mamaduck4
08-30-2006, 01:02 PM
I guess I am looking for a little input regarding this subject. Almost every night my husband gets a little hyper. Walking around looking out the doors for who knows what for, etc. I realize this is called sundowning, but he gets very irritated about just anything and everything.....takes offense at everything, accuses me of wanting to get rid of him, should he go live in the garage, etc, etc, etc. Our oldest daughter is staying with us and helps out mowing the lawn and all kinds of things like that. Now he thinks she does a bad job of mowing the lawn and says I think she does everything perfectly. Where this comes from I really don't know. He also doesn't fully realize that she is our daughter. Questions this all the time. We had four kids and he now calls her number 4 instead of her name, when he isn't calling her Ed, whoever that is. Anyway, the thing that really puzzles me is....sometimes the first thing in the morning he says how sorry he is for being such a jerk the night before. I am surprised that he knows and is aware that he is being a jerk. I always thought when a person with AD acted like that they wouldn't be aware they were not being nice or for the most part not caring!
I didn't mean for this to be so long but I would really like to know if anyone else has had this problem???? Is this unusual for him to show remorse??
Thanks for listening.
Jan
I didn't mean for this to be so long but I would really like to know if anyone else has had this problem???? Is this unusual for him to show remorse??
Thanks for listening.
Jan
Sponsor
Martha H
08-30-2006, 03:45 PM
Jan, it sounds as if he is at that stage where they know and remember some things, but not enugh to act rational. He may well know he was irritable and said things the night before. Yet tonight he will get 'sundowning' again. It is a restless walking to and fro looking for something, or reorganizing something, throwing things out and getting thngs already in perfect oder beforehand all messed up.
Mom used to take all the utensils out of the kitchen drawer and put them back all wrong, all mixed up. In the morning I 'fixed' it - the next night she did it again. She must have wondered why it was always 'wrong' again when she went back ...
She also threw out good food and fresh flowers, and just wandered, up and down the rooms of the apartment, driving me crazy .. I was trying to sleep.
That stage is short. Not the sundowning but remembering your behavior of the day before. Mom has no clue now whether I last spoke to her today or a year ago or never. It is sad but she doesn't need to worry about having done anything inappropriate. She feels better than when she was worried about her own strange behavior.
Love,
Martha
Mom used to take all the utensils out of the kitchen drawer and put them back all wrong, all mixed up. In the morning I 'fixed' it - the next night she did it again. She must have wondered why it was always 'wrong' again when she went back ...
She also threw out good food and fresh flowers, and just wandered, up and down the rooms of the apartment, driving me crazy .. I was trying to sleep.
That stage is short. Not the sundowning but remembering your behavior of the day before. Mom has no clue now whether I last spoke to her today or a year ago or never. It is sad but she doesn't need to worry about having done anything inappropriate. She feels better than when she was worried about her own strange behavior.
Love,
Martha
angel_bear
08-30-2006, 07:59 PM
Hi Jan ..
this IS a confusing time for everybody isn't it? Nobody quite knows where to put themselves .. it's a bit like treading on egg-shells because you don't know what might trigger a behaviour.
You know, sometimes there is no trigger ... they just "turn" ... it's a real Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde kind of thing sometimes ... and all you can do is reassure them, comfort them and try and divert them.
There is a gentleman I know who, immediately after lunch starts his sundowning. He's obsessive .. each day the obsession is different .. one day he needs his car NOW (hasn't driven in 5 years) and he's so CONVINCING that the car HAS to be in the car park outside, and if he could just move it all would be well. Well, he's not allowed out of his area, he needs to be contained .. ... another day he needs to speak to the bank because he's being ripped off .. and there is NO placating him when THAT obsession starts ... another time he MUST know where the children are and no matter what answer you give him, it's not the answer he wants to hear ...
and this goes on for HOURS and HOURS until he can be put to bed .. it's EXHAUSTING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then out of the blue, one day, he'll approach and tell us he knows he has a memory problem and he's sorry if he can be difficult sometimes ......
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
he's been doing this for a year now, but he's an unusual man LOL :eek: LOL
I have found they are usually pretty good in the morning too, probably after some proper rest .. is there any way you can get him to have a nap straight after lunch? It's not always easy .. but you can give it a try. Does he have a shower in the morning or at night? Perhaps a shower might help settle him (won't hurt to have 2 showers a day if need be) ... what's his FAVOURITE chatty subjects? I have found talking about animals can be a good diversion sometimes .. even putting some kind of animal movie on the TV can be a good distraction at times ...
It's NOW you have to be inventive and tell little white lies to keep him as calm as possible so that the family unit can remain as calm as possible. Don't try and argue with him, its frustrating on both sides, if he thinks the lawn looks shoddy, tell him you'll speak to the 'help' and they will fix it ... take him to the lawn later and show him what a good job they did fixing it (little white lies: eg: See this bit they missed before? Isn't it great now?) acknowledge that in his mind what he saw was right (makes him feel better) and show him it's good now (creates the peace).
And .. write down the funny side of things .... it will help YOU .. I had one gentleman telling another person about me, and he kept calling me a "he" .. well, I just quietly pulled my shirt out in front of me (to check I still had breasts LOL) and said quietly to nobody in particular "I'm sure I'm still a she" and then he turned around and said "and not a bad sort either" .. HAHAHAHAHA ... yet then proceeded to keep calling me a HE !!!! LOL LOL LOL
Big hugs mamaduck ...:angel:
this IS a confusing time for everybody isn't it? Nobody quite knows where to put themselves .. it's a bit like treading on egg-shells because you don't know what might trigger a behaviour.
You know, sometimes there is no trigger ... they just "turn" ... it's a real Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde kind of thing sometimes ... and all you can do is reassure them, comfort them and try and divert them.
There is a gentleman I know who, immediately after lunch starts his sundowning. He's obsessive .. each day the obsession is different .. one day he needs his car NOW (hasn't driven in 5 years) and he's so CONVINCING that the car HAS to be in the car park outside, and if he could just move it all would be well. Well, he's not allowed out of his area, he needs to be contained .. ... another day he needs to speak to the bank because he's being ripped off .. and there is NO placating him when THAT obsession starts ... another time he MUST know where the children are and no matter what answer you give him, it's not the answer he wants to hear ...
and this goes on for HOURS and HOURS until he can be put to bed .. it's EXHAUSTING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then out of the blue, one day, he'll approach and tell us he knows he has a memory problem and he's sorry if he can be difficult sometimes ......
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
he's been doing this for a year now, but he's an unusual man LOL :eek: LOL
I have found they are usually pretty good in the morning too, probably after some proper rest .. is there any way you can get him to have a nap straight after lunch? It's not always easy .. but you can give it a try. Does he have a shower in the morning or at night? Perhaps a shower might help settle him (won't hurt to have 2 showers a day if need be) ... what's his FAVOURITE chatty subjects? I have found talking about animals can be a good diversion sometimes .. even putting some kind of animal movie on the TV can be a good distraction at times ...
It's NOW you have to be inventive and tell little white lies to keep him as calm as possible so that the family unit can remain as calm as possible. Don't try and argue with him, its frustrating on both sides, if he thinks the lawn looks shoddy, tell him you'll speak to the 'help' and they will fix it ... take him to the lawn later and show him what a good job they did fixing it (little white lies: eg: See this bit they missed before? Isn't it great now?) acknowledge that in his mind what he saw was right (makes him feel better) and show him it's good now (creates the peace).
And .. write down the funny side of things .... it will help YOU .. I had one gentleman telling another person about me, and he kept calling me a "he" .. well, I just quietly pulled my shirt out in front of me (to check I still had breasts LOL) and said quietly to nobody in particular "I'm sure I'm still a she" and then he turned around and said "and not a bad sort either" .. HAHAHAHAHA ... yet then proceeded to keep calling me a HE !!!! LOL LOL LOL
Big hugs mamaduck ...:angel:
ToBeFreeToRoam
08-31-2006, 03:36 AM
Hi Jan and Angel Bear,
I am dreading the day that my dad gets sundowning. Right now, he mostly sleeps 1/2 of the day. Does every alzheimers patient get sundowning?
Jan does your dad try to go outside at night???? That would scare me.
And Angel Bear, that last little part, that was so so funny!!! A good way to go to bed, with a smile on my face... :>
Take care everyone.
Love, Wannabe
I am dreading the day that my dad gets sundowning. Right now, he mostly sleeps 1/2 of the day. Does every alzheimers patient get sundowning?
Jan does your dad try to go outside at night???? That would scare me.
And Angel Bear, that last little part, that was so so funny!!! A good way to go to bed, with a smile on my face... :>
Take care everyone.
Love, Wannabe
mamaduck4
08-31-2006, 03:14 PM
Hi all,
Thanks for your great input. I can always count on you people to help me through some of these puzzeling times. I would love to carry on a conversation with my husband but he doesn't say anything that I am able to understand. Except for the swear words that pop out of his mouth. Also, it would be great if I could get him in the shower at least once a day. I so far have not been able to do that so two times is sure out. He doesn't sleep at night and only takes little cat naps during the day. There is absolutely no reasoning with him any longer so it is hard to try and make him see or understand what I am trying to tell him. He is obsessed with many things as I mentioned in one of my other posts. The mailman is top of the list. Money is always on his mind and he always wants to borrow some from me until pay day. Go figure!!!
Anyway, I am doing the very best I can but it is hard to be put down no matter what you try to do for him. He has also started acting like the food I fix him is not very good. Same food I have been fixing for the last 51 years!
Thanks again for listening.
Jan:
Thanks for your great input. I can always count on you people to help me through some of these puzzeling times. I would love to carry on a conversation with my husband but he doesn't say anything that I am able to understand. Except for the swear words that pop out of his mouth. Also, it would be great if I could get him in the shower at least once a day. I so far have not been able to do that so two times is sure out. He doesn't sleep at night and only takes little cat naps during the day. There is absolutely no reasoning with him any longer so it is hard to try and make him see or understand what I am trying to tell him. He is obsessed with many things as I mentioned in one of my other posts. The mailman is top of the list. Money is always on his mind and he always wants to borrow some from me until pay day. Go figure!!!
Anyway, I am doing the very best I can but it is hard to be put down no matter what you try to do for him. He has also started acting like the food I fix him is not very good. Same food I have been fixing for the last 51 years!
Thanks again for listening.
Jan:
georgie04
08-31-2006, 04:27 PM
It does make you scratch your head sometimes in sheer bewilderment. Of all the bizarre things SIL has done, by far the most disconcerting thing was a full-blown apology for her behaviour that she delivered to me. This was only a matter of hours after she would not have looked at all out of place swinging from a tree in the jungle. She even said that if she were me she wouldn't be able to be as kind and tolerant towards her!!!!:eek:
You just can't help thinking "Well, if you can apologise for your behaviour, does that mean you can modify it?"
And my sincere symapthy to your daughter - I'm not sure how well I would cope with being called 'number four' lol!!!
love Geogie
You just can't help thinking "Well, if you can apologise for your behaviour, does that mean you can modify it?"
And my sincere symapthy to your daughter - I'm not sure how well I would cope with being called 'number four' lol!!!
love Geogie
angel_bear
08-31-2006, 04:32 PM
Ahh .. Mamaduck, you have learnt the first lesson well ...
You can no longer reason with him.
It sounds to me like he has one of the temporal lobe dementias .. that affects speech (however swear words stay ..:eek: .. isn't that intriguing? People who never swore do it in spades now .. hmmm :rolleyes: ) and moods (violence) ... a medium sized anti depressant may be able to help some of his moods. My ex charge had Primary Progressive Aphasia and she had no words except swear words and "lovely lovely". It's so HARD to communicate when they can't !!! (And your not sure they understand what's going in either!!)
As for showering .. yes well, apparently some of our loved ones turn into my teenager and become allergic to water. Again, we have to cajole and con to get them wet. On the bright side, they usually don't do anything to make them REALLY DIRTY, so a top & tail can be sufficient most times, of course, that being said, even THAT can be difficult sometimes.
Don't push it .. don't ever ever push it .. do NOT put YOURSELF at risk .. ok?? There are times you have to be bossy, and there are times you MUST remove yourself from a potential incident. It's for YOUR safety .. if something happens to YOU, who is going to look after him ??
Does he still recognise money or could play money be introduced to him as 'his' money?
Try and avoid 'cat napping' because that throw's their body clock out. Many times, when they wake up from even a 2 minute doze, they think its tomorrow and the rest of the day is out of kilter. If they no longer recognise night from day, again, you have to be inventive to keep them moving. Some medications can make them sleepy too, so check with your doctor if some medications can actually be taken at night.
Do try the lawn diversion tactic I mentioned before .. it might not work the first or second time, heck, it might not work at all, but give it a try - - I know I feel a little silly sometimes going along with an obsession, but many times, when their obsession is validated, they calm down (or go to a new one).
Has he been tested specifically for the type of dementia he has? I know it's difficult to fully diagnose EXACTLY until autopsy, but the scans today show so many details now ...
Oh another thing I have found that can work well is aromatherapy .. a hand massage with a simple moisterizer & lavender oil works wonders, or a back massage with moisterizer & peppermint oil can do amazing things. Gives you a chance of intimacy (if he'll sit still long enough and not go wandering off LOL) and together'ness.
You can no longer reason with him.
It sounds to me like he has one of the temporal lobe dementias .. that affects speech (however swear words stay ..:eek: .. isn't that intriguing? People who never swore do it in spades now .. hmmm :rolleyes: ) and moods (violence) ... a medium sized anti depressant may be able to help some of his moods. My ex charge had Primary Progressive Aphasia and she had no words except swear words and "lovely lovely". It's so HARD to communicate when they can't !!! (And your not sure they understand what's going in either!!)
As for showering .. yes well, apparently some of our loved ones turn into my teenager and become allergic to water. Again, we have to cajole and con to get them wet. On the bright side, they usually don't do anything to make them REALLY DIRTY, so a top & tail can be sufficient most times, of course, that being said, even THAT can be difficult sometimes.
Don't push it .. don't ever ever push it .. do NOT put YOURSELF at risk .. ok?? There are times you have to be bossy, and there are times you MUST remove yourself from a potential incident. It's for YOUR safety .. if something happens to YOU, who is going to look after him ??
Does he still recognise money or could play money be introduced to him as 'his' money?
Try and avoid 'cat napping' because that throw's their body clock out. Many times, when they wake up from even a 2 minute doze, they think its tomorrow and the rest of the day is out of kilter. If they no longer recognise night from day, again, you have to be inventive to keep them moving. Some medications can make them sleepy too, so check with your doctor if some medications can actually be taken at night.
Do try the lawn diversion tactic I mentioned before .. it might not work the first or second time, heck, it might not work at all, but give it a try - - I know I feel a little silly sometimes going along with an obsession, but many times, when their obsession is validated, they calm down (or go to a new one).
Has he been tested specifically for the type of dementia he has? I know it's difficult to fully diagnose EXACTLY until autopsy, but the scans today show so many details now ...
Oh another thing I have found that can work well is aromatherapy .. a hand massage with a simple moisterizer & lavender oil works wonders, or a back massage with moisterizer & peppermint oil can do amazing things. Gives you a chance of intimacy (if he'll sit still long enough and not go wandering off LOL) and together'ness.
georgie04
08-31-2006, 04:41 PM
Talking about body clocks angel, shouldn'y yours be telling you you should still be in bed?
mamaduck4
08-31-2006, 05:14 PM
Angel Bear,
Thanks for all the good info. Yes I do watch out for myself when he is acting out because he is a lot larger than I am. Don't think he would really hurt me but my kids worry about that. Your responses are always so informative that I really appreciate you taking the time to do that.
Thanks again,
Jan
Thanks for all the good info. Yes I do watch out for myself when he is acting out because he is a lot larger than I am. Don't think he would really hurt me but my kids worry about that. Your responses are always so informative that I really appreciate you taking the time to do that.
Thanks again,
Jan
angel_bear
09-01-2006, 02:47 AM
That's ok .. always here to help ..
and talking of body clocks .. mine is so out of 'whack' now it doesn't matter ... LOL .. I was typing that response whilst eating a slice of toast about to run out the door and head to work ... (after coming home at 10pm and not being able to sleep until midnite) .. I'm gonna be a tired little bunny in a few hours (actually, driving home this afternoon was a bit of a challenge .. but never mind, I made it home in one piece)
Cheers
!!!!
:angel: :wave: :D
and talking of body clocks .. mine is so out of 'whack' now it doesn't matter ... LOL .. I was typing that response whilst eating a slice of toast about to run out the door and head to work ... (after coming home at 10pm and not being able to sleep until midnite) .. I'm gonna be a tired little bunny in a few hours (actually, driving home this afternoon was a bit of a challenge .. but never mind, I made it home in one piece)
Cheers
!!!!
:angel: :wave: :D