LuvMyLilDoggie
09-02-2006, 04:56 PM
I read in my local newspaper today that there was a 71 y/o woman arrested for elder abuse of her 100 y/o father.
The woman said she offered to take her father in with her in Florida. She said her father sold his old home and bought one in Florida in his daughter's name. She was his caretaker but her daughter helped her out. All documents regarding the house have a signature that looks exactly like her father's. The woman's sister got suspicious of previous financial dealings when their father stated that he wanted to come home. His granddaughter drove him back to Illinois and the other daughter put him into an assisted living facility. This is when the father began saying that the Florida daughter robbed him blind. The father pressed charges against the Florida daughter. The Florida daughter insisted that she was innocent and that her father suffered from memory loss. The daughter was offered a deal where if she admitted what she'd done, she would not go to prison. She refused saying that if she plead guilty to something she was innocent of, her reputation would be stained for the rest of her life. The woman's sister said that the woman wrote a check for $70-something thousand dollars before going to jail to pay for her half of the home and that the woman stopped payment on the check as soon as she went back to Florida but this could not be proven. The father testified in court against his daughter but his testimony had many answers like "I don't know, maybe, I'm not sure". The woman was convicted based mostly on the father's testimony of what had transpired in Florida.
Now the father is in an assisted living facility about 15 miles from me and his daughter sits in prison...
When I think of it, it sends shivers down my spine. I don't know if the woman is guilty or not. But how many of us could be accused of the same thing? Most of us take care of financial dealings when our parents can no longer handle it. How many of our loved ones could be convinced that we were up to no good? We get accused of everything under the sun as it is. Is it possible?
Just wondering....
Love, Barb
The woman said she offered to take her father in with her in Florida. She said her father sold his old home and bought one in Florida in his daughter's name. She was his caretaker but her daughter helped her out. All documents regarding the house have a signature that looks exactly like her father's. The woman's sister got suspicious of previous financial dealings when their father stated that he wanted to come home. His granddaughter drove him back to Illinois and the other daughter put him into an assisted living facility. This is when the father began saying that the Florida daughter robbed him blind. The father pressed charges against the Florida daughter. The Florida daughter insisted that she was innocent and that her father suffered from memory loss. The daughter was offered a deal where if she admitted what she'd done, she would not go to prison. She refused saying that if she plead guilty to something she was innocent of, her reputation would be stained for the rest of her life. The woman's sister said that the woman wrote a check for $70-something thousand dollars before going to jail to pay for her half of the home and that the woman stopped payment on the check as soon as she went back to Florida but this could not be proven. The father testified in court against his daughter but his testimony had many answers like "I don't know, maybe, I'm not sure". The woman was convicted based mostly on the father's testimony of what had transpired in Florida.
Now the father is in an assisted living facility about 15 miles from me and his daughter sits in prison...
When I think of it, it sends shivers down my spine. I don't know if the woman is guilty or not. But how many of us could be accused of the same thing? Most of us take care of financial dealings when our parents can no longer handle it. How many of our loved ones could be convinced that we were up to no good? We get accused of everything under the sun as it is. Is it possible?
Just wondering....
Love, Barb
Sponsor
Martha H
09-02-2006, 08:00 PM
OMG ..that is soooo scary!
I believe the daughter. Her 'dear' sister got their father all churned up about imagined abuse.
Many people, including that judge, do not understand that it is part and parcel of AD to imagine all kinds of abuse.
I can't be thankful enough that my Mom is in a safe place where she can't accuse any of her family of abusing or cheating her.
My brother's MIL was like that (she died of Alzheimers in 2004) .. she accused her daugher of stealing her house and all her money, taking away her social security checks,(they were later found under the carpets); she tried to throw my brother out of HIS house yelling "get out of my house."
My mother has suffered for years from thin blood, caused by heart meds, which cause easy bruising. She can wake up in the morning with a 3 inch black and blue mark she got somehow in bed, bumping her arm against a night stand or a wall. People at her old senior center had the nerve to ask her if her daughter or her Aide was hitting her.
Just think of what could have happened to me if she had said yes my daughter hits me all the time. I would be writing from jail instead of my own apartment in beautiful Indiana.
One more point for the 'nursing home' advocates. You throw away years of your life to do the parent a favor and take care of him, someone picks up a crazy delusion they are having, carries it as far as a court case, and you are punished for your good heart.
I hope her lawyer appeals this injustice. I just don't believe an Alzheimer patient's testimony can be creditable .. and sisters are known to have life long rivalries and unsolved probems with each other. I hope the mean sister is happy now. I hope her Dad accuses HER of something terrible soon ....
Thanks for sharing this - it may help one or more AD caregivers from a similar fate! Get everything in writing in front of 2 witnesses .... don't give up your home and move to the sick person's or to a new place with him or her ... do anything only if your siblings are in full agreement ...
Love,
Martha
I believe the daughter. Her 'dear' sister got their father all churned up about imagined abuse.
Many people, including that judge, do not understand that it is part and parcel of AD to imagine all kinds of abuse.
I can't be thankful enough that my Mom is in a safe place where she can't accuse any of her family of abusing or cheating her.
My brother's MIL was like that (she died of Alzheimers in 2004) .. she accused her daugher of stealing her house and all her money, taking away her social security checks,(they were later found under the carpets); she tried to throw my brother out of HIS house yelling "get out of my house."
My mother has suffered for years from thin blood, caused by heart meds, which cause easy bruising. She can wake up in the morning with a 3 inch black and blue mark she got somehow in bed, bumping her arm against a night stand or a wall. People at her old senior center had the nerve to ask her if her daughter or her Aide was hitting her.
Just think of what could have happened to me if she had said yes my daughter hits me all the time. I would be writing from jail instead of my own apartment in beautiful Indiana.
One more point for the 'nursing home' advocates. You throw away years of your life to do the parent a favor and take care of him, someone picks up a crazy delusion they are having, carries it as far as a court case, and you are punished for your good heart.
I hope her lawyer appeals this injustice. I just don't believe an Alzheimer patient's testimony can be creditable .. and sisters are known to have life long rivalries and unsolved probems with each other. I hope the mean sister is happy now. I hope her Dad accuses HER of something terrible soon ....
Thanks for sharing this - it may help one or more AD caregivers from a similar fate! Get everything in writing in front of 2 witnesses .... don't give up your home and move to the sick person's or to a new place with him or her ... do anything only if your siblings are in full agreement ...
Love,
Martha
cyt
09-02-2006, 08:23 PM
Yes, these terrible things can and do happen. When my niece (my Mom & Dad's granddaughter) would go and visit my Dad, he would lie on us like you wouldn't believe. Well, she believed him. This turned her against us, and to this Dad, after Dad died, she hasn't spoken to us or even called her grandmother once. I just don't understand people. I know Dad lied - he had dementia and strokes, once Mom just touched his arm gently and he said "quit hitting me". It's just awful.
janeslk
09-03-2006, 10:33 AM
I met a couple the other day who said the husband's mother had AD, but her attorney went to court to take away the husband's POA after the mother, who was in a nursing home, complained about being there. The POA was taken away, the attorney now handles all of her finances and, yes, she is still in nursing home with AD.
Jane
Jane
Martha H
09-03-2006, 01:53 PM
yes, she may still be in a NH but now her LAWYER gets all her money before Medicaid sets in ... :eek: there oughta be a law ....
mamaduck4
09-03-2006, 05:02 PM
Boy do I get this one! My husband says don't hit me all the time. Have no idea where in the world this comes from but it scares me to death that someone will overhear this and bam you know what can happen. I have never or would never ever hit him and no one else in our family would either. Sometimes I worry a little that he is going to strike me when he is acting out but so far he hasn't. He would never think of this if he were in his right mind. Our home was really a pretty peacful place to live even though we had 4 kids. Not one time did I ever see him lift a hand to our kids or me for that matter and he had no time for anyone that would do that. That is why it is so hard to figure out where this comes from. You just can't be too careful. It is so sad that families believe things like that about one another but they must not have had a real loving home to ever think a family member would do somethings like that.
I hope this all works out!!!
Jan:confused:
I hope this all works out!!!
Jan:confused:
Glenna
09-04-2006, 01:52 PM
Boy, this is hitting home after my encounter with the local Warren police. After years of living on my mother's loveseat because she refused to leave her senior apartment (while my own house fell apart from termite and water damage because I couldn't leave my mother alone for a minute and she refused to budge or have anyone else in her apartment), she finally decides she hates it there and wants to move in with me. She's stage 6 and needs 24-hour care. Hence my sleeping on her loveseat.
So her lease at the senior home was not renewed and I began the process of moving her and lugging boxes and boxes and boxes up and down 9 floors, over 2 parking lots in stifling heat to the U-haul truck. It took me days and I had to make sure her apartment was left empty and clean; the work became physically too much on top of 24-hour caring for mom, but I pushed on because it had to be done.
In the meantime I had rented a $100 a night lovely double hotel room (end tab came to about $1300) just to flop in at night for sleep. Mom had gone berserk at the less expensive hotels when the desk manager showed her several perfectly nice rooms--none of which met with mom's approval. So I had to pay for the expensive one elsewhere. I guess you know that I had spent countless hours in advance carefully discussing this with mom over and over that we would be sleeping in a beautiful hotel at night only while I worked during the day clearing out my old house. Mom was ecstatic, yes yes yes, it would be heaven to relax in the yard. I had set up a lounger, chair, tv, tables, puzzles, coloring books,etc., for her comfort to relax in the yard. Surprise, she went berserk in the yard and at the hotel. I was in so much physical pain and still had so much work to do, but was spending 90% of my time trying to calm and pamper her.
I had begged her days in advance "Whatever you do mom, please don't pick now to go berserk because every minute is precious and I have so so much work to do and can't spend it sitting in the hospital because you start yelling. Please Please Please." She completely understood (HA-HA) and couldn't stop telling me how she would be in heaven heaven heaven and couldn't wait!
It was hell. She refused to go to the hotel. She refused to go to my home. I pleaded, pampered and cajoled. At night in the hotel I could no longer stand upright even though I had been taking liver-killling amounts of Tylenol. So I crawled. At 4:00 a.m. when she wanted to comb her hair and gaze in the mirror, I crawled to get her a comb. Whatever her whim, I crawled with a smile, patted her with love and reassurance, and desperately pampered to try and please her.
For breakfast I ordered her the $40 deluxe and nothing for me (she has hyperphagia and wants to eat nonstop) and stupidly waited smiling to myself at how much she would enjoy it. When room service came, mom grabbed her arm and ran out into the hall yelling for help--she was "afraid of my daughter."
It was around 7:00 a.m. and people came out of their rooms and she begged them all to help her because "her daughter" blather blather blather whatever.
I reached for her hand wanting to ask her to come back to the room and enjoy her breakfast. She jerked her hand away, so it did indeed appear that this darlin' frail little old lady feared for her life because of her big cow abusive daughter.
I called the police attempting to explain and expecting help as I had received from the wonderful, professional police/EMS crews in Madison Heights MI. There mom had stood over me raging and then had run out into the hall pounding on doors begging for help--she was "afraid of her daughter." The police came, looked at all the hospitalizations and dementia papers, gave her her meds (which she refused to take from me as I was giving her poison), questioned me in a professional and humane manner, EMS took her to the hospital, checked her out and 3 hours later she was back home and happy.
They did their jobs--protected mom and managed to do so without abusing the caregiver.
But in Warren the police immediately began screaming at me relentlessly assuming I had abused her. The hotel audience enjoyed the show. I finally begged the officer to stop; he then grabbed his radio and loudly anounced that the mother apparently has dementia and the daughter is "OFF" too. Very professional. When I gave him my Warren home address he very loudly excalimed "OOHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHH" in a ridiculously exaggerated tone as though he had caught one of America's Most Wanted with the longest rap sheet in history.
Only not. I'm a well beyond middle-aged woman who loves my mom and was raised to respect the law. Don't drink or smoke, never even tried pot for cripesake, squeaky clean record except for a little dirty phony ticket episode maybe five years back. I had stopped at a sign as usual, because I always drive slowly on this very familiar street because of the darting squirrels and low flying birds and many trees--out zooms a Warren officer from someone's driveway on his scooter claiming I did not fully stop, wrote me up for not properly wearing my belt across my larynx since I had lowered it so I could move my head, see, and not strangle, wrote me up for not signing my registration or insurance slip (forget which). In any case the judge agreed to drop the ticket if I paid a few hundred dollars into the Police revenue-enhancement coffer. I gladly did and sadly was GRATEFUL to "get away" with something I never even did. There's more, but I'll just leave it at that, and now when I see "criminals" paraded on the news I can't help wondering if they're innocent victims of bad police.
The Warren police/EMS refused to take her to her hospital, so she ended up spending 2 days at the one of their choice. Yet she was billed for a private ambulance. So instead of a 3-hour hospital stay, I stayed with her for two days and continued packing/hauling/moving throughout the night. She left the hospital 2 days later with her right arm bruised and bloodied with her entire forearm pooled with blood beneath her skin. Her left arm was purple. I called the nurse and said my mom must have had an allergic reaction--look at her arm! No, she said, it's from their routine blood pressure monitoring. The machine wraps so tightly that the blood vessels burst. It took 10 days for her left arm to return to it's normal color. I've never seen blood pressure monitoring anywhere anytime done in such a cruel manner. The lady in the next bed told her son how badly it hurt, but boasted that she did not cry out. He said, That's good, ma."
My mom spent 2 days begging me to take her home; the hospital gave her HALDOL which left her unable to walk for a week. They bloodied both of her arms for two days. Her monitor would go sceaming in her ear for an hour (I was there and that's how long it took for them to turn it off despite repeated requests.) Is that the preferred care? Screaming alarms in the patient's ear for hours on end when no one else is there to complain? Furthering deafness and causing unnecessary stress and pain. (I have tinnitus and that alarm hurt even from where I was sitting a distance away.)
And now I'm the one with elder abuse accusations on my record? For the crime of combing mom's hair at 4:00 a.m. and ordering her a deluxe breakfast? Catering to her every whim with a smile so she'd be happy and not get upset?
*sigh* Let no good deeds go unpunished.
It's odd, but when the police came to the Warren hotel, my arms and legs were completely covered in black and blue bruises hauling boxes, etc. They didn't hurt because I was more focused on what felt like every disk in my spine had been fractured. But you'd think the police would have asked what on earth happened to my arms and legs. Maybe my mom had attacked me? Nah, these trained, skilled observers, screaming officers of the law didn't find it odd that a middle-aged-plus woman was sitting there covered in black and blue bruises.
Last night my neighbor had blaring music and a fire going. It finally cools off enough to let in some fresh air, but all we get is a lung full of smoke and the thumping of blaring music. But I didn't call the Warren police because I figured (from experience) they would likely join the party, enjoy a beer, then come kick my behind for a good laugh. The best I could do to protect mom was close her window and door, turn on a fan and the television and try to calm her.
I hope God has a plan for us caregivers in Heaven--right now it's not looking too good for many of us here on earth.
So her lease at the senior home was not renewed and I began the process of moving her and lugging boxes and boxes and boxes up and down 9 floors, over 2 parking lots in stifling heat to the U-haul truck. It took me days and I had to make sure her apartment was left empty and clean; the work became physically too much on top of 24-hour caring for mom, but I pushed on because it had to be done.
In the meantime I had rented a $100 a night lovely double hotel room (end tab came to about $1300) just to flop in at night for sleep. Mom had gone berserk at the less expensive hotels when the desk manager showed her several perfectly nice rooms--none of which met with mom's approval. So I had to pay for the expensive one elsewhere. I guess you know that I had spent countless hours in advance carefully discussing this with mom over and over that we would be sleeping in a beautiful hotel at night only while I worked during the day clearing out my old house. Mom was ecstatic, yes yes yes, it would be heaven to relax in the yard. I had set up a lounger, chair, tv, tables, puzzles, coloring books,etc., for her comfort to relax in the yard. Surprise, she went berserk in the yard and at the hotel. I was in so much physical pain and still had so much work to do, but was spending 90% of my time trying to calm and pamper her.
I had begged her days in advance "Whatever you do mom, please don't pick now to go berserk because every minute is precious and I have so so much work to do and can't spend it sitting in the hospital because you start yelling. Please Please Please." She completely understood (HA-HA) and couldn't stop telling me how she would be in heaven heaven heaven and couldn't wait!
It was hell. She refused to go to the hotel. She refused to go to my home. I pleaded, pampered and cajoled. At night in the hotel I could no longer stand upright even though I had been taking liver-killling amounts of Tylenol. So I crawled. At 4:00 a.m. when she wanted to comb her hair and gaze in the mirror, I crawled to get her a comb. Whatever her whim, I crawled with a smile, patted her with love and reassurance, and desperately pampered to try and please her.
For breakfast I ordered her the $40 deluxe and nothing for me (she has hyperphagia and wants to eat nonstop) and stupidly waited smiling to myself at how much she would enjoy it. When room service came, mom grabbed her arm and ran out into the hall yelling for help--she was "afraid of my daughter."
It was around 7:00 a.m. and people came out of their rooms and she begged them all to help her because "her daughter" blather blather blather whatever.
I reached for her hand wanting to ask her to come back to the room and enjoy her breakfast. She jerked her hand away, so it did indeed appear that this darlin' frail little old lady feared for her life because of her big cow abusive daughter.
I called the police attempting to explain and expecting help as I had received from the wonderful, professional police/EMS crews in Madison Heights MI. There mom had stood over me raging and then had run out into the hall pounding on doors begging for help--she was "afraid of her daughter." The police came, looked at all the hospitalizations and dementia papers, gave her her meds (which she refused to take from me as I was giving her poison), questioned me in a professional and humane manner, EMS took her to the hospital, checked her out and 3 hours later she was back home and happy.
They did their jobs--protected mom and managed to do so without abusing the caregiver.
But in Warren the police immediately began screaming at me relentlessly assuming I had abused her. The hotel audience enjoyed the show. I finally begged the officer to stop; he then grabbed his radio and loudly anounced that the mother apparently has dementia and the daughter is "OFF" too. Very professional. When I gave him my Warren home address he very loudly excalimed "OOHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHH" in a ridiculously exaggerated tone as though he had caught one of America's Most Wanted with the longest rap sheet in history.
Only not. I'm a well beyond middle-aged woman who loves my mom and was raised to respect the law. Don't drink or smoke, never even tried pot for cripesake, squeaky clean record except for a little dirty phony ticket episode maybe five years back. I had stopped at a sign as usual, because I always drive slowly on this very familiar street because of the darting squirrels and low flying birds and many trees--out zooms a Warren officer from someone's driveway on his scooter claiming I did not fully stop, wrote me up for not properly wearing my belt across my larynx since I had lowered it so I could move my head, see, and not strangle, wrote me up for not signing my registration or insurance slip (forget which). In any case the judge agreed to drop the ticket if I paid a few hundred dollars into the Police revenue-enhancement coffer. I gladly did and sadly was GRATEFUL to "get away" with something I never even did. There's more, but I'll just leave it at that, and now when I see "criminals" paraded on the news I can't help wondering if they're innocent victims of bad police.
The Warren police/EMS refused to take her to her hospital, so she ended up spending 2 days at the one of their choice. Yet she was billed for a private ambulance. So instead of a 3-hour hospital stay, I stayed with her for two days and continued packing/hauling/moving throughout the night. She left the hospital 2 days later with her right arm bruised and bloodied with her entire forearm pooled with blood beneath her skin. Her left arm was purple. I called the nurse and said my mom must have had an allergic reaction--look at her arm! No, she said, it's from their routine blood pressure monitoring. The machine wraps so tightly that the blood vessels burst. It took 10 days for her left arm to return to it's normal color. I've never seen blood pressure monitoring anywhere anytime done in such a cruel manner. The lady in the next bed told her son how badly it hurt, but boasted that she did not cry out. He said, That's good, ma."
My mom spent 2 days begging me to take her home; the hospital gave her HALDOL which left her unable to walk for a week. They bloodied both of her arms for two days. Her monitor would go sceaming in her ear for an hour (I was there and that's how long it took for them to turn it off despite repeated requests.) Is that the preferred care? Screaming alarms in the patient's ear for hours on end when no one else is there to complain? Furthering deafness and causing unnecessary stress and pain. (I have tinnitus and that alarm hurt even from where I was sitting a distance away.)
And now I'm the one with elder abuse accusations on my record? For the crime of combing mom's hair at 4:00 a.m. and ordering her a deluxe breakfast? Catering to her every whim with a smile so she'd be happy and not get upset?
*sigh* Let no good deeds go unpunished.
It's odd, but when the police came to the Warren hotel, my arms and legs were completely covered in black and blue bruises hauling boxes, etc. They didn't hurt because I was more focused on what felt like every disk in my spine had been fractured. But you'd think the police would have asked what on earth happened to my arms and legs. Maybe my mom had attacked me? Nah, these trained, skilled observers, screaming officers of the law didn't find it odd that a middle-aged-plus woman was sitting there covered in black and blue bruises.
Last night my neighbor had blaring music and a fire going. It finally cools off enough to let in some fresh air, but all we get is a lung full of smoke and the thumping of blaring music. But I didn't call the Warren police because I figured (from experience) they would likely join the party, enjoy a beer, then come kick my behind for a good laugh. The best I could do to protect mom was close her window and door, turn on a fan and the television and try to calm her.
I hope God has a plan for us caregivers in Heaven--right now it's not looking too good for many of us here on earth.
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-04-2006, 02:40 PM
How awful of those police officers to treat you like you're a guilty nutcase! I had a police officer get mad at me once after I called them about dad disappearing with the car. This @$$hole yelled at me outside of our house telling me that I should get dad a cell phone. I told the officer it wouldn't do any good since, as he had already been informed, dad had AD and can no longer use a home telephone much less a cell phone. And even if he could dial, he'd never be able to remember any phone #'s or how to speed dial anyone. The next day, I saw on our local tv station that the police officers in our town had just recently completed training in how to deal with persons who have dementia. It included sensitivity training. Obviously this jerk was too stupid to get it.
There are good police officers out there and there are bad ones. What worries me is the bad ones carry guns too....:rolleyes:
I hope you're all done moving your mom and that you are on the mend from the move. I know what you mean about back pain. I have three discs in my cervical spine that give me problems and I have some problems in my lower back as well. And to me, my back pain is like a toothache. When it hurts, everything hurts.
I'm glad you vented. You've been going through much too much to keep it all bottled up inside.
Love, Barb
There are good police officers out there and there are bad ones. What worries me is the bad ones carry guns too....:rolleyes:
I hope you're all done moving your mom and that you are on the mend from the move. I know what you mean about back pain. I have three discs in my cervical spine that give me problems and I have some problems in my lower back as well. And to me, my back pain is like a toothache. When it hurts, everything hurts.
I'm glad you vented. You've been going through much too much to keep it all bottled up inside.
Love, Barb
Martha H
09-04-2006, 05:22 PM
Dear Glenna,
I can't believe you now have your Mom with you in your own house? How much more abuse are you going to take (from HER, not to mention the police) before you place her in a safe place where she can not do those things to you any more? I feel so frustrated when I hear how you took her out of the other place (where you had to sleep on a loveseat) into your home ONLY because 'she wanted to.' Do you realize that what she wants today will be just what she cannot stand tomroow? Look at the hotel story. You asked her to please please behave, and she promised she would. She really really wanted to be peaceful - - - but Glenna
she can not.
Not that she refuses to cooperate,
she can not.
When do you expect to get your life back? Are you going to wait until she passes away? No joke - you may go first at this rate. What happens to her then?
Glenna, get her into a nursing home! She will rant and rave. Of course she will - she ranted and raved in a 5 star hotel. NOTHING is ever going to be 'good' for her again, she will hate and despise anybody and anything because it is not her. It is the Imposter. Please see the poem near the top of this Board, "To My Mother When she Dies" (This 'sticky' is not there any more, and I don't remember who first sent it in .... sorry!)
We are all dealing with IMPOSTERS pretending to be our loving Moms, Dads or Grannies.
If there is no money for a NH get her on Medicaid. If there is money, use it for that and be FREE to work and earn whatever you will need for yourself in the future. I would have given my last penny to get Mom into a good place, and that's what finally decided my sister and brother, so they agreed to let her move to his house (for 3 mos, before she fell) ...
You are killing yourself. What for? I hope you don't expect her to be gratful?
She can not.
I am sorry if I come across as a pushy unfeeling person but I think of you as living my life of the last few years and I want you to be able to escape as I did, before it gets any worse.
Love and many prayers,
Martha
I can't believe you now have your Mom with you in your own house? How much more abuse are you going to take (from HER, not to mention the police) before you place her in a safe place where she can not do those things to you any more? I feel so frustrated when I hear how you took her out of the other place (where you had to sleep on a loveseat) into your home ONLY because 'she wanted to.' Do you realize that what she wants today will be just what she cannot stand tomroow? Look at the hotel story. You asked her to please please behave, and she promised she would. She really really wanted to be peaceful - - - but Glenna
she can not.
Not that she refuses to cooperate,
she can not.
When do you expect to get your life back? Are you going to wait until she passes away? No joke - you may go first at this rate. What happens to her then?
Glenna, get her into a nursing home! She will rant and rave. Of course she will - she ranted and raved in a 5 star hotel. NOTHING is ever going to be 'good' for her again, she will hate and despise anybody and anything because it is not her. It is the Imposter. Please see the poem near the top of this Board, "To My Mother When she Dies" (This 'sticky' is not there any more, and I don't remember who first sent it in .... sorry!)
We are all dealing with IMPOSTERS pretending to be our loving Moms, Dads or Grannies.
If there is no money for a NH get her on Medicaid. If there is money, use it for that and be FREE to work and earn whatever you will need for yourself in the future. I would have given my last penny to get Mom into a good place, and that's what finally decided my sister and brother, so they agreed to let her move to his house (for 3 mos, before she fell) ...
You are killing yourself. What for? I hope you don't expect her to be gratful?
She can not.
I am sorry if I come across as a pushy unfeeling person but I think of you as living my life of the last few years and I want you to be able to escape as I did, before it gets any worse.
Love and many prayers,
Martha
needtoescape
09-15-2006, 12:04 AM
This is a very scary issue... Makes me understand more and more why some people "walk away" from the whole issue. In the future, we may have movies about parents/spouses with AD being left on churches doorsteps... instead of babies.