In short in 2000 I was in an accident that broke every bone in my head. It was repaired, but most of the skull has been replaced with other than what was there naturally. I have two plates that sit on each side of my nose that press on the sinus nerve. I was on pain management for years and quit 3 years ago. At the time I do not recall having any withdrawal even though I was on 30mg timed release morphine 3 times a day plus 3 600mcg actiq a day. I quite becuse the Dr decidied I had to quit my job or the drugs. I chose to quit the drugs. No problem. Then I got married. The pain that I was in on a daily basis was more than my wife could handle so I went back to a new pain Dr. I have had 13 pain blocks with no success. I have taken every neurological drug with no avail. So the Dr put me back on pain meds. We finally got to a point where she gave me enough to almost help. 90mg avinza a day, 2 10mg loratab a day, and 1 600 mg actiq a day. I say almost because I would always run short and get 15 to 30 extra loratab from somewhere. Then I tore my rotator cuff and had surgury. I had to take meds on top of those as it was very very painfull. I got over it and went back to normal. Then I tore my rotator cuff and bicep. Surgury again. More pain meds. And now I cant get back to normal meds. I decided to try switching to the fentynal patch to see if I could get by with out extra meds using that. The Dr is slowly lowering the morphine and raising the patch. I am now at 30mg Morphine, and a patch that delivers 25mcg an hour, plus the loratab and actiq. I am not better. I go through at least the part of every day needing more drugs. Tomorrow If I dont get some more drugs, extra drugs, I will be out until next thursday.

I dont like this. I dont like being on the drugs. I would rather not take them. But my wife wants me to keep trying to see if the pain Dr can get the meds to a level where I will be fine, but without the extra drugs. She worries about the extra drugs and says shes afraid I will become an addict. I told her I was an addict NOW. I told her that tomorrow instead of getting more drugs I should just stop, but she says no, while at the same time saying she wants me off the extra drugs. Well If I get drugs tomorrow they will be extra. Yes the Dr knows about the extra drugs under the disguise of sever shoulder pain. But honestly they are more to keep me out of withdrawal. My shoulder hurts, but Im not worried about my shoulder. I am lost and have no idea what to do.

Yes without the drugs I am in very very severe pain, but can function. I worked for 2 years without them. I guess I just wasnt fun to be around while in pain. The only other medical option is an experimental procedure where they drill a hole in my head and insert some sort of electrical wires in there for some reason. It is experimental, will never be approved in the USA according to the dr, and costs over $50,000. He cant even say it has a 1 percent chance of working. I dont know what to do.

The Crackedegg

Hey there. All I can go on is from what you posted. Unfortunately, there are some people out there that need the pain meds on a daily basis. I was not one of them but maybe you are. This is something that you honestly have to answer. Your girl, family, or me can not and should not make that decision for you. I do know that you are really pushing a lot of opiates into your system. Even if you aren't taking them just for the high, you will become addicted to them after some time. That is the problem with these meds and why I personally hate them now. Also, im not sure if any amount of a pain med is fully going to get rid of any pain you are having. Maybe such a large amount that would pretty much put you totally out of it. I'm sure that is something that you do not want. If you do decide to quit taking them. Make sure you discuss this with your dr. I would really suggest checking into a detox center. Mine was 4 days and it was so much more comfortable than just going cold turkey. You are taking such a large dose of the drugs and it really could put your body in shock. Good luck with your decision.

Well I can tell you what I want. I want off the drugs. I really dont see how I can keep this up. I know that now while taking the meds I can do alot more than I can without them. I mean without them sometimes just going to the zoo on satarday with the kids was an ordeal for me. I was not supposed to live through the accident. I was told I would die. But I did make it. Then 9 months later I had an intercranial annurism. I was again lucky to live. Without the drugs I was able to work, yes it would get so bad that I would miss work every other month or so, but I made it. What I couldnt do was the fun stuff. But now I can only do these things in the small window that the drugs allow. I now I have a few hours everyday with the original pain along with the extra pain caused from withdrawal. To me this is worse. I love my wife, and kids and dont want to lose them. I lost my first wife after the accident because she couldnt live with me being in pain all the time. She left 2 months after the Dr took me off the pain meds. I am afraid that will happen again.

I know I am very addicted to the pain meds at least physically. I do not get high even with the very high doses of pain meds I am on because of the actual pain I am in. But when I take enough the pain does go away and I guess you could say I am addicted to being pain free. But I dont think it is worth it. Ive told my wife this, and she keeps telling me to hold on and see if the Pain Dr can get the meds adjusted to a point that I dont have ups and downs. The Dr's goal is to get to the point that I only need the patch and occasionly loratab. This next thurs she is supposed to go to 36mcg/hr of fentynal along with the actiq and loratab. If that doesnt work the next month she will increase the fentynal to 50mcg/hr. If I could just use the patch and be fine I could probably live with that. But I think I am always GOING TO NEED MORE. Which is the very definition of an addict. My worry is that when I get to that level coming off is going to be much harder than it would be say today. I have been on very high doses for almost 18months, but right now I am on moderate doses of the long acting drugs. So it is in my opinion better to stop now in case it doesnt work. Either way I just dont know. Every thing in me is telling me that I should stop, but everyone around me says to let the Dr keep trying. Surely someone else here has been in this same boat.

Thank You
The Crackedegg

Have you talked to your dr about this? You also might want to see another dr and tell him the amounts you are on and your feeling that you are addicted to them. Some dr's push the pain meds. It makes it easier on them. Others may want to try something else.

No I havent talked to my current Dr about it yet because at the time I started having these feelings I was about to have to have surgury again. This has mostly cropped up since my last surgury. I would not have been able to make it through Physical Therapy without pain meds. I am still in physical therapy and missing a week to come off the drugs would hammper my recovery. I have seen 12 Dr's for the problem and have tried everything. They all come to the conclusion that I will either have to bear it, or take pain meds. This has been on-going since my accident december 12th 1999. I have had 19 surguries to date. Two for my shoulder the rest have been due to the head trauma from the accident.

The Crackedegg

Duuude. I think you need better pain management.....in my limited experience and knowledge. I don't know what the other 2 rx's were that you mentioned, but having a time release morphine and just 2 10 mg's of Lortab available to you is obviously not working. Have you ever tried oxycontin? My husband very reluctantly got on it after being on just Lortab, and it has helped immensely for his breakthru pain. We had both heard horror stories of oxycontin and were both afraid of it, but when used correctly it can literally be a lifesaver. My husband is on 20 mgs of Oxy, 3 x/day and then can take 4 10 mg lortab for breakthru pain. The goal is to get his time release medicine effective enough to where he maybe doesn't have to take the Lortab daily or maybe 2 or 3/day. I think that my husband would probably do better at 30 mgs of Oxy instead of 20, and then he'd probably take less of the Lortab. It just doesn't sound like you're able to get a handle on your pain.....like maybe it's just always spiking out of control instead of at a manageable '3' or '4'?

I know that you and your wife are not wanting you to be 'addicted', but you've mentioned a couple of times that on the meds, you were able to do life a little better. From what you've shared, it doesn't sound like you were chasing the high....but of course only you know that. Yes, anyone who's on opiates long term will become physically habituated.....but not everyone 'addicted'. If you think that your quality of life is significantly increased, and you don't feel like you're battling a psychological addiction, then I think you might be better served by finding some better pain management...different doctor? I dunno. I know that you're uneasy about how your wife feels re: your being on meds, and you might be afraid of her leaving too.....but having gone thru this exact situation with my husband, I can tell you that quality of life is often worth some risk. Your physical situation is exactly what meds like oxy were made for.....that doesn't mean that you have to get on them.....but I just don't think that you need to beat yourself up for taking them. Right now I think you're feeling the exhaustion, anxiety, and stress of not having enough, and you're probably wanting to either have enough or just not mess with it at all, right? If you're truly wanting to get off of them, I'd say 'more power to ya' and think that your threshold for pain must be enormous. But I don't think less of my husband one little bit for seeking out relief, and I'm so glad that he finally found a doctor who is sensitive to chronic pain. (His doctor deals with chronic pain himself and actually understands!)

(Have your wife read this thread if you've never shared some of these feelings with her......she may not know how desparate you feel at times. My hubby certainly doesn't share all of his misery with me because he doesn't want to 'scare' me....but it helps to know where he's coming from!)

Take care and let us know how you're doing.....Christy

I think your problem is easy, I have been in horrible pain for over 5 years, I know I can not live with out my meds. There is not no life, It's just to much pain.. I receive disability because of my pain..I've got a inoperable aneurysm and it pulsates on the trigeminal nerve (suicide nerve ) . They attempted surgery but I had a stroke but anyhow, I think you should ask your pain doc for methadone,, I think it;s the best pain med out there for nerve pain,, I've tried all that other stuff but this is really good for nerve pain,,I also get topamax and 100 mgs of Kadian ( morphine ) in am . I get 20 mgs of metadone 3 times a day, And it really does help with the pain..And don't knock topamax, You just have to tirate up very slowly.. You not a addict, Every person that has to take pain meds, Your body gets use to them and you will have withdraws from them if you stopp them.. That is why you don't stop them . I have a great pain Docter and understands my pain..And that is the number one thing you need to find first , Is a compassionate Doc, That will go through hoops for you so you do not suffer needlessly. Hugs, Cindy

To the first post you are absolutyly right that I am feeling helpless, exausted and in MORE pain because I dont have enough meds. Its this feeling that makes the few good days not worth all this. As far as Pain Dr's I supposedly have one of the best in the Region. They teach here and teach the seminars all over the country. Ive tried oxycontin and it gave me the feeling of having ants or itching all over so it is not an option. The Patch I am refering to is timed release fentynal. It works for 72 hours. I was on timed release morphine at 90mg a day, but it did not completly help. I still needed to many short acting drugs. I choose to try the patch but the nurse who I actually see is going very slowly. I am already in my third month of changing over and have yet to see any reliefe. # months is a very long time while in pain. She believes that at 50mcg an hour I will only need 2 extra loratab a day, but this next thursday we ar going to 36mcg an hour. The thought of another month of this is almost more than I can handle. It is almost making me cry now. The 50mcg an hour may work, but I dont know, and have to wait another month and a week to find out.

On top of that the rules at my Dr's office have changed. Everytime I go in I have to say the exact same thing to 3 people. I get drug tested everytime. I feel like I am a criminal just by going to the Dr. I dread the next appt for a week after going, and dread the next appt for a week before I go. I have looked for another Dr in my area and cant find one that uses pain meds. I have to drive an hour to get to the Dr I go to now. I just dont know what to do.

The Crackedegg

I'm so sorry, you are treated that way...I have been going to my pain Docter in 4 years and I have not once have been asked for a urine test or anything for that matter. Bacause he beleives me and he actually is my friend. He was just at my house a few weekends ago with his 11 yearold fishing in our ponds. They had a blast !! That is the kind of relationship I have with my Docter and I continue to have with.. He has never had a reason to disbelieve me. And If I was you, I would run to the nearest other pain Docter that is around...When I was put on Duragesic...I was put on 50 mcq....Then the 75's a week later, Cause it was't enough...I couldn't use them cause they put really nasty blister on my skin and then it oozed yucky...!! They are not giving you enough meds to get by..I would be in agony. !! I feel So sorry for you...This is not pain management..It sounds like pain control...I live in Ohio and it took me 18 months to find my pain Doc, But it was worth the wait..Please keep searching..Your life is worth more than what you are telling me...I just know there is a compassionate Doc out there somewhere that will help you stopp hurting so much...HUgs, Cindy

I'm so sorry, you are treated that way...I have been going to my pain Docter in 4 years and I have not once have been asked for a urine test or anything for that matter. Bacause he beleives me and he actually is my friend. He was just at my house a few weekends ago with his 11 yearold fishing in our ponds. They had a blast !! That is the kind of relationship I have with my Docter and I continue to have with.. He has never had a reason to disbelieve me. And If I was you, I would run to the nearest other pain Docter that is around...When I was put on Duragesic...I was put on 50 mcq....Then the 75's a week later, Cause it was't enough...I couldn't use them cause they put really nasty blister on my skin and then it oozed yucky...!! They are not giving you enough meds to get by..I would be in agony. !! I feel So sorry for you...This is not pain management..It sounds like pain control...I live in Ohio and it took me 18 months to find my pain Doc, But it was worth the wait..Please keep searching..Your life is worth more than what you are telling me...I just know there is a compassionate Doc out there somewhere that will help you stopp hurting so much...HUgs, Cindy

Thank you. I knew there had to be others in my position. I really like the Dr in the office I go to, but I never get to see him. He is a really great funny guy. I have to see his Nurse Prationer and to me she is the Devil. I am very easy to get along with and have had to really work just to keep Her happy. I have been afraid to look for another Dr because I dont want to look like I am drug searching. When I first went to him it was great. I always got to see him and I really liked him. I tried everything he advised before we went to the pain meds. When we did I had to start seeing her. Ive tried making appts with him, ive even told them I didnt want to see her again. I dread seeing her so much you cant imagine. When I started asking not to see her she would "just pop in," everytime and drill me like I was commiting some crime. She would leave me in the office for hours until finally I agreed to just see her. I would love to go somewhere else but have been unable to find anyone else who will see me, or deals in that kind of pain management. It really really sucks. I mean my primary care Dr had to put me on Xanax because of the anxiety I have over this whole thing. Ive talked to him about it and he is willing to prescribe the drugs but under the pain managements advisement. The pain Dr's office is not willing to agree to do that. I just really dont know what to do. I do know that this is currently not working. All I want is to be able to take my kids to the park, to the Zoo, to go on family vacations, spend a romantic evening with my wife. My passion is drag racing. Both cars and motorcycles. I have both a car and a bike. The bike ive had for 2 years and has 350 miles on it. The car Ive had for a year and a half and it has 2000 miles on it. Ive got over $3000 worth of parts sitting in my garage and cant even get out there to put them on. I dropped out of school 3 classes short of my degree and cant go back. Ive been off work since april. I was off last year from june 3rd until march of this year. So you can see that Ive only worked about a month in well over a year. I am very lucky to have a very good job and have enough time built up to still be getting paid in full, but it cant last forever. So you can see things just arent working very well.

The Crackedegg

Okay, my dear egg friend.....:) I really would suggest that you assert yourself at your pain dr's office and insist that it's the DR. that you see. My hubby sees the M.D. every third visit and his P.A. the other two months in between. He really likes his M.D. and likes the P.A. a little less. The Dr., as I said earlier, is a chronic pain sufferer also, and is very laid back and never treats dh like he's any different than a diabetic patient. Now the P.A. can be a little more condescending for some reason. But it sounds like you could use a good session with the actual doctor. Can you call and insist on that? They do work for you, ya know......you might have to wait a little longer for the appt, but I'm sure that any big change to your medication would need to be run by him anyway. I would suggest being totally honest and telling him that you want to either get the meds to a level that works so that you have enough, or you want to get off of them completely. I think this would show him that you're not just seeking more medicine for less than reputable reasons. :)

I promise that I'm not a secret rep for the Oxycontin company ;) but sometimes a lot of those symptoms like getting the 'itchies' can go away as your body gets a little more adjusted to the medicine. Plain ol' Lortab used to make me feel that way but not anymore. I do think my hubby has tried the Duragesic patch but didn't seem to find much relief from it. But it's possible that it wasn't a very strong strength or that he didn't give it enough time. Everybody's different, eh? You might also visit the 'Pain Management' board here on Healthboards.com.....lots of knowledgeable folks there too.

Please hang in there.....I wish I could give you a sisterly hug 'round the neck. Just know that you're not alone!
Christy

Thanks,

Thank you for the help.

Wow it seems like you have nine lives. Living through a horrible accident and surgeries and everything else. I wish I could help with advice. I got on pain meds for restless leg and then it spiraled from there. I was lucky enough to try requip and it works great for me. I was able to get off with a 7 day detox but I don't have pain to deal with. I am so sorry for you, it seems like your are between a rock and a hard spot. I think that's how you say that. All you can do is keep trying with the doc. It seems like you know what you want. I will pray for you.