I'm a newb here, and am hoping to find some support through this difficult time. I'm Heather, and my dh is Jeremy. We've been married for four years and have been ttc since day one. Dh has a low sperm count that seems to go anywhere from 0.5% to 45% of normal. Unfortunatly, last time we went in for a iui the count was too low to use. Tomorrow we try again, but at the urologist early this week the count was still to low to use. With all the hormones going though me all i can do is cry. And to make matters worse my mother told me last weekend that maybe i just needed to come to grips with the idea that i will never get preg. It doesn't help that my cousin, who was raised in the same house as me--more like a brother--is expecting his first "accident" next month. and my family can't see why i can't just be happy for them. I can't be happy for anyone right now. it seems as if all i can do anymore is get up and try to make it through one more day, dragging myself along, just barely

Any advice on dealing with family? Lately i've just been ignoring them, but we've always been so close so even the distance hurts.

sorry for the rant.

im so sorry u are going thorugh this, believe me i understand! my brother had an "oops" that is do in january, from a girl he met just a few months ago, at first i was upset and my mother couldnt understand why i couldnt be HAPPY as can be for him.. then i realized that all children are a blessing, and im gonna love my niece (their having a girl) sooo much, im gonna be the best aunt ever.. no it is not the same, but we cant blame the people that get pregnant easy, its not their fault.. if u could get pregnant easily, would u truly understand people who couldnt??? ive been through the hurt of all my friends unplanned pregnancy, and wondered, when is it my turn, im actually asking for this!! and it is hard, but i guess sometimes we just gotta look at all those kids as blessing whether they were "not planned", or planned for yrs and yrs and born through infertility treatments.. and the family thing, as long as u have dh to support u, if they truly dont know what to say to you the best thing is to just not talk to them about it.. and i dont believe anyone "needs to realize they may never be pregnant" we shouldnt give up, if its our dream to be parents, who is the one who gets to say, we "werent meant to have children" that is just cruel, i dont believe in any way God uses infertility as a punishment, bc what the heck did we do wrong!!! its just a hardship in life that some great women have to deal with, but we will get through it... anyway, im glad u came to the board ive found the most supportive women here and im sure u will too!! GOOD LUCk to u and dh!!!!:angel:

thank u so much, deep down i really am happy for my cousin. i just can't bring myself to be around either him or his mother right now, and i've never even met the mom-to-be. anyway, just have a rough couple of days, my mom's lack of possitiveness is the bad part.

but maybe today will go well. i could use a little good news.

Heather - I wish you all the best today! Praying for a great outcome with your IUI!

I, too, am so sorry you are going through the pain you are going through. I have been on this journey for 2 years and I have had about 12 people close to me become pregnant. Several of which were trying NOT to get pregnant. One of them even had her tubes tied and still got pregnant. I, at one point, told myself that if I hear of one more person getting pregnant, I'm going to scream!!!

But, as ASPROUSY said, all children are a blessing - though it has taken me a LONG time to be able to accept and be happy for those around me having babies - My DH and I are going to be Aunt and Unlce in March and I couldn't be more excited. I am different from most of the people on this board, in that, I LOVE to be around babies. I guess I figure if there's a possibility I can't have my own, I want to enjoy the ones around me as much as I can, while I can!!

I have spent days, weeks and months PRAYING that I would be able to accept these other pregnancies aroung me - I was miserable from the beginning - crying every day, feeling sorry for myself - I still do the crying and sometimes feeling sorry for myself, but I am much better and able to accept what is going on around me with a true happiness for them.

Hang in there - this board is great, so please use it for support whenever you feel you need it. There's no place you can go to find this many WONDERFUL women who know exactly what you are going through. It's amazing how close you can get to people you've never met in person!

You and DH are in my prayers. Take care and keep us posted!

~ravae

hi heather :wave: Sorry to hear it's been so rough for you - i think we can all relate in one way or another. Many of my close friends and family members conceived - most planned, but some unplanned - during the time DH & I were dealing with infertility. I experienced the same exact feelings you're describing and, to be honest, it sucked to feel that way! :p

As for the low sperm count & IUI, have you spoken with your RE about the possibility of doing IVF? As long as there are some good sperm in there, IVF can be done (count doesn't matter that much). I know it's a LOT more expensive and not all insurance companies cover it... but it's just a thought. We went through four unsucessful IUIs (not to mention years of ttc naturally) before getting a BFP with our first IVF w/ICSI cycle.

Good luck to you - and lots of sticky baby dust! :D

well, hopefully it won't be necessary since yesterday they were actually able to do the iui. feels like i'm halfway there. :) but anyway, we've talked about ivf but my insurance won't cover it until i have "exhosted all other, less invasive, procedures." don't u love the vagueness of insurance companies.

Hi Heather .. I am sorry your family isnt supportive of you and your feelings. I am very close with my mom and she knows how badly I want a baby. DH and I have been TTC for 5 yrs now with no luck. I get so upset some months and naturally I turn to my mom for support. One day out of the blue she says to me "Stephanie, maybe it just isnt meant to be, you need to think about other options, what if you arent able to have a baby?" You could have knocked me over with a feather. Of all people to say that to me. I was upset and pissed off at the same time and I didnt know what to say so I let it go. A few conversations later (maybe a couple of months later) I (stupidly!) vent to her again about how upset I am .. yadda yadda yadda .. and she says the same thing to me again. This time I let her have it. I told her that I couldnt believe she would say that to me. What I need is positive support, not negative and that I am not ready nor willing to accept that I might not have a baby or that it isnt meant to be. Why should I have to? She took a step back and apologized, she didnt realise how upset that made me and she has really tried to be positive. I am not saying call your mom and let her have it .. although with hormones, you just never know :) But definitely be blunt with her, be perfectly honest. IF is not something we are making up, it isnt something that is easy to deal with. Negativity is not what we need in our lives, it's hard enough as it is. And you know what Heather? If you are happy for your cousin, thats great .. if you are jealous, thats how it is .. you are entitled to feel how you feel. **hugs** girlie and keep your chin up. Family isnt perfect but ya gotta love em, right??
hahahaha :rolleyes:

Best of luck with your IUI .. try to stay positive and tons of sticky vibes to you!!