cyt
09-05-2006, 12:14 AM
Help! I need to vent really bad. Here's the situation. It's my 80 y/o Mom, who I love dearly, but she is driving me crazy! Now, she doesn't have anything wrong with her that we know of, just this crazy way of driving me crazy! It's about our daughter. We took her off to college for the lst time 2 weeks ago. My Mom didn't want us to in the lst place, wanted her to stay home and go to a college here. I heard about that for 6 months. Anyway, back to the story at hand. We had to put the mini dorm fridge under our daughters bed (after raising it up, of course). I told my hubby NOT to mention it to Mom, as I knew she would worry. Boy, is that the understatement of the century! Anyway, he blabbed to his Dad, and his Dad blabbed to my Mom. That's all I've heard about now for the last 2 weeks. "That is so dangerous, she will get bone cancer sleeping over a fridge, you've got to get that moved, talk to her boyfriend, call an electrician, Am I the only one who cares about this" and on and on. I call her everyday and usually go over and see her - and she always brings this subject up. HELP, what am I going to do? And do any of you all think it is highly dangerous to have a mini fridge under the foot of a bed, it has good ventalation - it's just that my Mom is worried it will ruin our daughters health from the elctrical currents. What can I do? I don't want to hear about this for the next 4 years! There's not really a good place to move the fridge, and when I bring the subject up to our daughter, she justs rolls her eyes in typical teenage fashion and says it's no more dangerous than all the other electrical things she is around all the time. Thanks for listening, I knew if anyone could understand being driven crazy by an elderly parent , it would be you all. I hope this isn't the beginning of a long journey ahead for us of being driven crazy. I need to retain all the brain cells I can - I have 2 teens, my Mom and my 86 y/o FIL, I have enough to think about right now!!! Plus, my 58 y/o hubby is showing big signs of memory loss. I'm surprised I have any sense left at all. Thanks again. C
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Martha H
09-05-2006, 06:03 AM
I have heard that you should sleep as far away from electric current as possible, even to the extent of not having an electric clock radio or lamp next to your bed (I have both and NEED them too!) There is such a thing as electric smog - we all live in it to some extent because our computers, radios TVs and umpteen other gadgets run all day long.
If it would help your Mom to relax, tell her the windows are kept wide open most of the itme, that supposedly gets rid of the electric smog. It's also a good idea to not only turn things off when not in use, but also unplug them.
Since a refrigerator turns on and off as needed, it is probably less harmful than a radio.
Do you fear that your Mom has AD? This idea would not be a symptom of that, but of someone who has read articles or seen programs about this electric thing. I worried about it for awhile and then decided to continue having the lamp and radio right next to my bed because I need them!
Love,
Martha
If it would help your Mom to relax, tell her the windows are kept wide open most of the itme, that supposedly gets rid of the electric smog. It's also a good idea to not only turn things off when not in use, but also unplug them.
Since a refrigerator turns on and off as needed, it is probably less harmful than a radio.
Do you fear that your Mom has AD? This idea would not be a symptom of that, but of someone who has read articles or seen programs about this electric thing. I worried about it for awhile and then decided to continue having the lamp and radio right next to my bed because I need them!
Love,
Martha
teapot
09-06-2006, 07:31 AM
Hello - I don't want to alarm you, but you're already posting on the ALZ board so here goes...
ALZ or other dementias show up in a lot of different ways. My Dad had strange fixations and obsessions. It seemed to be an offshoot of his desire to be in control of the situation, when he wasn't in control everything was just too random, and it would frustrate him. I guess his way or his idea was the only thing he could understand. He'd get some odd idea into his head and go on about it for days.
If your Mom can't drop a subject after a few polite hints "It's my daughters decision where she goes to college" - "We heard you about the fridge, it's fine" you are going to have to limit the information she gets or lie. You don't owe her an explanation of fridge location or electrical appliance safety, and anything you say will prolong the discussion.
Good luck
ALZ or other dementias show up in a lot of different ways. My Dad had strange fixations and obsessions. It seemed to be an offshoot of his desire to be in control of the situation, when he wasn't in control everything was just too random, and it would frustrate him. I guess his way or his idea was the only thing he could understand. He'd get some odd idea into his head and go on about it for days.
If your Mom can't drop a subject after a few polite hints "It's my daughters decision where she goes to college" - "We heard you about the fridge, it's fine" you are going to have to limit the information she gets or lie. You don't owe her an explanation of fridge location or electrical appliance safety, and anything you say will prolong the discussion.
Good luck
gardenandcats
09-06-2006, 12:39 PM
If your mom would never see your daughters room at college. Just tell her that you had someone move it to a better place. Sometimes little white lies are ok.
Choquis
09-06-2006, 07:04 PM
Dear C,
Does your Mom ever use an electric blanket or heating pad? You might want to point that out, if she does, otherwise I agree with the others, it is probably useless to "talk" to her about it. It only keeps the topic alive. My XFIL was obsessed about having the doors and windows locked before going to bed. All evening he would get up and check and re-check. Yes, he eventually developed AD, but his obsessions about things were the first signs.
Hopefully your mom is just worried as there have been articles about it in the media. Good luck!
Choquis
Does your Mom ever use an electric blanket or heating pad? You might want to point that out, if she does, otherwise I agree with the others, it is probably useless to "talk" to her about it. It only keeps the topic alive. My XFIL was obsessed about having the doors and windows locked before going to bed. All evening he would get up and check and re-check. Yes, he eventually developed AD, but his obsessions about things were the first signs.
Hopefully your mom is just worried as there have been articles about it in the media. Good luck!
Choquis
cyt
09-06-2006, 09:04 PM
Thanks a bunch all! Sometimes I do have to wonder - is this something more than just a constant worry for her? Sometimes I wish she would forget it, then I think No, I'm glad she has her memory. It's just her personality that has changed - I hope it's not a sign of more to come, but who knows at 80?? Thank again, you guys are GREAT!!!! Love ya! C
georgie04
09-07-2006, 04:55 PM
C, have you thought maybe some of this behaviour is because she's bored?
My mother will worry herself (and anybody else within range) into a frazzle over all sorts of things. Drives everybody nuts and makes herself sick. If she hasn't got something decent to worry about, she'll go FIND something LOL.
I never tell her anything about a problem I'm having until I've solved it because she just makes everything worse with constant phone calls and stress - and I'm trying to get as much stress out of my life as I can.
She was always very active in business, always very active at home. She has recently joined a local sporting club and been made the secretary and it has made SO MUCH difference. Maybe it's just a case of having a whole new group of people to drive crazy :), but it gives her an interest, some responsibility, lots of social contact etc.
And it stops her worrying over every little thing in our lives yay!
So maybe that is something you could try with your mother? Get her involved in some sport/charity activity?
love Georgie
My mother will worry herself (and anybody else within range) into a frazzle over all sorts of things. Drives everybody nuts and makes herself sick. If she hasn't got something decent to worry about, she'll go FIND something LOL.
I never tell her anything about a problem I'm having until I've solved it because she just makes everything worse with constant phone calls and stress - and I'm trying to get as much stress out of my life as I can.
She was always very active in business, always very active at home. She has recently joined a local sporting club and been made the secretary and it has made SO MUCH difference. Maybe it's just a case of having a whole new group of people to drive crazy :), but it gives her an interest, some responsibility, lots of social contact etc.
And it stops her worrying over every little thing in our lives yay!
So maybe that is something you could try with your mother? Get her involved in some sport/charity activity?
love Georgie
teapot
09-07-2006, 08:32 PM
Hi again - 2 things that may help.
First - a book called "How to say it to Seniors, closing the communication gap with our elders" would give you some tips - plus an understanding of their motivation. For example, what your Mom is saying she's worried about might not really be the problem and this book would give you some good ideas about how to figure it out.
Also - I've had some success with this technique - which only works on non ALZ or very early stage ALZ seniors:
When they keep harping away on a subject you say "It's the strangest thing, I explained that to you about four times already, are you sure you aren't having a problem with your memory?"
a non-ALZ person will drop the subject pretty quick.
First - a book called "How to say it to Seniors, closing the communication gap with our elders" would give you some tips - plus an understanding of their motivation. For example, what your Mom is saying she's worried about might not really be the problem and this book would give you some good ideas about how to figure it out.
Also - I've had some success with this technique - which only works on non ALZ or very early stage ALZ seniors:
When they keep harping away on a subject you say "It's the strangest thing, I explained that to you about four times already, are you sure you aren't having a problem with your memory?"
a non-ALZ person will drop the subject pretty quick.
georgie04
09-07-2006, 09:09 PM
Ha Ha!!!!!
Oh Teapot, I just LOVE the second one!!! Can't wait to use it :)
Oh Teapot, I just LOVE the second one!!! Can't wait to use it :)