I am newly diagnosed b/p 2.......trying to find the right meds to regulate me. So far its just side effects galore. The thing is........ I love being manic!! I don't want to give it up. I don't like the depressed side of the spectrum, but parts of the manic are just amazing! Are there others who feel this way? Or am i just strange.

yes dear, ... we all love our manic sides tremendously, yet when we get to a certain point, we realize that these episodes are a forewarning of an ensuing depression that seems to be equal in intensity to these fits of mania. I am bi-polar I, so my manic episodes have been pretty extreme. In due time, you wil come to carefully understand the sporadical nuances of your brain chemistry and accept new moods that set in...yet you may not understand why you can't change the inevitable from happening....

my suggestion is to enjoy your intensities while you can... out of harm's way... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif

I totally agree with Bryndolyn afon. Sometimes it just takes awhile (years in many cases) before you come to understand what's really going on with your brain chemistry. And nothing's worse than the depression so you eventually do what you can to prevent it from coming on.

Sure the temptation is always there when you AREN'T depressed, to go off meds because you feel great, but it isn't worth it. In my case, it's NEVER worth it. The depression comes back harder and it always comes back.

You have to experience it Jitters to know what I mean.

I know with me anyway I wanted to be med-free...I'd tell myself that I was fine, didn't have anything wrong with my brain chemistry...but I was wrong. I've suffered needlessly because I didn't stay on meds.

A lot of us think that we aren't even "manic" when we aren't depressed and aren't on meds, we just feel "normal" then, but something happens, some stressor, something chemical happens and we end up depressed again.

You'll see in time Jitters that being on an even keel is easiest thing to be.

i do realize this, that is why i am trying to find meds with the least amount of side effects. I am what is known as "drug sensitive" when there are side effects to a drug, chances are EXTREMELY high that i will have them. Depakote was a nightmare........and they started me on baby doses. right now i am trying topomax, we are starting this with baby doses too, will gradually work up to the proper dose if this one doesn't make me too miserable. So far so good. I take it at bed time only right now so i sleep through most of the side effects, although my tongue feels kindof weird. Hopefully my family survives this whirlwind! I do appreciate your responses. Bless you all. Kim

I was the smartest in my class, the quickest on the floor and the friendliest to all the patients. I Volunteered for extra shifts and every blood gas draw I could get my needle into as a student,I also cleaned every ventilator I could get my hands on. Then I crashed. Career gone http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif DEPRESSION mania, but I hate the crashing, mine is usually RAGE or depression. Just wanted to add. Have a decent day,
Rhonda

oh, by the way I was undiagnosed thru my productive period, this medication makes me feel like my age. bummer LOL

1000mg depakote /day (no weight gain)
100-200mg seroquel Qhs
1-3mg klonipin prn/day
wondering if adderall would give me some energy and lift this lingering depression???Any input?

[This message has been edited by rsg (edited 05-27-2003).]

[This message has been edited by rsg (edited 05-27-2003).]

I love my manic side just no one else around me can stand it lol

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whiskey

rsg, I would love to have adderall during depression, but I doubt a doctor would give you any. My doc won't even give me ritalin for ADD, but I have abused drugs... though never ritalin - Though, being bipolar, when manic, having stimulants around could be ... bad long term...

ok but how about wellbutrin? It doesn't hit serotonin..does it? I know for sure Zoloft set this whole bi polsr thing off big time, it was probably a good thing; or I would have gone thru life undiagnosed., What do you think??

I love being manic...that is till i go truly psychotic and have to be hospitalized.....then I get my credit card bill for 15,000 grand... and realized I lost friends who had no idea about my illness.....

I'm in the minority. I was horrified by my manic highs... I'm Biplar I and by the time I was (finally) diagnosed I had finally gone off the scale into psychosis.
But the real reason I didn't love it is that I was raised in a strict, conservative, "do right", type home and I was horribly embarressed by the things I did and said even though most of the time I didn't remember, or understand why it was all that bad..
Of course now I know that my brain chemistry was "kaphlooey" - but back then it was really hard to be so wacko in a conformist family.

Yes I did love my manic side. There were times when I thought I was reading mind and acting like a god. Also the "invincibilty" where i thought I was untouchable. Then I was touched with a horrible breakup that sent into a dark hole I never want to see again. Now I just want to be able to be somewhat even not erraadic like I was before.

i'm M/d bi polar and stop taking meds three years ago i have ups and downs but i know how to control them i don't go into extremes. When i'm manic i'm wear myself out Like i go to a club and dance my ass off. when i get alittle down i can aviod myself from getting really depressed by thinking whats bothering writeing it all down on paper then read it all back and laugh at myself cause its usualy everyday stuff we all have to deal with so then i write a list of what i need to do to fix it and right down positives stuff thats happening in my life. I think anybody with this can learn to control it without meds learn thier signs and triggers. And I know how unsupected tiny surprises can set a bomb off but learning how to calm yourself down its a another trick. i learned early on i let it bottle in side and then explode now when i'm hit with somthing like that i let in out immedely i go to my room turn the music real loud cry then sing on top of my lungs then stop and breathe in and out slowy. Breatheing is another good trick for times you can't do that take a second take a deep breath in tighten every muscle in you body for as long as you can then realise it slowy let all the stress blow away it really works. I went from being suicdal addicted to danger and drugs living on the streets. To being on my own in a house with a job and geting my ged since i droped out of high school to going to commuinty colleg working on a two year degree and being happly engaged all at 18. If I can pull myself out the hole i dug with out medication aide anybody can

Angry mania feels horrible, so I don't love that at all, but that isn't common with me. I do LOVE the extremely happy and confident kind of mania, that's what I mostly have had, except I hated it when it crossed that little line.. like my most severe one, five years ago when I was 18. Yes, at first I loved that one too... until I made some of the worst mistakes of my life, doing things I would have never dreamed of doing before, embarrassing myself, making a fool out of myself, putting myself in some of THE most dangerous situations, ruining my reputation, destroying a lot of the "specialness" inside of me by acting conceited and being promiscuous, risking my health and life, among many many other things... but, the worst thing of ALL, was realizing how badly I had broke the heart of the guy who loves me more than anyone in the world! Finally realizing that one, hurt me more than anything ever has!

DUDE!!! Being manic is like the BEST thing....... (even after hospitlization and meds.....) I'm supposed to take my meds but sometimes I don't and I absolutely LOVE IT!!!!!!!! Sometimes...just not the whole paranoia thing....

There have been times in the past where I loved the beginning of mania. I loved the dellusions of being an extremely important, famous person. I write poetry, but in my dellusion I thought I was a famous writer and that someone stold all my writings. I also thought the radio station was transmitting messages to me and playing all my favorite songs, and I knew each song before they played it.I also thought I was a famous singer and actor lol. And I was on top of the world, But when the tv started talking to me I got worried. Guess that was part of the psychosis. I remember dancing outside and other things that I don't wanna remember. I had a manic episode once, when I was taking lithium, and I'm not sure why. I think I was on zolof at the time. But anyway it's been 7 years without one now and no serious depression. A doctor I had told me once that dellusions are exagerations of what a person believes. I do think that it is a good idea to take at least one preventitive medicne all the time, just in case. And not to abruptly quit taking something, and to talk to your doctor before you cutdown, or quit taking meds. I'm sure a doctor would recomend a bipolar patient to take something.

I am known as like the happiest smiling girl in the world. Girls HATED me in middle school and begining of high school, because alot of boys flocked to me...I completly ruined my reputation, kissed every boy that walked by me, then when they left me, id cut myself with xacto knifes or use and eraser to burn my skin and all sorts of dumb stuff...

anyways then i got pregnant at 14 and thought its ok...married at 15 divorced at 19 married at 20 divorced at 23 and had other kids...hm how come when were manic...were the stupidest things ever! PLEASE...if my kids do this crap i will beat them... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif why didnt anyone stop me is what i want to know. i did not know better untill now....ahhhhhhhhh

take meds please everyone...your life will be much better

I, too, love having manias...or, rather hypomanias. I don't go as high as you guys do, but I'm sure I have at least as much fun. I also know that I hit rock bottom as hard as most people with M/D. The only thing getting me through the depressions is the fact that I know I'll eventually go back up.

I was afraid to go on medications b/c I was afraid they would deaden me. After all, I never really lose control...except for maybe that time that I stole the lunch lady's washcloth and used a golf cart as my getaway vehicle...

woohoo! yeah i love my ups. especially the part that makes me forget that i can feel anythign else. but then its like jumping off a cliff when its over with and its sucks hardcore. being manic made me careless and wreckless. totally off the walls fun. then i would be in bed for days so depressed i was physically ill. badbadbad. while i do miss the mania i really dont miss the downs. theyr terrifying. more evend out now tho not 'normal' but gettin there! but yes. i think 99% of ppl like their ups.

I am one whose manic side is not being very "up" and happy. I am very irritable, and only I am right! I also talk very fast to keep up with my thoughts, spend way too much money, and generally drive everyone crazy. So, I am not one who wants to remain manic.

I am Bipolar I, and antidepressants trigger mania in me. Matter of fact, I am now on a pain medication for my fibromyalgia, and that seems to be triggering some panic/anxiety. Great! Anyway, I would think that taking anything in the way of a stimulant medication like Ritalin or Adderall may send some Bipolars into a manic tailspin. Your Doc would really have to know your illness very well to add a stimulant into the picture, I would think.

Fawn http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Like the message from RSG. I was very productive until I crashed. I was intense to the nth degree. The best nurse I could be. The manic periods (which I did not realize, nor did anyone else) got me through, the difficult times. I was however diagnosed with major depression that was always there. But there was always my verve to answer the next question before it was asked, jumping the gun so to speak. I was amazing even to myself, but not then, but, looking back. Now I do not work I cannot, the medication, the intensity, and the crashes are too intense, the meds are the holding pattern in my life.
There are good days and bad now, but, not so bad that I want to end it all, just each day I look forward to the next in the hope that there will be some research that can better my life, and those that are close to me. It's hard to explain but, the chemicals in the brain, they're missing or awry.
I think the realization that it is not ME but the chemicals that is causing the problem helps, as any disease, for instance, diabetes. Inadequate insulin in the body. I have an inadequacy of chemicals in the brain which causes me to shoot the moon or lay down in the streets. I've accepted it. Counselling, and taking my meds religiously.
I hope that you will find your own personal way. Truly I've wouldn't accomplished a whole lot without my manic periods, I love them.

I love my manic side, the only problem with it is, I believe I am someone very important and that this world has more to offer me then what I am getting right now. So, I quit my job becuase I know I can find a better one, I use up all the credit on my credit cards becuase I know I am going to get this perfect job that will pay me lots of money. So what I end up with 2 months later is a depressed state of mind and no job, no money, horrible credit and I know I have to wait about two more weeks for my meds to kick in.

This cylce has happened to me 3 times, I just never seem to learn. The moral of my story is, stay on your meds even when you feel good. Its better to be normal (medicated) then manic.

I am not bi polar, but my son is and reading your posts has helped me to understand what is going on with him at times. He has been hospitalized 4 times since March and at worst was in a psychotic state. Right now he is on his meds and doing very well. But he has even told me how he loves the mania...that is until the destructive nature of his activity sets in. Thank you all for your perspective.