I check in here every once in awhile to see what is going on and I was reading your reply in a post about how your sons girlfriend is not allowed anywhere near your home, or you, and I know exactly what you are dealing with. My son doesn't live home anymore, he went to rehab last October and then moved to a soberhouse from there,and a few places since then, but for a few years we dealth with his psychotic, manipulating, no boundaries girlfriend and I know it's not easy. There were many times even when she was not allowed anywhere near our house and was told not even to call, she still wouldn't give up. She was taken out of our house by ambulance one day because she came in when she wasn't allowed and wouldn't leave and of course pulled the I'm going to kill myself tactic, which didn't work with us.
I haven't had any contact with her now in months, but she is due to have a baby the end of October and we aren't sure yet if it is my sons or not???? I'm so afraid it's going to be and then she's going to have to be a part of my life again and I don't know how to handle that.
Just wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one dealing with this kind of situation. There were times I felt very guilty about it and would give in and give it yet another try, just to be kicked in the teeth. Her parents even have a restraining order against her.
It just figures with mine, after how much effort I spent trying to keep them apart and away from my home, he was actually pretty much done with the relationship, and now she may be having his baby. Ughhhhh!!!!!

KFLD, I just read your post and can imagine what you are going through. The not knowing has probably got you on pins and needles. A grandchild would change everything. The best way to handle it is to learn how to bite your tongue (you will probably draw blood a few times :). No worse than dealing with a husbands witchy ex spouse.

I have a daughter who has a sweet side but an equal manipulative, mean side, her tongue a sword (she is bi-polar). I see it everytime I say "no". If there was no grandchild in the mix, I would probably put her in her place without fear of not seeing my grandson. But instead I bite my tongue and end up with major stiff necks from the stress. So I feel for you.

Once your son is sure, he can petition the courts to get visitation and for a neutral location for pick up and drop off, that way you don't come in contact with her and he will have limited contact with her.

The good news here is you haven't mentioned a peep about relapse for your son, so congratulations on that milestone.

Actually, now that you mentioned it!!!
He has relapsed but isn't all the way back at the point he was at last year. His living arrangements are terrible and has caused him a lot of difficulty in staying clean. He is still on suboxone, but admits to using again and has just lost his job.
The good news is that he knows he needs to get out of his apartment and move to a different area and start all over again. He is trying to reach his counselor from the rehab he was in last October to see what they chances are of getting back there for awhile and then having them help him get into another soberhouse in a different area where he can start over again. I'm really upset about him losing his job. He was working at the Bob's furniture store in the warehouse and loved it, but was fired for being guilty by assocation of someone who was caught stealing from the cafeteria. he witnessed it, and then continued to walk back to work with this guy and shared in eating the stolen food. In there eyes, and they are probably right, he was just as guilty for not walking away from this person who was doing something wrong. It was a great job for him, but he was still on his 90 probation, so they didn't owe him a thing.

It's been a long week!! and it's only Wednesday.

This one has pulled that I'm pregnant bit too. Supposedly she has been pregnant twice...lost both because of xanax abuse.....the last time, they broke up, thank God, and he said he knew she had lost it, but she never told him. Kept making him think she was still preg. what a great person.......so now they're back together and I don't care if she's pregnant ever again....I really dont want anything to do with either one of them. He's beginning to act and think like her. He's so blind to it all. 21 and stupid..........All I can do is hope and pray he grows up and away from her.

We went to florida in august for vacation for a week. Son was told no one was to be here except him....his grandmother was here to feed the animals...well, we get home and her stuff is here....his bedroom looked like a tonado hit it........grandmother had stories to tell also. this girl came in here for a week, with my son's permission and made herself at home!!! Screwed up my computer, ate my food and did drugs while she was here. needless to say my son and I and hubby had a blow out. I put her stuff out to the street for the garbage man to pick up. Son had no regard for our wishes while we were gone. very disrespectful

I'm sorry you are dealing with that stuff from your son. I have to admit, that it gave me a good laugh to read that you put her stuff out for the garbage man. Good for you!!

My son used to sneak her into our house all the time, knowing we didn't allow her there. It was always very obvious, though he would deny it. He denied for years that he had a relationship with her and actually still denies talking to her at all, or going to visit her when he comes home to visit. That is why he can never live home again as long as she is living on the face of this earth. If I could trust that he was through with her and would respect her not being allowed in our home, it would be a different story, but I have learned that he doesn't respect it and sneaks around with her.
I tried everything in the book to get him to stay away from her and of course nothing worked. It only brought them closer in the end. I know I can't do anything about their relationship, but I can control whether I have anything to do with it or not.
They were both living in a soberhouse last year right near each other after they both got out of rehab and worked it so they would be near each other. In January he was calling me all the time telling me she would dissapear for days and he knew she was using and sleeping around. That is the month she got pregnant. Of course she swears it's his and she has never been with anyone else, but my hope is, they were with each other how many times without using protection and she never got pregnant, and then when he knows she's out sleeping around she does, so that gives me much more hope that it isn't his. I would think that would be the end of the relationship if it isn't his, but there are so many other things she has done to him that I thought would be the final end and it wasn't. They live over an hour away from each other right now because she got kicked out of every soberhouse and lost every job she got in the area they moved to last year, and he remained there, so now they only talk once in awhile and he visits her once a month or so when he comes to visit us. I just have to keep praying that it's not his baby. Whether it is his or not, I'm so angry that she's bringing a child into her environment. She's supposedly on methadone, so the poor baby will be born addicted either way and I just have to hope they take it away from her, or she gives it up for adoption once reality sets in.

I have posted this before but am repeating it to give you hope,my daughter is stunning to look at,very intelligent,polite,was well behaved,great sense of dress style and she hooked up with the biggest no hoper this city has to offer and for 3yrs,i could not even for a moment imagine him putting his dirty hands on her,couldnt go there, i would have killed, she even began to talk like him in a lazy incoherant way which had nothing to do with drugs even now fron tomt to time she talks like this and i have to bite my tongue,well its over and bcause of no other reason than she saw sense,nothing happened between them to make her feel like this she just woke up,it will happen to your sons eventually i hope its soon,sadmum

Son has been gone 2 days...he called this afternoon and said, what are you doing? I said fixing supper. He said well, do you and dad want to go out to eat tomorrow nite? I said, why? He said I just miss you guys. I got used to living at home and I miss you. I said move back home. He said well, I like living out, but I just miss yall. Could you and me and dad and Preston (younger brother) go out to eat? I said sure, I'll talk to your dad and call you back. Something is up. He doesn't miss us this quick. So I guess we'll take him out to eat and see what it is. He knows she can't come, that's why he didn't mention her!!! LOL..........I might give her poison, but I wouldn't buy her dinner!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll keep you guys posted. Mark my words, though, something is up...................

This is good,my way of handling this is to go as one big happy family,let him see what he is missing and how you are sooo pleased to see him like this with his family,all the people who care about him,if he mentions the dreaded g/f say no lets not spoil the night lets talk about us,remeniss about the good times,do not be drawn into a discussion about HER but dont slag her off,have a good family night flintrock and look forward to hearing about the actress in you,love and hugs,sadmum

Oh Sad,mum, you are getting too funny for me!! Great idea though. I will do it...and I'll let you know what happens........he can go home full as a tick and tell HER what nice time he had..........great advice....you're getting good at this!!!! thanks.........hugs:p ...........

Thats my girl,sadmum

Ok Flintrock you are following my pattern of thought,lets jump one step further,at the end of the evening tell him what an enjoyable evening you have had,and it would please you greatly if he would come round x night for tea[alone] and have a great night;[whole family have to be in on this]
you are fighting the devil and you are going to win
sadmum

I agree totally!! And she's the devil!! Literally!!! I have a hard time conceving that he misses us already. he always has a motive....like can I borrow a few dollars. He just got paid Friday and he owed his dad $30...gave him $20....he gave me his money for his fine ($150) and he let one bill go........and if he needs $$.....he can ask elsewhere...my moneybags are empty..........But I will think positive and believe he wants to spend an enjoyable nite with his loving family.....since I am paying, he said I could choose the restaurant.....how nice of him...........If I didn't love him so much I would just give up..........but I can't........she will not win this one against me........
Thanks guys for your wise words and parental guidance.........hope I can return the favor!!!:p

I can't wait to hear about dinner. Hopefully he'll be smart enough to not even mention gf's name if he actually wants something out of the evening;)

How closely all our lives run with our experiences or similiar experiences. My son has bad news female friends. I think it has a lot to do with attention and the male ego.

I agree with Sadmum, I would laugh and reminice about the good old days. After he leaves you, he will think about what you talked about and smile. I wouldn't say a word about the g/f. If she is true to form, she will try to get him to tell her everything you said to him and about her. Looking for ways to twist your words and make your family look bad. Yep, this is war, don't give your enemy any information or ammunition.

Can't wait to hear about dinner! Yes we all love our children, no matter how old they get, or what they put us through but as we get older, we get smarter, don't we?! We are learning how to distance ourselves.

I heard something the other day, a thought provoker: "there aren't victims, there are only volunteers". So true isn't it?

So true Cram!! but guess what??? He never called and he never showed up for our family dinner....and it was his idea!! We waited till 7:35 to leave and we went anyway. had a great dinner...He missed out. She prob talked him out of it cause she couldn't go....his loss........

Flintrock, good girl! You went on with your plans and enjoyed dinner! What he has to understand is everyone's life is going to continue going on with or with out him. Isn't there a saying what doesn't kill us makes us stronger?