rely on family or I'm alone. I don't want to talk too much to my family because they'll worry about it just as much if not more than I do, and that doesn't help.

One thing is... I'm 30 years old. When I was 20 it was easier to tell myself that it'll get better. Even when I was 25. Now I'm 30 and nothing has changed... if anything it's getting worse. Also, I'm a guy. Woman can afford to sit and wait for romance to come to them. Guys have to go out and make it happen. And to do that you've got to deal with doors being slammed in your face constantly. Every time I get a door slammed in my face I wonder all over again if it will ever end.

Right now I'm not feeling bad about it, but mostly what I'm feeling now is acceptance. I think the Buddhists are right, desire causes suffering. To be free of one is to be free of the other. It would be nice to feel like this all the time, but the desire for a connection will probably return, and with it the feeling of loneliness and the suffering.

I've made a lot of progress lately but I can't seem to tackle this loneliness problem. Honestly if I could get past this, I feel like depression may be behind me. But again this weekend I've been waiting for phone calls, emails and text messages that don't come. It's a really lousy feeling. I even seem to have trouble keeping friends via email. People just stop responding to my emails. I really can't figure it out...