Hello to everyone. I'm new to the boards. I'm hoping I can get some words of wisdom or advice to help me.
My father passed away on February 23, 2006. He had emphysema/COPD. For those who don't know what that is, its a severe lung problem. His lung capacity was 25%.
Anyway, I was very close to him. They say time heals all wounds, but it has been 6 months and i don't feel better....i actually feel worse. He was only 67 and it just doesn't seem fair that he had to die.
I miss him unbelievably.
Please tell me how to deal with this pain.
Also, I keep reading all these horrible things about the other parent dying soon after from a broken heart. My mother is grieving terribly and I am scared I am going to lose her too. I would have to be put in a mental institution if that happened.
Please, any help is greatly appreciated.
Thanks for listening!!

Chelrony,

COPD is a devistating disease. My husband had this as well...and passed away on August 6th. It's so hard to watch someone you love gasping for each breath that most of us take for granted.

I'm just at the beginning of my journey, but I can relate to how you and your mother are feeling. The loss is huge, and there aren't many adequate words to discribe it most of the time. Same with the road to healing...everyone is so different in how they handle grief.

I have joined a couple online grief support groups, and it helps to find people who actually "get it". Most people want to comfort you...but it's awkward for them to know what to say or do. It really seems to help to find people who know the road that we are on. Not that you ever want to have anyone be on the road to begin with.

You may want to search for a local grief support group in your area. Lots of the hospitals, hospices, and other places have them. I have gone to one in my area so far, and plan to go to a different location soon too.

It's good that you and your Mom can be a support system...it may also help her to find someone that knows what it feels to lose a spouse too. Even though it's grief...it's different at the same time. I've lost both of my parents and it's been different for each one of them, and completely different than losing your mate. She may find comfort to be able to share with someone in the same circumstance. Just a thought.

I guess we just have to ride the ride and hope that time will heal the intense pain.

My best to you and your Mom,

Sandi

Six months is way too soon to expect yourself to feel good. And that is meant to be comforting because I remember feeling like I should be functioning better even at the one year mark.

My dad died Feb. 6, 2001 at age 75 - and I don't care if he had been 90. I am and will always be a "Daddy's Girl". I miss him every day, so my first word of wisdom is NOT to expect to ever stop missing him...

I guess I can compare my grief & pain to a huge canvas bag that was slung on my bag that was so huge and shapeless that it nearly brought me to my knees.
With time, and LOTS of time, that bag has become a little more manageable, and some of the corners and edges are a little more tucked in - it has become a little easier to carry with time.

Another thing that has helped me out is to look for what I call "little Hello's" from my Dad. They can be something universal like the "pennies from heaven", or very individual (cardinals, certain songs, unique phrases my dad said).

It's kind of like the grief & loss of his death is jagged rock tossed in a river.
Over time the water flowing over it has smoothed out many of the edges - and yet, the loss is still there.

One thing that helped me alot in my first few yearss was to write my Dad letters. Just big ol' newsy letters, telling him what I'm doing, that I miss him, just anything at all. I don't know WHY it helped, but it did.

I also went to a Hospice Grief Group. (You don't have to have used Hospice & there is no charge). They were wonderful. I don't know how to tell you how much it felt to be with others who needed to talk about the death of someone they love.

And, there is HERE!!

Dearest,
So saddened by your experience in life. May your child's great soul rest in eternal peace! May God give you strength to go through this and realize that love is eternal.....
Please please look for a grief support group and join.....

'Support is everywhere. It comes from other people - strangers, best friends, communities and organizations. It comes from your environment, from your Higher Power, and from cherished things. It comes from you as a gift to yourself - learning how to take care of yourself is an important part of healing for many people!

Support is anything that freely nurtures and sustains you. The possibilities are endless. A singing bird on a quiet afternoon can do it. A day at an amusement park can do it too. Solitary meditation does it for some people. Attending a support group does it for others. A smile can be just as supportive as a community-wide relief effort.
My dear, love is eternal. It does not die when the body dies. Hearts and souls that are joined on earth are united forever.

God Bless You!