GD i feel so alone today, especially today. i've been low for the last few weeks but damm i feel horrible today. i had a dr. appt. last week and told her i was doing ok, riding on the low side but feeling stable just because i didn't feel like being messed with right now. soon after that i realized that was a bad idea. i just started taking care of my five month old son and i'm begining to feel some old scary s@#t come back. on top of that even when my wife and child are here i feel alone, separate some how. this kind of stuff brings up those obsessive thoughts of suicide. why do i put up with this, why can't i ever be happy??? i'm really having trouble right now. i feel like drinking myself away or running or some thing just to get out of this hole. but i know i can't escape so what do i do???


i hate myself today...
scrags