whiskey
08-25-2003, 06:08 PM
I feel like **** all i want to do it sleep, beep sleeping since Saturday about 5pm I just got up tp grab a pepsi see if it would wake me up. I can't remember buying coke I hate coke. my head is so fuzzy inside I cannot think right. I was hoping getting some of this out will help I would take a walk but it's like 100 degrees here. hubby wants to go camping this next weekend I like the outdoors maybe it will help I hope I have energy by then. I am so exhausted I want to go back to bed feels like I am going in slooooooooowwwwwwwwww motion. I keep the phone in bed with me in case something bad happens and then a get scared I will have a nightmare and think it's real and call 911.
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whiskey
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whiskey
Sponsor
whiskey
08-26-2003, 12:05 AM
WoW what a awful day I want to run and hide in the corner. Escape from reality I try so hard to take care of my family but lately I cannot my husband is doing everything I need to pull myself up from the deep holes of hell I am so exhausted and weak I just keep falling back.
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whiskey
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whiskey
pbarjranch
08-26-2003, 01:57 AM
I know this sounds so trite, but: "hang in there!" I know some of how you feel, and I have to keep telling myself that it only "feels like" I'm going to be this tired, depressed, etc....forever. But it will get better!! Don't give up hope. That's when it is easiest to fall headlong into suicidal thoughts--so please don't go there, okay?!
I wish I had some fantastic words of wisdom, hope, and encouragement to share with you. All I can offer you is a listening ear, an understanding heart and prayer. God is always there for us when no one else is awake, or no one understands or we feel no one cares. He loves you and maybe he sent me to you tonite just to tell you that. I was just going to bed with a headache and thought I'd check one more time to see if anyone answered my post and somehow in my fuddled state of mind I read your post and found myself writing to you. Well, I am blithering to you at this point--you are not the only one feeling zonked out, only mine is partly from the migraine meds I took so I can sleep with less pain. But just remember: there are folks out there who do have a clue what you're going through. You are not alone! Take one day at a time and don't overwhelm yourself with "how am I gonna's".
I hoped something I said helped at least a tiny bit. This seems to be a great venting arena, so go for it and get it off your chest.
Best hopes and wishes for you Whiskey!!
From someone who was unexpectedly guided to read your post.
AZ/OK Jo- pbarjranch
I wish I had some fantastic words of wisdom, hope, and encouragement to share with you. All I can offer you is a listening ear, an understanding heart and prayer. God is always there for us when no one else is awake, or no one understands or we feel no one cares. He loves you and maybe he sent me to you tonite just to tell you that. I was just going to bed with a headache and thought I'd check one more time to see if anyone answered my post and somehow in my fuddled state of mind I read your post and found myself writing to you. Well, I am blithering to you at this point--you are not the only one feeling zonked out, only mine is partly from the migraine meds I took so I can sleep with less pain. But just remember: there are folks out there who do have a clue what you're going through. You are not alone! Take one day at a time and don't overwhelm yourself with "how am I gonna's".
I hoped something I said helped at least a tiny bit. This seems to be a great venting arena, so go for it and get it off your chest.
Best hopes and wishes for you Whiskey!!
From someone who was unexpectedly guided to read your post.
AZ/OK Jo- pbarjranch
HoosierBj
08-26-2003, 10:49 AM
You'll come out of this one too, Whiskey - We always do, it's just so hard to even MOVE one foot in front of the other sometimes.
I remember feeling that the thoughts in my brain were like bubbles trying to escape through black sludge... By the time I finally got one out though, the need for that particular thought was gone.
Most people think we should just look up for the bright spot - Well, with biplar depression sometimes there ISN'T a bight spot in sight yet!
My favorite bit of "help" from those who don't understand? "Snap Out Of It"!!
Aaaaargh.
Type a few lines here everyday if you possibly can, o.k.?? Bipolar depression is so isolating, and we're here to keep that isolation from being overwhelming.
So, just remember that when you are laying down, bummed as hell, there is a little virtual 'hoosierbj', and a little virtual 'pbarranch' sitting around in your room just keeping you company thru this depression.
I'll check in everyday - would a virtual chocolate milkshake help?
I remember feeling that the thoughts in my brain were like bubbles trying to escape through black sludge... By the time I finally got one out though, the need for that particular thought was gone.
Most people think we should just look up for the bright spot - Well, with biplar depression sometimes there ISN'T a bight spot in sight yet!
My favorite bit of "help" from those who don't understand? "Snap Out Of It"!!
Aaaaargh.
Type a few lines here everyday if you possibly can, o.k.?? Bipolar depression is so isolating, and we're here to keep that isolation from being overwhelming.
So, just remember that when you are laying down, bummed as hell, there is a little virtual 'hoosierbj', and a little virtual 'pbarranch' sitting around in your room just keeping you company thru this depression.
I'll check in everyday - would a virtual chocolate milkshake help?
whiskey
08-26-2003, 02:56 PM
Thanx Guys, I know GOD never gives us more than we can't handle but Geez sometimes I wonder if he Made a mistake with this disease it is so hard and I am so weak. My memories have broken apart I remember 1 little part and the rest is gone I hate that. At least it is only 12pm and I am up I actually don't feel to bad I hope I am stable for awhile instead of manic. thanx for listening
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whiskey
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whiskey
pbarjranch
08-26-2003, 11:29 PM
HoosierBJ-
You are SO GOOD at saying the right thing and being encouraging. God Bless You!
Whiskey~
Glad your "morning" was a bit brighter today. I know whatcha mean about wondering if God made a mistake with this disease...But...I am not sure that God did make this disease...it is a good pondering thought. My initial reaction would be to say that man has so polluted and toxicated his world and body that Man (humanity) is responsible for all the chemical imbalances, not God. He gave Adam & Eve perfect bodies in Eden. But when they ate the forbidden fruit of the tree of the knowlege of Good & Evil they messed it up for all of us and were kicked out, and faced pain, disease, childbirth, aging, and so forth. (One of us modern day bi-polar's probably would have eaten the fruit in rebellion or a manic snack attack sooner or later if Eve hadn't beat us to the punch, right?!)
But remember that God loves you so much and so desperately in whatever shape you are in: He gave His ONLY sons life to pay for your sins, my sins: anyone's sins who accepts the priceless gift God gave in sacrificing his sons life (I don't know if I could sacrifice one of my sons for an ungrateful world of humans!). God only wants a relationship with you and would delight in your learning to lean on Him completely. So when we feel we cannot do it anymore--reality has finally set in: We never could do it! Let God be your strength...take it one moment at a time if necessary. (Some days I get too overwhelmed otherwise.)
I am not talking about a flash of light and a miracle healing here: just God getting us through another day we weren't sure we could get through. As crummy as my day has been, I know He has been there with me through it all and keeping me from things I never even knew could have happened--and some things I thought of or narrowly avoided. And I keep the hope that He has plans for a much better day for many of us that suffer bi-polar and depression etc...here on earth--I am assured of the good days in heaven!
Make a point to remember the good moments, days, events, etc. Get or make a journal.(just some lined paper in folder or with a paperclip will do, it doesn't have to be fancy or purty.) Write in each victory, each good moment, each positive revelation you encounter so that you cannot forget. (Unless you are like me and forget where you put the dad-gum thing so you wouldn't lose it! ;o) I lose more things that way~ But only write in good or positive things so you can re-live the good stuff. We already have learned to replay all the crud over & over. It is replaying the good stuff we need help and practice with.
Have another good day and know that where 2 or more are gathered in HIS name, He will be there also. I believe that Hoosier & I have been praying for you, so Hey! God is here!
Hugs,
AZ/OK Jo
You are SO GOOD at saying the right thing and being encouraging. God Bless You!
Whiskey~
Glad your "morning" was a bit brighter today. I know whatcha mean about wondering if God made a mistake with this disease...But...I am not sure that God did make this disease...it is a good pondering thought. My initial reaction would be to say that man has so polluted and toxicated his world and body that Man (humanity) is responsible for all the chemical imbalances, not God. He gave Adam & Eve perfect bodies in Eden. But when they ate the forbidden fruit of the tree of the knowlege of Good & Evil they messed it up for all of us and were kicked out, and faced pain, disease, childbirth, aging, and so forth. (One of us modern day bi-polar's probably would have eaten the fruit in rebellion or a manic snack attack sooner or later if Eve hadn't beat us to the punch, right?!)
But remember that God loves you so much and so desperately in whatever shape you are in: He gave His ONLY sons life to pay for your sins, my sins: anyone's sins who accepts the priceless gift God gave in sacrificing his sons life (I don't know if I could sacrifice one of my sons for an ungrateful world of humans!). God only wants a relationship with you and would delight in your learning to lean on Him completely. So when we feel we cannot do it anymore--reality has finally set in: We never could do it! Let God be your strength...take it one moment at a time if necessary. (Some days I get too overwhelmed otherwise.)
I am not talking about a flash of light and a miracle healing here: just God getting us through another day we weren't sure we could get through. As crummy as my day has been, I know He has been there with me through it all and keeping me from things I never even knew could have happened--and some things I thought of or narrowly avoided. And I keep the hope that He has plans for a much better day for many of us that suffer bi-polar and depression etc...here on earth--I am assured of the good days in heaven!
Make a point to remember the good moments, days, events, etc. Get or make a journal.(just some lined paper in folder or with a paperclip will do, it doesn't have to be fancy or purty.) Write in each victory, each good moment, each positive revelation you encounter so that you cannot forget. (Unless you are like me and forget where you put the dad-gum thing so you wouldn't lose it! ;o) I lose more things that way~ But only write in good or positive things so you can re-live the good stuff. We already have learned to replay all the crud over & over. It is replaying the good stuff we need help and practice with.
Have another good day and know that where 2 or more are gathered in HIS name, He will be there also. I believe that Hoosier & I have been praying for you, so Hey! God is here!
Hugs,
AZ/OK Jo
HoosierBj
08-27-2003, 11:47 AM
(Pshaw, pbarjranch!)
Hey Whiskey, it's 8:30 a.m. where I am. Just checking to make sure you're feeling that faint breeze around you from all the guardian angels me and pbarjranch have been directing your way!
I've also asked the questions about "why me", and "why would God do this" to me.
Two things always came to mind; one of them was well, why NOT me?
The other thing is that in a really wacko way, I think that I am a deeper, more intuitive, more sensitive person because of my bipolar disorder. Most people think that what kind of car they drive really matters.
Try having a few weeks of your life disappear while you're in a catatonic depression and you find out what REALLY matters!
How're you doing today? I know... you'd rather have a few goods days right now than all the intuition in the world, huh??
I'll check back tonight - howzabout a virtual pizza?
Hey Whiskey, it's 8:30 a.m. where I am. Just checking to make sure you're feeling that faint breeze around you from all the guardian angels me and pbarjranch have been directing your way!
I've also asked the questions about "why me", and "why would God do this" to me.
Two things always came to mind; one of them was well, why NOT me?
The other thing is that in a really wacko way, I think that I am a deeper, more intuitive, more sensitive person because of my bipolar disorder. Most people think that what kind of car they drive really matters.
Try having a few weeks of your life disappear while you're in a catatonic depression and you find out what REALLY matters!
How're you doing today? I know... you'd rather have a few goods days right now than all the intuition in the world, huh??
I'll check back tonight - howzabout a virtual pizza?
whiskey
08-27-2003, 10:08 PM
T am checking in I am doing a little betterI managed to stay awake today even though I didn't even peak out the window or get dressed heres hoping I'll feel a little bit better tomarrow I have to get everything ready for camping we are leaving Saturday.
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whiskey
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whiskey
HoosierBj
08-31-2003, 11:15 PM
Now how come I never thought about camping when I was depressed? It would have been great to be surrounded by green, the smell of pine, (or are we talking huge campground full of tents here!?)
Hope nature helped shift the chemicals back into balance - let us know how it went...
(And boy am I envious of you - I had a Family Picnic complete with relatives I see once a year!)
Bj
Hope nature helped shift the chemicals back into balance - let us know how it went...
(And boy am I envious of you - I had a Family Picnic complete with relatives I see once a year!)
Bj
whiskey
09-02-2003, 02:12 PM
the camping trip was great we didn't see a single person there was hubby me my sister-in-law and my kids her kids. And I even seen a moose while I was hiking I so did not want to come home yesterday.
whiskey
09-02-2003, 02:14 PM
the camping trip was great we didn't see a single person there was hubby me my sister-in-law and my kids her kids. And I even seen a moose while I was hiking I so did not want to come home yesterday. Sorry I posted twice.
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whiskey
[This message has been edited by whiskey (edited 09-04-2003).]
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whiskey
[This message has been edited by whiskey (edited 09-04-2003).]