My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and it has been wonderful until a month ago. We were so in love, crazy about each other and pulled each other through rough spots. We wanted to spend every minute with each other. Then, as if a switch flipped, he became extremely hyper, bouncing off the walls, distracted, aggressive (not towards me). He started flirting with women and told me later that he has to compulsively check them out. He is not that kind of guy at all. It was all me and nobody else. He tried to be loving towards me, but I could feel the effort.

He says he can't be attached to anyone, yet, he was miserable when we did not talk for a week. When we talk , he is super hyper, racing speech and totally over the top. He does calm down after a while, but he does not express love for me.

I have read so much about bipolar and I have made up my mind that as long as he gets treatment, I will try to work it out. He is amazing. I have read the horror stories here, but I am not ready to let go. He had promised to see a therapist once he has insurance, but I don't see it happening in this manic state.

To those of you who are bipolar, what is your advice? Can you tell me about mania? I really want to understand what is going on with him. We talked about it, he says he is fantastic, but emotionally detached. Then he calls crying and says he is so sad about all this and loves me. What is there for me to do? Keep my distance? Try to roll with it? I am talking to my therapist about my feelings and I am in good hands, but I want to better understand what is going on with him.

Any suggestion, advice, input, information about mania, personal experience would be great.:)

The mania for me is my own experience so don't take it as it belonging to everyone. A hypomanic state is like well maybe just one upper or maybe two. I get the energy of Wonderwoman and feel able to combat the world all the while taking care of stuff at home. I am just happy as a bug in a snug rug.

Now a full blown manic is usually loaded with psychotic paranoid features convinced that every move is being not only being watched, recorded, but taped as well. Usually the energy level is equal to about five or more uppers. I have almost a total lack of sleep at least till the body just shuts down. There are during the episode a lot of rage which is usually connected to the spying stuff though not always.

Now a mixed state to me is the weirdest and probably the hardest to describe to someone. I mean there are all the features of the manic state hypo or full blown plus depression to boot. I didn't really believe it existed until I had my first bout with it.

I know during a manic state the psychotic stuff can be seeing, hearing, smelling, and feeling things that aren't there. I am more apt to find a dude and fall in love (it feels like it). I can out talk usually most marathoners i have ever met twice over. And nothing is impossible.

Like they say what goes up must in the end come down. Slamming down you suddenly see nothing but death, doom, and destruction all around you. Everything feels tainted and the future is one bleak mess from which who would want to survive?

Being in a relationship with someone who is not medicated and running the gauntlet with their emotions is like dating three people and keeping them all straight. What you feel sometimes during a manic phase is as real as the man on the moon story. I do think you are right that while he is manic he is less likely to seek services of any kind. I was in a relationship with someone who was not medicated. It is a hard thing to go through really. And tiring to boot. How much can you handle for you say enough is enough? That is probably the better question. Or what will you do if he doesn't get help? Is this something you feel you can deal with in the long haul?

Emerald

Emerald - If you don't mind me asking, how long have you had BP & do you have BP I or II? Also, what meds are you currently on and have they helped?

THanks,
Annette

Being in a relationship with someone who is not medicated and running the gauntlet with their emotions is like dating three people and keeping them all straight. What you feel sometimes during a manic phase is as real as the man on the moon story. I do think you are right that while he is manic he is less likely to seek services of any kind. I was in a relationship with someone who was not medicated. It is a hard thing to go through really. And tiring to boot. How much can you handle for you say enough is enough? That is probably the better question. Or what will you do if he doesn't get help? Is this something you feel you can deal with in the long haul?

Emerald

Thank you very much for your insights. Much of what you describe, he has described to me as well.This is the first extended bout of mania I experience with him. There were times where milder mania and depression would alternate, but he never emotionally detached.

I have resolved for me to only continue this if he at least goes to see a therapist and is open with him/her. I also told him that I cannot handle secrets. He needs to talk to me about everything and that includes female friends.

How much I can take is a good question. I can take a lot as long as I can be sure that he loves me. I will admit that I want this manic state to be OVER ALREADY, so that we can talk again. Right now I feel like I am waiting it out. So I guess it also depends on how long I can handle this emotional detachment. I love him more than anyone before him and I am willing to work through and I willing to get through this "phase." But after that, I think he will have to hold to his promise and see a therapist.

But it's hard, I'm not gonna lie.

Neleah, You want to know what it's like to love someone with bp Read my posts. I am in hell and still waiting to come back

Thank you distroyed....I cannot even imagine what that must be like and yes I am taking it to heart....Your story is heartbreaking and I hope that you can find some peace for yourself, one way or the other.

He knows he can call me when he gets depressed and I want him to because I am the only one in his life who knows what is going on.

I am so lost and confused and sad. I know I should just move on, but how can you do that when you love someone like that and you know he is in a phase? I think about all this 24/7 and it's driving me crazy. I just can't leave yet. :(

Thank you for letting me vent here. It is all so difficult...

NeLeah!

It is hard to cut the strings that bind our hearts together when you love them so much and see so much potential in them. The problem soon becomes that they are dragging you down with them. It's like they are drowning and you keep trying to save them from themselves. Some of us have that need to be needed and when we are somehow we feel that much more loved. I don't know if that is me only or not. The thing is love never dies really it just becomes something else. And in the end you do have to remember to take care of you the best you can.

I hope soon you will feel either ready to let go and move on or how to help him and you get through this period.
Emerald

I hope soon you will feel either ready to let go and move on or how to help him and you get through this period.
Emerald

Yes, I have been struggling with making a decision, first of all. Here I go: I will wait this out. I will not close doors behind me until this mania is over. I just can't. I will keep my distance, though. I will not put myself into the position that I am competing with other women. I will not grant him the luxury of having the talks he enjoys so very much because he is not meeting my needs, currently. This might be a pride thing. I will be there for him when he needs me. And when he comes down, he will need to get help.

one thing about waiting this out. If and when he returns to earth, things will be great..for a while, but be prepared to do this all over again. Their is no cure. I understand the pain, it hurts! Now throw children into the mix. You can multipy that pain you are feeling. You have a serious choice to make. I am sure that nothing he has done was intentional, he does feel guilt at times. right now he is two people you are getting the one that is down, the other girls are getting the fun him, you know the one you used to get. he is sucking support out of you and not giving any. By the way I ask my wife why she doesn't have many girl friends, she say it because she gets along better with guys than girls. Toss in a little mania and wht do you think you get.

Yes, he has mostly female friends. Many of them worship the ground he walks on. You are right, that and mania is an interesting mix, to say the least. He has not cheated yet.

But right now I just can't walk away. I have tried. I broke it off and we didn't talk for a while. I just can't do that. He was out of it during that time.

Your story has stirred a lot within me, distroyed. It opened my eyes that things might not ever get better, but that they might get worse. And I am realizing now that although I can attribute much of his current behavior to mania, it hurts nevertheless. And I feel fortunate that I know now, before we are living together or have kids. I do have the luxury to figure things out from a distance. I wish I could express how important it was for me to read your story. I really really hope your life will take a turn for the better. And I would love to talk more. This is really really helping me.

this is not going to help you. It is not my intent to hurt you, or make you feel bad. but you say he has not cheated? is that his word? while manic he is capable of anything. lies are a big part of BP. I asked my wife 1,000 times during the past year if she was with someone else. every time she said no
I had a gut feeling. I found out last month that she had been seeing someone the whole time. and he is 22 years older than her. This was the biggest shock to me because it goes against everything my wife stands for and all her values. When she is "normal" she can't believe she did it, somtimes she say's it was like a bad dream and she is not convinced that she actually did it. well she did.
Again, I just want you to be aware. I am sorry if I scared you. You sound like me in that being cheated on is your worst nightmare.
This girl is into him.
He is in mania. (increased sex drive)
He is a guy (that speaks for itself)
Im sorry, just cant take everything he says right now a totaly accurate

Neleah, I'm sorry about this but I have to agree with distroyed. My wife of 14 years cheated on me about four months ago. Totally unlike her but very common when they are manic. Distroyed...Looks like we are still in hell.

Yeah, being cheated on is really my worst nightmare. Thank you guys for your honesty.

He is cheating on me emotionally, which is no better in my mind.

I think that hurts me the most. We had this awesome connection. I know him inside out, I researched his conditions (ADHD and bipolar), we made it through bad depressed episodes, we were so great together because we know each other so well and also because we were always honest with each other and we just really LOVED each other (not something about the person, but the person).

I just wanted to say thanks for your post. Many similarities in our situations and it always brings a feeling of support and understanding to know we aren't alone in these things.

Good luck to you and always remember to take care of yourself despite the rollercoaster. :wave:

Thank you Cujo! :)
It is comforting, isn't it? I just read your thread about your ex? What is the situation now?

He is still manic out the roof...acts like a cool tough guy, sex talk, cool talk and women thinking he is the dude. It's terrible. It is like I don't know this guy...

I just had a long phone talk with a very close friend whose husband (they are separated now) is schizophrenic and psychotic and it helped so much. Although the illnesses are different, our feelings, fears and anger are so similar. She has been through hell and back with him, but she also knows the feeling of not being able to let go.

Thank you Cujo! :)
It is comforting, isn't it? I just read your thread about your ex? What is the situation now?

He is still manic out the roof...acts like a cool tough guy, sex talk, cool talk and women thinking he is the dude. It's terrible. It is like I don't know this guy...The manic him is not him. I cannot hold it against him and I know he still loves me. Those breakdowns tell all...My friend just said that the other women are attractive to him also because they make him feel that there is nothing wrong with him. They admire the manic him because he is confident, brash, cool, edgy, blablabla. I hate it. He is so sweet and wonderful and caring....

I just had a long phone talk with a very close friend whose husband (they are separated now) is schizophrenic and psychotic and it helped so much. Although the illnesses are different, our feelings, fears and anger are so similar. She has been through hell and back with him, but she also knows the feeling of not being able to let go.


Well I dont want to derail your thread to my situation, I have MANY long posts about it haha.

Basically this is the 3rd or 4th, maybe 5th time she is in a mania and as soon as it was starting she didnt know her feelings for me anymore. So we had a long talk and she cant handle those in this state so now she is weird towards me. We dont talk at the moment unless its ME calling and havent hung out in a while. Within days of this talk she went on a date but sort of threw it in my face in a ODD way, we never do things like that to each other ever. She seems embarassed and confused ever since then though, and very uncomfortable asking me isnt it weird for you and just sounds guilty as hell. I know its not the true her but I have to just deal with it and maintain myself, my work etc... :(

Picturing how your guy is acting, I feel she is similar. Im sure she wants to be with people who dont acknowledge her disorder or know that shes manic etc.. I think thats the biggest reason contact becomes so little during this time. She knows I know and probably fears me ruining her goodtime with seriousness. Im sure shes walking around with the utmost confidence and like I said just Miss independent. I hate even thinking about it. However, this gives me some anger to protect myself and so far its working pretty good.

It hurts ALOT I know, but we wouldnt be hanging around if we weren't loving people would we? :)

Yes, it hurts me so much too that he hangs out with people who admire his illness that we both tried to fight together. And it is the same for me as for you, I try to talk to him, but he cannot handle it. He does not want to talk about emotions.

And yes, he also walks around thinking he is so confident and strong.

How long does the mania usually last in your ex?


It hurts ALOT I know, but we wouldnt be hanging around if we weren't loving people would we?

Yes, you are right and it gives me some strength. I love him too much to let go yet and I am grateful that I can love like that. I still have a lot of hope for us. But while he is manic, there is NOTHING to do. Whenever I get emotional, he literally runs from me.

It is very comforting to come here. The similarities between our stories are so striking and it is a good feeling that other people know how much it hurts, but also how difficult it is to let go.

Cujo, I just read your thread about your girlfriend and I want to thank you so much for sharing you experiences in such detail. So so so much of it sounds like him and me. We were so incredible close and for me, too, it felt like I had met my soulmate (it still does). I have had several relationships and it was never like this. The closeness, comfort, sweetness, trust, openness. It was amazing.


The advice you received in that thread was invaluable and I understand many things so much better now. I have actually already looked up a support group in my area and after reading about your experience, I am planning on going next week. :)

His manic state sounds much like hers in that he is angry all the time. But he also feels great, untouchable and so on.

Like you, I am so worried about him going into depression and I hope he will call me. I told him he can call me anytime. I am actually sure he will, so I try not to worry too much.

I will let him run for now, but I hope he will soon reach a phase in which we can talk.

Thank you again, for being so open and generous in sharing your feelings. It helped me through a very low phase tonight and opened my eyes to many things. There is much comfort in shared pain and frustration, as ironic as that sounds.

No problem Neleah, glad it helps.

As for how long does the mania last...

The first time around was the hardest, the deeper she got into it the less I heard from her until it was nothing for almost 8 months. However, we ended over an argument that lasted an hour, it wasnt SEVERE but it was too much for her to handle especially since she was manic and she was so angry towards me she stayed away that long. Although she says she wanted to contact me after 2 or 3 months she was too stubborn and didnt want to give in. Either way 2 or 3 months is a LONG time to hold anger over a petty argument about seeing her on a holiday, that should say something!. When stable if she sensed my being upset we worked through it like normal, if anything she feared me leaving her. Sooooo, didnt mean to rant there but I dont know how long that one lasted, it was her first time off meds in a good year or more so I have no idea.

Now, since speaking and hanging out again for the past 10 months there have been several manias ranging from a few days to sometimes a few weeks I believe. Sometimes its hard to tell, but other times its so obvious its mind blowing. That's the problem when unmedicated you never TRULY know who you are dealing with, and that part is unbelieveably stressful. I have hung out with her a few times during them and it was tough to see. But she also gets LOTS of the irritability more often with it then the high happiness. She can become VERY hateful towards everyone and everything and she knows it. She just says it will pass even when depressed.

For the most part though, even if they last a week she seems to get along with strangers better, new friends she will hang out with during that time, then when it ends she never speaks to them again and suddenly seems to return to herself. She is aware these things happen though but doesnt like to discuss it. Definitely doesnt seem to want to be around or deal with loved ones during these times, including me it seems. She may still talk to me this time around but she so involved in herself and whatever is going on that I cant be part of it really. Almost as if I am the normal world, and here when she is level or depressed?

I wish someone would point things out or get her to get help but I just dont see it anytime soon :/

Hope that helps a bit, I know everyone is different, and im not even sure her exact type but im starting to think rapid cycling with mixed episodes, I dont know. But you have to eat and take care of yourself, I certainly have wasted LOTS of time grieveing this and hoping we will work out again someday but it only kills you and tears you down to nothing. I was there, not eating, didnt talk to friends for a month or two, just nothing....no one understood me or her or what its like. Everyone says you dont need that crap, find someone new :(

The first time around is the hardest, if you find a way out where you feel good that you need to move on definitely take that chance. She came back in a sense and I am that much deeper in it now. Definitely check out the groups though if you stick around, it helped me greatly at the time.

Hope that helps a bit, I know everyone is different, and im not even sure her exact type but im starting to think rapid cycling with mixed episodes, I dont know. But you have to eat and take care of yourself, I certainly have wasted LOTS of time grieveing this and hoping we will work out again someday but it only kills you and tears you down to nothing. I was there, not eating, didnt talk to friends for a month or two, just nothing....no one understood me or her or what its like. Everyone says you dont need that crap, find someone new

It helps tremendously, thank you so much. His pattern seems a bit different. He acted like this around the same time last year. When we started dating, he was fine. He had brief bouts of depression and mania (a few hours, a day or two at most), but never detached from me.

Talking to friends has helped. I am lucky to have two very close friends who do not judge him. Others told me what people told you, "get the hell out." It really hurts, I know.